I've been thinking about writing on this subject for awhile, for the sake of anyone out there who is contemplating adopting through foster adopt.  This was our experience.
  Before my husband and I decided to go through the state, we had read a lot of stories from people on both sides of the issue.  At first, we thought we'd rather go private, but when we looked into the cost, it was very discouraging.  Then, the Lord began bringing people into our lives who had gone through the state, and we began to feel more comfortable about it.  (Our original issues with it were the discipline issues, as well as the "unequally yoked" idea).  I guess it just came down to trusting the Lord for our situation, and letting Him lead. I believe that wherever He leads you will be  the best  place for you, regardless of where He leads others.
  Let me back up.  Prior to our ever thinking about adoption, we had wanted to have at least 3 children of our own, but after our first two boys, we were unable for some unknown reason to have any more.  Neither of us felt compelled to look into infertility treatment, and as my deliveries had been difficult, my husband was almost glad to adopt rather than go through it with me again!  So our move to adopt was to increase our family size, and hopefully get a little girl (age 0-6). 
  At the time we signed up for classes, our boys were 6 and 8.  We definitely didn't want children older than our own, as we wanted to influence this new little one, and not have our children influenced by an older child with a troubled past.  (Others  we know have adopted older children successfully, but we didn't feel led that way.) 
  After going through the classes and reading all the reccommended books and materials, and talking to everyone we knew who was involved in foster care, or had adopted through foster care,  we were prepared for a child with the worst behavior possible--a different idea than we originally had when considering adopting, but I believe the Lord led us that way.   We chose an agency, recommended by friends, had our home study, and began the long waiting process.  I confess, I got addicted to viewing the adoption sites and looking at pictures of waiting children.  I would read their profiles and save our prospective ones to show my husband.  The boys got in on it, too, and gave their opinions.  They were getting excited about getting a new sister or brother.
  Our agency was sending out our packet of info to all the state foster care agencies, basically advertising for us, and fishing for any leads.  After an agonizing few months,  we started hearing back from some of the agencies, and we finally started getting some pictures and profiles of  prospective kids. Our agency told us that girls age 0-6 are in highest demand, and so we could expect a long wait, unless we were open to siblings, or other  special needs.  We didn't feel led to either of these.
  During this time, my boys were in homeschool baseball, and life was going along at it's regular hum.  One day at baseball, I noticed a lady I'd gone to church with as a kid, and I remembered hearing that she'd adopted a bunch of kids, and so I walked over and introduced myself.  Jane was a wealth of information, of course, and she also introduced me to a friend of hers, Michelle, who was a foster mom.  We hit it off, and the three of us began visiting during every practice and game.  I was soaking up everything they had to say, and they were only happy to talk about what they loved best--kids! 
  One day, I noticed a little girl tagging along with Michelle.  She was really cute, with olive skin, brown hair and brown eyes. I assumed she was Michelle's daughter. This was the only time she had ever come to practice with them, as she was usually in daycare. I commented on her, and Michelle said quietlly (jokingly), "Hey, she's almost legally free, are you interested?"  I got the chills.  We exchanged looks, and then telephone numbers.  With my husband's approval, we had our first visit a month or so later. 
  Her foster dad dropped her off one evening after he picked her up from daycare.  She'd been sleeping in the car, and didn't know she was coming over.  She was shy and seemed really afraid of being in a strange house, which was totally understandable.  I did all I could to make her comfortable, and tried to keep my curious boys at bay a bit while she got used to us. 
  Then I thought of our kitten, and that was the ticket!  She opened up and smiled and started talking in her hoarse little 5 year old voice, telling me about her owie on her knee, and running around with the kitty chasing a string.  She laughed contagiously.  We were all delighted.  We took video, candidly, so we could watch it later.  We made play dough tarts and pies. She ate cherries, which she'd never had before.  She wanted to see the house.  When we got to the "guest room", which I'd done up in pink frills, she said, "Oooh!  Whose room is THIS?"  I told her it was our "guest room", and she said, smiling, "I could have a room like this."  I got the chills again. 
   I think that from the beginning, we just knew.   Still, not wanting to be rash, we held our peace and continued to have visits, (even a few long weekend vacations with her), look over websites, and sift through state leads.  More and more, we were beginning to feel that "Chelsea" was the one God had chosen for us.  We told Michelle to tell her agency about us, that we were homestudied and ready to go, had already been doing respite with her, and were interested.  Suddenly, I wanted to know everything about this little girl.  It was horrible to have to wait, but we kept giving it over to God.  We sent her picture to our friends and relatives, and asked for prayers.  My ladies at Bible study were praying, too.
  One day I got a call from Chelsea's social worker, and she wanted us to send her our packet, and she was glad to hear there was already a family interested.  TPR was underway, but she was not yet legally free.  We were getting more excited all the time.  Weeks dragged by. Michelle and I talked often and prayed for answers. 
  I kept thinking how unlikely it would be for it all  to work out with Chelsea, as I had really expected our agency to find us a child, or for us to find one on the web.  After all, foster parents aren't really supposed to "recruit", and it was such a chance encounter (or was it ?) but we just felt such a tugging towards Chelsea.
  Then suddenly, the door slammed shut.  Michelle called to say that a relative had come forward and wanted to adopt Chelsea.  The social worker had brought her out to their farm for a visit, and she had seemed to enjoy it.   (By law, the state is supposed to look for relatives first, in the child's best interest.)  We were stunned and crushed, and a little confused, but after some tears and prayer, we again gave it to the Lord.  No sense striving against His will.  We would be open to whatever He had for us on this journey.  We prayed for Chelsea's well being, and that her new parents would be the right ones, able to give her a good upbringing. 
  We decided not to have any more visits, because we knew she had started attaching a little to us, and didn't want to make it confusing to her.  Up to this point, we were just "friends" she would visit, she had no idea we were even interested in adopting her. We continued to pray for guidance. 
  A month or two  later, another call.  The social worker had decided against the relatives after further investigation, and because they had failed to get their necessary homestudy and paperwork done in time.  Apparently, their living situation had changed, so that they no longer thought it would be feasible to adopt.  Her worker now wanted to meet us!!!  Praise God!  We  were so excited!
  Visits resumed, and before long, we were taking her for a week at a time, since school was out.  Then came more doors shutting (parents delaying the termination, questions of heritage, etc.).  By now, we were so confident in the Lord's leading, it was like a routine.  We just prayed and watched Him work out the details.  The worst of it was the waiting, really. 
  Finally, we were asked to consider a pre-adoption placement.  There would be a risk, since she was not yet legally free, but if all went well, we'd have had all that time to bond.  We were so ready!  After prayer, we agreed.  Michelle and her husband were so good about the whole transitioning process.  They had really paved the way for Chelsea to bond with us and to make the change seemlessly.  By the time she moved in with us, she had already been begging us to adopt her.  Her move in was a rather triumphant night for us all.  I picked her up from daycare and announced it would be her last day, and brought her home to a surprise party we had made for her.  She was so thrilled.  We went back for her stuff a few days later.  She continued to have visits with her former foster family, for their sake and hers, so that her foster sister could get used to her being gone, and so that she would not feel she had lost her old family.
  As it turned out, her older bio sister was in foster care only 5 minutes from our home, and so this was a bonus for us all--it would be easy to maintain contact, and during the wait, we could take turns doing respite so the girls could enjoy each other. It turned out to be a healthy and good thing for them to be able to visit, but not live together.  Her older sister could enjoy her without feeling responsible to "parent" her.  And would not struggle with feelings of resentment because of any special treatment Chelsea had been given in their birth home.(She also had an older bio brother who was in a relative placement).  We didn't feel any leading to consider the siblings, and it's a neat thing because, unknown to us, her sister's foster family was really eager to adopt her sister.  The Lord was doing a separate work at that end.
  Finally, after knowing her for almost a year and a half, and having Chelsea living 10 months in our home, our adoption was finalized.  We celebrated with friends and relatives.  Chelsea was finally "ours." She had just turned 7.  (She's 8 months younger than my younger son.)
  Let me say, those 10 months were not easy.  As expected, the "honeymoon" wore off after a few weeks.  Issues arose.  Our kids struggled with the new dynamics, expecially the seeming unfairness with discipline issues.  We struggled with her behaviors, and watching our kids take the brunt.  It was really stressful!  (During this time, we also discovered that Chelsea has an  incurable hereditary kidney disease.  At first, there was a concern that she might have cancer, but after prayer and further testing, it was ruled out.  Praise God!  We have total peace about the kidney situation, as well. )
   Chelsea struggled with having to go to school when the boys got to homeschool.  At one point we were given the go-ahead to homeschool her, and I went down to the school that day and took her out.  She was elated.  I discovered her "learning problems" were more emotional in nature, and once she was stable, she was smart as a whip.  We started first grade over to give her a good foundation.  She progressed rapidly. 
  This year in homeschool, she's done extremelly well, and has blossomed into an obedient, helpful, sweet little girl.  Her  former foster parents were amazed at the changes. It's all been the Lord,  with us  only as His instruments. 
  Here's the amazing thing.  We have come to realize that God was using Chelsea to change us, too!  It hasn't been painless, but there has been a lot of good fruit through all the trials.  Our boys have developed many wonderful social skills from having to compete for each other's attention.  (Previously, they were stuck with each other,  now there's a third option.  That means you have to be friendly to have a friend!)  My husband has had to come out of his shell and "win" her affection, which has been good for him.  I've had to face a lot of my own personality flaws, recogizing them in Chelsea.  (Girls are so much more manipulative than boys!  But, it takes one to know one, right?)   And these are just the things we can see now.   God is good.  Chelsea has been in our lives over 2 years now.
  Here's the main thing I've discovered that people fear about adoption, especially when they already have one or more of their own children.  They always ask, "Do you feel the same way about the adopted child as your own?  I'm afraid I wouldn't love them the same."  I asked myself that question, too.  I'd reassured myself that if I could love my neices to death, and they weren't my kids, I could surely love someone else's kid.
 In retrospect, that was faulty reasoning.  And this is why:  You have a history with your relatives.  You knew  their parent growing up, and you waited anxiously for and celebrated their birth, and subsequent birthdays.  You knew them and loved them all along.  And they are blood.  You just can't help loving them.
  When you've had a child of your own, you know what it feels like to be bonded, tied together by a cord that can't be broken.  You labored in love for them, you nursed them at your breast, and nurtured them through all the fragile days of their infancy, and tumbling toddlerhood, missing teeth and baseball.  You have history with them. 
  When you bring another child into your home, especially an older child (3 and up), whose history is mainly unknown and sketchy (and generally stacked with negatives), who already has set behavior patterns (many of them reversible, but in the meantime aggravating) and has different physical characteristics than your own children, because they are not related, it's a different kind of love.  Someone told me very honestly  this is the "dirty secret of adoption".  You DON'T love them the same. 
  But that doesn't follow that you love them LESS, or that you are wrong in your feelings!  We have to come back to the truth that love ISN'T a feeling, after all.  It's what you do.  It's your resolve when the honeymoon has worn off.  It's your committment to act in that child's best interest, whether your desires are met or not.  That's the way God love us, after all.
  So this is my reply to that question about loving:  I believe that adoption (with older children)  is more akin to marriage than childbirth.  Think about it.  You aren't related to your spouse, are you?  (Well, you shouldn't be!)  The honeymoon eventually wore off, didn't it?  Well, let's be honest.  Why did it wear off?  Because your old left foot came dragging in, right?  Yep, you thought you were such a sweetie, and he was such a sweetie, and suddenly you're faced with the truth:  You're two selfish people with a lot of fatal flaws and obnoxious behaviors.  You started out loving sacrificially naturally, because you were so entranced with each other. All your needs were being met, and it was heavenly.   Then the truth came out, and you at some point had to  decide to love (agape) anyway.  To love in actions, not expecting anything in return.  And then, slowly, the "love" reappeared, only it's grown deeper and better with time.  (How much time depends on how humble you are.  I'll admit it was a few years before I finally got smart!  God is good, though.  His ways are perfect.)
  So, my advice to anyone thinking about adding to their family through adoption, especially anyone considering an older child is:  If you have learned to love your spouse, really love them, lay down your life for them, come what may, you are probably a good candidate for adoption.  If not, work on your marriage, and try again later!   (There's a great book on marriage by Debi Pearl called "Created to be his helpmeet")... If you do adopt, be sure to keep a written record of your journey, as it is really comforting in hard times to go back and remember and be reassured that you were indeed led of God in this thing, and it wasn't a mistake.  I'm thankful for all those intial closed doors that reopened, because they were faith builders!  Once the child is legally yours, things get SOOO much easier, and you'll see some encouraging progress right away.  Foster adopt isn't for the faint-hearted, or the impatient.  But God will give you all that you need right when you need it.  And He'll be working it all for the good--for all of you!  God bless all of you who are considering adopting, and may He lead you in the way you should go.