I’ve been studying “hope” lately in the Bible. Isn’t it interesting that Paul says that “Christ in you is your only hope of glory.” What Christ is doing in and through us is really the only thing that matters—the only thing that will last. This journey with my dd hasn’t been easy, but it has turned out completely different than I ever imagined. My hope isn’t in her, but in what God is doing in her and her husband.

      We spent the weekend with our two married dd’s. Number 2 daughter is doing so well.  Nathaniel is so sweet and well-behaved. I got to babysit him all day. We also got to do some real “grandparent things” like going to the park. We swung Nathaniel in the swings, and slid down the slide together. We watched the ducks on the lake, and then put him in the stroller and walked around the lake.

       “I have no greater joy than this, to hear of my children walking in the truth.”   III John 4

It's been a year and a month since Nathaniel was born; he's walking now. We're going to see him this weekend!  My daughter and husband are celebrating their first anniversary this weekend. I remember their wedding day and how I was wondering if this marriage could last. The first year is always the hardest, and they've made it through with seemingly few difficulties.

Once when we were over there visiting, I asked dd what she'd been doing that day. Her husband had forgotten his lunch, so she fixed him one. Then she put Nathaniel in the stroller and walked a couple of miles (in the heat) to take her dh his lunch. Now, mind you, this isn't how my dd used to be. In fact, I would have to say, I'm not sure even I would do something like that. I think that's an indication that God is working in her and changing her.

I know God answers prayer. He delights in our getting in on what He's doing by our participating by prayer. My prayer for N__ has been that he will have a "desire" to know Christ as his savior. My dd gave him a book called "Wild at Heart" written for guys. He's been reading that and enjoying it. I have a feeling he won't stand a chance with so many people praying for his salvation. Ha.

N__'s family now has another baby out of wedlock on the way. N___'s sister is pregnant. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately--I'm not sure), this girl will not be having a wedding. The baby's father is already out of the picture. It's interesting how this family has perpetuated the same inauspicious beginning to their children's lives. First the parents, then two of their children. They're lost people, without the Lord in their lives. I don't expect them to act like Christians. I don't condemn them. I only feel sorrow. They're the products of our society with it's immoral views of sex.  Their behavior is really a picture of their underlying beliefs. It's ok to have sex outside of marriage. It's ok to have babies out of wedlock. It's ok to raise a baby without a father. It's ok to have a baby with two different women. They're sowing to the flesh and reaping the results. It's really sad. I pray for them to come to the Lord not just to have their sins forgiven, but to have abundant life--and to experience it in their lives--in spite of the mess they've made of them.

Many days I pray Paul's prayer in Colossians 1:9-12 for all my children. That they might "be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you may walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience; joyously giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. It says it all, doesn't it?

My dd is a good mommy and a good homemaker. She keeps their apartment neat and clean. She cooks homemade meals and she cares for her little one like a seasoned pro. I was pleasantly surprised that she gave Nathaniel daily baths, fed him on a schedule and kept his diaper changed regularly. She didn't keep her room clean at home--unless I made her--generally it was a mess. I think motherhood and marriage agrees with her.

She has to work to make ends meet, but she would rather be at home with her baby. It's amazing how she's changed. This one little bundle of energy--Nathaniel--has made a lasting impression on my dd. I thank God for the change--for the responsible person she has become.

Sometimes when I look back at the day (Christmas Eve) when my dd told me that she was pregnant (and unmarried), it seems unreal and so far away. I have to say, things turned out better than I expected.  My daughter is now married to the father of her child. Their child is the most beautiful baby in the world--let's see, am I just a bragging grandmother??? He really is cute. Sweet Nathaniel.

Every day I pray that Nathaniel will grow up with a love and desire for his loving Savior that brought him into the situation he lives in. I pray for Nathaniel's mommy and daddy that they would both love God more than they love themselves.

It seems like I can hear the Lord say to me, "Didn't I tell you? It will work out for good."

The story isn't over. But I know that the end will be better than the beginning.

Everyone came to our house for Thanksgiving, including my mom and dad. We took family pictures and lots of pictures of Nathaniel. He's a sweet baby that gets LOTS of attention.

We got a four-generation picture with my dad. He was so thrilled. He has a four-generation picture of my sister when she was two years old, himself, his mother and grandmother.

The get-together was hard on my older married daughter because so much attention was on the baby. I had a heart-to-heart talk with her about it. She had a bit of an attitude. In the end, she admitted her attitude stank. She and her husband have waited to have children because she was married at a young age. Right when she felt ready to have children, her sister announced she was pregnant. (There's always been a bit of rivalry between the two.) It completely turned her off to having kids. She didn't want to fuss over her sister's baby or any baby for that matter. She didn't feel all fluttery over babies.

I felt the same way before I had children. I never really wanted to hold everyone's babies. But when I got my own--it was a completely different matter. I loved holding my babies. I loved nursing them. I loved playing with them and cooing to them and all the disgusting things parents do with their own children. I did it without guilt--because they were MY babies after all!  It was completely different! I related that to my daughter, and she hesitatingly agreed that it might be different when she got her own.

The primary advice I gave her was that it wasn't fair to her husband not to have children when she and her husband agreed to have children before they were married. She has a friend who changed her mind about having children after they were married, and my daughter has always thought that was a really dirty deal. So I gently reminded dd of this fact. Set a time limit on when you will have children, I said,  and do it! You'll change your mind about kids when they are your own. Believe me!

Well, the wedding was a success. There were no family fights. Everyone was friendly and courteous.

Many of our friends were there--friends that have known us a long time. I was touched when I looked around and saw that most of our these friends had suffered pain or sorrow of some sort in their own lives. There was a woman who had had an affair and repented, another family who had lost two children as babies, another whose son had married and divorced, three families who had daughters who had rebelled, another whose marriage was rocky, another whose son was in Iraq, and so on. I nearly cried when they all showed up to support us. These are truly precious friends--these who have been through heartache and know the love and acceptance of our Great God. This was the Body of Christ reaching out and expressing love and support to we who were in need.

Thank you to all my blogger friends who were praying. God answered your prayers!

My dd's wedding is this Saturday. We are going as witnesses, though we decided not to participate in the wedding. We've been receiving phone call after phone call from friends asking us if they should go to the wedding and offering their support and prayers for us. I'm so grateful for so many loving and supportive friends. We're telling our friends that they should do what they feel God is leading them to do as far as attendance. We understand if they don't want to come, and we also tell them that we'll appreciate their company if they do.

I'm apprehensive of meeting all of dd's future husband's family. The (future) MIL has already come out saying some really amazing things to my married dd and her husband who were there after the baby's birth. The future MIL said to my married dd, who was dd's birthing coach,  that Nathaniel would be playmates with his other half-brother (also born out of wedlock)., and how that they don't believe in judging anyone for their behavior, and so on and so on. The FIL didn't give any eye contact to my married dd and her husband the whole time they were there after the birth even though they both made an effort to be courteous to him.

Ok, so I'm being paranoid. Everything may go very nicely. My son-in-law said he'd be there to protect me. He's so sweet. I love my SIL. He's so understanding and such a man who loves God. I only wish that this future SIL would come to know the Lord too and be a man who follows God. I pray for his salvation and change of heart for him and all of his family.

They don't realize how they've hurt us. They don't know the Lord. They're only acting like people who don't know the Lord. I don't need to fear them, because the Lord who loves them, also loves me and wants to bring glory to Himself through all the pain of this situation.

Pray for us, my friends, that we might show forth the love of Jesus to this very desperate  family.

Nathaniel Aaron arrived on September 7th. Mom and baby are doing well.

Today is my daughter's due date. I just talked with her, and nothing is happening yet.

I received a thank you not from her last week. I'll post it here.

"Dear Mom,

Thanks for being here and listening and asking me how I've been this last 8-9 months. Your encouragement and love has meant so much to me and I want you to know that all your thoughtfulness has not gone un-noticed. I know that there's no one elses advice that I trust more than yours about kids. Thanks for sharing with me how you got through birth (the labor stuff). I love you tons. I wish you all lived closer.

Lots of love,"

A___

My daughter lied to me yet again. I found out that she's living with her "fiance" in his bedroom in his parents' house. All this time she's been telling me that she lives in a trailer on his parent's property. Well, the camel got her nose in the tent and now she's in the tent.

I almost feel sorry for the parents. They've got two adult "children" mooching off them. But really, they've allowed it. They may feel trapped. Or maybe they just want to be helpful. But what these "kids" need is a strong dose of reality. What they need, if not a kick in the butt, is at least a strong push out the door. If you want to play at being adults, then you need to take the responsibility of adults. If you want to start a family, then go make a home of your own. But many people today have been duped into believing that being "helpful" is being caring and thus perpetuate the cycle of dependence instead of responsibility.

When I found out that my daughter had lied to me, I was angry at first. Then as I pondered why she would keep up the deception when she knew I would eventually find out about it, I realized that she is still telling me (and other people) what they want to hear, instead of the truth.

As we wait the last few weeks before the baby arrives, I still pray that God will lead her into "Truth"--the truth that will set her free.

It's three weeks until my dd's due date now. When I talked with her last evening she'd just gotten home from the doctor's office. I never knew a doctor that had evening hours, but her appointment was at 7:00 PM and she didn't get through until 8:00 PM.

We talked about preparing for the baby. My dd's never been one to plan ahead much. She doesn't have a suitcase packed, nor anything packed for the baby. She really doesn't plan to. "They have everything I'll need at the hospital, " she said.

"What about a robe?" I asked.

"I don't have a robe."

"I guess you can use an extra hospital gown. But what about the baby? Do you have something packed for it?"

"No. Not yet."

"It doesn't hurt to plan ahead, you know. Do you have a car seat?"

"Not yet. Grandma on the other side (of her fiance's Dad) is buying one, but she hasn't delivered it yet.She lives in (a distant city)."

"They won't let you take the baby home without a car seat, you know."

"Yes, I know. I'll be in the hospital for a couple of days though, so that will give them (Grandma) time to get it to me."

I was totally the opposite when I had my babies. I can't believe this girl is related to me at all! Ha. I had the suitcase packed, the baby clothes picked out, a car seat (lining ordered and replaced months before baby was due), bassinet ready, baby clothes washed and folded neatly in a drawer, camera and Bible ready, popsicles and such for labor in the freezer with small ice chest clean and ready to go, etc. etc. Even for the fifth child! I guess I just have to face the fact that my children take after their dad. "Don't do anything today that you can put off till the last minute" is his motto.

On a more serious side, I want to sypathize with the anonymous commenter on my last blog about her wayward daughter. I understand the pain you are going through. You're right that the real problem is a spiritual problem. It is her relationship to the Lord that is most important. What has helped me is to know that God isn't in a hurry to "fix" things. Sometimes it takes time for Him to work in a person's life. We'd like to see immediate results, but that isn't always the case. Keep looking unto Him--focus your eyes on the Savior who IS able to change lives.

Don't let yourself become bitter. My husband won't call or initiate any contact with our daughter. He doesn't even think I should, though he hasn't forbidden me to contact her. He says that the Prodigal son came back to the Father. The Father didn't go to the son when he was wallowing with the pigs.

I won't argue with my husband because he is very difficult to convince of anything. It only causes hard feelings in our relationship. I know God can change his mind, if it needs to be changed. However,  I believe that God is always seeking after those who have gone astray, like the shepherd with the 99 sheep in the fold. So I keep in touch with my dd. I believe that keeping the lines of communication open, telling her that I love her and want the best for her and encouraging her when I can--not condoning her behavior--is what the Lord wants me to do right now.

Talking to your daughter is hard because it reminds you of everything that she's doing that is going against all you taught her. But you can also look at it from another viewpoint. Every time you talk to your daughter, you are reminding her of the values, beliefs and training you gave her (even if you don't mention it). Because "who you are" is a reminder to her of what she has left behind. It is a reminder that she doesn't have to live the life she's living right now. Just that reminder can be God's gentle prodding in her life to turn her around. You still have some input into her life--don't give it up.  

"Now unto Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy, to the only God our Saviour, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen" --Jude 24

Hi, fellow walkers. Thanks for your company while walking down this road. I took a little time camping by the wayside, contemplating, and just resting. I think I'm ready to hike on now.

First of all I'd like to update you on my precious daughter. She's about 6 weeks from delivery. I was able to visit her and my other children over the weekend. I had time to sit and talk with her for a long time. It was mostly superficial stuff. We talked quite a bit about delivery of the baby. I think she's getting a little scared. I tried to encourage her to think about the baby and what is best and healthiest for the baby. I told her I knew she would do fine and she should concentrate on relaxing.

At one point my daughter told me she wanted us to move to that town. I asked why. She said, "So you can babysit the other two days."  Her fiance's mother and grandmother are going to be watching the baby three days a week. She needs someone for the other two days. I had mixed feelings about that. Sure I want to be there to see my grandchild, but just being a free babysitter wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear. But it's out of the question about moving there anyway for now.

So I asked her, "Why don't you just work three days a week?"  She said she could actually get her work done in three days, so maybe she will do that. I hate to think about the poor baby who will be shuffled about from place to place while my daughter works to make a living.

I asked my daughter if she would move back to our town. "Never! I hate that place!" she said. (Well. I guess that's that.) "But then I could watch the baby for you all the time." Nope. Not gonna happen.

She came to church on Sunday with her fiance, so my husband and I met him for the first time. I was polite to him and asked him a few questions about himself. My husband was civil too.

After church there was a church potluck. One of the dear old ladies from the church came up to me afterward. She told me she'd seen my daughter and her fiance and thought they were visitors. Seeing my very pregnant daughter and finding out she was NOT married, the lady gave my daughter a gospel tract. Then she found out she was our daughter and felt embarrassed. I assured her it was o.k. Poor lady.

That evening was a BBQ at some friends' house. All my children were there, except my son, and some other guests were there as well. We were all around the table when the discussion came up about my oldest (married) daughter having a baby. We are all awaiting the news since they've been married 5 years now. My husband said, "I WANT GRANDCHILDREN!" Even though we all knew he meant from my married daughter and son-in-law, there was an awkward silence afterward. I was thinking, "You're about to have a grandchild!". But of course, my husband wasn't thinking of that one.

My married daughter and pregnant daughter are friends again. Since they both live in the same town, I'm glad that she can be there for her. I will likely miss the delivery since we have other obligations (made long ago) that we really can't get out of, but my md will be there for her. I can't imagine that she will be of much help though, since she faints at the sight of blood. I hope it doesn't convince her to never get pregnant so she won't have to go through that! Ha.

So that's the update.

Trusting Him, who is able to make all things work together for good.

I'm thankful that God has given me a godly husband. This situation with our dd has been very difficult for him. She was the only one who called herself "daddy's girl". She was a bit of a tomboy and liked the things my husband liked. When she was little, he built a special workbench--not for our son--but for her.

He is still hoping that she will adopt the baby out and for that reason won't even entertain the thought of me going to a baby shower for her. He sees that as giving into her. I don't see it that way, but I respect his wishes at this time. To my dd, it is a special time for her however, and she's expressed a desire for me to be there. I feel really torn, but I know she understands the difficulty. I believe my husband will change after the baby arrives, if dd still decides to keep him/her. If she does keep the baby, and it seems that is what is going to happen, there will be time for me to be a part of this special time for her later.

I've discussed with her also how that her choices bring consequences. We reap what we sow. There are consequences to our actions, and part of that is what she is experiencing. So for now, things aren't ideal. But I express my love to her in spite of it all.

It's not the wrath of God that brings us to repentance, but the grace of God as it says in Romans. Most of all, I want my dd to know the Love and Grace of God.

I'm not a "broken mom" anymore. When I first started this blog, it was to get some thoughts out about my own heartaches. I felt really broken then, but now I'm changing that name. I am reminded of what Paul the apostle said in 2 Cor. 4:6-10. "We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed."

"God is the One who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ".  Every problem we encounter is an opportunity for God to show his greatness and glory in our everyday lives, as it says in verse 7. "But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the surpassing greatness of the power may be of God and not from ourselves." It is in our problems that we encounter the greatness of God. It is in our problems that we realize that it isn't about us--it's about God. It is in our problems that we are able to see that God really is powerful and great!

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing." Isn't that such a different way of handling stress than what we see in the world around us? Perplexed. Yes. Sometimes I don't know what to do, or what to say. Despairing? No. There is a greater plan being worked out here. Many of you who have stopped by to say an encouraging word have testified to this in your own lives.

I haven't gone through anything like what Paul the apostle went through when he was penning these verses. He was truly persecuted for his faith. I haven't experienced anything like that. That doesn't mean the solution for my problems is any different.

"Therefore we do not lose heart". Paul said the three greatest things are faith, hope and love. We hear a lot about faith and love, but very little about hope. Yet, I believe that hope is the act of looking ahead to the end of "right now". Hope carries us to look forward to  that which faith and love are producing. In the end, we know that God is making it all work together for our good.

I was not broken--and now I am hoping in the eternal God who loves to show His greatness and power in our lives.

Dd called me up (she always calls when her dad isn’t home so she doesn’t have to talk to him) and invited us to go out to dinner with her and my married daughter. She would meet us halfway (in a large city) to save us both gas and time. I know by now that whenever dd wants to “give” something, that she really wants something in return.

I called my married daughter (md) to ask her what was going on.

“Did dd get married?” I asked.

“Well, something along those lines”, md said. “She wants to tell you she’s engaged.”

I was expecting something like that. I should be a really excited to hear a dd is engaged. Instead, I’m thinking of the consequences she might bear for making a poor choice, and if I should even give any advice anymore. Dd doesn’t seem be taking anyone’s advice lately.

We met at In-N-Out at my suggestion, instead of Olive Garden like dd had first suggested. I know she’s been out of a job, and doesn’t have 100 bucks or more to blow. We ordered and ate our burgers. Finally she gets the nerve to stammer, “I’m engaged.”

We take it calmly, since we’re expecting her to say it.  Md has talked to dd before to tell her that if she wants us to listen to her, she needs to listen to us also. So we explain our reservations.

1. He’s not a Christian. You know what the Bible says about being “unequally yoked”. It’s not a good idea. Down the road you could have problems when you start to raise this child. This is an area in your marriage that will cause contentions between you.

2. We’re praying and hoping that he will accept Christ, but what if he never does? Are you comfortable with that?

3.Statistics are not good for a marriage that is starting off like yours. What about your child if down the road he decides to leave you?

4. The three most common areas of trouble in marriage are in-laws, sex and money. You already have a problem with in-laws. Do you think that once you marry him everyone will just be one big happy family? It doesn’t work that way. Are you willing to live with that?

5. If the marriage doesn’t last, do you know that in a divorce the husband gets 50% of what you have? Are you willing to give up your car? (she just bought a nice car last year) Are you willing to give up half of your rights to your child?

And so forth. Dd answered the questions with a lot of pauses and stumbling and insincere sounding answers. I think she’s really scared, but she wants to keep the baby, so this is her way of “making it work out”.

At this point, I just feel sorry for her. She’s trying so hard to make her “fiancé” love her, but it doesn’t sound like he’s that enthused about marriage. She wants to get married before the baby comes, but time is ticking away. She’s now more than halfway through the pregnancy.

My final advice was that if she married him, and if she or the baby were ever in physical danger, to please leave and don’t worry about her ego—that it was more important to protect her child and herself. She promised me she would.

We all hugged and told her we loved her and parted ways.

I enjoy studying the life of Moses in our Good News Bible Club. I'm teaching ages 3 to 8, but I've been gleaning many things myself from these Bible stories. One of the things I think about are the 10 plagues that God sent through Moses on Egypt before he brought His people out to the Promised Land. Did you know that only the first three plagues affected the children of Israel? Do you ever wonder why God allowed the first three to affect all of Egypt, including His chosen people?  I think God wanted to show that He was God to the Egyptians and the Israelites. Moses was sent by Him and had the power of God behind his words. I think those plagues got the attention of the Israelites.

But seven of the plagues were all around the Israelites and never touched them. Isn't that just like God? Do you realize how many evil things are all around us, yet never touch us? God has His protection over us to prevent many evil things from happening to us.

 Just last weekend, my husband was rear-ended from behind on the freeway while going 65 mph. The guy behind him apparently fell asleep and crossed over a lane behind at a faster speed and hit my husbands' Suburban on the corner of the bumper. The highway patrol was surprised that my husband was able to retain control of the vehicle and pull to the side of the road safely. My husband had no injuries--though he's going to the chiropracter on Monday to get his back and neck adjusted just in case.

Of course, I know that bad things can happen to God's people too. We can look at Job with wonder and amazement. But the difference is that when bad things happen to us, God is in control. Isn't it nice to know that there is a plan God has for us even when we're "getting the straw for our own brick making?" Life can be tough, yet God is in control. God may be toughing us up for the journey to the Promised Land.

Or God may be using our hardships so that we can help others when they are experiencing the same problems. Can I be of encouragement to some other family whose daughter is pregnant and unwed? God knows someone who may need to be encouraged in this area. God is in control.  He sees the end of the road and knows how this life of ours all fits together with His greater plan.

But even in Job's case, Satan wasn't able to take his life because God was in control. So many things don't come near us, because of our loving Father's protection around us. Yes, our God is in control!

In my Good News Bible Club, we've been studying the life of Moses. This week we talked about the crossing of the Red Sea. I always learn more than my little club members, but it is surprising what they pick up on their own. They always help me to remember that we have to come to God as a little child, with no pretenses and simply believe.

The lesson this week helped me remember that when things look bad, God is still in control.  The Israelites had no idea of what God had planned for them. All they could see was the Red Sea ahead of them and the army of Pharoah charging in behind them. Their response was "Why did you bring us out here to die?" 

Sometimes I'm that way about things. I just don't anticipate the goodness of God and how much He wants to show others that He is in control and knows how to take care of His own. One of the moms shared a story with me that shows how much God cares about us. Their family is moving out of state and is selling a car to a friend of theirs. However, the turn signals aren't working--therefore it's not really street legal. She was worrying about this, not wanting to sell her friend a problem car, yet needing to sell it in order to move, so she finally realized she needed to pray about it. "It seemed like such a stupid thing to pray about", she said, but she did.

Later, she was on the phone talking to the potential buyer, when the buyer asked if the emergency blinkers worked. She didn't know, so she went out to the car to check. When she turned them on, they made a funny sound, like they weren't working, then all of a sudden they started working. She immediately tried the turn signals, running all around the car in frantic histerics! They worked! She realized that no problem is too small to ask God for help. We have not, because we ask not.

God wants us to believe Him for the small problems in life, so that when the big problems come, we already know that He is trustworthy.  However, we're often like the Israelites who just saw the miracles of God in the 10 plagues, yet forgot already that He is quite able and ready to help us cross our Red Sea.

My dd's problems are like a Red Sea in that we don't know how God is going to work this out for her/our good. But "faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not yet seen." Hebrews 11:1 Each day, each problem, each disappointment, each trial is an opportunity to trust God. In faith, we can hope and believe that He is in control of our lives and those around us to bring about glory to Himself. What a lesson!

I found the following comment on my blog:

“sorrow???

You are full of sorrow because your unwed daughter is pregnant? Have you been outside lately, turned on a television, read a national newspaper? Do you not see the suffering of others? I have unwittingly read 3 days of entries here and  I am dumbfounded that you can spend so much time dwelling on your daughter's pregnancy and how it makes you feel, and how you would feel if you were her! Wake up sister! There is a world full of pain and suffering and your time, energy and prayers might be better used outside of your home.” --Anonymous

It’s hard to take criticism, but even the worst criticism can have a thread of truth in it. My first impulse was to say, “It’s my blog and I’ll cry if I want to!” But then, I tried to see her point of view.

Even though this criticism was definitely not said in love, I can agree with it in some respects. When I first heard my unwed daughter was pregnant, I went through some real sorrow and pain. I was very inwardly focused. I will agree. The pain and sorrow are still there, but now I’m not totally focused on it. Life DOES go on.

I don’t know what three days of my blog Anonymous read, but I can imagine that they were the ones where I was still reeling from the pain and shock of it. I think what I was feeling and thinking was a very normal response for anyone who loves their daughter and wants the best for her.

However, I did get past that, as anyone who has continued to read my blogs can see. I have so much to learn yet, but this is a process and I’m not going to get there all at once. In the months between when I first learned about my dd’s pregnancy and now, I have continued to do the things I’ve always done.

To name a few:

--I’m a 4H leader for two projects.

--I’m actively involved in our 4H club, including baking goods for our 4H club’s Valentine Bake Sale.

--I raised money for the March of Dimes Mother’s Drive.

--I helped my daughter to be team captain for Relay for Life (Raising money for the American Cancer Society) BTW, I was team captain last year.

--I baked and took a loaf of cranberry/pumpkin bread to my elderly neighbors who had been sick for several weeks.

--I teach a Good News Bible Club in my home each week.

--I sent a card to my neighbor whose father just died.

--I wrote a letter to my congressman and governor about a bill to veto.

--I picked up trash on the road that wasn’t mine.

--I’m also helping friends pack and move tomorrow and taking lunch to the moving crew. Afterward they’re going to live in my house for a week.

Anonymous, would you say that I’m still self-focused now that you know this about me?

But are these things I would write about in my blog? No! Why not? They don’t have anything to do with the theme of my blog. My blog is a journal of what I’m going through in a particular situation. There are others out there who are going through the same thing, or know someone who is, or will be going through the same thing in the future. These are the people this blog is written for. And also just to write my thoughts down. Sometimes it helps just to let out our feelings.

Life DOES go on. We go on. Others ARE hurting. I think of Missey’s family and friends. But there IS a time for sorrow and a time to reflect. Ms. Anonymous is so right about thinking about others instead of dwelling on ourselves. But she is so Wrong about being dumbfounded that there are some of us who need time to grieve, no matter if our grief is great or small. I hope she will remember this the next time she stumbles on someone who is in sorrow.

We have a Good News Bible club in our home on Thursday afternoons for some homeschooling children ages 3 to 8. We've been studying the life of Moses. Now here's a man we can learn from!

Having killed a man at age 40, he then spent 40 years of his life herding sheep. He was just the right man to lead the Israelites out of Egypt--a son of the Pharoah's daughter, learned in Egyptian ways and customs and language--and then he blew it in one moment. He ruined his opportunity for leadership in a fit of anger when he killed an Egyptian. He had to flee Egypt and if he showed his face there again--he'd be dead.

My dd is a lot like Moses. She has a lot going for her. She's a bright, confident, self-assured young lady. She's top in her sales job. She's artisticly talented. But right now she's making some big mistakes.

So what can we learn from Moses life that we can apply to this situation? Well, God isn't worried when we blow it. He still wants us. He still wants to use us. It might take 40 years--but He can still use us for His purpose and glory.

I'm so impatient to see progress and change in my dd. But God is showing me that for right now, that may not happen. Do you have a situation that you're hoping will change soon? Are you doubting that God is really going to answer your request?  Satan wants us to doubt God. He doesn't want us to really trust God. Satan wants to erode our faith in the God who uses broken people to do great things for Him.

Our memory verse for Good News Club was Proverbs 3:5-6. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and don't rely on your own understanding. In all your ways, remember Him, and He will make your pathway plain."

As I taught the children that sometimes we don't understand why God doesn't answer our prayers right away, but that God still wants us to trust Him, I remembered my own situation with my daughter. What an opportunity to trust God and see Him work out an impossible situation! The God who parted the Red Sea, who created the world, who uses murderers, adulterers, harlots and theives (etc) for His purposes, can be trusted in my own situation. He has proved Himself over and over again. What a wonderful God!!

"He wants the world to see all the steps

In the process of making us whole." --John Fischer

We've been reading a book called "Out of the Salt Shaker and into the World" by Rebecca Manley Pippert.  Ms. Pippert says, "It's when I cover up (ironically, for 'God's reputation') and try to appear 'together', with no problems, that they can see only Becky."

"Evangelism involves taking people seriously, getting across to their island of concerns and needs, and then sharing Christ as Lord in the context of our natural living situations." (p. 30) This is the main idea of the book. 

In the back of my mind, little thoughts keep popping up. Thoughts like, "What will the neighbors and non-Christian friends think of us. That we were too protective of dd? (you know, homeschooling and all) Will they think that the reason dd has gone astray is because we were too "strict" at home? I tend to want to cover up what dd is doing right now because of my fears of what they might think. I don't want our Christian "witness" to be tarnished.

In reality, God doesn't care about our "witness"--He cares about people. I'm realizing this as I read this book. We Christians are real people with real problems. If we cover up what is happening in our lives and how God is working through all these problems to make us into His image, then we rob our non-Christian friends and neighbors of seeing the mighty working of God in our lives. They may have some unrealistic picture of us that we "have it all together". When in reality, we are struggling just like they are, except we are trusting in God to work it out, because He is that kind of God.

If you look in the Bible of men that were examples of Godly men, we see all kinds of blemishes in their lives--murder, adultery, lying, deceit to name a few. King David committed adultery and murder. My husband pointed out that it was AFTER the baby was born that Nathan the prophet finally came to him and told the story that made David see his sin and finally repent. That was nearly a year later after David sinned. Did God wait because David wasn't ready to hear what He had to say?  We want instant results--but God's timing is impeccable!

Dd is living in sin. We want to see changes in her NOW. But God's timing is right. We need to be patient and wait for God to work in her. In the meantime, our non-Christian neighbors and friends need to see us going through this struggle and see God at work in our lives.

With that in mind, the other day I shared about dd with our "adopted" grandparent neighbor friends. They have always been interested in our kids and what they're doing, but they're not believers. In the past, I've avoided sharing about dd because I was embarrassed. But the other day, not really knowing what to say, I plunged in and told them about her situation. They were sympathetic. And I ended by saying that "God is good"--a statement of belief that God was with us in this.

John Fischer's song says it so well. "We are the holy of Holies, don't hide the Source, don't hide the Source. We have His Spirit controlling..." Isn't this the essence of how God reveals Himself to those around us? We are different--not because we are "perfect and good"--but because we have the Source in us that allows us to live by in faith. It is He that is changing us into His Image.  And He wants to be our non-Christian friends' source also. Every problem, every pain, every broken road is changing us as we allow Him to.

"Inside, a change is happening on the inside

And it makes no sense for me to hide

What I don't want you to see.

Come see

Everything that lies inside me

Cause amidst the mess I've made of me

You might see the Lord.

Cause He's in there moving

Got a knife and He's pruning

Cutting out the old man, bringing in the new

And it's foolish to fake it

So I'm letting Him take it

Cause He said I'd be like Jesus

When He's finally through.

When He makes the changes inside

I've no more time for foolish pride

All the glory goes to Him.

By John Fischer

For all the words to this song see:

http://www.fischtank.com/music/inside.cfm#i