Inspired by Kim at Transformity, I thought it might be good to share some tips for parents who are dealing with young men & ladies preparing for life in the real world.  In recalling how differently my two oldest girls (who are now both on their own) handled this transforming time in their lives, it really struck me (all over again) just how important it is, to be prepared.

My second oldest daughter was in a high-rebellious stage, during the ages of 14-17, so anything her older sister did, she was going to do just the opposite, unfortunately.  She doesn't mind me saying that now, because she's since come to understand it and confess it, and is trying very hard to undo the poor choices she made, in those years.

Our oldest girl Caryn, actually followed the same advice my mom gave me, and that I in turn gave her (more or less, she did add her own twist to things, but that's what we do anyway, so it's all good).

What Caryn did, over the course of the few years before she moved out, has become the pattern for me, to teach the younger girls, and Samuel, when the time comes. 

When she was 13, we had a pretty small house, and she didn't have alot of privacy (which is critical for a 13 yr old girl) so I bought her a big footlocker, with a padlock, for her most important private things.  For the next few years, that footlocker was her treasure-box.  For her 16th birthday, I replaced the footlocker with an intricately carved hope chest.  I told her that the hope chest was for her to fill with things that she should begin to store up for herself, for her own house.  Sheets, towels, dishes, flatware, anything that would fit in there.  (when I was a young girl I knew a family that did this for all 6 of their girls, on their 16th birthdays, and I vowed to do the same, if I ever had girls).

Not long after, Caryn got a job at Canadian Tire.  For you non-Canadians, that's a store that has everything from dishes to paint, lugnuts to lampshades, toasters to truck-seat covers.  It's a good store.  We set up a budget for her, and explained that with each paycheck she would pay a token rent - for no other reason than to get her into the habit of taking care of debts first, when payday comes along. Now this is the part where so many people have had a fit with, when they heard we charged our 17 year old daughter, rent.  My mom did the same with me, and my sister, and brother, and it was quite possibly one the best life-lessons mom could have ever prepared me for.  I had no issue whatsoever with teaching it to my children at all.  Caryn's token rent was 20 bucks a payday - and it was set aside for things I would buy for her, without her ever knowing where the money was being spent.  My mom did the same thing.  The week before I finally moved out of my mom's house, she took me to K-mart, and with the rent money I'd been paying her, she helped me purchase all the things I still needed, that I didn't have yet.  She even pitched in extra, since my list was longer than we thought, at first.

When Caryn would get paid, after paying her token rent, the rest of her paycheck was hers to do with whatever she felt led to do with it.  Of course I encouraged her often, to be smart with her money, and spend some of it on things she could fill her hope chest with.  She took that advice, far more often than I even realized, at the time.  She often used her employee discount, and in store sales, to buy all sorts of things, planning for the future. 

She switched jobs before she finally did move out at 19, but in that time that she worked part time, she managed to purchase almost everything she needed, for her own place!  Beginning on her 16th birthday (and Christmases after that) we began buying her the "big" gifts, like a desk, a vcr, tv, etc., so she didn't have to buy those things.

Her bedroom turned into a storeroom, as she had boxes of things stacked up, with home furnishings she'd bought here and there, while she was at home.  She did a fantastic job of preparing for the literal needs, of moving out.

I never got to buy that hope chest for our 19 year old.  When she turned 16, her rebellion was in full steam, and she was living with us part time, and with friends part time, and we never knew when we'd see her next.  She has no idea, but I'm hoping to buy her one this summer, and between now and Christmas, fill it with lovely things for her home - to make up for those lost years (in some little way), for her, and give it to her for Christmas.

SDG

Carla