(I've been working on this since yesterday... I've been called away from this at least nine hundred and seventy four thousand times.)

If mothers of large families all got together to write a book, and none of them put their own name on their contribution to the book, they’d all be confused, and wondered how come someone else told their story. We share a very similar life, and for Christian mothers of large families, we share very similar solutions to the bazillion questions people ask of us.

One of the top comments is always “I don’t know how you do it” often followed by “I could never do what you do”. There are more common statements and questions, but this is the one I hear the most often (followed closely by "wow, SEVEN kids!?")

Okay, time to get real. I’m going to explain for all those who ask, how we really do it. And for the record, I have it on good authority from veteran homeschooling moms, that those perfectly dressed families of 19 children in matching sweaters, on the covers of homeschooling magazines, are not real at all. Here's a real picture homeschooling family on a typical day:

14yr old: in shorts, t-shirt, hair in pony tail, barefeet. Yes it's March, yes we have a foot of snow on the ground, what's your point? She never wears long pants unless she's going outside.

7yr old: 2nd generation hand me down t-shirt with huge smiley faces all over it, and red polar fleece pants, about an inch too short, barefooted.

6yr old: Nearly worn to death pale blue blouse with peasant sleeves, pink sweats with a logo of Tinkerbell on the hip, mis-matching socks.

4yr old: sweatshirt at least one size too small, cargo pants, barefooted.

20 month old: 2nd generation hand me down purple sweatshirt, pink sweats with flowers on the leg, barefooted.

Mom: 2nd generation hand me down hoody (oldest daughter had it first, then second oldest), flannel pants, huge slippers.

Slaves to fashion, we're not. If it fits, more or less, if it's clean, more or less, and if it keeps you warm (except for the crazy girl in the house in shorts), it's worn.

Trust me... this is normal. It's alot more normal than the stereotypical perfect family on those mag covers, with mom in a denim jumper and even the cat looking "oh so happy to be here". Our cat doesn't even pose with us, she's too busy finding a new place in the house to use the bathroom! (She's insane, the 100 acres of farmland outside is apparently only for the view, and to catch the occaisional mouse).

What made me think of this, in part, was a trip to the local grocery store a few days ago. Where we live, we have 2 options.

Option 1: Drive a 5 minute distance to the local small-town small grocery store, where prices are a little higher, selection a little lower, and service with a smile from folks who know your name and greet you at the door.

Option 2: Drive to the city (about a 20 minute drive) to the larger chain store, where selection is great, prices are lower, no one knows your name, and it’s a competition worthy of Olympic caliber just to get through the produce aisle.

I confess, at least once a week, I go with option 1. If I just feel lazy and only want to get enough groceries for 1 day (always a bad choice for large families), I go to the local store. In the long run this costs more on the grocery bill, but hearing Lori say “hi Carla, how are you doing today?” when I walk in, is worth it. Fine, I’m a selfish pig and I love small-town service.

Another reason I decided to write this today was because of a conversation I had with a good friend last night. She doesn’t have as many kids as I do, but there is no doubt she deals with the exact same things as myself, when it comes to raising her little ones.

With that said, here’s how we “do it” (in no particular order – and at times, many of these things happen simultaneously)

We Cry

Raising kids is hard. At times it’s frustrating, it’s exhausting, it’s confusing and we often ask ourselves “why am I the worst mother ever to walk the face of the earth!?” When little Susie or Johnny can’t seem to “get” what it is we’re trying to communicate to them. The first time, the fifth time, the ninehundred and seventy fourth time. Sometimes we cry. Often alone, hidden away in our room, in the yard, in the car.

We Pray

Simple – we pray. Daily… hourly if need be. We pray for the grace to be a good mom, to raise them up the way He would have us to do. We pray for wisdom, mercy, strength, tender ears, receptive hearts and good choices. We pray when things are going great, and we pray when things have just fallen apart.

We Laugh

We laugh, and we laugh a lot. We laugh at the funny things kids say, we laugh at ourselves, we laugh with friends. Today when quizzing my 6 year old on “what comes after Ezra?” my 20 month old shouted out “Nehehemimina!”. Now that was funny.
Yesterday I called my son "Matthew". The girls looked at me funny, and I just had to laugh. Who's Matthew??? I dont have a son named Matthew. I'm turning into my gma, who calls all her kids and grandkids by everyone else's name, before she finally gets to their own name. All my life I've been "Lora-Estella-Carla". Now Samuel is Matthew. I hope he gets used to it.

We Plan

We plan for grocery store trips, school work, ironing, wallpapering, jeans to hem, a dress to let out, utility bills to be paid, the lawn to be mowed, and anything else we can get on a list. Sometimes we even USE the list.

We Ask

When we don’t know, we ask. We ask our husbands, we ask our kids, our neighbors, our sisters at church, the man at the hardware store, our Sunday school teacher or the mailman. We have no shortage of questions, and one way or another, we’re going to keep asking until we get the answer. You cannot be prepared to give an answer, if you haven’t asked, to get the answer – so we keep asking. And we store all the answers on a list. Usually found under the couch, or in a drawer in a bathroom. And no one put it there. We know this because we asked.

We Advise

When another sister, or brother, or family member is dealing with a stressful situation, our hearts go out to them, because we know Stress. We set a place at the table every night for Stress, and we’re fairly certain we’re doing Stress’s laundry. We minister to them from the heart, from the Word of God, and with a hug. Often in doing this we’re reminding our own hearts of the truths we hold so dear, and ministering to ourselves at the same time.

We Budget

This is the big one, especially for large families. This is often the Grand Poo Bah of “how do you do, what you do!?”. We budget everything. Clothing, food, household items, stamps, toenail clippers, and yes, even that Kit Kat bar. Everything is budgeted and accounted for. Most of the time we stay under the budget, once in a while we don’t. Those are the weeks we forgo the Kit Kat bar. (for the record, I am currently NOT eating a Kit Kat bar, although I did have one about 4 days ago, I bought it at the store where they know my name)

We Listen

Listening is different than asking – it’s more of a mommy instinct thing. We listen when we’re cooking dinner, wiping down the cupboards, putting a load of laundry in, and letting the cat out, all at the same time. It may not look like we’re listening, but we heard every word. I cannot count how many times my oldest daughter used to say to me “how do you KNOW this stuff?!”. I just told her “it’s a mom thing, we’re supposed to know, so we know”.

There are so many different ways we do, what we do, and still remain sane at the end of the day, that if I listed them all, this would be the longest blog entry ever, in the history of all blog entries!

Suffice it to say – we do what we do, because He gives us the grace TO do it, and the joy to love it, even when Stress does show up at the dinner table.

SOLI DEO GLORIA!