Mar. 30, 2006 - City on a Hill
So carry your candle, run to the darkness
Seek out the helpless, confused and torn
Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle, and go light your world
Take your candle, and go light your world
The song quoted above is a classic by Chris Rice. It's a nice song; rather inspirational. It's what we like to hear at youth retreats and during slideshows on Sunday mornings. I always liked the idea of taking my light to the "dark side" and somehow giving them a little bit of whatever I thought I had. After all, there are people lost and confused. I have to go find them and save them.
But the more I try to be a light the more I find myself failing. There was even a time in my life when I had to step away from some relationships and people accused me of not spreading my light because I wasn't staying in the bad situations. It got me wondering why in the world is it so hard?!
What does the scripture say about light?
Light is often used in contrast to darkness, as in the contrast of good and evil. We see Christ being the Light of the World. Light is also used to illuminate what is in the darkness, to show evil for what it is and to reveal the secrets of the darkness.
In the gospels, Jesus also told His disciples that they are the light of the world (Matt. 5:14). So, what are we supposed to do with this light? Are we supposed to run to the dark?
Matthew 5:14-16 says "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven." We're a city on a hill. Our light should be unavoidable, whether we run to the darkness or not. We also see in 2 Corinthians 6 that light can have no fellowship with darkness.
So what do we do about those people who are clearly walking in darkness? Be a light, but not just a candle. Be a city, be obvious. Glorify God with your actions by loving them and let Him deal with the darkness.
L'Chaim
~*Hannah*~
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Feb. 14, 2006 - Voices
aching to be
beautiful in their eyes
what the world calls perfection
costs so many lives
so hungry all day
but she wouldn't dare
she knows she is dying
but she doesn't care
the choice she's made
she's controlled by this
her only thought is
what to give up next
how long can she go
before she gives way
her mind is so cloudy
head spinning all day
she looks in the mirror
she hates what she sees
who cares that she fits
into one-digit jeans
each moment she hears
the voice in her head
if i am not thin
i'd rather be dead
empty and pure
floating on air
light and beautiful
the food doesn't care
consumed by the image
of the girl on the screen
stay strong, stay together
while inside she screams
give me some reason
other than this
to stay strong tomorrow
and not go through with it
ate nothing today
but dinner's ahead
food is the enemy
the one thing she dreads
nobody sees
nobody else knows
how blind they are
oh, how far she'll go
and each moment she hears
the voice in her head
if i am not thin
i'd rather be dead
one more pound gone
till nothing is left
each day is easier
to starve to death
dying so slowly
perfection, it seems
means the girl in the mirror
looks like the magazines
her friends ask way
and force her to eat
they don't understand
this goal she must meet
she says that she's fine
but she knows its not true
it doesn't really matter
she's got more to lose
and each moment she hears
the voice in her head
if i am not thin
i'd rather be dead
only one thought
all the day through
what did she eat
how much did she lose
the scale is her master
the numbers accuse
her stomach is empty
heart beaten and bruised
more miles today
more calories burned
till someone finds out
and the tables are turned
they try to help out
but just make it worse
their sympathy sometimes
seems more like a curse
it's all she controls
she won't let it go
her mind won't heal
this is all that she knows
and each moment she hears
the voice in her head
if i am not thin
i'd rather be dead
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Dec. 25, 2005 -
Barukh atah Adonai, Elohaynu, melekh ha-olam asher keed'shanu b'meetzvotav v'tzeevanu lhadlik neir shel Chanukkah (Amein)
Blessed are you, Lord, our God, king of the universe who has sanctified us with His commandments and commanded us to light the candles of Chanukkah (Amen)
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Dec. 12, 2005 -
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This story is based on true events. I have seen some of it first hand. Because I don't know the whole story I have taken some liberties, put pieces together and made assumptions where I've seen fit.
She fell, panting, to the ground. Her lungs felt like they were going to explode. She could feel her heart beating through her whole body. It's steady rhythm pounded in her temples and reminded her that she was still alive. She tried to steady her breathing, sucking in the cool spring air as if it were a drug. This was her only escape.She lay there, sprawled out in the grass of an open field. How long could she stay before they noticed she was gone? She found comfort in running away for a while. She looked up at the stars and tried again to count them. She loved the stars. They were beautiful and safe, despite their mystery and distance. They were consistent.Her breath came out in a sigh as she let the weight of the day come back to her. She tried to remember the words in the note Pete had written her that afternoon. She didn't know how she felt about him or the dozen other boys that called her after school. She savored their attention. She knew none of it really mattered. But the drama was easier to think about than the reality of....She winced when she remembered the truth. The cold, hard reality of life. But she couldn't make it go away now. The memory replayed when all she wanted was for it to be erased forever, as if it had never happened.In her memory she saw a tall man and a dark-haired woman standing in the dirty living room of a poorly kept house. She saw a young version of herself reflected in the window of the room, watching from around the corner. They were fighting, yelling at each other and calling dirty names that she knew she shouldn't hear. The man swung his fist at the beautiful woman. She crumbled to the floor under the impact. Then he left forever.Not long after, the woman found another man. They flirted and played, laughing and kissing. She saw them slip into the master bedroom and close the door. In middle of the night, while the rest of the world was asleep, she heard this man lift her little sister from her bed and take her to the bathroom. She covered her ears and sang to herself, praying he would leave. She was too afraid to move, frozen under her covers.Then there was the day she found herself seated in a chair before an old man she didn't know. She was nervous. He asked lots of questions. But she knew all the answers. She knew what her decision would be. She never wanted to be with her parents again. It wasn't fair to her, or her baby sister.She saw her family. Life in this house was good. No more fear of the dark. No more wondering what was coming next. She had her own room; the walls were pink and green. Posters and pictures of her friends covered the walls. She was allowed to enjoy the music streaming from her stereo. Until her little sister bounced in. No, she could not borrow her brush. No, not her clips either. They threw words back and forth until she finally slammed the door in her baby sister's face. Hate welled up inside of her. She wanted to throw her annoying sister out with the dogs. She didn't hate her sister. She only hated the memories and the guilt that came with her.Tears began to fall as she walked slowly home. She wiped her face with her hands, being sure to catch any running makeup that might give away her thoughts that evening. She had to cover it up and not let them know how much it still hurt. She had to be strong.She walked in the door and straight to her bedroom. She pulled out a notebook and tore out a fresh, clean piece of paper near the center. She drew a girl, trapped between stone walls too high to climb and too thick to break down. The Sun was hidden behind dark clouds of sadness and pain. Drops of guilt where raining down on her. She drew tears in the girls eyes.She set her pencil down and placed her work of art beside her bed. She lay her head on her pillow, exhausted. She sang herself to sleep, praying that the sun would shine tomorrow.Somewhere beyond the stars that she loved so much, the Man of her dreams heard her song and saw her tears. He reached down and stroked her hair with His perfect touch. He held her heart in His hands and was slowly putting the pieces back together. And though she didn't know it, He was the Sunshine she was waiting for.--------------------------------------------------------
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Dec. 11, 2005 - Homecoming '05
I started today
Like any other
I put on the hat
And put on the mask
That I knew the world
Wanted to see
I went on my way
Hoping no one would guess
The face behind the smile
With my head tipped down
My hat covered my eyes
So no on could see me cry
On the town
My girls in tow
Smile pasted on
And my bright pink hat
That spoke measures of vanity
Secured the attention I craved
Dance away the dark
Dance away the pain
Forever gnawing in my heart
Crawl under the mask
Safely covered by deception
When truth is never seen
Unravel to find
Hidden by glamour
Tears running again
The mask comes off
Sliding down with me
Breaking on the floor
The hat and the mask
Are the game I play
To try to make you see
Only the person
I want you to see
Never the real me
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Nov. 15, 2005 -
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"I know the plans I have you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future."
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified."
"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands."
This has been the hardest week of my life. Tragedy has never his this close to home before. There are moments when I think I feel normal, but then I remember and my heart crashes to the floor once again.
One of my closest friends and his 14 year old brother were in a car accident on Monday. It's been playing through my head over and over. I can see it happening, the cars and the lights. I can almost hear the collision.
The 14 year old was air lifted to a hospital an hour away. He didn't live through the night.
In some ways I keep asking God why, when there were so many people praying for his healing, did He still let him die. I accuse God of being selfish and not keeping His promise to answer us when we call. I tell Him I'm scared of things being out of my control. I tell Him I can't trust Him because no matter what I do or say or ask for, He is still going to do whatever He wants.
But then I remember the day we prayed for another miracle. It was 3 or 4 weeks ago in the boy's home. His parents, my mom and I stood together holding hands, asking God to work in his older brother's life. We asked God to do whatever it took to bring him back to Himself. Maybe I'm trying too hard to figure God out, but I have a feeling this is what it took.
God knew what was going to happen to this boy from the beginning of time. It didn't take him by surprise. God doesn't make mistakes. He knows what He's doing, and it's perfect.
The funeral was last night. I was overcome with so many emotions for my friend and by the hard reality of it all. But most of all I longed for my friend to know the joy that his little brother had in his lifetime. This young man was ready to go to the Lord he served with his life and he had a burden for his big brother to know the God he had grown to love.
It's going to be a hard road, but God is good. I am continually praying for His hand to be upon my friend and his family. I know God is going to use this in big ways in his life.
~*Hannah*~ |
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Oct. 8, 2005 - 100 Things I Love
1. Playing piano
2. Singing
3. Riding horses
4. Hanging out with friends
5. Listening to loud music
6. Road trips
7. Sleeping
8. Cooking
9. Working out
10. Blogging
11. Learning harmonies
12. Reading
13. Wrestling with Josh
14. Shopping
15. Playing with my hair
16. Quiz meets
17. Journaling
18. Roller coasters
19. Text messages
20. Fun jewelry
21. Ball point pens
22. Lip gloss
23. Quilts
24. Old books
25. Tire swings
26. Merry go rounds
27. Superchick CDs
28. Soft couches
29. Good photography
30. Willow Tree angels
31. Musicals
32. Fort Wilderness
33. Beaches
34. Libraries
35. Coffee shops
36. Book stores
37. Concerts
38. The SPASH stage
39. Grand pianos
40. Pictures of my parents when they were my age
41. Red barns
42. Red kitchens
43. Inside jokes
44. The ocean
45. Candles
46. Pizza
47. Olive Garden
48. Cookie dough
49. Rubby ribbons
50. Snickers
51. Waterfalls
52. VW Passats
53. Formal dresses
54. Convertables
55. Roses
56. Playing dress up with little girls
57. Shoes
58. Summer
59. Campfires
60. Dogs
61. Good song lyrics
62. Digital cameras
63. Hoodies
64. Miss Congeniality
65. Cinnamon rolls
66. Challa bread
67. My charm bracelet
68. Elizabeth Elliot
69. Painting my nails
70. Old Navy
71. Wood stoves
72. Love Spell
73. Cool quotes
74. Coffee mugs
75. Brick buildings
76. Grandparent houses
77. Blue
78. Christmas lights
79. Hawk Nelson
80. Notebooks
81. Fancy lettering
82. Fields
83. Bare feet
84. Sitting on the floor
85. Passover
86. Mark Hayes piano arrangements
87. My iPod
88. Guitar
89. Josh Groban
90. Hot tubs
91. Les Miserables
92. Phantom of the Opera
93. The Chronicles of Narnia
94. Long sleeve t-shirts
95. Nalgene water bottles
96. Chai tea
97. Fruit smoothies
98. Hot Chocolate
99. Lazer tag
100. Happily ever afters
~*Hannah*~
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Oct. 7, 2005 - This is the good life
This is the good life
I've lost everything
I could ever want
And ever dream of
This is the good life
I found everything
I could ever need
Here in Your arms
Those are the lyrics to the song "Good Life" by Audio Adrenaline. Over the past couple of week I have become more and more aware of their truth in my life. Let me explain...
I am a very social person. I love being with people all the time. I get my energy from being with people. My group of friends has always had a very wide age range. I have several adult friends and college age friends as well as jr. high and elementy school friends. But the one age group that I have never seemed to fit with is my own.
My whole life I've had heartbreak when it comes to my relationships with my peers. When I was in 6th grade or so my best-friend-since-birth decided we weren't going to be friends any more. Looking back at it now I see how much we were growing and changing and becoming such different people that it only made sense that we would grow apart. But at the time I was crushed.
I had close friends on and off after that. In Jr. high the Lord brought me the most amazing friend I think I have ever had. We were so like minded and were so perfect for each other. We grew a lot together and just had fun being little girls. But when we hit highschool we both grew up and both found new friends.
There is kind of a gap in my mind as to what happened next. I don't really remember how it all started, this down hill spiral of a relationship. You see, I got close to the wrong people.
They weren't always that way. Or maybe I was just too inocent to see it in the beginning. I try to remember my best guy-friend how he was two years ago and how unique and amazing he was. Everyone looked up to him and all he wanted was to serve God in big ways. I remember riding horses at my best girl friend's house and how fun it was to just talk. We understood each other. We were like sisters, a relationship I had never really had before. But the memories are so distant now, almost as if they were a dream, too good to be true.
Today my "friends" are living for themselves. And I have chosen to live a life "worthy of the call." It has been so hard to let them go. I miss them and who they are. There are days when I am weak and all I want to do is call them up and go out with them and have a good time. But what would that accomplish? Do I love them enough to let them go?
I've had to remind myself this week that as much as they hurt me they hurt God even more. I forget sometimes that He doesn't just blow them off and not care about what they are doing. He is "not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance."
So, I have lost the ones I love in exchange for following the One who loves me most. I will press into Him because His love is perfect. All I can do now is pray it up and be ready.
~*Hannah*~
PS - Thank you for the comments and encouragement! Yes, we had Cats auditions last week. I didn't get a lead, just a spot in the chorus, but that's okay.
I will update more often from now on!
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Aug. 20, 2005 - New Beginnings
Hello. This is going to be my attempt at writing smart. I've had a lot of 'fun' with my other blog, but I'm kind of tired of just writing to write. I want to have something to say and I want to say it. I want to keep up with things and I want to think about things. Like the situations in the news, commentaries on portions of scripture, movie and book reviews. I want to know and understand and learn and write about as much stuff as I can. I want to be a good writer, but I have to learn to open my eyes to stuff every once in a while. I can't write by just sitting around.
So those are my goals for this blog. I'll also be blogging about what happens in my family. That could be a novel in and of itself. ....Maybe someday.... I am 17 and a senior in highschool. I have an amazing family; my mom and dad and a 14 year old brother who is just the greatest in the world. I attend the local highschool for choir classes, which start Sep. 1st. I really enjoy choir, but it can be lots of work to practice for. This year our highschool is putting on the musical Cats, which I am planning to audition for. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. I have never seen the musical, but I"m not too excited about running around stage in a spandex cat costume. 
One of my favorite things to do is play my piano. I enjoy writing music and playing off of our worship team music. I've been trying to play off of guitar chords for the last couple of years and I finally feel comfortable and confident enough that I can actually lead. I might be leading a team for our youth group's worship team this fall and I'm very nervous.
Enough about me. I talk too much. 
~*Hannah*~
