Knights Becoming and a Lady in Waiting

Anger Anonymous: Step Six

I've delayed this entry for a couple of days.  I've been busy and didn't want to rush the entry, but I also was delaying for a far more selfish reason.  This next step is:

6.  Be entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character [and to replace them with fruits of the Spirit].

Am I entirely ready?  Do I really want to let go?  I hide behind anger so often when I want to fight against burn-out or stress or just plain old apathy.  Anger motivates me at times, fuels me to get things done. 

Honestly, I'm not entirely sure that anger in THAT guise is entirely wrong.

However, like the alcoholic who can't take one drink because it would lead to more, I can't partake of even "good" anger because it wouldn't stop there.  When I indulge my anger, it becomes the driving force in my life.  That's not what I want; it's certainly not what God has planned for me.

So, like the alcoholic, I am going to give up anger.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm still going to slip.  I will probably still fail.  But I will "get back on the wagon" each time.  I will confess my failure.  I will put God back in control, rather than my emotions.

I have to admit, confessing all this to people, rather than just God, has made it more... humbling.  I don't exactly understand why.  Maybe it's because I know God will love me, even when I fail.  I think you will all still love or like me, but maybe you won't.  There may be some of you out there who are shaking your heads at me right this minute.  You know what?  That's okay.  I've been you.  I have sat back and tsk'd at a Christian who was obviously struggling with a sin.  Rather than feeling compassion, I felt pride (that I wasn't struggling in that area) and censure (how could they fall prey to something so easy to overcome?).  I know where you're coming from.

I do wonder, though, if this is how the Catholic tradition of confession to a priest started.  You don't want someone who will tell your failings to everyone-- you'd be less likely to be completely honest.  But you want to tell another human, another sinner... another person who FAILS.  In the same way, here I am telling you all.  Many of you may not have the same area of struggle, but I can rest assured that you all have an area you struggle with-- and that gives me a certain peace in "confessing" to you.

So here I am at this point.  God, I am willing to give up my anger-- and not just the anger itself, but any rights to anger.  I cannot indulge myself in this area because it is too great a temptation for me to overindulge and to slip from temptation to sin.  I ask you to help me as I encounter this area of struggle over and over each day, starting with today.  I would ask that you replace anger in my life with:

• love-- for love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8)
• joy-- for the joy of the Lord is my strength (Nehemiah 8:10)
• peace-- to turn from evil and seek good (Psalm 34:14)
• patience-- to overlook an offense (Proverbs 19:110
• kindness-- which leads to repentance (Romans 2:4)
• goodness-- not my own, which is transitory, but God's, which delivers me from my enemies and myself alike (Psalm 109:21)
• faithfulness-- for through love and faithfulness, sin is atoned for and God is faithful to those who call on Him (Proverbs 16:6 and Psalm 86:15)
• gentleness-- for a gentle answer turns away wrath (Proverbs 15:1) [and I used to think it just turned away the wrath of the other person, but I've noticed lately that if I speak gently, it turns away my own wrath, too!]
• self-control-- which is really controlled by God's Spirit (2 Timothy 1:7)

Each of these could easily fill many entries on its own.  Perhaps one day they may.  For today, it is enough that I am entirely ready to have God use these traits (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control) to remove anger from me-- and keep it from me.  Not forever.  Not even necessarily for the rest of a day.  But for this portion, this hour, this minute... until I ask him, again, for the next.

Hear my cry, O God;

attend unto my prayer.

From the end of the earth will I cry unto Thee,

When my heart is overwhelmed:

lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

For Thou hast been a shelter for me,

and a strong tower from the enemy.

I will abide in Thy tabernacle forever;

I will trust in the cover of Thy wings.

Selah.

 

Psalm 61:1-4