Knights Becoming and a Lady in Waiting

What is My Tithe?

The title for this entry started out as "What is a tithe?" before I realized that this is one of those subjects where I can't come out pitching the ball to others-- I'm still looking for the lost ball in the grass when it comes to me and tithing.

I was reading an article from Back to the Bible [Back to the Bible Connection, December 2006/ January 2007, pp 1-2] about Bible reading when I came across a part about how much time you should spend reading the Bible.  Based on strict tithing, you should read the Bible for 2 hours and 24 minutes each day.  The article says that seems a bit unrealistic, so why not take out the time spent at work and asleep-- roughly 16 of those 24 hours-- and tithe off the 8 hours remaining, or 48 minutes a day.  In fact, why not just round it down to 45 minutes for the sake of easy remembering.

For some reason, this disturbed me greatly.  No wonder so many people don't read their Bible more than 7 minutes a day!  If you can justify down to 45 minutes from 144 minutes, then it's easy to trim a few more edges and whittle it down to where 7 minutes a day seems pretty reasonable.  Just before I became completely self-righteous, I recalled I hadn't even opened my Bible yesterday.  Maybe 45 minutes was a good place to start.

Self-recriminations aside, I started wondering about tithing.  I mean, we all know we should do it, but is it just  money?  Is it really ten percent?  Why do we do it?  Where does the money go?

Over the next little bit (depending on how much time I get to blog), I'm going to look at this issue as it relates to ME.  It may also relate to you, but I would encourage you to look over the Scriptures yourself and pray about what your response to this issue should be.  Look for other "What is My Tithe?" entries in the future.  Right now, I need to start on those 45 minutes.

The Letter

My sons were difficult to get to bed tonight.  They hemmed and hawed.  They fussed and fumed.  They even broke a chair (long story) and cause general mayhem.  But eventually they went to sleep.

By the time they were quiet, I was all in an uproar.  My (not-so) inner growlie monster had come out to play for the night and I was in a fine dither.  I chewed out my hubby.  I debated kicking the cats, but settled for giving them dirty looks.  Basically I huffed around in a major attitude until I headed to bed.

That's when I saw it.  On my husband's nightstand was a little letter Prince Berryboy (1DS7) had written him.  Because he writes in large letters, the first few words caught my attention without any conscious effort on my part to read them.  "Dad, I love you."

Panic hit me.  I had been given a similar letter earlier that night, but in all the rush around to get to bed, I hadn't read it yet.  In fact, I had distractedly put it... somewhere... and told my little prince I would try to look at it later.  I wasn't even sure where it was.

I didn't quite tear the house apart, but I did make a bit of a mess looking for that letter.  By the time I found it, I was crying and just a little shaky.  Triumph was mine, however, as I unfolded the tightly creased piece of paper and read what my sweet son had written.

Mom, I love you.  You make our meals, play with us, teach us, and things like that.  If ALL the moms in the world came and the govoner said "All children, chose one!" I'd chose YOU!  You're a great mom!  I love you lots.  XXXXXXXX

I had done nothing to deserve this letter today.  In fact, I had done an awful lot to NOT deserve it.  When the above-mentioned chair broke (Prince Berryboy was jumping off it when he was supposed to be in bed), PB told me he was sorry.  Instead of gently forgiving him and loving him for being sorry without any threats on my part, I snarled, "If you were sorry, you'd stop breaking things!" and stomped out of the room, leaving him standing, dejected, in the middle of his room.

I don't know why God has blessed me with this son-- or any of my children.  I don't know why I was honored with this letter from a boy who's had a tough time at my hands for the last couple of years, as I seem to expect perfection from him while giving him only my most flawed self.  I only know that I am profoundly humbled and crushed to have received it-- and not deserve it in the least.

I keep saying I can't change, only God can change me.  This is true.  But God will not change me if I make Him the last priority on my list.  God will not change me if the Holy Spirit gives me a gentle nudge and I slam the door to my conscience.  God doesn't force His will on me.  I have to take the step into His presence.  Basically, I have to sign a medical release form before He'll excise all those nasty little bits of my personality that drag me down over and over again.

Does anyone have a pen?

But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find Him if you look for Him with all your heart and with all your soul.

When you are in distress and all these things have happened to you, then in later days you will return to the Lord your God and obey Him.

Deuteronomy 4:29-30

 

I love those who love Me, and those who seek Me will find Me.

Proverbs 8:17

 

Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.

You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:12-13

 

God did this so that men would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us.

Acts 17:27

Double-demic

There is a double epidemic taking over our country.  Correct that: there is a double epidemic that has already overtaken our country.  While the two parts may seem independent, I can find some rather striking correlations.  There may even be other issues out there that I haven't connected.  Let's start with the first one.

Medical studies show that, as a nation, Americans have lost their ability to know when they're thirsty.  According to an article by Dr. David N. Tornberg (here), when you're thirsty, your body starts to make water from the food you eat.  Because of this, many people mistake thirst for hunger-- and then overeat.  We substitute the water our body needs with food that not only doesn't satisfy us, but also packs on the pounds.  Sometimes we feel thirst and ignore it because we don't have time (or make time) to drink our 64 ounces or more of water that we need.  Other times, we recognize our thirst and try to slake it with coffee drinks, sodas, fruit juices, and other beverages that just aren't water.  This, again, packs on the pounds and may contribute to the rise in obesity, diabetes and other diseases in this nation.  Could it be possible that we are so blessed as a nation that we would rather spend money on an expensive substitute with half the nutrition than injest the real thing?

Article after article shows the benefits of water.  One on Inch-Aweigh.com shows that the liver normally processes fat.  However, when the kidneys aren't functioning normally (too much sugar or too little water-- or both), the liver picks up the slack.  This slows down how fast the liver can process fat.   Yet, in spite of all the evidence out there, how many of you had eight 8-ounce glasses of water today?  How about four?  One?  To keep this honest, I had two-- and I've been sitting here doing the research!

The second part of this epidemic is less documented, but far more dangerous.  We have lost the ability to recognize our thirst for God.  We mistake this thirst as a hunger for money, power, fame, position, friends, or fitness and overindulge in one or more of those ares to try to quench our thirst.  Instead, we leave less time to drink from the Fountain, leaving us more thirsty than ever.  No wonder none of those things can satisfy!  We will gain worldly weight-- a bigger house, a high-pressure job, bills-- while never slaking our real thirst.  We also feel the thirst and ignore it.  Although roughly 92% of American households own at least one copy of the Bible (and the average household that owns a Bible owns three copies), most don't read it.  According to a Gallup poll in 2000, 59% of Americans reported that they read the Bible "at least occasionally".  Only 37% report reading their Bible at least once a week.  Once a week!  Worse, those who read the Bible regularly spend about 52 minutes a week in study.  52 minutes a week is a little more than 7 minutes a day.  Only 14% are involved in active Bible study.  Even in churchgoing families, many people cannot answer "simple" Bible questions like:

• What is the first book of the Bible?
• When was the Bible written?
• What are the four gospels?
• What are the Ten Commandments?
• and more

[see this article for more information]

Within the church, some people recognize their thirst as a need for God-- and try to appease it with devotionals, sermons, speakers, and group studies.  While these are reasonable supplements, they are not what we thirst for and crave.  In fact, I believe (pure opinion here) that the easy availability of these items has actually stunted our growth as we "snack" on substitutes rather than drinking from Living Water.  Again, we are blessed with so much that we use something lesser to satisfy our real need.

I find this very sad.  In both cases, we have lost our God-given ability to recognize our need.  We have gained weight from trying to quench our thirst with the wrong things.  We spend a large amount of money trying to substitute things that are nutritional weaklings when the real thing-- exactly what we need-- is so close to free that it's not even funny.

Confession time:  I am just as guilty as anyone.  Although I can answer all those questions about the Bible up there (thanks to a Godly mother and a knack for "trivia"), I don't recognize my thirst all the time.  I have definitely used fitness or friends to mask my need for God.  I tend toward Bible studies and devotionals far more than just reading God's Word and being fed. 

There is only one solution in either case.  Drink the real thing and drink abundantly.  If you drink enough water, it starts to flush the fat and toxins out of your system.  If you drink enough Living Water, you start to shed the worldly weights and toxic thoughts that you have taken in.  It's not a magic pill; it's the way we were made.

I challenge you (and me) this next week to spend more than 7 minutes a day digging into the Word all on your own.  While you're at it, drink a large glass of water.  It doesn't hurt to quench the body and the spirit at the same time.

God is In Control

I completely forgot to praise God in my "Work Widow" entry.  (Okay, at the time I was trying to be funny on a lack of sleep, but still... ).

See, this was supposed to be one of the most stressful weeks of my life.  Monday we were supposed to be at the YMCA all day (9:30 to 11:30 and 4 to 7) for swimming.  Tuesday was my grocery shopping/ birthday planning/ school catch-up/ co-op planning/ pull-my-hair-out-what-was-I-thinking day.  Wednesday was swimming in the morning and some errands in the afternoon.  Today, though... today was supposed to be the start of our new co-op (which I was a board member of) and I was supposed to teach sign language at 9am.  We were then supposed to be there until 12:30, eat in the car, and go to music, which runs from 1:15 to 2:00.  Run home for naps and make dinner, then Prince Dannyboy was supposed to go to Funshop (a parent-child thing) in the evening.  And Saturday was supposed to be Prince Berryboy's big birthday bash.

I quit the co-op while I was PMSing.  While I'm no longer PMSy, this still seems like a good decision.  It was time for me to step away-- and this has never been my "baby", even though I ended up surrogate birthing it. :p  I'm still signed up to teach sign language, but now that we can't possibly follow the schedule I had put together... I'm just going to take it one week at a time.  No music this afternoon (which is the one thing I'll miss).  I didn't spend all day Monday at the pool.  We've postponed the birthday bash.

I am-- rejuvenated.  Odd, that, after six days of fever and less sleep than I'd like, but I am.  Here is the verse that brought it all home this morning:

Some sat in darkness and the deepest gloom,

prisoners suffering in iron chains,

for they had rebelled against the words of God

and despised the counsel of the Most High.

So He subjected them to bitter labor;

they stumbled and there was no one to help.

Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,

and He saved them from their distress.

Psalm 107:10-13

I was depressed and bound up by all the commitments I had made without thinking (again).  I couldn't make myself quit anything, feeling obligated to finish what I started.  I didn't listen to God when He whispered for me to rest, to focus on my family, and to let go.

So I had a rough week.  DH was gone.  Kids were sick.  I was sick.  Things seemed to pile up and there was no one here to help me.

Last night I gave up and cried to God.  I wailed, I sobbed, I yielded.

Today I feel almost 100%.  I have one child in recovery and one still sick, but the sickness doesn't bother me as much.  I am not distressed.

Yes, God disciplines us... but oh, how loving a discipline it is!

Unfaithful Friend

I have been an unfaithful friend.  :(

Angela is having a baby and I haven't checked up on her for a while.  She hasn't posted since mid-August and I'm starting to worry.

I'm not sure why I do this.  I am a very faithful friend to one person at a time, but I just don't seem to have the ability to be a good, there-for-you-no-matter-what friend to more than one person at a time.  Does anyone else have this problem?

Anyway, the real purpose of this post is to ask you to pray for Angela, but I got sidetracked by my character flaws.

Prayer Vigil for the Godfrey Family

I posted way back in June about Susan Godfrey's pregnancy.  Susan's baby has Potter's Syndrome, a rare kidney disease that means the baby will only live a few hours after birth.  Not only have Susan and her husband known about this since June (and bravely stood by their convictions to bear to term), but this is their second child to have Potter's Syndrome.   Although Susan has been unmeasurably brave, she confesses in her latest post that she had to pull over while driving to cry and pray a bit.

Amy (Dandelion Seeds) has come up with a wonderful plan to pray around the clock for Susan and her family.  If you go here, you can sign up for a prayer vigil time.  Let's lift this family up in love and prayers.

Inborn, Learned--- or Does It Matter?

MomofSix put an interesting comment on my previous entry:

I might consider boycotting them as well. I don't like what they are doing. I must say that I don't believe that God would put a desire in someone and then call it sin. So, I don't believe homosexuals are born that way. I had one try to recruit me at college. She tried to convince me by saying that I would like it better because that other woman would love me like my mother didn't...using her lack of mother's love for an excuse to get into that lifestyle. My girlfriend's son is in that lifestyle and he was recruited by a public high school teacher that made the moves on him...From all my own experiences and understanding, I say it is a learned behavior that warps the mind...as God says he hands them, the rebellious, over to a depraved mind. I tend to believe that scripture....Just a thought or belief from my viewpoint....God bless you for your boldness to speak out.

I just wanted to clarify here that I don't believe GOD puts the desire in them; I believe that the sinful nature of a fallen world does.  But I do believe that, for some, that desire-- or curiosity-- is internal, not external.

Every person has areas where they are more tempted than others.  For me, it's a hair-trigger anger reflex.  I am generally a passionate, enthusiastic person-- but that passion and enthusiasm spills over into my temper, too.  I can honestly say that I believe this is inborn; I would get absolutely furious as an infant when I got mad.  I have three sisters, raised in the same environment, and none of them has quite the same temper problem as I do (although one is close ).

My DH is naturally laid-back in temperment.  This makes him wonderfully patient (most of the time), but it also results in a very low self-motivation drive.  If he doesn't fight it, he is naturally lazy.

Both of those desires come from deep within us.  They are part of who we are.  Did God make me an angry type and him a lazy type?   No.  I agree that God does not put sin in our hearts.  But God allows thorns in our lives:

7To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:7-9

Couple that with Satan asking God for permission to harass Job (see Job 1) and God granting permission, I do believe God allows us to have an area of weakness for two reasons.

1.  This is a great opportunity for us to bring glory to God.  After Job loses everything, he could have cursed God.  He could have questioned Him.  He could have blamed Him.  Instead:

20 At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship 21 and said:
       "Naked I came from my mother's womb,
       and naked I will depart. ^[c]
       The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
       may the name of the LORD be praised."  

Job 1:20-21

God was glorified through the way Job dealt with his thorn.  As God works through me provides the self-control to deal with my temper, it is pure glory to him, because those who know me well know I have tried everything to control it myself-- and failed.

2.  We learn to rely on God in the areas we are most weak.

10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:10

Merry Christmas, ACLU!

Hopefully this will be my last post tonight!  There's a lot out there to make me think today. :)

Do you know the verse about being kind to your enemies?

21 If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat;
       if he is thirsty, give him water to drink.

 22 In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head,
       and the LORD will reward you.

Proverbs 25:21-22

This Christmas (yes, it's a little early), give a little "food for thought" to the ACLU.  Send them a Christmas card.  They want to remove "Christmas" from the winter holiday period.  Let us give them a Christmas blessing instead.

Send your Christmas card (clearly saying "Merry Christmas" and/ or something about God) to:

ACLU

125 Broad Street

18th Floor

New York, NY  10004

Remember, be kind when you send it.  Bless the ACLU (but don't send them any money to fund programs).

Thanks to WaitingOnTheLord for this one.

Come Into the Light: Depression

Once again I started to comment on someone's blog and ended up writing a novel.   Beth (ThreeMenandaLittleLady) is dealing with depression and wondering if it has medical causes.  Here is my response:

I have been there (and will probably be again). Here are a few things to think about before you consider medical help.  I don't know if any of them pertain to you; these are just things that help me.

• Are you getting enough sleep?  Most people still do need eight hours.  Are you getting too much?  More than ten may be too much.
• Are you eating right?  Keep a diary for a week of EVERYTHING.  Little things like chocolate, soda, and sugar can throw you off for a while, especially if you have an imbalance (thyroid, blood sugar, etc.).
• Are you getting exercise?  It doesn't have to be a formal thing.  Get outside and walk for 30 minutes during the day.  Can't do 30 minutes straight?  Do three 10-minute sessions.  Exercise releases natural endorphines, God's pick-me-up for our bodies.
• Are you getting sun?  You don't need to become a beach bum, but a lack of sun leads to seasonal depression.  If you're not getting sun, it doesn't matter what season... your mood will lower.  It's worse for some people than others.

Now the biggies...

• Are you harboring any unconfessed sin?  My anger issues caused major depression for a while.  Now that I'm working through them Biblically and confessing them, I'm having a lot fewer depression jags.
• Are you spending regular, consistent time with God?  The more time I spend with him... praying my concerns all out, then reading the Bible and listening to let His Spirit in... the better my overall mood.

I don't know if any of these are an issue for you; these are just things I dealt with when I was having depression and dark episodes on a pretty regular basis.  I hope it helps.

Big Churches

I have been struggling with something lately.  I belong to a very large church (if not the largest in my city, right up there with the largest).  It is a caring church, concerned with community outreach and growth.  I have a good Bible Study group.  My kids have wonderful children's classes.  There are small groups available (although I haven't found one that fits me yet).  But, even after a year, I do not feel this is my church.  I do not feel comfortable here or even like I should be here.  It is largely the daunting prospect of finding a new one that is keeping me here.

Are large churches Biblical?  Rather than continuing my Beth Moore study today, I think I need to spend some time researching and praying about this.  The unease in me could simply be the result of not feeling at home at my church... or it could be the Spirit nudging me to see what is around me.  It could be a certain amount of frustration with my church for having not only a homeschooling senior pastor, but also a homeschooling music minister, yet maintaining a somewhat distant relationship to the local homeschool community because the church also runs a Pre-K through 5th program.  Or it could be the Spirit convicting me to stop being lazy and look for a church that will inspire me to grow.

I have a lot to pray about.  I would appreciate any prayers from you, as well.  I will try to share what I find a little later.

I Am From

I first saw this on Angela's blog and loved her entry, so I followed the link to this contest (please note that it is for a site on ClubMom, not HSB).  I'm not going to enter the contest, but I still wanted to try the writing assignment.

I am from...

... science proofs and gospel truths, intellect and faith, reason and artistry.

... native and immigrant, Choctaw and Blackfeet, Irish and German, backgrounds varied, unique, and yet the same.

... Kansas boy and Razorback girl, first-born daughter of a first-born daughter with heart-strings tied tight.

... prayer and praise, loss and triumph, joy and sorrow, fighting and forgiving.

... both sides of the Revolutionary War and both sides of the Civil War, English and American, North and South, Cain and Abel, Rachel and Leah.

... quick-tempers and enduring love, support and restrictions, a past and a future.

... a human family and a heavenly one, a legacy and a destiny.

... dust and blood, tears and kisses, hopes and dreams.

... two fathers, one earthly, one Heavenly, and one mother, confidant, and best friend.

... God.

Pray Around HSB 2

This was truly such a blessing to me that I thought I'd do it again.  In fact, it may become a regular part of my week.

Because she had asked for prayer in a comment, I went to Karen W's blog, Wired Wisdom, first.  I didn't realize that she was going to the mission field!  Not only that, but she leaves tomorrow!  Karen, first of all, you have me in absolute awe.  It takes a special person to respond to God's call so whole-heartedly.  Second, I'm adding you to my long-term prayer list, not just today.  Third, could you let me know which country you're going to?  {edit: I found it... Romania!}  We're doing world geography this year and as we hit each country, we're praying for a missionary from that country.  How totally amazing that we could pray for a missionary I've "spoken" to.  Dear Lord, I just pray right now that you would send an entire band of angels to guard Karen and her family.  Lord, give them physical safety, certainly, but more than that protect them from all the spiritual forces that will be arrayed against them as they do Your work in another country.  Give them joy in all circumstances and help them as they adjust to a totally different lifestyle.  Thank you for their heart for You; please bless them according to their obedience to Your will.

Next I went over to Linda/ FaithfulGrace's blog at Faith in Love.  I could see that she needed prayer for her allergies (allergies in Iowa-- yikes!).  Her three girls are absolutely sweet; I got a little bit distracted looking at all their pictures.  Since she works as a nurse in NICU (where my sister is training to work), I felt quite a connection to her (my sister has three girls, too).    Dear Lord, I pray that you will give Linda peace from her allergies and some rest as she works hard and raises three girls at the same time.  Lord, keep this family safe and hold them in Your hand this week as they go about their days.

I ran out of time here and I want to be sure to get this one up tonight, so here it ends. :)

Pray Around HSB

I thought this was such a great idea that I saw on One Day I'll Mount Up With Wings Like Eagles that I just had to do it.  The basic idea is that you do some jumping around HSB, reading different blogs, and then you pray for the people you've visited (if I have this right).  So, here goes.

My first stop was at Susan Godfrey's Homestead Scraps.  I really believe God led me there, because I read at the top of her blog that her unborn child has Potter's Syndrome and will not survive more than a few hours past delivery (she's due the day before my birthday, too).  They have chosen, correctly but bravely, to carry the baby to term and my heart aches for them.  This is their SECOND Potter's Syndrome child.  Oh, dear Father, if You would just take this cup from them and give them a healthy delivery, but if not, if You would bless them with an extra measure of peace and joy.  [Also, they are taking donations to help cover expenses and to help fund the research on Potter's Syyndrome at University of Michigan, so if you are able, you may wish to pop over to help out.]

Once I could compose myself, I travelled on to Exuberant Jade.  I had a lot of fun reading her post on "Battle of the Mind"-- just a warning, though.  It's long and it makes you think.  My brain was a little stretched by the time I finished it.  It was good reading, though.  I'm praying that she continues with her exuberance for Christ and that she never lets a Platonic worldview overtake her. :)

Because time was ticking on and I really should've been in bed, I limited myself to just one more site.  I almost zoomed past Taking the Challenge, but something (er, Someone) directed me to pray for her anyway.  Who knows?  Maybe today she's going to have a rough day with the kids (youngest son implying that there are at least two boys).  Anyway, I just prayed a peace on her day and safety for her family.  God can take care of the rest.

This was both fun and spiritually rewarding and now I'm ready to sleep.  What a wonderful idea.

Not So Super

I've mentioned before that I'm doing a Beth Moore Bible study (Living Beyond Yourself).  Beth has a great poem about being Superwoman that really hit with me today.  I've been struggling to get in my study time-- I was up at 5:30 a.m. yesterday, which is just WRONG for me.  I was then up until midnight last night (which is far more normal for me).  In the morning, my dear daughter woke up at 6 a.m.  She never wakes up at 6 a.m., but she did yesterday.  I got in prayer time, but didn't get filled up from the Word.  In the evening, the same thing happened.  I had a late-night dinner-date with my husband before my parents go away (free babysitting).  Then we had the evening "stuff" to take care of before bed.  I sent my hubby on to bed and went to try to get my study done.  Again, Princess Moo woke up.  I decided to go ahead and pray, but you can't really do an in-depth study like Beth Moore with a baby nursing.

All this reflects Beth's poem.  I'm just going to put the first few lines here (in respect of copyright) and then try to paraphrase the rest.

Superwoman's Freedom Plea

Oh, Lord, who said there's just One Life to Live?

I'm sure I'm livin' a thousand!

The few times I do awake to pray

All My Children start arousin'!

Uh, oh! No time for quiet now

Think quick!  The day's beginnin'!

She goes on (using a lot of soap operas for humor?), saying that we want our kids religious, wise but innocent, and to have self-esteem.  We want to be professional in appearance, but have a perfect house.  We have to be the perfect wife.

I often feel like Superwoman near kryptonite (or whatever it was that bothered her; my husband assures me it was not the same thing as Superman, but a quick Google(tm) search says he's wrong.  Bwahahah!). 

What do we do to ourselves?  We must not just be healthy-- we must look like airbrushed models.  We workout, we go to Weight Watchers(tm), we drink our minimum eight 8-oz cups of water, and we obsess over our weight.  We buy clothing that flatters our figure and then can't find anything to wear when our figure changes and those clothes are no longer flattering.

We can't just have an organized, neat house.  It must be perfect.  We buy knick-knacks and furniture and curtains and STUFF that must be cared for.  We get the biggest house we can afford-- then spend money we don't have to keep it up, furnish it, or even to make it bigger.  We work in the house all day, in the yard all afternoon, and then repeat the process the next day, wondering why we're worn out.

We must be the perfect wife and mother.  As homeschoolers, most of us are freed from the "work outside the home" trap, but we have additional pressures.  We not only have to be an ideal helpmeet and gentle, loving mother, but we have to know everything about everything so we can teach our children.  We must have the perfect curriculum, so we spend more and more money, trying to find one that has no flaws.

These things are not all bad.  The Blubber Bloggers group is helping a group of women get their lifestyles under control.   Kim's walking group (note: offsite group) helps women to remember to take care of God's temple.  Amy's Clean Heart, Clean Home Challenge helps women get their homes under control.

The problem isn't taking care of these areas, it's obsessing about them... being Superwoman.

Today, I challenge you all to give up your OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder).  Give it up to God.  For today, don't be Superwoman.  Be a Spirit-filled Biblical Woman of God.  That's more than Super enough.

Reality

I started to do this as a comment on MuckFootMom's blog-- sort of an effort to cheer her up.  But it turned into a little mini-confession and a bit long (even for me) to leave as a comment, so...

Oh, Kim, I so very much understand where you're at.  Today was my first time with God in three days (other than a few dashed off prayers to not kill certain energetic little boys who will remain nameless).  My house has been cleaned-- mostly-- once in the last three weeks.  Tonight my husband made dinner after he got home from work and he bathed the boys, too.  We decided-- I decided-- to take a little time off school so Mommy would stop thinking of it as a chore and not a blessing.

You are NOT alone.

But, like you, I yearn to be more.  I desire to make that leap to God-centered over Chelo-centered, to Christ first over housework first, to loving my children more than I try to TRAIN them.  I despair because I don't seem to do anything well and do quite a few things miserably.  My failures rank far higher in frequency than my successes.

Tonight, I can say that's okay.  I've had time with God.  I've had a little break from the kids.  My house is bearable, if not perfect.  Tomorrow, I may again be on my knees in abject misery wondering why God saw fit to entrust me with one child, let alone four.  I may be crying in humiliation because my oldest son has once again managed to maneuver me into a screaming match-- and he won.

But for tonight, I have God's peace.  I'm going to pray you get a dose, too, and that it carries you through the next time you hit this low.  In fact, while I'm at it, I think I'll pray for a good measure of that peace for myself.  We could all use a little God help when we hit the bottom.  Sometimes, I think that's what the bottom was there for.

As the deer pants for streams of water,

so my soul pants for You, O God.

Psalm 42:1

Not Mine

Once again, OreoSouza has a post that has just floored me.  Her honesty often does this. 

She spoke of how she didn't have it in her to change her son, to love him the way she felt she should have loved him.

I adore my children, but there are days I don't have it in me to love them anymore.  I am poured out and I haven't had a chance to refill.  There is nothing left and I don't even like, let alone love, my kids.  I can't change them.  I can't seem to change me.  I am at a dead-end.

But it's not me, is it?  These kids, really, aren't even mine.  They belong to God and I've only been entrusted with them for a while.  God has trusted me with His children-- to raise them His way.

I can't love them all the time.  I'm human.  I'm not perfect.  I certainly can't change them.  They're not mine!  I can only raise them as God has instructed me, love them with His love, and let Him do the rest. 

O, God, how I thank You that you see something inside of me that You can use to raise four of Your children!  Thank You that I don't have to do it alone, or even with just my husband, but I have the Creator and Master of all-- and all His resources-- at my disposal to use as You see fit.

Thank You.  I'm sorry I haven't been quite as good about raising them Your way.  I'm sorry that I've wanted to raise them MY way quite a few times.  Your instructions are clear enough, if I just listen.

They're not mine, but You have given them to me for a season. 

I choose to love them.  You choose how to change them.

Now, if you'll all excuse me, I have to get back to work.

Dirty Laundry

I hate dirt.  I hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it... well, I'd have to add a lot more hate there to truly do my feelings justice.  I have always hated dirt.  My mom loves to tell about how, as a toddler, I was put into a sandbox and just stood there.  "Eeeew, Mommy, diirrr-teeeeeee!"

Mud, in my opinion, is even worse.  Mud is dirt that sticks.  Mud is dirt that is, well, dirtier.  Mud is just WRONG.

Today I was having a lovely chat with my mother when I realized my two older sons (6 and 4) had taken our brand-new watering can and were using it to water the dirt.  Slowly, this turned the dirt into mud.  By the time I saw them, the boys had their shoes and legs pretty dirty.

Every natural (or unnatural) instinct in me cringed, whimpered, and threatened to curl up in a little ball and surrender.  Mud.  My sweet, wonderful boys were playing in mud.

I took a deep breath, put on my best homeschooling mommy face, and didn't quite manage a smile.  "I'm going to let them.  Boys should be allowed to play in mud sometimes."

I let them play in the mud, even when they decided it was fun to paint designs on their clothing.  I let them play in the mud, even when they used it to sculpt their hair into the latest styles.  I let them play in the mud, even when they painted the screen door with dark handprints, fingerprints, and footprints.  I didn't approve.  I most definitely didn't enjoy.  But I let them play with mud.

Eventually, they got cold and were tired of playing in the mud.  No "I told you so" from Mom this time.  I helped them take off the muddy clothing.  (Okay, I'm not perfect.  I screamed, "Don't touch me!  You're filthy!" more than once.)  I put them in the middle of the yard.  I filled buckets of water (the hose is stuck elsewhere).  I dumped the cold water over their shivering bodies-- repeatedly.

Okay, this got off the worst of the muck, but there was still plenty left.  So I got a ratty washcloth, more cold water, and scrubbed them with the cold water and rough fabric.

Still not clean... and they were touching me.  Okay, I took four towels, wrapped two around the boys, and used the other two to make "steps" for them to walk into the house.  They'd stand on one towel as I spread the next one out in front of them.  They'd move to the next towel and I'd spread the first one out in front.  And so on, all the way up to my (recently cleaned) shower.

Soap, shampoo, and warm water-- lots of it.  With a lot of patient scrubbing and a few little temper tantrums on my part ("Be still!  You're getting me dirty AND wet!"), they got a little more clean.  Still, there was some mud left in their hair, their noses (don't ask!) and a few other little cracks. 

I turned off the shower and put them in a tub full of bubble-bath water.  A full twenty minutes later, they were clean enough to put on new clothing, cuddle up on the couch in blankets, drink hot chocolate, and watch Reading Rainbow.

I lost it a few times during this whole ordeal, but one thing held me together, especially toward the end as I was running out of energy.  God did this for me... and God really hates dirt.

God allows us to play in the mud if that is our choice.  He gives us free will.  (Some day when I'm having better research skills, maybe I can find the verses that back this up specifically).

So we play.  We have fun.  But eventually mud gets cold.  It gets caked and sticky.  It doesn't feel so good.

God, who has been patiently waiting for us to realize we are sinners, comes along with a cold bucket of water to rinse away our sins.  He scrubs us.  He puts us through a warm shower.  He lets us soak in a bath until we are as white as snow.

Something I didn't mention earlier in my story.  Somewhere in the process of getting my sons clean, I got dirty.  I hate dirt, but because I love them and wanted them to be clean, I got dirty.

In order to get us clean, Jesus had to get dirty.  He had to go on the cross and take on every bit of my dirty laundry.

This has always impressed me, but it impressed me more today.

Like me, GOD HATES DIRT.

But He got dirty, with MY dirt, because He loves me.

John 13:1-10

Lord, wash me clean of my impurities and thank You for being willing to get dirty because of the great love You have for me.  Amen.

The Sculptor

Once there were two stones.  One was jagged and rough and sat at the top of a mountain.  The other was fairly smooth by nature and sat in a stream.

The smooth stone was nearly perfectly round.  It sat in the stream as the water rushed around it and changed very little.  Over time, some minute surface roughness was worn away, but that was only noticeable if you were looking for it.  The stone didn't change.

The rough stone sat at the top of its mountain for a long time.  Eventually it lost some of the dirt that was holding it up and it started sliding down the mountain.  A few of the jagged edges were worn off as it slid, although, overall, it was still a rough-looking boulder.

A flash flood came and great walls of water rushed past the rough stone.  Small bits flaked and cracked off.  One side was very nearly smooth.  The flood eroded more of the dirt and the rough boulder moved further down the mountain.

Rough winds and a tornado wore the boulder down further.  It was pushed down the slope by things as amazing as a thunderstorm and as small as a mother bunny tunneling beneath it. 

Eventually the rough boulder landed in the river next to the smooth one.  A geologist came by several years later and marvelled at the "identical" stones.  It wasn't until the rocks were cracked open that it was obvious that they were not twins. 

Likewise, there are many ways to become a faithful Christian.  Some people are born in the faith.  They have never known a life without God in it.  They were never very "rough" on the outside, but time spent with God has smoothed away a few imperfections and made them beautiful.

Some people are born outside the faith.  Some people have more pronounced character flaws (or ones more obvious to the world).  Some people are more gifted and, likewise, more greatly flawed.

God uses powerful events to wear these people down into what He is making them to be.  When tragedy strikes, God is there to smooth the hurt and the rough edges.  When circumstances are hard, the difficulties rub away at the tough outside of these people.  Eventually, they, too, end up in the stream of God's love, changed-- perfect.

Whatever way God has chosen to bring you to Him; whatever roads you have taken; whatever changes you have made (or still need to make), you can still be changed to Godly smoothness. 

One last thing to note: the rocks can't change themselves.  Neither can we.

Yet, O Lord, You are our Father.

We are the clay, You are the potter;

we are all the work of Your hand.

Isaiah 64:8

This Train is Bound for Glory

For all have sinned and and fall short of the glory of God.

Romans 3:23

Okay, here's another verse that most people know, but that did a special little click for me yesterday.

"For all have sinned...".  Okay, yes, that one gets mentioned a lot.  It doesn't diminish its truth any, but I don't have any lightbulb moments (currently) for that one.

The real part that hit me was this:  "... and fall short of the glory of God."

Well, duh!

I have to wonder who was showing so much hubris that the writer had to state, clearly, that we cannot reach God's glory.  If you look at the meaning behind this word do/ca, then it is even more absurd to think we could ever reach God's glory.

1. splendor, brightness
2. magnificence, excellence, preeminence, dignity, grace
3. a most glorious condition or exalted state

All of those definitions just make me more aware of my human fraility and failings.  I am not splendid and rarely even bright (anyone who leaves the house with two not potty-trained children and one wet wipe cannot claim a high score in the brightness department).  I am not magnificent and, although I strive for excellence, dignity, and grace, I often fall far short.  I am most certainly not in a "most glorious condition or exalted state" (except to my little Princess, who thinks I'm better than "This Little Piggie").

Isn't it odd, though, that with all that failure, we rarely go on to the next verse?

... and are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Jesus Christ.

Romans 3:24 (emphasis mine)

Why, oh why do we not go on to the next verse??  This is the verse where all the promise is!  This is the verse with the redemption, the justification, the salvation in it!

Yes, we are all miserable sinners who can never even dream of reaching God's glory on our own... but we are also justified, freely and through none of our own doing, by His grace and His redemption.

For all have sinned, well short of God's glory, and have been brought into grace through the freely-offered redemption that came from Jesus Christ.

I don't think I'll ever look at Romans 3:23 the same way again.

Pretty Please?

10Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Galatians 1:10

Isn't it odd how you can read something in the Bible a million times and only have it click on one million and one?  I was reading my Beth Moore Living Beyond Yourself study a few days ago and she brought up this verse.  The part that really caught me, though, was when she gave up the meaning behind the Greek word for "please," which is "aresko."  It means, among other things, "to accomodate oneself to, or to be acceptable."

How often do we Christians try to do this?  We dress our kids (and ourselves) in a conservative version of the same thing that the other kids are wearing.  It's conservative, so it's not as bad, but it's still mostly acceptable.  We don't swear, but we don't walk out of the room when someone tells an off-color joke.  In fact, we laugh, if a bit nervously.  Don't listen to me laugh, God.  Really, I'm just doing it to be polite.  We shop at places where the morals are, at best, questionable, but justify it because it saves our family some money and then we can send more to missionaries.

Why are we trying to accomodate ourselves to the world?  Why do I try to accomodate myself to the world?  Why do I read books, however well-written, that take up more of my time than my Bible does?  Why do I listen to music, however melodic, that espouses values I do not support?  Why do I try to raise my children in a manner that is different, but the same?

Further down in the study, Beth notes that "approval and servanthood are connected because we become immediate slaves to the person(s) from whom we seek approval."  Isn't that the truth?  As soon as the desire for my husband's approval becomes stronger than my desire for God's approval, I may start hiding my Bible reading (or doing it when he's not around).  As soon as the desire for the approval of some of my local homeschooling friends becomes stronger than my desire for God's approval, I may be willing to tone down my "religiosity" so that they'll remain my friends.

Ah, dear Father, forgive me.  I should only be servant and slave to One, yet so often I fall in this trap because I desire approval and affirmation from other people, rather than just You.

22But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life.

Romans 6:22