As the time draws near to begin another school year, I find myself feeling utterly overwhelmed.  Every year that rolls around, finds me still behind and wanting to get caught up so everything will be "perfect" to begin school.  Every year I settle for what is. 

Discouragement...

My early starting date gets pushed one week, then another, then another... until, much to my disappointment, I'm starting the week after the public school.

Discouragement...

The anticipated day finally begins, and between the phone ringing, trying to keep everyone on schedule, meals, cleaning, and the toddler taking me to task on EVERYTHING, the "push, pull" I feel by the end of the first day is enough to make me quit. 

Discouragement...

Is the curriculum the right one?  Are they learning the right things?  Am I teaching what's really important?  Too many questions enter my mind as I seek to be more than I could ever be... and the ever eluding question resides daily, "Will I ever get it right?"

Discouragement...

Then, as I struggle to grasp the point behind it all, I'm reminded of why I pursue this never-ending struggle.  It's not about me, for it were, I would have quit long ago.  I was called to do this.  The Lord put me in charge of these lives on earth, and He wants me to teach them.  Even on my bad days... who could teach them better than the one who knows them best?  Who could care more about their future than the one who loves them most?

It's then I realize that through the discouragement, the Lord gives me courage through the eyes of my children looking to me for guidance, acceptance and love.  When I look at them, I find strength to go on knowing nothing else in my life will ever amount to more than what it is I do now.  I'm raising a future, and the Lord choose me to guide it... and He knows best.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
- Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NIV)