They say, "admitting it is the first step to recovery, so I guess I should be happy to admit that "I have issues"... Let me explain...

So, I wrote that horrible post yesterday on how the "Lord may reveal character issues in your children that need to be addressed while trying to clean the house"... well, did HE ever have some character issues brought out today... but they weren't in my children... they were in ME!

Yeah, you heard me... the hormones were raging today, and I'm not sure how many times I cried, screamed, cried, and just basically was brought right down to my knees... (hmmmmmmmm, do you think that was His plan?) begging the Lord to help me and giving up and surrendering to Him.

I didn't post a room to do today in our quest to get the house done for the new year, cuz my hubby told me last night before going to bed that the realtor was coming on Thursday to take a look at the house and talk numbers... okay, back up a moment... we've been talking about selling our house for 12 years, so yes, this was a shock!  Now, instead of being the grateful, excellent wife that I should've been, I "wigged" out... thoughts like:  How could he do this to me?  How can the house possibly get ready in that amount of time?  I haven't been able to get the house cleaned all at once for atleast 7 years straight, so what makes him think I can pull it together in ONE DAY??!!!   (He obviously hadn't read my blog or he would've known that I had planned on taking FIVE days!)

So, it didn't end there... I woke up this morning with a case of the "tudes" that blossomed just beautifully into a tantrum that made my three year old proud... (the one who was terrible two, but has gone unchecked long enough to enter into the terrible three's).  Unfortunately, my children were able to witness what it looks like when an adult has reached the end of their rope... and would you believe it was THEM who rose to rose to the "occassion"?  My children cleaned their rears off and told me to go into my room (yes, I think they were actually sending me there), while God "slapped" me with how He reveals character and how I really hated mine...

Conclusion:  I failed miserably today... I really, REALLY did... and honestly, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be learning through everything that our family has been going through lately (not just today), but I do know He has a plan.  "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity.  I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." Jer. 29:11-13

I know that through all of this, if I seek Him will all of my heart, it will be okay... I cannot let the enemy overtake me by seizing my emotions... I know the Truth, and HE will sustain me... even when my house is a mess, or when I fail as a mother, or lose it as a wife, or even forget to turn to Him... all I need to do is seek Him once more and stay in His presence... then everything will come... it is me He needs first... sometimes I just need to be broken to remember that it's not just my children who need to be taught... I'm a work in progress too.

Dear Heavenly Father,
I pray for forgiveness in all the things I did today... I lost my temper... I hollered... I was anything but a good example for my children.  Please forgive me allowing the enemy a foothold in my heart.  I surrender to You, my God, and pray for strength and courage to go through these tough times right now.  I don't know what You  have in store for us, but I pray Your will... whatever that may be.  Please give me a heart that is accepting of that. 
Please help me tomorrow to rely on You and not the things, emotions or circumstances of the world.  Mold me into what You have planned.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen.

(Spunky had a wonderful post of encouragement to check out if you're having "one of those days" as well.)