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I looked and it has been almost an entire year since my last entry. This, of course, is according to my master plan. For it is a well known fact that when one has constant delusions of grandure, it is best to rest from time to time. Anyhow, there are many things new in our lives over the past year. For one, my wife has found it entertaining to point out the three gray hairs I have grown recently. This , naturally, could be expected from a spouse uncomfortable with her own chronilogical advancements. Also new is a strange, yet painful, fetish she has developed for plucking out my wild eyebrow hairs that seem to be a never-ending cause of irritation for her. This seems strange to me, as I do not quite grasp the fascination one has with another persons follicle annomilies when said annomolies have no bearing at all on that persons well-being what-so-ever. Oh well.........the mysteries of a woman are indeed a deep and dark place I choose not to venture into. For those familiar with my pultry butchering horrors, you will be glad to hear that since my last posting, I, along with some friends, succesfully butchered a whole bunch of chickens, a goose and ............a turkey. It went well and I am happy to report that none of my children will be in need of therapy this time around. Speaking of children, the most exciting news is that we are expecting triplets. We are adopting two children from Liberia and a third child from Liberia is now with us. She is a beautiful girl that has brought as much joy and happiness to our family as each of our other children did when they were born. The good Lord brought all these children into our lives and into our family and I am literally in awe of what He is doing. Soon our other two children will be here as well and we will then be a family of eight. If anyone is considering adoption, I must reccomend that you seek the Lord and allow Him to lead were He leads and be prepared for a life changing experience. Of course, there are those that would attempt to disuade you and bring to bear all the possible risks involved or all the horror stories they may have heard and as a result have all sorts of horrendous things to opine about concerning Liberian adoptions, but don't let that get in the way of God's leading, if He is indeed leading you that way. Much could be said about the children from Liberia and the problems that some of them may have. Some true and some probably not true no doubt. The point is simply this; who cares??!! If God says so, then what does it matter. Just do it. Besides, as far as these children having some baggage goes-just pick up a book on just about any country in Africa that has been torn apart by civil war; Sudan, Sierra Leone, Etheopia, Rwanda, Somalia Ghana, Liberia etc. Gee, ya think some of these kids might have an issue or two?-Ya think? All the more reason they need the Love of God to be poured upon them by a family that has the love of God. That's why God may have chose you. So anyway, don't get too discouraged by any naysaysers you may run accross-and there is no shortage of them-Just show them the same love we're talking about here. And if they get really outrageous-well then, just enjoy the pure lunacy of it all because I am sure you could use a good laugh. In the end, just pray for those people in however the Lord may lead you to pray and show patience and grace as well. In most cases, you can be sure that thier motives are good and they mean well. I'll get some pictures up soon so all can see the beautiful creation that is God's children. In the meantime, I wanted to just say hello again after some time away and give a special hello to those nice people in the Potato state, whom I effectionately refer to as the Potato Heads, who remain my inspiration to continue to seek after God and to view these precious children through the eyes of Jesus. Thanks guys!! May the light of the Lord shine brightly upon you! |
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Some may rememeber that
my better half...AKA..."The Woman"..AKA "The Little
Lady".....AKA..........."Goat Chick"....AKA.......The
Missis"...AKA.....Dalyn......wanted a chicken coup. Those same
acuity enhanced few may also recall that I did not want a chicken coup
because I was more interested in shooting Wile-E-Coyote using the live
bait provided by free roaming chicken. Common sense man.
Chicken are a dime a dozen these days, especially with this whole bird
flu thing. "Ehw...look out, it's bird flu...help...help.....oh no.....not bird flu!!! ehwww......Whooooopi" Anywho.....This has been going on since last year. I THOUGHT she
had given it a rest. You know; forgotten the whole silly idea of
a chicken coup. I underestimated her resolve. Her
stubornness, her unflinching dedication to this ridiculous idea of a
chicken haven. I thought I could just nod and smile and
everything would be alright. Then again, I thought I could shoot
a stupid canine at 150 yards without issue. I was wrong on both
accounts. I put in my time at work; a 24 hour shift, and am coming home....a three hour tour, for some well earned rest and relaxation. I get home and do you know what I find?? Our pastor is in our field beginning the ardious task of building a chicken coup.....by himself....without me. That's just wrong man!! This is the ultimate in "guilting" someone in order to get your way!!.........Manipulation to the hilt. There is no denying that. So, here I am with a half built chicken coup, my wife and daughter at a conferene 250 miles away and temperatures approaching 80 degrees and a complete expectation of a chicken coup upon her return. I mean, a guy can't just sit there and let some other guy....especially the Pastor, build something for him. I'll get back at her though........I don't know how or when.....but it's coming. I'm telling you, it's on!!! |
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Dalyn has been sent
away....to Texas. Her Grandmother passed away last week after a
very brave and tough fight with various ailments. We prayed for
her Salvation and I for one feel a sincere peace about it. Nonetheless,
please keep Dalyn and her family in your prayers. So, I am home alone with the kids. This is pretty fun. Who woulda known Taco Bell and Tilimock Chocolate Peanut Butter Ice Cream could sustain you so long. Oh, by the way, lets say hypothetically, that someone took some deer steaks out to thaw, leaving them on the counter. Lets also say that that same someone decided to pick up Taco Bell and forgot about the steaks until the next morning. What would happen if that person put them in the fridge and then cooked them up the next night??? Do you think you could get sick from em?? Hypothetically of course. Anyone know how to get horse poop out of the carpet? Why I,m asking, would a shower curtain be better served being washed in the dishwasher are the washing machine. Same question except instead of shower curtain, mini schnauezer?? Oh, speaking of the dog, how do I get Mrs. Clairol Golden Brunette to wash out of dog fur?? I did find out that you cannot cook toast in a microwave, but that you can use a coffe pot to make hot chocolate,....just not with marshmellows. Vinagar has a lot of cleaning uses, but not so much as a laundry detergent or as toothpaste. Horses will eat peanut butter sandwiches and enjoy it. We've also discovered why chichen fighting is banned in most states. They can actually hold thier own with a smaller sized dog fairly well though. Well, I guess I better start calling around for house cleaning services because Dalyn comes home tomorrow, so I better get going. |
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In a school just outside of Pittsburgh, a first grade teacher explained to her class that she is a Steeler's fan. She asked her students to raise their hands if they were Steeler's fans too. Not really being a Steeler's fan, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands all went up into the air. However, there was one exception. A little boy named Timmy had not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asked him why he had decided to be different ... "Because I am not a Steeler's fan" says Timmy. The teacher then asked, "What are you?" Timmy says "I'm a Seahawks fan." The teacher was a little perturbed now, her face slightly red, she asked Timmy why he was a Seahawks fan. " Well, my mom and dad are Seahawks fans so I'm a Seahawks fan too." The teacher was now angry. "That's no reason" she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot?" Timmy smiled and said, "Then I'd be a Steeler's fan." ------------------------------------------------------------------- Terry Bradshaw, after living a full life, died. When he got to Heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Steelers flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity, Terry." said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here." Bradshaw felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3 story mansion with a blue and white sidewalk, a 50 foot tall flag pole with an enormous SEAHAWKS flag, and in every window a blue Towel. Bradshaw looked at God and said, "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was an all-pro quarterback, I hold many NFL records, and I even went to the Hall of Fame." God said, "So what's your point Bradshaw?" "Well, why does Matt Hasselbeck get a better house than me?" God chuckled, and said, "Terry, that's not Matt's house, it's mine." |
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The department of education is unconstitutional. Public schools are government schools. You, as a parent(s), "have no due process or privacy right to override the determinations of public schools as to the information to which their children will be exposed while enrolled as students." (3 member panel of the 9th circuit court of appeals ruling Nov. 2 2005) Roe v. Wade actually thrusts the Federal Government into the business of states and stole soveriegn power from the states thus making it also unconstitutional. (as if the fact that nothing in our constitution even remotely resembles anything close to suggesting a right endowed by our Creator to kill the unborn is not enough) Not to mention the unconstitutionality of depriving life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness from the most underrepresented, without due process. The constitution actually explicitly provides equal protection under the law for these silent victims. Reversing Roe V. Wade would only put control of abortion back with the states. etc, etc, etc The preceeding statements are all statements of fact, easily confirmed and verified by either a sampling of the "less reported" news stories of the day and a simple reading of one of the most important, yet neglected documents essential to the foundation of this great country of ours. I am no writer and find it very difficult to articulate and express in a coherent manner all the things stored up in the ol' noggan of mine. However, I found a very well writen book that does just that, "Taking America Back", by the founder of www.worldnetdaily.com and of "Whilstleblower" magazine; Joseph Farah. He puts forth a sobering look at the true State of the Union as well as solutions that may seem radical to some, but hey....tell me what has happened to our constitution is not radical. He does it not through conspirialtoral paranoia, but through a contrast of the clear intents and language of our founding documents with what we are actually seeing today. Anyone who actually reads through some of these founding documents, especially the Declaration of Independence and The Constitution, would undoubtably draw the same conclusions Mr. Farah draws. This isn't rocket science and you don't need to be a "constitutional scholar" to understand most if not all of what these documents say. Likewise, it's easy to see where we have aimlessly drifted and consequently ended up today and more fightening yet, where we are headed. Mr. Farah has been kind enough to allow me to republish a small sampling of his book and you will find that in my next blog. In the meantime, his book is available for purchase at http://shop.wnd.com/store/item.asp?ITEM_ID=1755 The reason this has been an important subject to me for a long time and should be to everyone, is because the only way it has been possible to stray so far from our moral base and the constitution as a country is because not enough people know what our fouding documents actually say. You can bet that special interest groups , lobbying groups and ACLU lawyers know what it says. They would have to in order to manipulate it the way they have. (Although I sometimes wonder if any of these unelected black robes have ever read it.) We NEED to have , at the very least, a simle understanding of history, of American history and World history. And as home educaters, it is out responsible duty to teach our children what this country is, what made it special, what our founding documents actually say. To teach them history, undefiled, unadulterated history. There are plenty of those ready and willing to teach them all manner of destortions and lies about our countries history and it's founders as well as the documents that etched in stone the tenants of this country. But if we teach the next generation Truth in ALL things, that lie will become more and more difficult to spread. After all, we call ourselves "Home Schoolers." Stay tuned |
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In lieu of anything substantial, witty or interesting to say, Doug ><> Subject: short term memory loss :P Date: Friday, October 28, 2005 9:11 AM From: Katie Howard To: Tori weller E-MAIL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!PLZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! love, Kj P.S.im such a nerd huh? =D __________________________________________________ SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING? A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. A snail can sleep for three years. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer. All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill. Almonds are a member of the peach family. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age. Butterflies taste with their feet. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt". February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon. In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction. If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple. On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. "Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing. The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet. The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid. The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes). There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. There are more chickens than people in the world. There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious." There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance. Women blink nearly twice as much as men. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself. .............Now you know everything A Vacuum Cleaner A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." "Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money! I'M BROKE!!!" And she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" He said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder." The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a dang good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning!!!!!! Don't tell me your age, you probably would tell a falsehood anyway-but the Hershey Man will know! YOUR AGE BY CHOCOLATE MATH This is pretty neat. DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST! It takes less than a minute . Work this out as you read ... Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out! This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun. 1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate (more than once but less than 10) 2. Multiply this number by 2 (jt to be bold) 3. Add 5 ! 4. Multiply it by 50 -- I'll wait while you get the calculator 5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1755 .... If you haven't, add 1754. 6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born. You should have a three digit number The first digit of this was your original number (i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week). The next two numbers are YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!) THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2005) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS. "War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things; the decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks nothing worth a war, is worse. A man who has nothing which he cares more about than he does about his personal safety is a miserable creature who has no chance at being free, unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself." --John Stuart Mill "Religion and good morals are the only solid foundation of public liberty and happiness." -- Samuel Adams
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The "doc", my wife is pretty big into all
this natural remedy stuff. Kefir (general anti-oxident),
Noni-juice (supposedly cures anything), Raw Apple Cider Vinagar (weight
loss gunk) Garlic surprise w/vinigar (anti-biotic)Some mixture of Rum
w/ saw palmetto stuff mixed with other stuff fermented over a period of
time (prostate health) Homemade Goat milk soap, Homemade goat cheese,
homemade goat yogurt, homemade goat cheese cake, farm fresh eggs,
homerown turkey's (i don't want to talk about that) of coarse goat
milk, chocolate goat milk, (you don't wanna know) I mean I could go and
on. Sometimes I think it's all a bunch of malarki and start
wondering if telling her about the life insurance policy I have on
myself was such a wise idea; Slow death by intentionally induced
culinary toxicity by stringent spousal dietary fascism employed through
duplicity against unsuspecting yet yielding husband duped into
unintentional adoptation and consent of ideological methodology of
ambiguously avowed vigor through innate, dietetic process's purposed
for my demise as to, in due course, effect pecuniary gain and subsidy
through previously affirmed indemnity upon my eventual termination by
means of gastronomic carnage endured by yours
truly........ie........she's trying to kill me under the guise of good
food... man!!!! To support this seemingly paraniod fear of mine,
consider the following. She has this one particular "remedy" for
me that uses rum to bring out the many so-called benifits of all the
many unknown herbs that constitute this mixture. It ends up
sitting in an unmarked jar, very dark and grainy in substance and
tasting like death warmed over....but hey, it's "good for me".
So, being the good, supporting husband I am, I partake of this insanity
of my own free will. What's a little nausea and uncontrolled
vomitting compared to the look of joy my wife gets when she sees me
jumping on board her train to a healthier life. I have become so
commited to HER cause that I no longer hide until after she has gone to
sleep in order to avoid this "stuff". Nope, I actually take it on
my own, all by myself without having to be asked or, as the case may
be, forced. So, I have been taking this faithfully, so much so
that I finished a whole jar of the "stuff" all by myself. One day I
look up in the cupboard and find a brand new jar of the "stuff" right
where the old one was...much to my dissapointment. But ever the
good sport, I pour a couple of tablespoons of the "stuff" in the glass
that already contains a couple tablespoons of Noni juice and raw apple
cider vinigar. I do this over and over again, day after dreadful day
until this jar too is empty. Now let me just pause here and say that
the fact that this "formula" called for rum as an ingredient should
have been an indicator. "Why the need for rum?" I should have
asked myself. "Could it be to dull my senses and make me less
suspecting of some sort of diabolical plot?" Oh the pure mad
genius of it all. Come to discover one horrid day, that this
so-called remedy contained in the second jar she just happened to place
in the cupboard right where the old one was, .........is actually a
homemade GOAT WORMER. I've been wormed!!!! I've injested a whole
jar of goat wormer!!!! Now you tell me....accident???,
misunderstanding?....mix up/......... I THINK NOT!!!!!!!!!
I'm considering legal action, but my advisors tell me to wait until
after Christmas. In the mean time I guess any fears of intestinal
worm infestation on my part may be put soundly to rest. Stay
tuned and I'll see you at Micky D's |
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1. Seven things to do before I die 1. live 2. go to Isreal 4. play organized football for an NFL team 5. be able to grow facial hair that is not patchy, sporadic and multi-colored 6. shoot an elk with my bow 2. butcher turkey 5. hunt enough 2. not 3. that 7. I, uh, have a wife cause I don't have a husband cause I like girls 2. I'm an excellent driver 3. WOMAN!!!!! 3. WhistleBlower Mag. 4. State of Fear-Micheal Crighton 5. Hooked on Phonics for Adults 6. Horse stuff 1. BlackHawk Down 2. Open Range 3. The Incredibles 4. Polar Express 5. The Emperors New Groove 7. Seven others?.. I have no idea how to link other peoples names cause I be computer illigetimate |
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Turkey.....something I will never ever ever
in a million years, eat or hunt or even look at ever again. I
don't care for turkey too much. Now for you more sensitive
viewers, I have provided some pictures of my wonderful family for your
viewing pleasure. The most beautiful members; Dalyn and Tori are
missing but not forgotten. I will tell my story and then if once
you get to the confused looking duck sitting on the edge of a water tub
in the middle of a snow storm, and you wish to continue to the atrocity
I call "The Thanksgiving Turkey Masacare" be my guests.
It
all started with a couple little turkey chicks we bought last
year. They both jumped in the drink and drowned.. That should
have been my first clue. Skip to about 7 months ago for round
two. These lived past the tough lessons of learning to drink
water w/o sinking. And behold; we have a male and female,
cool. We'll the female was apparently clucking at the Jake too
much because the Jake made a deal with the coyotes and took out a
hit on her a few weeks back. So now he's sitting in protective
custody in a pen just in case the coyotes double cross him. He's
looking pretty happy and peacful, just kickin back in solitary.
This guy is not too bright....the trusting kind.... cause he will let
you come right up to him and pick him up and everything.
Completely trusting you. Well, I work Thanksgiving day, so
we're doing Thanksgiving a day early. Dalyn and all her "back to
nature" (which has a lot of merit by the way) stuff has us eating our
own turkey for thanksgiving...you know, cause we're
"Homesteaders." What a vision....raise, butcher and eat our very
own turkey....no big deal. Whatever!!!
T-day
arrives and I'm off to butcher the turkey. "hey, it'll only take
30 minutes tops!!" I assure my wife. "Everyone I talk too says
it's easy and quick, anyone could do it. Not even you, Weller,
could mes it up." My wife, who doesn't exactly look up to me in
the first place concerning my optimistic assesment on these type of
things, eyes me with cautious skepticism she likes to refer to as
"realism." (I hate it when she's right). Well, I go to
retrieve the turkey from his cell. Walk right up to him and he
looks at me with those big trusting, albeit beady, little fowl
eyes. Pick him up....he's heavy!!! But he's still not
concerned...he trust us all. I carry him to the garage where
there is a tarp laid out, a bowl, various knives and some rope.
Concern brewing on the part of the turkey you ask?? Why not at
all. he trust us. So I grab him by the legs and tie him
upside down from the rafters. Does he get upset?? Naw, why
should he? You can almost hear him saying to himself;
"self, why are we hanging upside down from the rafters? Don't
know, but the bi-ped has always treated us good, feeds us, pets us,
didn't get too mad when we had the hen turkey taken out. Don't
worry about it. Oh boy, this looks fun." Poor guy, never
saw it coming. Not even when I grabbed him by the neck and tried
to cut his throat. Although I think his trust started to
fade at this point, because he struggled just enough to break the rope
after getting a non-fatal jab in the throat. He wasn't too concerned
though, because he let me tie him right back up without a fight.
Well, meanwhile, the boys thought this would be the coolest thing in
the world to watch....especially little Ben....he couldn't wait.
Well this time I get the juggler and blood is SPURTING
everywhere. The turkey, at this point, has lost ALL confidence in
me. His worst fears being confirmed. The thing is
struggling so much, sure that he's being punished for the whole
hen/coyote thing, that he again breaks the rope and falls into a huge
puddle of his own blood, convulsing and writhing, looking at me with a
look that pleads."but why.....aghhh." I'm struggling to get the
turkey picked up and hung again, calling over my shoulder to the boys
for assistance. None comes, so I look back and both boys are in
shock, standing there horrified with a look of pure terror in thier
eyes, trying desparately to tear themselves away from this train
wreck. Finally they get turned away and I see them cruntching
thier eyes shut so hard and plugging their ears, I think at any moment
they might start clicking thier heels screaming "there's no place like
home, there's no place like home!!"  Well,
this ends up just being the beggining of the nightmare. Plucking,
burning with a torch, more plucking and finally gutting. Oh
sure...it's easy, no problem. It was a four hour slaughter.
Ben holding up some stupid book from the library showing "the easy
steps to turkey butchering"...Somebody made a fortune off that book and
they are probably still rolling on the floor thinking about the poor
sucker that actually followed those "easy" steps. Puntured it's
gullet, but I held it together. Punctured it's bowells and that
was the straw right there!! Too much. I'm gagging, trying
desparately not to puke on the carcass, Dalyn has come out by now and
is in tears laughing at me so hard, muttering something about the
resemblance to a little naked person. I'm done with
turkey!!! I had internal organs stuck under my nails and still
have the smell of that punctured bowell in my head. Everything I
eat or drink smells like that now. Am I weak, or soft?....must
be, and I don't care...I will NEVER do that again. Give me a deer
any day. I have never felt so stupid at the hands of a bird in my
life and believe me, I have felt pretty stupid at times throughout my
life.
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More
pics of our last huting trip. They are actually two trips
combined; deer and elk. But mostly I'm just bragging on my cool
kid........and my deer. That was nice too. Tay actually
took a shot at a deer and just barely missed. I was very excited
for him as well as proud. Not much to say here. But I do
have an odd question...a survey of sorts. Your idea or definition
of a "helpmeet" as well as "leader of the household." Not what
you know to be the right answer, but what is actually practiced in your
home. If they are the same for you that's great. I'm just
interested in the various answers. It's ok, you can tell the
truth, because what I know to be the truth and what is practiced in my
home are not always the same. But sometimes we forget the bible
in setting our practiced norms and replace it with more
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My wife wants a skunk and isn't feeling well lately....not necessarily in that order. I think she may have caught something from visiting Jen's blog. It has caused her to want things not normally considered normal for normal people with normal wants. A skunk, a camel and other non-normal stuff that you wouldn't even see in a normal persons normal settings. So, if anyone has any experience with such critters, and can list numerous negative things not normally known about said criiters, please list them here so I can forward them to my lovely wife who is normally normal and not nuerotically needing of nocturnal non-necessities. On another note, the show "Extreme Home Makeovers" or whatever it's called, is here, again, doing an episode. Our department is involved somehow and there will be some scenes with us in it. Albiet, not myself, I've learned over the years that to avoid media at all costs is an extrememly wise move. So, if and when you see this episode, you'll get to see some of Kitsap County's finest and know that I'll be in the background, behind the camera's, making funny faces at people. A picture in the paper will cost you a lot in ice cream, imagine a scene on tv. |
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So I throw a pair of my pants on the bed and tell Dalyn to put them on. She responds by stating that they don't fit. I say.."that's right, and don't forget it." So now my ear hurts and she hasn't stopped laughing since. No, not really. None of that actually happened. We have fun with each other, but I hope you all understand we have the utmost respect, admiration and love for each other. So, I am attempting to quit chewing tobacco for all the obvious reasons. The most pressing being that I consider it sin. Isn't that just great. Once something gets that title, it's all over. It becomes serious business. Plus, I kind of enjoy hanging out with my family and would like to do everything I can to make that last. Yes, things will happen according to God's will, however, you can't live life foolishly, and then when you get cancer write it off to God's will. So anywho, I picked the wrong day to quit. Driving to work, I get about 45 minutes into my drive and learn the mountain pass I travel from Eastern Washington to Western Washington over has closed due to rock slides....only the east bound lanes though. ( the direction I travel goint TO work.) So I turn around and think "Sick Leave.....last day of elk with Tay." But no, this wouldn't be right. I continue down South to the next pass. This pass is completely iced over and I am thinking I definatley picked the wrong day to quit. So I console myself by saying that the East bound lanes of the first pass are open at least....I can get home alright. But of course, somebody somewhere knows I'm quiting and WHAM, the East bound lanes close due to rock slides. So, going home will be another adventure in the Carmen Kia. Well.....straight to the store for nicorette gum. If any youngsters are reading this....substances that do not glorify the Temple of God's Holy Spirit have no place sharing space with said Spirit. Alcohol, nicotine, white bread apparently or whatever. It is NOT cool, it is NOT wise it is NOT glorifying to our Lord. If you have been crucified with Christ, then you have no reason to be addicted to anything because dead people don't have addictions. Just cruise by your local cemetary and ask them. It's a gross thing and can do a lot of harm to you and those who love you. Alrighty then......I'm off to bang my head against a brick wall. |
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Well I think we know who won that first
round. Just for the record, I haven't worn pink since a 1986
highschool portrait. And only then because Miami Vice invented
and made popular the tragedy of men in pastels. Neither do I
suggest even the notion of man/pink associations of ANY kind.
Further more, I am confident I will be found completely innocent of any
purposeful act or actions, intentional or otherwise relating me to the
color known as pink. I was set up from the beginning. "Oh
Doug, you should blog, there are lots of guys who do it." "no honey,
people won't think your strange for blogging." "C'mon Doug, just try
it, everyone's doing it....you'll be as cool as the rest of us."
'No, Doug, you don't have to say anything meaningful, just be your own
shallow self." Then......POW, out of nowhere comes this pink
uppercut....totally unprovoked, totally PINK. That's just
mean man. This reminds me of the whole toothbrush/toilet bowl
incident. Sufice to say I haven't been the same since. But
that's ok, I'll get the last laugh. It may be directed at me
instead of directly from me....but I'll get it. You'll see...
you'll all
see..(mad scientist laugh for 7 straight uninterrupted
minutes) I'm inviting my MOTHER to spend the week with
us!!!! (more mad scientist laugh with spuradic snorts). Then I'm
inviting HER mother!!!!!!! (sober realization with stoic expression)
........Never mind. |
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The battle is on. Men....all of you
out there sitting on the corner of your roof tops, guys, hear my voice
over the sound of your dripping faucetts. Rise one and all and
join tsrgh;6&* ]nmip oo =72 OK, that's what I mean....my wiff just attacked me from behind, assaulting the keyboard as she assailed me and cackling the whole time. "Don't corner something meaner than you." HMMMMM. Join the allaince now for the love of all things manly. "I suffer not a woman to speak." Now Paul had it going on for a first century dude. |
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I changed it, just like you said I had to. I'm submitting to your wishes. You do recall, however, that you didn't SPECIFY what I was to change it back to. Miss ya, honey! Can't wait until you get home, love, your helper in all things. (just tryin' to keep ya young and strong!) Your wiff, Dalyn P.s. you really should learn to change your own templates. The password change was a good suggestion. too.  See what happens when I run out of bon bons?! |
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When I get home............it's POW, straight to the moon Alice |
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I
just felt I needed to get in touch with my feminine side. What with all
that crazy guy talk about those yucky old tools and stuff- I needed to
just get back to my roots; the real Disco Doug. Awe...pink. It's so
cozy.
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I am at work today. I thought I would say hello to my lovely wiff. Hello lovely wiff. I'm pretty stoked (guy term) because it sounds as though there may be some dude stuff in the works coutesy of jayfromcleveland. Finally, some testosterone around here. Sports, hunting, power tools, flannel shirts, carharts, monster trucks, the various smells of B.O., athletes foot, spit ball contests, male pattern baldness...it just goes on and on. It's gonna be great. It will probably start small, but it will grow and grow. Guys from everywhere will flock to our blogs because we are cool.. man. In fact, that will be our motto..."Guys rule, girls drool" No, wait, that may sound too insensitive and could mean an extended overnight on the couch. What about "guys are cool and girls are cool too I guess, but not guy cool....but girl cool....so that's cool." That'll work. It's gonna rock. Well, I better get going, I gotta pluck my eyebrows and then call the wiff and kids. |
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My wife has mentioned, I see, that we are
going to sell our minivan and MY 96 F350 crew cab powerstroke (2 wheel
drive I'm emabrrassed to say) so we can have a more practical and
economical consolidation of vehicles. One 4x4 99 F350 crew cab
powerstroke that can fit all the kids AND groceries and will not slide
off the road in our winters, we can haul hay and our traveling rotilla
of petting zoo rejects and my wife looks HOT in. I have been
relegated to my little green Kia Rio. Oh well. She's a hick
now and I think it's gone to her head, because this moring I was caught
in an infidelity of sorts. I was a little hungry this morning so
I ate some toast with ALMOND butter. I apparently used white
bread...WHOOOOPEEE......and my wife walked in and I was busted.
Why is she always trying to keep the white bread down???
Anyway, she threatened me with no Kefir this morning..LOOK OUT!!!
Oh the consequences of culinary facsism gone mad. What's
wrong with white bread???? She claims it has something to do
with messing up your colin. Who cares!!!! Like a colin is
the most flattering thing anyway. How bad could it be. I
grew up on Wonder WHITE bread mustard sandwiches and I am fine.
If everyone stopped eating white bread, think of all the farmers that
would loose of their white wheat crops. This is maddness.
If white bread is so bad how come it taste so good?? No one ever
asks the tough questions. Well, I ask em. I wont back down.
I EAT WHITE BREAD AND AM PROUD OF IT!!!!! Just TRY and
stop me. You can't. Well I gottta go now and take my
punishment like a man.
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