Jun. 11, 2008
lessons learned from a hard trip
Posted in My stuff
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Yesterday was a very long day. The three oldest ones, Jessica and I left at five yesterday morning to travel back to our old town to empty out the last storage room and bring it all home. If you can drive normally (fast), the drive is five hours. Since we were hauling a trailer there and back, that time went up to six and a half hours. The morning was not so bad. It was cooler and we had more things on our mind to talk about. We reached our storage room, and had the trailer loaded in little more than an hour. Life was looking good. We had a couple of errands in town and we were on the road. We left Ryan and Logan with friends for the week, so it was just me and the two girls. Originally, I thought it would take several, at least three hours, to load the trailer and the van. My dh wanted me to do the trip in one day. Because timewise, I could. He could, rather. I knew though, that I never manage to drive that many hours in one day and add the packing the trailer part in, I felt certain we would stay overnight. Having the trailer loaded so quickly made me think maybe I could do it all in one day. I felt a headache coming on,but I told myself it would be nice to sleep in my own bed that night and have today to rest. So we pushed on. Within an hour into the trip, the hot, hot trip because our air conditioner belt broke over the winter with all our driving and we have no plans to fix it, my head is starting to truly ache. One hour and a half into the trip, I start getting nauseous, because that is what I do when I have a headache. And being overheated was not helping of course. Samantha seems to be doing fine, but poor Jessica was a miserable wreck. This was not the fun adventure with Mom she thought it would be and nothing we brought to entertain her was the least bit interesting. We stopped and bought some ice cream. Oh dear. My original plan was popsicles, but the gas station/convenience store only had ice cream. I was so hot and flustered and aggravated, I forgot I was lactose intolerant,in my old age. I will never forget that again, I tell you what. Never again. So by the time, we reached Denver, I was a mess,physically and emotionally. Because I hate feeling that I am incapable to taking care of my responsibilities. There is a panicky feeling that comes over me when I feel that my life is bigger than I am. Like I will not be able to keep everyone safe and healthy like I am supposed to. Then they blocked the toll road and made us exit. I thought it was the straw that broke the back but now, I think perhaps it was divine providence. We went into Super Target. I threw up, sorry for the TMI and Samantha very sweetly took Jessica into the toy section and brought her a new toy and then into the candy section and brought her some treats. In both cases, we all felt better. By now,they have unblocked the road and let us on our way. My head still aches and my tummy is still not on solid ground,but mostly I am just overtired and in an emotional loop where I was sure everything would always be overwhelming. I kept hearing a little voice whispering that after a good night's sleep, I would be fine and strong and capable again,but I was not listening. (Silly me, because here I sit after a good night's sleep.......) Walt convinced me that Samantha could handle the driving, Samantha reassured me that she could handle the driving, I let her drive. But only after we left Denver. Which was ridiculous because she is better at driving in Denver traffic than me, because she is young and sees it as an adventure and does not get overwhelmed and emotionally overwrought like her silly mom, may that ever be the case in her long and happy life. We did make it home and the first thing I did was collapse on top of my dh and start crying. Confused the heck out of him I think. Why would she cry once everything was fine? I can hear him thinking. Then I threw up again, again sorry for the TMI. And then got a bag of frozen mixed veggies out of the freezer, plopped them on my aching head and went to sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night, with my stomach nicely settled but my head still aching, and the other side of the bed empty. Apparently the children had been up roaming around, because usually Mom makes sure she is the last one asleep just because of this and she was in bed with corn and lima beans on her head. So, Daddy got up,yelled a bit (I had a dream about that) and laid down on the couch. I took my headache medicine and went back to sleep and slept until 7:45 this morning. !!!! Late for me. It felt lovely. What I would do differently and what I learned. When praying before this trip, I felt strongly that I needed to convince Walt to let me make it in a day and a half. I knew and God knew that it would be too much for me. I did not act on that prompting and I learned some things. Just because here lately I have been getting too many comments about looking young for my age (who doesn't love that at forty?) , I have been rather vainly and arrogantly letting myself forget that I am in fact older and not as strong as I used to be. I used to be fierce. Not in temper, but in energy levels and will. I never gave up, I never quit. The last two pregnancies took that out of me. God knew that about me and tried very sweetly to help me. The amount of love and understanding He has for us,and the help He is willing to give us in this life always astounds me. Next time I will remember to listen and not overburden myself with more than I can take on. |
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