Finding Joy

Sep. 23, 2008

Just in case someone needed a good laugh

this story is apparently making its round through email so you might have already read it, but it gave me a good laugh.

When a woman lies........

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, 'My dear child, why are you crying?' The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.

The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires.

'Is this your thimble?' the Lord asked .

The seamstress replied, 'No.'

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble studded with rubies.

'Is this your thimble?' the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, 'No.'

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.

'Is this your thimble ?' the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, 'Yes.' The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty an d gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, 'Why are you crying?'

'Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!'

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney.

'Is this your husband?' the Lord asked.

'Yes,' cried the seamstress.

The Lord was furious. 'You lied! That is an untruth!'

The seamstress replied, 'Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt.

Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney.

And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of this story is:

Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others. That's our story, and we're sticking to it

Signed,

All Us Women

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Jun. 11, 2008

Nebraska prairies vs. Colorado plains

Posted in My stuff

or maybe I should call it, blooming where you are planted.   Even if it is just in a pot rather than in nice,loamy ground and you know eventually you are going to be placed on a different porch. And have to accustom yourself to new lighting and temperature conditions.   While trying not to drop all your leaves in a shameful manner.

I have had a terrible attitude about living in Colorado. Colorado is a fine place. My children love it. My husband at least likes it and wants to buy a house here. I could say plenty of nice things about Colorado and they would all be true.

I miss Nebraska.   I try not to say anything to my family though my friends hear plenty. With nineteen moves in twenty years and the moves in my childhood as an Air Force family, I have lived many many places. Nowhere ever stirred my soul like living on the western Nebraska prairies.   That beautiful rolling land with different shades of green and gold.   There is something about seeing all the fields with crops, the grasslands with the cattle grazing, and then here and there, a gathering of trees, offering shade and rest that make me feel nurtured and cared for. Like everything I would ever need is right there.   It calms my heart and stills my anxious soul to look over those prairies.   I felt I belonged there.

Yet,here I am. Not there. Here.

I noticed yesterday that the sunflowers are starting to grow.   Little things, by summers end,they will be everywhere.   The trees and the grass was green.   The crops just starting to grow,not even knee high yet.   (there is no lovelier sound in the fall than a field of dried corn stalks rustling.......).

Yet,here I am.

Maybe this is a silly hope, but God has been very good to me so far in my life.   Among other things, I have always had the ability to move on. To let go of places that I loved and fall in love with the next place.   I loved Connecticut.   The mad,crazy green of such an urban space. The pure rich colors of the trees in the fall.   The beautiful old buildings and houses.   Yet we moved on and I fell in love with Indiana.   The rolling hills, the Amish country, the wonderful snows. Then we moved on and I fell in love with western Washington state. The rain forests that look almost primeval with the tall, tall firs and the ferns growing underneath them.   The volcanoes we could see from any tall bridge and that we camped right beside.   The blackberry vines that grew everywhere like kudzu in the South. And many more places that each had at least one bit of charm about them.

For some reason, I cannot let go of Nebraska.   I yearn to be there, I still feel it in my blood.   There was another time I was dealing with feelings I felt were holding me back.   I prayed earnestly to have them removed, to have peace from them.   My answer was "no, they have a purpose in Me".   These feelings about Nebraska, I keep feeling there is a purpose in them.   God led me there and perhaps He will eventually led me back.

In the meantime though, here I am living in Colorado! Life is meant to be joyful and I need to find the joy.   No answers to that today,other than joy in my family. And joy in my house that already feels cozy and happy.

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Jun. 11, 2008

lessons learned from a hard trip

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Yesterday was a very long day.   The three oldest ones, Jessica and I left at five yesterday morning to travel back to our old town to empty out the last storage room and bring it all home.   If you can drive normally (fast), the drive is five hours.   Since we were hauling a trailer there and back, that time went up to six and a half hours. The morning was not so bad.   It was cooler and we had more things on our mind to talk about.   We reached our storage room, and had the trailer loaded in little more than an hour.   Life was looking good.   We had a couple of errands in town and we were on the road. We left Ryan and Logan with friends for the week, so it was just me and the two girls.

Originally, I thought it would take several, at least three hours, to load the trailer and the van.   My dh wanted me to do the trip in one day.   Because timewise, I could.   He could, rather.   I knew though, that I never manage to drive that many hours in one day and add the packing the trailer part in, I felt certain we would stay overnight.   Having the trailer loaded so quickly made me think maybe I could do it all in one day.   I felt a headache coming on,but I told myself it would be nice to sleep in my own bed that night and have today to rest.   So we pushed on. Within an hour into the trip, the hot, hot trip because our air conditioner belt broke over the winter with all our driving and we have no plans to fix it, my head is starting to truly ache.   One hour and a half into the trip, I start getting nauseous, because that is what I do when I have a headache.   And being overheated was not helping of course.   Samantha seems to be doing fine, but poor Jessica was a miserable wreck.   This was not the fun adventure with Mom she thought it would be and nothing we brought to entertain her was the least bit interesting.   We stopped and bought some ice cream.   Oh dear. My original plan was popsicles, but the gas station/convenience store only had ice cream.   I was so hot and flustered and aggravated, I forgot I was lactose intolerant,in my old age.   I will never forget that again, I tell you what.   Never again. So by the time, we reached Denver, I was a mess,physically and emotionally.   Because I hate feeling that I am incapable to taking care of my responsibilities. There is a panicky feeling that comes over me when I feel that my life is bigger than I am. Like I will not be able to keep everyone safe and healthy like I am supposed to.

Then they blocked the toll road and made us exit. I thought it was the straw that broke the back but now, I think perhaps it was divine providence.   We went into Super Target.   I threw up, sorry for the TMI and Samantha very sweetly took Jessica into the toy section and brought her a new toy and then into the candy section and brought her some treats.   In both cases, we all felt better. By now,they have unblocked the road and let us on our way. My head still aches and my tummy is still not on solid ground,but mostly I am just overtired and in an emotional loop where I was sure everything would always be overwhelming.   I kept hearing a little voice whispering that after a good night's sleep, I would be fine and strong and capable again,but I was not listening. (Silly me, because here I sit after a good night's sleep.......)   Walt convinced me that Samantha could handle the driving, Samantha reassured me that she could handle the driving, I let her drive.   But only after we left Denver. Which was ridiculous because she is better at driving in Denver traffic than me, because she is young and sees it as an adventure and does not get overwhelmed and emotionally overwrought like her silly mom, may that ever be the case in her long and happy life. We did make it home and the first thing I did was collapse on top of my dh and start crying.   Confused the heck out of him I think.   Why would she cry once everything was fine? I can hear him thinking. Then I threw up again, again sorry for the TMI. And then got a bag of frozen mixed veggies out of the freezer, plopped them on my aching head and went to sleep.   I woke up in the middle of the night, with my stomach nicely settled but my head still aching, and the other side of the bed empty. Apparently the children had been up roaming around, because usually Mom makes sure she is the last one asleep just because of this and she was in bed with corn and lima beans on her head. So, Daddy got up,yelled a bit (I had a dream about that) and laid down on the couch. I took my headache medicine and went back to sleep and slept until 7:45 this morning. !!!!   Late for me. It felt lovely.

What I would do differently and what I learned.   When praying before this trip, I felt strongly that I needed to convince Walt to let me make it in a day and a half.   I knew and God knew that it would be too much for me. I did not act on that prompting and I learned some things.   Just because here lately I have been getting too many comments about looking young for my age (who doesn't love that at forty?) , I have been rather vainly and arrogantly letting myself forget that I am in fact older and not as strong as I used to be.   I used to be fierce.   Not in temper, but in energy levels and will.   I never gave up, I never quit.   The last two pregnancies took that out of me.   God knew that about me and tried very sweetly to help me. The amount of love and understanding He has for us,and the help He is willing to give us in this life always astounds me. Next time I will remember to listen and not overburden myself with more than I can take on.

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May. 28, 2008

Posted in My stuff

The summer plan, into day two, is better than I even hoped. They actually love the list,and are having fun planning what they will do.   Yesterday Joshua taught Jessica and Sarah a math lesson,which was somehow twice as fun as when Mama does the exact same thing.   Thomas planned an art activity for the younger children....helped them make their own books and then draw a picture story in them.   Thomas made us all breakfast this morning. Bedtime was so easy.....I usually get very cranky, it is like being ringmaster of a circus, organizing bathroom time, dragging along the stragglers. It is only day two, plenty of summer left for the novelty to wear off but hey, if I get a good month of not nagging out of this.......joy.

So, around the house this morning.......there is that wonderful summer feeling. Relaxed, easy yet full of time to have fun, do what you want, do new things...........we are actually all a bunch of geeks.   The History Channel was having some Civil War marathon yesterday......we watched them all.   And then last night we watched PBS about some African tribe having problems with termites.   Summer is fun because we do all the learning things.........but because we want to.   I think we would be great unschoolers.......this is where I am thinking about heading last year.

With the children sorted out, I am thinking about how I want my summer to go. This is my chance to work on my projects, have a bit more free time.......what am I going to do with it?   I have some ideas but this list might, hopefully will, evolve over the summer......

Camping.........we have a beautiful place already found last weekend.   There is a lovely creek there, more of a brook really. Just deep enough to play in, maybe four inches deep. Trees, rocks to climb on, privacy.   I think I would like to be more creative with our camping menu though.   We head out into the woods and fresh air and nature........and eat food that is more chemical than food. This summer would be a fun time to find some yummy,healthy recipes.   Maybe it would be fun to plan a couple of activities for the kids......leaf rubbings,or flower pressing or nature scavenger hunts. Not to take away the fun and make it a planned actiivty the whole time, but I think my children would respond well to this

Gardening.......we just decided last night that a garden might work. We will have to bring it several inches of topsoil because the dirt here is sand and lime but it will be great to have the children help in the garden and grow some of our own.

Organizing the house........so it is easier next year when my focus goes back on the kids.......

Ok that is the boring stuff LOL.....here is what I want to do for me.....

*write a chapter a month for my book
**decorate the house with pictures and my little touches (which what I love and finally we have a little bit extra for me to be creative with)
***start moving this family a little bit toward the green side........I am a hippy,earth mama at heart but I have a very conservative family (husband). I think a recycling center in the garage, natural cleaners, organic produce(that we grew ourselves) and more whole grains would be a good place to start and would go a long way to making me feel my life was more authentically me
****work on my list of books from earlier this year. that was a great idea that has slid a bit......

And there is a long list of family outings I want to take along with the camping.......spending a day at Manitou Springs (a lovely town in the mountains with some Indian cliff dwellings fifteen minutes away)......a day spent at the Denver museums (science, history) and then a great restaurant......... a train ride through Royal Gorge........weekly hikes through the trails around here with guide books and nature journals........

I say this every year but, LOL, I think this is going to be a great summer!

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May. 5, 2008

lesson learned......I hope

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I had an incident happen last week, a very minor incident though it knocked me off my game for at least 3 days, which had me thinking about how I deal with other people and how I let them affect my own peace and enjoyment of life.

Over the past two or three years, I have had a lion's share of drama in my life. You know the sort....the stuff that makes you proclaim loudly that no one could pay you to go back to high school and makes you so very happy you are homeschooling your own. I keep saying "but I don't like drama, I hate it, it makes me miserable, I so wish I could get the drama out of my life". And truly it does.   It eats me up, cankers my soul, makes me cry, wretched little creature.   Yet, next go round, there I am, sucked back into whatever game someone chooses to play with me.

Saturday afternoon, I thought to myself.....finally.......so, what are you, Stephanie, doing that is allowing this drama to play in your life? What do you need to do differently?

I thought long and hard and this is what I came up with.   I have two key parts of my personality, inter-related but different enough. I truly am a peace-loving, simple person. I am naturally happy, when left to my own devices. But.....I also have this need, like most of us do but mine seems to be very loud and insistent, that I be loved, valued, appreciated, maybe admired and oh yes.......understood. That is where the trouble lies.   When the games begin to be afoot, I instantly think " but if they just knew this, or if they understood that...then we would understand each other and peace would reign". This is where my two sides merge......it is like there is a pile of knots lying at my feet and I cannot rest until they are sorted out, smoothed over...... But life often does not work that way.   Sometimes our perspectives as humans are too different, we simply cannot understand completely. And some people.....this is where I start spewing a bit of venom.....are simply screwed up. They live to create those piles of knots. They do not desire peace, it is a foreign feeling to them. And here I am......untying knots as quickly as I can, which just creates the desire in them to make more knots.

So, Saturday afternoon, I thought to myself......which do I want more...peace or to be understood? Peace. I can be happy with God understanding me, which He does and loves me as well. That sounds corny and trite but really, I could be.

So then there is the matter of applying the lesson. That is the difficult part.   I am not completely sure how to do that. I have some good ideas though, and I already feel more at peace. If someone has any ideas on how to avoid the drama yet be caring and compassionate......I would love the suggestions.

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Apr. 29, 2008

how yesterday actually went.........

Posted in My stuff

Here is reality......

We did schoolwork, most of it anyway. We did have muffins for breakfast, but had ramen noodles for lunch (made by my daughter) and pizza for supper (made by my son). We never made it to the library.   Chores were done but not as well as I had imagined the day before (I imagined sparkly,wonderful clean.....it was simply not a mess......well,except for the kitchen, which was my job). I ran two errands after schoolwork, both necessary but by the time I came home again,I felt like I did Saturday night. So I spent a quiet afternoon. The children all breathed a sigh of relief.........I do not think they like Mom being energetic and trying to drag them along that path with her......and had pleasant afternoons, at least from what I saw.

So there you go......best laid plans.

Today........schoolwork is being done by those able to do for themselves.   My other son made the pancakes. My oldest daughter is going to do letters and workbooks with Jessica and Sarah. My plan for today is to work on my bedroom, slowly and easily.

I am hating my health right now. I so do not want to be someone always talking about her health. Who always has this or that wrong with her. Because I know that about myself.......I am not stoic while sick. I cannot bravely suffer while never saying a word about how very bad I feel. No, the key to my happiness and all those around me is for me to become healthy again.   I have always been one of those strong,vital,healthy as a horse women.   Pregnancy made me glow, not break my stride.   So healthy in fact that I took it for granted.   Maybe,maybe I would remember to take a multivitamin or eat veggies in season, but mostly I blissfully punished this healthy body I was blessed with.

So I am going to give my body the rest it is asking for. I am going to eat those veggies and walk those miles. I know of a few restorative,nutritive type herbs I am going to try. Like milk thistle for my tired liver. Hawthorn berry for my tired heart.   Red rasberry leaf for my wacky hormones. I will stop eating bacon! Darn it, I hate that last one.

Anyway.............just keeping it real. LOL

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Apr. 9, 2008

a new book

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I bought a hoot of a book over the weekend......The Prairie Girl's Guide to Life by Jennifer Worick. Just this morning I read about how to lace a corset, whittle a bird, arrange wildflowers in a mason jar,and how to make my own night cream for soft skin (in case the bonnet isn't enough). Some of this stuff I think I will do......not the corset though, rather be dead.

I am a bit behind on my reading challenge. I have read two religious books,working on the third. I have read two books about home and family. Am reading one on learning new skills (Praire Girl). I have read two, maybe three science fiction books. My daughter is going to help me create a list on my sidebar.

That kind of information is not included in my Prairie Girl book.

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Apr. 9, 2008

Conferene this weekend

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Sunday was General Conference for our church.   Over the years,those two weekends, one in April and one in October, have become my favorite times of the year.   On those weekends, church leaders in Salt Lake gather in the Conference Center, (in the Tabernacle when I was growing up), and talk to us about whatever subject they feel inspired to speak on. It always surprises me that, although they are not given a particular subject to speak on, frequently themes emerge.   It is always a time of renewal for me. Four sessons, two hours each, two on each day, during which the world gets shut out and we gather as a family to receive counsel and encouragement. It has become a special time for me.

This year, because Dish Network was installed in our house last Thursday and we now receive BYUTV, we were able to watch Conference at home, gathered in our living room instead of at church. It was also special because a new prophet, President Thomas S. Monson, was being sustained.   I had loved President Hinckley, all of us did and I was anxious to see President Monson with his mantle of the prophet to see if I would feel as inspired to follow him as I did President Hinckley. I worried about that, and had prayed about it often. The answer I had received was "wait until Conference, you will receive your testimony".

So Saturday morning we are gathered in our living room. As the sustaining begins, each priesthood quorom is called to stand and raise their hand, to show their sustaining vote for our prophet and church leaders. This is not a true vote, but rather a sustaining, a display of our intention to follow and support. The LDS church has no paid clergy, it is run essentially by the members who willingly give of our time to do what is necessary.   Head organizations, teach classes, lead the music, whatever we are asked to do by church leaders. So by sustaining the church leaders, we pledge our support in the work of the church. Also, all men,in good standing with the church,hold the priesthood. My own two teenage sons hold the Aaronic Priesthood and so are able to bless and pass the sacrament in our Sunday meetings. It is a very sweet experience to see the men in your life exercise their Priesthood in righteousness. It makes them more tender, more nurturing, more like the Savior.

So, the sustaining begins. The First Presidency is asked to raise their hands in support. They do so. I felt the weight of that, the solemnity of their public,quiet testimony. Then the Quorom of the Twelve Apostles. Then the Quorom of the Seventy.   With each, I feel the weight of their testimonies and feel my own being strenghtened. Then....... the patriarchs, and other priesthood leaders,the sort that do not serve in Salt Lake but rather in their home communities are asked to stand and raise their hand in support. Including those sitting in their living rooms watching at home...wherever they are. I thought of all those men, standing in their living rooms, in front of their wives and chidlren, maybe even grandchildren and bearing that same solemn, silent testimony of their dedication to doing and supporting God's work.   The tears started to flow. Then it was time for the Aaronic Priesthood....my sons stood. Silly sentimental mother.   And I stood with the Relief Society, the women's organization dedicated to succoring those in need including each other, and bore my testimony. And I felt it, very strongly.

There is a fifth,or maybe I should say third, session where the men, the Priesthood, gather together in churches and together receive counsel from our church leaders.   That one is not broadcast on television in homes but must be viewed at church. (I always read the written transcripts later though, to see where I need to be giving my boys encouragement). When my boys come home, they are glowing and happy. "Guess what Mom?"   From their glowing countenances, I expect to be told some monumental, exciting change (not many of those happen). "President Monsoon can wiggle his ears...he really can, he showed us". ROFLOL Oh my. Male bonding I suppose. I can only hope some seed was planted in that will grow later.

Today President Monson was the concluding speaker. I felt a strong witness during his entire talk. I think he is a kind man, given to service and lifting others up. I also know he is a prophet. I look forward to receiving more of his counsel. The last ten minutes of his testimony were particularly powerful as he urged us to turn to God Who would guide us,comfort us,protect us. That He might not always take away our trials, but He loves us and will guide us through them.

This was a special weekend for me. In posting this, I only hope to share joy in Christ,not convince someone else of my own beliefs. I hope everyone also had a good spirtual experience this weekend and that it will sustain you through the week.

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Jan. 16, 2008

Reading challenge

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There is a reading challenge going on at www.triple8challenge.blogspot.com I have decided to unofficially join........I had thought about reading more books in a broader range (I usually get stuck reading sci-fi after sci-fi) and this seems like just the thing for me. You can read more about the rules and join there if you like but briefly...you read eight books in eight different categories, you decided the categories. I have been thinking about it this morning....I think my categories will be:

1. historical and scientific non-fiction

2. classic novels

3. home/parenting/family non-fiction

4. arts/crafts/how-to books

5. biographies

6. mysteries

7. religious non-fiction

8. yes,I had to add it.......science fiction

I have a couple already going. I ask my computer literate children to set me up a sidebar later.

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Aug. 21, 2007

Witnesssing excellence part 2

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I just watched the space shuttle land in Florida. Maybe that should seem like an ordinary occurrence in our day and age. I had started watching the news to take a small break from my day, thinking to hear about the hurricane. Instead I found the topic of conversation was the space shuttle....those missing heat tiles and what it would mean. I can remember hearing about the Challenger and watching the Endeavor burning across the sky. (I hope my memory serves me correctly and those are the names). People die every day, sometimes it touches my life and I feel sadness for their families, but astronauts dying? That sort of bravery and dedication not to their own lives, but in an effort to educate and further us all as a species....that should make them untouchable right?

I prayed as I watched them come in, and felt God's sweet reassurance that all would be well. As they landed safely, perfectly, sappy as it sounds, I found myself quietly crying. For several reasons. One...that all was well. I had not had to watch someone else die. Two.....the rememberance of that quiet reassurance I had had from God. He was aware, looking over them and I think also giving His divine approval to our efforts as a people to improve, to challenge ourselves. That might seem like a stretch, but I have felt that same divine approval from time to time in my own life, when I try to do my own small things. Three....appreciation for all the talented, intelligent people on this Earth who strive for something beyond themselves. They talked about how many hours these astronauts have trained, prepared for this thirty minute landing procedure. Absolute dedication. Yes, God was watching over them, but they put some of their own sweat into it as well. I called this post part 2 because I had a similar experience about two years ago watching some college dancers give an amazing performance, one that had also taken dedication and practice. Not as much as the astronauts, but in doing that, they gave my family something we could not give ourselves and I appreciated the effort. I felt the same way about the astronauts today. Today the most I will do is read the scriptures with my children, make pickle relish, make dinner and tonight go visit some church friends. And that is enough. That is my sphere, where God would have me. But I am so grateful that there are others who have dedicated their lives, their talents, their intelligence to furthering us all.

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Aug. 21, 2007

Tagged again.

Posted in My stuff

I am getting a lot of exercise lately. LOL

Different tag, new rules.

1. Here are the rules

2. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts

3. Players start with 8 random facts/ habits about themselves

4. People who are tagged need to write there own blog and need to post their 8 things and these rules.

5. At the end of your blog, you need to chose 8 people to get tagged and list their names don't forget to leave them a comment telling them to read your blog.

Eight random facts about me.......

1. I prefer sunsets to sunrises....not sure why but how random is that?
2. The first book I ever read was Heidi....I read that book and only that book for about three years, positive nothing else could be quite as glorious. I have read some good books, but that one was my defining moment....thank God she was such a good girl. LOL
3. I hate celery. I love veggies, hate celery. Even with peanut butter down the middle. Hate it.
4.I hate wearing socks. My toes cannot move.
5.I have studied four languages, speak none of them. (Italian, French, German, Russian).
6. I discovered a Jane Austen book yesterday at the bookstore...one I actually have never read, did not know that could happen, and am enjoying it immensely (Persuasion). It might turn out to be my favorite.
7. I am living in my dream house and praying and hoping I can buy it and keep it forever. I already have a list three years long of how to renovate it (It will be one hundred years old next year, and dearly needs someone to love it....).
8. I love my children. That is hardly random, has been said before, but I wanted to close on the most positive note possible so there it is.

I will tag....4sweetums, littleskipper, Debi, dumspirospero, justaname, Joshuasyte,GingerForJesus, StevensFamily

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Aug. 14, 2007

Tagged!

Posted in My stuff

I have been tagged! And I have been neglecting my blog for so long....eek.

1. What is your favorite bible verse?

So many, but I think for now I will go with Jeremiah 17:7....Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is.

2. What season of the year is your favorite? Why?

I love autumn. The leaves, the golden-ness of it, the pumpkins, apples, the whole idea of harvest time. The cool nip in the air, wearing sweaters and snuggling down into them, but not really being cold yet. The baking...smells of pumpkin, cinnamon, apples. The idea that the holidays are right around the corner with all of their meaning, and warmth. I still have not gotten over the school mentality that fall is about new beginnings, new opportunities. Everything feels new and possible and exciting to me in the fall.

3. Do you think homeschooling will continue to grow?

Yes, though sometimes I worry when I listen too much to politicians.

4. List 4 people that have most influenced your life.

My two grandmothers, my history professor in college, my husband

5. What is your favorite non-biblical quote?

I discovered books and kept reading. John Adams (though that is mostly because of reading his biography and knowing how far his efforts at self-education took him)

6. Silk, satin, or cotton?

cotton. I am a simple girl.

7. If you like chocolate, which is your favorite?

If I like chocolate? Ha. Anything I can get my hands on.
8. If you could sit at dinner with 5 people, who would they be?

well, my family would be out because they are too many of them to fit the list. I am guessing this means famous or accomplished people outside my usual circle? John Adams, Mother Theresa, Gordon B. Hinckley, John Denver and Abigail Adams. That was hard!

9. What is your favorite author?

Oh, heck. Just one. Man. I have to go with AA Milne....Winne the Pooh.

10. Who will you tag?

Halfingerhorses, YahwehisAlmighty, Jenn7kids and....just wait and see!

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May. 30, 2007

update on my diet efforts

Posted in My stuff

I do not really want to call il a diet, because it is more of a lifestyle change, but that is the word we use so there it is.

I decided a week ago to get very serious about this, before I was playing around......sometimes I would exercise, sometimes I would not eat those cookies. A week ago, I decided to start eating mostly whole grains and produce. No real calorie limit in mind, but I found after a couple of days of entering my calories at www.mypyramidtracker.gov I was eating around 1000 a day and being satisfied. I was eating Raisin Ban for breakfast, nibbling on fruit through out the day, having a salad or a baked sweet potato for lunch and then something very small for supper, like an egg and more veggies. I was very satisfied, but not losing weight.

After two days of that, I was craving protein so badly. Oh, worse than chocolate. I ate a hot dog at my son's birthday party....only 230 calories and I had only had 750 so far. But the next day, I ate two hot dogs.I did not even bother entering my calories that day. I decided maybe my body was trying to tell me something. I have added some protein to my diet.....some salmon fillets, eggs, lean chicken. I am at around 1200 calories.....again not something I am aiming for, but with the type of food I am eating, it seems to be around there (I gave up my afternoon "comfort cookies"......I exercise instead) Yesterday for the first time, I lost a pound. Today I lost 0.5 lbs.

I think the part I am enjoying most though, and feel the most proud of, is the exercise I am doing. I started by walking a mile.......that nearly killed me. When I was younger, I would walk 4 or 5 miles at a time, in fact I would regularly walk rather than drive and a mere mile nearly kills me. Really.....I was sitting in my chair, utterly exhausted. But it quickly became easier and now I am working on my glider, pushing myself much harder than I ever have been able to before. I think this is better for me than walking, because my old joints (well, more like my after nine pregnancies joints) feel better on the glider. I am also doing some strength exercises, nothing hard core, just some free weights for my arms and exercises for my stomach. This part has become even more important for me than the weight itself because when we go to ~~Puerto Rico~~, we are taking a moonlight kayaking tour, and I do not want to give out in the middle of the ocean.

So, for all of my big talk, 1.5 pounds but the downward shift has started. And I am feeling so good. That is truly the best part. I feel so much more energetic and strong. I am doing more and more with my day.
My 40th birthday is 6 weeks after we return, so that is my real goal. To enter my forties feeling beautiful (in a real sense, in the way God created me, not an unrealistic, unhealthy way), strong, and ready for future challenges.

Steph

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May. 25, 2007

Five things

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I have been trying desperately to find an article I read many years ago. It was a book excerpt actually. The author spoke about modern life and its effects on women. In some ways, we had it easier in the good old days. Yes, we can vote, we can own property, we are less likely to die in childbirth but our spirits are not made for this modern life. Anciently, Old Testament, probably New Testament as well come to think of it, women gathered around the well every morning and every evening for water. They strolled through the markets daily shopping for produce and daily needs. They lived in communities, real communities not suburbs. In our modern life, even with the things I love about it.....like hot water for baths, always my favorite and all my appliances that make my work easier, women are missing the things that we need the most....each other. We are isolated. We can go through a busy day of running errands without actually speaking meaningfully to other person. Maybe that is why communities like this become so important to us. Yet, in a way, it is sad that this is the best interaction most of us have. I have a few long distance friends who have become like sisters to me. I would love to cook some of them meals, or watch their children, or even sit around and quilt.

The other thing this article talked about which was very helpful to me was something called the five finger rule. To nurture our spirits, we women should everyday do something spiritual, something physical, something intellectual, something creative, something social. Even if it is something small. I have been trying to do this the past few days. I have become a dull girl lately. I have been neglecting myself and I think, even my family, because I have not been allowing myself to be the full person God meant me to be. All for good intentions of course, but nevertheless, once you know better, you are obligated to do better. So I am trying to follow the five finger rule. The first day I had to try hard to do one thing in each category. The second day, I did two in some of them. The third day, my eyes were opened and I saw how each thing I did in my life feel into one of this categories. Hard to describe but it was a very expanding, waking-up kind of feeling. I found myself doing more, realizing as I did it, I was nurturing my own spirit in one of five ways. Even just putting the blankets on the clothesline instead of calling one of the children to do it.....put it in physical. I took extra care to fix my two little girls' hair.......I thought "wow, how creative I am being". LOL

So far today I have:

Spiritual....said morning prayer and read my scriptures (I am in Psalms)
Physical....took my morning walk and continue to try to eat healthy and keep my calories down
Social.....wrote an email to a friend
Intellectual.....does writing this entry count as intellectual?
Still need to do creative

What does the pile of laundry in my room that needs to be folded count as? Physical? Not so much I think. Maybe I can watch a documentary while doing it....intellectual. Cooking show....hey there is my creative. Or have the children help me.....social.

Stephanie

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May. 7, 2007

Puero Rico

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I am so excited I can scarcely type in the words. In fact, I keep making errors, correcting them and that is only making me that much more agitated.

My husband is taking me to Puero Rico. There I said it! So insanely excited. I just barely booked the reservation and paid for it. So it is for real. June 14-June 18. More details later. Is it gloating that I want to call all my friends and squeal on the phone? I hope not because I am going to!!!!!!!!!!!

Stephanie

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May. 5, 2007

What about people who are still friends but have inactive blogs?

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I just spent the morning trying to read all my friends' blogs, and I have a question. Several, maybe even half of the blogs on my friends list are inactive. For a year or more. So what do I do? One is my sister, another one of my close friends. I hate having loose ends and having an only half-functioning friends list is bothering me. Like something that needs to be tidied up. But this isn't a mess, it is people. What if they come back and find I took them off my list? Will they be hurt? Maybe I could leave a comment....... Hey friend, if you ever start posting again, please let me know. I would enjoy reading your blog. Somehow that sounds rude though. Dilemma, dilemma.

Stephanie

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Apr. 17, 2007

I think I finally got my motivation

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I have been trying to work up the energy, drive, whatever to lose weight for awhile now.   I want to lose weight, but at the same time, I think society has sold us women a raw bill of goods.   Our body images are so flawed. I hear beautiful women all the time bemoan this or that about themselves.   I decided at one point to not fall into that trap. I am fine the way I am, I tell myself.   Ok, maybe I could exercise these jiggly muscles but that is about health, not beauty, I tell myself.   I need to eat more heatlhy food, but that is about health not beauty. So those oreos and milk are fine, as long as I am eating the veggies too. Right? Well...........

Then I stroll onto a friend's blog, no I will not name it......then everyone can just believe it is them, which it could very well be, and see these pictures of a beautiful woman, with many children, looking fabulous. Intense jealousy. Not that I want to look like her, great as she looked. I want to look like me again! I am only 39. Surely I have a few years of cute left before everyone starts appreciating my wisdom.   Not 28 year old cute, 40 year old beautiful.   I can do it, I can give this to myself. I only want to lose 30 pounds and get in better shape.   I will not be thin but I think at that point, my inner image of myself will match the girl I see in the mirror.

So I am determined, motivated. I will get up off this computer and go get on my glider. I will not eat oreos later today when I am stressed about this or that thing.   Here.......to prove my determination, I am posting the before pictures now, before I have cute after pictures to show you. .Ok, vanity just kicked in......I will also post my before, before pictures.....the 28 year old me........I am deluding myself that I might can kind of look like that again........I have no wrinkles, a good skin tone......and...hedging some more...the only picture I have of myself.......it is a bad angle, bad light, so I do look awful, but it is a better picture of me than I want to admit......ok .......drum rolll...........This is me before........

Ok, this is me before, before..........I am adding this more for my own motivation. No, of course, I don't think I will ever be 28 again.

Ok, off to exercise.

Stephanie

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Apr. 3, 2007

My testimony

Posted in My stuff

With the upcoming holiday, I feel impressed to share my feelings about Christ and my Heavenly Father. I usually do not do this so openly, preferring my life to stand as my witness of my convictions.   I feel a little uneasy doing this, but my heart tells me I must.

I love Jesus Christ.   He is my rock, my anchor, my Savior.   I am so grateful to Him for all He has done for me.   Not just the Atonement with all its gifts.......the promise of resurrection, the unspeakable gift of repentance and sharing of my burdens.....but His life, His example, His love.   To live without this in my life, I cannot imagine.

My Heavenly Father is very dear to me. My prayers to HIm are my lifeline. I always feel He is so near, and watching over me.   He sends me blessings on a daily basis which I am immensely grateful for. He is the God of this universe, an awesome God, yet He is my Father and He loves me.   I want nothing more than to live my life in a way that pleases Him.

I am so grateful I have always lived a life with a knowledge of Them.   I cannot imagine what I would be like without the guidance, blessings, and the gift of the Spirit to comfort, guide, instruct and soothe my soul.   Thank Thee.

Stephanie

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Mar. 13, 2007

Would I even look good in that shade of purple?

Posted in My stuff

So, I write an entry whining about needing new friends for my little blog and then I disappear soon afterwards.

Not just not writing in my blog but not taking the time to visit and respond on my old and new friends' blogs. And one of my new friends, not to name names or anything, gets cranky if she does not get responses. To the point where she will write comments to herself........one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

   I have been thinking big thoughts lately....at least for me. Not that they are particularly profound but to show you where I have been.

Like most mothers, especially homeschooling mothers, I am constantly trying to find balance. At first that meant between being a homeschooling mother, a mother to all my children and a homemaker.   How to spend my time, if something had to give, what would it be?   I never did find the best answer to that. Usually the house was the one to give, but all the disarray did and does make everyone grumpy and life more difficult. Lately, more and more it has also been about finding time for myself. Hopefully for my own education and development, but also to unwind and let go of stress.   I let my lamp becoming completely bone dry empty before I realized that filling it should be a priority. It has been a struggle every since to put a couple of drops here and a couple of drops there. (To use different symbolism, avoiding burnout while still going through the daily motions of life). No sooner do I find a little reprieve here or there, when something comes along and uses it all up.   The stores are not being replenished. So that has become a new priority to balance as well.   I will be honest, I have been spending much too much time taking hot baths, being on online discussion boards, talking to friends on the phone, watching home decorating shows.   I was managing to get the schooling in, and most of the housework but bare minimums   I usually felt so rushed while doing my work, because of the time I was wasting, that I was more stressed than ever.   When I become stressed, I usually shut down.    So, it has been a vicious cycle.

     So understanding how my life has been.....this is where my "big thoughts" come in. I started thinking about how people lived anciently. Usually we tend to think of them as being less advanced than we are. Someone famously intelligent, I cannot remember who, said that advancements are made by standing on the shoulders of the people who came before us.   I think that is a common perception. Sometimes true.   Maybe the idea that we all came from cavemen ,who were lucky to discover fire, as well.    I have been reading a commentary on the scriptures written by an extremely intelligent man who made it his life's work to study ancient cultures.   In reading his comments on the earlier civilizations and what was going on outside of the stories we have in the scriptures.....in the areas of business, academia, philosphy, government, I am gaining this picture of an intelligent, clever society.   They were thoughtful, engaged, industrious and inventive. Think about Greek art, Greek literature, Roman civil engineering, Roman government (which they stood on the shoulders of the Greeks to develop), Chaucer, Alfred the Good and Charlemagne who all lived during the "Dark Ages', the wonderful things that came from the Renaissance....art, poetry, science, the printing press which changed the world. Shakespeare. Hardly imbeciles.

I started wondering just what it was that we have, that makes us think we are more advanced than they are. I think it is our machines......cars, planes, computers......and electricity.   I have thought many times how thankful I am for dishwashers, washing machines, vaccum cleaners, even bread machines and crockpots. They make my life easier. They give me the gift of time. But........what do I do with that time? Take other modern day advances.......television, computer, telephone.......... and waste that precious gift away.   In the ancient world or in colonial times or pioneer days, they were always searching for tricks or tools to ease their work. Their cleverness, their resourcefulness was rewarded. But me..........turning on the dishwasher does not require any intelligence on my part. I do not need to be clever. I could use that gift of time to develop talents, cultivate relationships, read books that will inspire and educate me......but do I? Is the technology in my life helping me to be clever, or is it dumbing me down?

I am not thinking of becoming Amish. Though I could write another volume on how much I admire them. No, the technology is in my life to stay. The question remains how will I use it..

So, after thinking all of that, I decided that the computer was not for me. Most definitely not one of my talents. I have children who program and design graphics......it is their talents. I was beginning to wonder if the forums I used truly helped me grow closer to other human beings in any sort of real way. I was part of a large homeschooling discussion group, that was a great community but more and more I felt lost among the numbers. In order to not feel lost, I had to spend more time there. (read my second paragraph). I know as a woman, I need the companionship of other women. That is not readily available for me here, but maybe I was taking the easy way out, rather than digging deep and making my real life surroundings what I needed them to be. And this blog......sometimes frankly it feels like vanity to think any of my ramblings or little doings are worth anyone's time to read.   I do not homeschool in this amazing way others can copy. No great lesson plans here, or brilliantly thought out treatises on homeschooling(I love that site by the way). Maybe I was wasting my time and other's time in maintaining this.

So.......with all of that jumbling around in my head, I decided to walk away from the computer. just walk away. I prayed to know how to spend my time, to understand what I needed to accomplish. I felt a little sad because I knew it would be a lonelier road, but I also felt good about using my time more productively. I do not think we always need to be busy, busy at work for our time to be productive. Rocking your toddler and cuddling during his favorite cartoon, reading a book that has you thinking big thoughts for a week, blowing bubbles in the front yard with your two little girls, taking a walk to look for signs of spring......all of this contributes to the person God would have me be, and thus is productive, is the life work I was sent here to do.

So......guess what happened? Someone sent me an email telling me how much they enjoyed reading my blog, that it had touched their heart. Two new people commented on my blog and one of them added me as a friend. Another person, who I knew from the mega board, told me how much she enjoys my writing.   All within a week of that prayer.

I once considered a career as a writer. In high school, in college, I had several teachers tell me that I was one of the best writers they had read in their careers as teachers. My favorite college professor told me I simply must pursue a career in writing, no other option. I do not know if it was because I was that good or because I went to a small high school and a technical college with lots of engineers and math people. By the time I graduated college, I had three children. I knew I wanted to be at home with them, and was fairly sure I would be homeschooling them. I tried writing several novels, and I did write three children's books that I thought were good. Then came time to submit them. Fear came over me and I could never find the courage to submit them. Fear of rejection, fear even of them being well-received and needing to come up with more of them.   Then my computer crashed and they were lost. (See, I am really, truly not good with computers).   I have had writer's block ever since. The parable was telling a truth.....if you do not use your talents, they will become lost to you.   I have prayed many times to have this talent given back to me.   The only time I feel the words come freely from me is when I write on my blog, or I participated on the message board.   Then the emails and comments. I feel vain drawing this conclusion. Because I know I am not that good. But......apparently this is how God wants me to use my talent. On this little blog.   So does that make this a clever use of technology? I think so. Of course the way God works it is probably more for my own edification than that of anyone else. No sense getting a big head or anything.

So....back to the balancing act.   In some ways it was easier to think about walking away than using self-discipline and being moderate in my online-time. I am spending more relaxing with my children, going to the park, talking with my husband.   After I finish the entry, I need to once again clean my room so I can set up my sewing table in there. I clean it, then do more laundry and it needs to be cleaned again.

There......all my big thoughts depleted.

Stephanie

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Jan. 23, 2007

Seven weird things about me???

Posted in My stuff

So....I have been tagged.

    I have to write seven weird things about me....I hardly know where to start. There is no "thing" about me that is weird, I just am. I have a feeling though once I get rolling.....I will not be able to stop!

So here are the rules....

THE RULES: Each player of this game starts with the ‘7 weird things about you.’ People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 7 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 7 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says ‘you are tagged’ in their comments and tell them to read your blog.”

So seven weird things about me......

1. I like sci-fi. I really like sci-fi.   No, I have never been to a convention, I do not speak Klingon, nor can I contort my fingers in unusual and unnatural ways(I doubt a non-sci-fi freak would understand that), but I love sci-fi. Books, movies, tv shows. Currently in a state of near mourning over the last season of Stargate. Bad enough that Colonel O'Neill left, now the whole thing is ending, over, no more adventures?

2. Most pregnant women have a problem with being hot, summers are torture for them. Not me, heat did not affect me. I had problems with cold. Everyone would say "oh lucky you, you do not have to be pregnant over the hot summer." You would think huh?

3. I put orange juice in my hot chocolate. I think it is luscious that way, but apparently I am alone in that opinion.

4. I love watching Little Bear. The cartoon. I practically force my little ones to watch it with me so I do not have to watch it alone. I had a bit of a dry spell when my two boys, now 9 and 8, stopped liking it. "Oh come on, don't you want to watch Little Bear? You like Little Bear!!"   But then.....I had three more. I should be good for another two years.

5. I do not scrapbook. (If you do not think that is weird, bless you. I need to come hang out with you. I feel so alone in this. )

Feeling better about myself about now....I can think of unusual things about myself, eclectic things, interesting things, but I am running out of weird!

6. I have lived in seventeen states over the course of my life, some of them more than once. I was born in Arizona (though I claim Georgia as my homestate, for very good reason!), from there Wyoming, Mississippi, North Carolina, Georgia(all by the age of three), then Colorado, Minnesota, Italy(I know different country, not a state), Georgia again, Alabama, Utah, Alabama again, Georgia again, Utah again, Louisiana(this was after marriage, we lived there for seven years, had four children), Utah...yet again, Kentucky, Georgia, Alabama, Nebraska, Utah, Wyoming, Connecticut(my favorite I think), Georgia, Indiana(one of my favorites), Washington state(definitely one of my favorites), Arkansas, Colorado, Nebraska, New Mexico, Nebraska.....the rest yet to be known. At least one more move, hopefully by this summer. Praying desperately for a good, non-construction job. Wish us luck, blessings, whatever.

7. I have nine children. I would have had more if my body had been willing. I love my children. I love spending time with my children. I consider them blessings and express gratitude for them. I wish that did not make me weird, but more and more I think it does.

Oh dear, who am I going to tag? momsjourney, justaname, littleskipper, scarver, PeakmoreAcademy, lisaloohoo, AHCLsMommy, happylittlemama. I know I chose more than seven, but............

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