HoweyHomestead

• Aug. 20, 2006
School Days

I should be in bed....

Tomorrow starts week four of our school year. The last two weeks we have just covered bare minimums since we were busy playing with cousins. It is such a treat for us when we get to see our relatives. That always takes priority.

For those of you who have been praying for my dad - thank you. At our last Mayo Clinic appointment his PSA level had dropped from 989 to 10. Normal is anywhere between one and four. That is a huge improvement. We think his shot is wearing off, so he's a little hormonal. He is scheduled for his next shot mid-September. If all continues to go well, then we are looking at a life expectancy of two years, possibly more. God knows!

Back to school.... We have taken a "less is more" approach to schooling this year. I am teaching a Kindergarten Co-op for Reagan and her cronies and that is our only scheduled co-op. We generally meet twice a month and have been having a total blast. They are all so cute!! Kevin and Rylie are taking an art class on Fridays and Kyla will take writing (IEW), Spanish and art. Since PE falls on Fridays this year we are pretty much sticking to a four day school week.

Here is the long-awaited list for our year. Please keep in mind that we don't do everything everyday!!

Bible: Treasure Hunters and Picture This! If you are not familiar with either one, they are vastly different. Treasure Hunters is about reaching the heart of your child, while Picture This! is a drawing program where the kids actually trace images as they learn about each book of the Bible. So far both are a big hit, although Picture This! is their number one request. Below is a picture of some silly glasses we made during our last Treasure Hunters session. It was in relation to Saul (a bully) becoming blind. Our theme for the week was: kind people are strong on the inside.

Math: We are mixing it up this year. I have one working on Math-U-See and for her learning style it has been a perfect fit. For the first time in her life she is excited about math and looks forward to her lessons. For the others we are using Horizons.
Penmanship: A Reason for Writing for the olders and Handwriting Without Tears for the littles. Handwriting Without Tears is new for us, so we will see how that goes. The biggest pro for us for using A Reason For Writing is that the lessons, if done correctly, don't take much time. Now if one decides to putz around, well then, it is a different story.
History: We are continuing with Mystery of History. We love the fact that it is written with a Christian worldview in mind. The author continually brings the lessons back to Christ and how everything in history works together to accomplish HIS purpose. The kids each have their own timelines this year and I have high hopes that we will keep up with them. We are using History Through the Ages as well as Wonders Of Old from Knowledge Quest. I truly love history and am feeling like I am learning it for the first time.
Spelling: We are tackling Spelling to Write and Read again this year. I kinda gave up on it last year and instead of buying something else am going to give it fair shake this year. I think its a great program, not so convinced it fits my personality. We'll see....
Phonics: The Ordinary Parents Guide to Teaching Reading. My two second graders are already reading, so I am using the lessons as more of a reinforcement of phonics rules. We are throwing a little Abeka in there too (mainly just the charts).
Grammar: I don't start grammar until third grade, but after they hit that stage then we use Shurley English and love it! My mom, who is a retired school teacher, convinced me to use her old copy and I was loving how much we were all learning! Since then, I know of several friends who have given it a try and love it too! It is a little pricey, but definitely worth it!
Geography: This is new for us. After reading a very well written blog from someone I have the highest regard for (S.S.) we purchased Galloping the Globe site unseen. It is fantastic. A huge bonus for me was the fact that I can incorporate some of our Five in a Row books into the study of each country.
Science: We are studying the human body. We were going to do a study from Apologia, but after I found out that the Body Worlds exhibit is coming to Arizona the first of the year, I decided to switch to the human body (the beauty of home schooling)! So we are doing life size drawing of our bodies and inserting various body parts where they go. It should be interesting! I already have Jim slated to teach the reproductive organs part of the lesson. Yeah, I'm a big wimp!
Reading: For my kindergartener and preschooler we are doing Before Five in a Row. We did this many moons ago and it is fun to rediscover the beauty (and simplicity) of the program!

Well that about does it. Throw in a little piano, book club reading and Latin and I think that rounds it out. I still wish I could have found a way to squeeze in a KONOS co-op this year. We loved our co-op last year and will be sad to miss out on all the fun they will have this year. I have one who is more disappointed than the others when he found out that they will be studying Indians. Maybe next year bud!!

• Aug. 16, 2006
My Jordyn is Three

Jordyn - YOU are a complete and total joy! I had a great pregnancy with you. Instead of getting all round and snuggly inside you grew straight out like a rocket. You were by far the easiest on my ~~fractured~~ ~~broken~~ who knows rib.

About a month before you were born several people, out of the blue, told me about their home births. Good for them I thought as I dreamed happy dreams of my soon to be administered epidurual. I then kept seeing bus stop advertising for a midwife - hmmm interesting. Finally at the home school conference that year I received a flyer in the freebie packet for the same midwife. So I am a slow learner, but I had a plan. To appear to be obedient to the Lord's leading, I would just ask daddy about having you at home and he would say no and then end of story. He said why not? O.K. plan B I would call the mysterious midwife and she would say no when she found out that you were three weeks away from being born. She said, "come on it". At this point I knew I was in trouble. We were seriously turning crunchy granola.

To say mommy's doctor wasn't thrilled about this is a big time understatment. Yikes. He stopped talking to me and returning my calls.

On the day you were born, Grammy and I were planning Kyla's birthday party when I kept saying OWWW! Grammy started jotting down the times and they were pretty regular. I then called daddy, placed a lunch order (priorities) and then told him to come home with said lunch - we had Wendy's. As soon as daddy got home I told him to call Mary and Sue, the midwives.

I then called Kim and told her that I had no idea if I was truly in labor (which after six kids I always view everything as false labor for some reason) and she came over with Diet Coke in hand. Kevin was with grandad and Missy came and got Rylie and Kyla. Reagan was down for a nap.

Everyone was in place by 12:45 and you were born just an hour later. Thank goodness for fast deliveries. With your four siblings I had pushed a total of 10 times in my life - total. Two for Kyla, Three for Kevin, Two for Rylie and Three for Reagan. You were more like six pushes which seemed like an eternity - but out you popped! All 8 lbs 2oz of you! See, daddy weighed you on some home birth contraption thingie. You are in the pink blanket!

You then proceeded to sleep for two weeks - pretty much straight. If we had known that after those two weeks you were going to be a total spit-fire, we would have let you sleep. Silly us. You have been going strong ever since.

So, now you are a big three year old princess. You love Dora. You kind of look like Dora after you last self-administered haircut. You are pure sunshine and I am so grateful to be your mommy! I love you!

• Aug. 16, 2006
The "Dora" Pictures

The "Dora" Pictures

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• Aug. 16, 2006
A Lovely Weekend

We had an amazing time this weekend. The Dora party was a big hit. My mom made Jordyn a darling Dora dress complete with matching purse and hat. The hat was so big that we all took turns wearing it. Jordyn had the greatest time. Dora was a prominent theme in the gift department.

Late Friday we started playing dominoes. We are a HUGE domino family. We love 42, 80 and 88. It was fun listening to little comments my mom would make about what my grandad would have been saying had he been there. My favorite was, "let's bid marks, it's almost time for the news". We all truly miss him.

Sunday was interesting. We all went to my parents church. I waited until Saturday to tell Jim that we had to leave our house no later than 8:00. We actually walked into their church at 8:28. Amazing. Makes me wonder why we are sometimes late to Sovereign Grace which starts at 10:00.

The boys went to the Diamondbacks game while us girls went shopping. My nieces introduced me to a store called Forever 21. Wouldn't that be nice. Apparently that is the place to shop on a budget.

It was great spending time with family. The weekend went way too fast. My brother Don and his family are still here so the kids are enjoying cousin time. We so miss not living near cousins!!

As for revenge, I ended up soaking my brother's toothbrush in vinegar. Not totally original, but the best I could do in my short window. In hindsight, I wish that we would have left my parents church and then pulled into Sovereign Grace and told him that we were now going to our church. That would have put him over the edge.

• Aug. 4, 2006
Family, Family, Family

Well, today is the day! It has been six years since my brothers, their families, my parents, and I with my brood have been in one place at the same time. Now, we have all seen each other on and off during that time, we just haven't been all together. In fact, the last family picture I have, I was pregnant with Kevin.

It was interesting growing up the youngest and only girl out of three. Since there are a few years in between us, we were never really into the same things at the same time, or ever. The house we grew up in had a partition dividing the dining room from the living room. My brothers used to chase me around it, so I would wear out and not bug them. I was real good at the bugging part. They often got me back by making me their ~~slave~~ friendly helper.

I loved, and still do, the beginning of the school year. As a child nothing could beat new school supplies, new clothes, meet the teacher, helping my mom set up her classroom, seeing friends after summer break, you name it I loved it. There was one thing, however that I didn't love. When teachers would go down their class list and take attendance, they would always pause at my name. One of two questions, or sometimes both, were to follow. The first was somewhat harmless, "does your dad work for the school district?" Answering that one was a breeze. It was an easy yes. It's the other question that I dreaded each year.

"Do You Have An Older Brother?"

It's not that answering that question was incredibly difficult, but the answer would greatly have an impact on how that teacher viewed me. You see, teachers had two very different experiences with my brothers. My oldest brother was mostly harmless with a good attitude. My other brother, however, was a vastly different story. It's always the middle child, isn't it?? If there was a poster child for ADHD, he would have been a perfect candidate, but this was way back before ADHD was the thing to be. He was never really cruel in the things he did, just highly impulsive. Repeatedly. I think it was his second grade teacher that retired mid-year instead of toughing it out. This was a lady that had been teaching for many years.

Since my older brother claims no memory of the infamous "beanhead" incident (but nonetheless subjected me to horrendous music from the seventies and early eighties ... Bread anyone??) I will pin the beanhead efforts on brother number two.

Since I am not often around Ron, I realized this morning I have gotten weak in my, "must stay on toes" mantra I chant when he is around. This morning the phone started ringing before I was awake. When I looked at caller ID it was him. He was freaking out on the other line saying that he missed his flight from Corpus Christi to Houston. He had overslept. As I am jumping out of bed somewhere in the deep dark recesses of my mind came a warning. So I happened to say something along the lines of "is this a joke", but used irritated sister language. When he started laughing, I yelled "DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS HERE??" Apparently that was not a concern to him.

He was already in Houston waiting for my nieces to arrive at the airport since they are flying out together. He had children very young so they always get funny looks when the girls (20 & 21) call him dad. My oldest brother and his family drove in last night from Colorado. I am excited beyond excitement.

It is sobering to think that this could possibly be the last time we are all together with my dad functioning as well as he is. Then I stop and think that that could be true of anyone in any situation. I am grateful that we are getting this opportunity to be together, before we go back to Mayo next week for more tests and appointments.

Tonight we are having a joint Dora the Explorer birthday party for my dad who will be 73 next week, my sister-in-law Michelle and my Jordyn who will be turning three. The Dora theme was her idea. I have fun crafts and party hats for everyone to make. I wonder when the last time my brothers made crafts at a birthday party??

And aside from all the activities planned I will be working on revenge. Which in my book is allowed since I have already told my brother that he should be very afraid.

• Jul. 20, 2006
San Diego - Why did we move??

We returned a few weeks ago from a wonderful week in San Diego. Usually after we arrive, I wait at least 12 hours before asking Jim the "why did we move from here?" question. He always reminds me and I seem to listen, but somehow the information just won't sink in and I end up asking him again, and again, and again.

Since Jim's parents have a lovely beach house, to say we are spoiled is a major understatement. Food, the beach, swimming and childcare are all right at our fingertips. The kids so enjoy actually being able to play outside without roasting.

The fourth was spent on the beach. When we got there we obnoxiously unloaded ALL of our beach gear close to a couple with no children. I always feel it is fun to put a little reality into other's lives. The kids and I played in the waves and Jim, who wasn't feeling great, finally felt good enough to boogie board with Kyla and Kevin. It was the first time that morning that he had taken off his hat and glasses. When he came out of the water the guy sitting next to us got up and starting calling Jim. It turns out that he was one of Jim's college roommates at SDSU. They had a fun time catching up. The biggest thing I remember about Marco is that he used to wash his hair with mayonnaise. Since he is married now, I am thinking he probably doesn't do that anymore.

On Wednesday, the kids went back to the beach and swimming while Presley and I went to get the van's oil changed and a wash. Presley is not a fan of sand, so she was happy not to ever go back to the beach - ever again. It was fun being out with just her. The looks I get from people when I have just one or two of the kids are much different than the looks I get when I have all of them! That night I surprised Jim and took him down to San Diego for a harbor dinner cruise. It was great to get away and talk. We had a lot of laughs too courtesy of the DJ who wasn't intending to be funny.

Thursday was tons of fun as we went up to Orange County to visit Jim's grandma. Thursday is lunch at grandma's, so whoever can make it comes. On that particular Thursday, both of Jim's uncles, his aunt, and two cousins stopped by. It is always fun to be around his family.

Our trip to San Diego coincided with a church conference. Jim's mom kept offering to keep the two littlest girls and we finally took her up on her kindness. We knew they would have a much better time with Grandma than being with us going from one event to another on very little sleep.

Here are a few pictures of our time:

This is one of Kyla's fireworks pictures for her digital photography class.

• Jul. 19, 2006
My Dad - Update

As for my dad, we continued our Mayo Clinic appointments through May and June. Basically, his cancer has spread and looking at the bone scan we had done, he has a tumor growing on every bone in his body from his skull to his feet. Some areas there is just a slight indication of a tumor and other areas it is just everywhere. The largest areas are his pelvis, shoulder and spine. In hindsight this makes perfect sense since he has complained about his tail bone and shoulder hurting since last summer. We have seen a radiologist, and basically there is just way too much cancer to try and radiate. The dose he would have to have would likely kill him and since the major area is in his pelvis, radiating that area often causes all sorts of yucky problems with the surrounding organs.

Prostate cancer is rated from a one to a ten with ten being the most aggressive. My dad's score is a nine. At the end of May I seriously doubted he would still be with us at the end of the summer. He was barely walking and has lost about 35 pounds, with no desire to eat. Prostate cancer thrives on testosterone, so at the end of May the doctor gave him a shot of Lupron. It is basically a hormone treatment that puts his body into male menopause and causes it to stop producing testosterone. Because the tumors feed on testosterone, what it has basically done is take the source of growth away, which in turn takes the pain away.
From all appearances, it seems he has done well on the treatment. He is pain free and eating again. He still has no desire for food, and hasn't gained any weight back, but he is at least eating three meals a day again. We will return in August to test and see how he has responded to the shot. If he has done well they will schedule another one. The dosage he gets last for four months.

In mid-June we went back to have a C-T scan done of his abdomen for the radiologist. He has several lymph nodes with tumors and there was a question as to whether or not one of the lymph nodes was blocking the line from his kidney to bladder. If it was were were just going to radiate that one area, but it turns out it is not of grave concern at the moment.

However, completely unrelated to the cancer, we found out that he has two abdominal aortic aneurysms. Both of these are quite large and caught us off guard. My dad has had no symptoms of having these, so we were surprised. We have been to see a surgeon, and basically if he didn't have the cancer we would have them fixed. However, since it is quite a major surgery with a difficult recovery we are going to hold off until we get the results from how he has responded to his treatment. Statistically, if the doctors give him more than a year to live with the cancer, then we will look into possibly having the aneurysms fixed with a stent. If that is not possible, or if he has less than a year, we aren't going to do anything at that point.
Although this caught us off guard, it has really been the Lord's kindness that this was found. If my dad had had one of them rupture we would have had no idea what was happening. In many cases the person dies instantly, in other cases it takes up to three hours to bleed out. Many times when a person makes it to the hospital the rupture is misdiagnosed as kidney stones and by the time the rupture is found the relatives just say "fix it". In a lot of cases, and certainly my dad's, this would not be a good thing. Often, once a rupture occurs, a lot of damage has already been done and fixing it doesn't always make the most sense.
So there you have it. We go back to the doctor to see how his treatment is going on August 10th. One day before his 73rd birthday. I am not sure if he has a feeling about things or not, but he and my mom just returned from Texas where he was saying good-bye to relatives. We have no idea what the next few months will bring and as the surgeon put it a ruptured aneurysm is a much better way to go than prostate cancer. I am not sure what the Lord has, but we are in one day at a time mode for now.

• Jul. 19, 2006
Where Have I Been??

Thanks Oreosouza for checking on me. I appreciate it more than you know.

The last few weeks, o.k. month, have been full of activity! I have been hanging out at the Mayo Clinic with my parents, having a great vacation in San Diego, and planning our school year. I will post about those things individually.

What have I been struggling with? Thanks for asking. Motivation. I could say I am not motivated because it is hot, or because I am tired. But the truth is I am not motivated to do anything about those two things. Well, actually I have taken to sleeping with boo boo packs from the freezer on my feet, so that may count for something. However, I am so tired come eight at night, but then around ten, I remember I have a ton of back episodes of Monk tivoed, so I watch one - or two. Unfortunately I can relate to some of his compulsions. On second thought, maybe I am struggling with self-control.

• Jun. 20, 2006
Boy It's Hot Here!

Well, Colorado was so much fun!! Kim picked me up at the airport and we made our way to our lovely hotel. Note to self: next year, no reservations in the industrial district.

When we got to the convention, we found a seat so that we could get out our highlighters and make a plan. We are nothing if not efficient. That is when I said to her, "you know I've been thinking about that hummingbird ever since I saw yours." She gets really quiet then says, "I brought you one and was going to give it to you tonight." I immediately went to my happy place and within the first five minutes of being at the Denver Merchandise Mart deemed the whole weekend a success. Now for those of you not obsessed with flossing your teeth like I am you have no idea what a "hummingbird" is. For those of you who do, I am sure you are doing the happy dance for me.

On to the talks. In Denver this year, their convention ran for three days, but no shopping until 5:00 on the first day. The first talk we went to was good, but there were about 200 more people in the room than there was room for, so I felt a little claustrophobic. When the speaker was wrapping up, it was interesting because Kim and I looked at each other and thought, "she must go to a Sovereign Grace church." We checked, she does.

The next speaker we heard, the topic was about keeping little ones with you in church. Let's just say he doesn't go to a Sovereign Grace church. It made me so grateful for the teaching that we have been exposed to and the importance and focus of the cross. If I had been in that same talk five years ago, I probably would have thought it was fine. When the talk was over I couldn't stop thinking, "there is so much MORE"!!! I left so thankful for our leadership in Gilbert.

We went to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory downtown with a friend and three of my sister-in-laws. It was great. It is so much fun to get together, even if it was only for a brief time. By the time we got back to the hotel, I was exhausted. I think the lack of sleep and trying to adjust to the altitude change got the best of me. That is why at midnight I thought the fire alarm going off was our wake-up call. We ended up in the parking lot in our jammies - lovely. Note to self - next time pack a robe.

Friday and Saturday was great. It was so fun to meet the Maxwells and their family. Their talks were by far some of my favorites. Their family is just darling and so fun to hear their voices and get to see them in person.

Whenever I go to the convention here, I so look forward to catching up with people that I only see at the convention. Since I didn't have that option this year, I decided to catch up with some of the vendors that I buy from every year. One of my favorites is Knowledge Quest. It was so wonderful to hear how God has been working in their lives. Even though I have never meet Terri, I would love to be neighbors with her (and no it's not just because she lives in Texas).

Saturday night we went to Monument. It was so fun. Kim's house looks so cute and it was great to see the kids and Amanda. Dave joined us at the convention on Saturday and I am not totally sure about this, but I think he was the only dad there wearing camo shorts and crocks. Kim bought the boys a three man balloon launcher and I was kicking myself for not doing the same. Note to self: don't be stingy - buy the balloon launcher. Macy got a bonnet and I think she truly thinks she is Mary, but in love with Almonzo. She told me that when she gets married she wants Reagan to be her flower girl.

All in all, the time went way too fast. Now there is much work to do as I plan out our next school year. If all goes according to plan, they should be the most brilliant children you have ever met. Later I will list what we are doing for next year.

Oh, and it may be the fact that I can lean toward area of paranoia, but I think there is a mass conspiracy from Aurora to Colorado Springs to get us to move to Colorado.

• Jun. 15, 2006
The End

O.K. ya'll. It is 4:30 in the morning and I am fixin' to get to the end of this long story. It's very fitting that I am wrapping it up today.

"No Christian is safe when his soul is lazy and his God is far from him. Every Christian is always safe on the greater matter of his standing in Christ, but he is not safe on his experience in holiness and communion with Jesus in this life. Satan does not often attack a Christian who is living near to God. It is when a Christian departs from God, becomes spiritually starved, and endeavors to feed on self-conceit that the devil discovers his advantage. He may sometimes stand foot-to-foot with the child of God who is active in his Master's service, but the battle is generally short. He who slips as he goes down into the Valley of Humiliation, every time he takes a false step invites Apollyon to assail him. Oh, for the grace to walk humbly with our God!" Charles Spurgeon

In January Jim had to go to Denver to take care of some family business. I was panicking being left alone for a few days so all I could do, and knew how to do, at this point was pray. The entire week before I prayed and prayed and prayed. Jim left and I started cleaning. Deep cleaning. And I started cooking, which hadn't been a regular occurrence the past months. Something happened when I started doing these things in my heart. It was a long weekend, but when Jim walked in the door that Sunday after coming from the airport the house was sparkling and there was a huge dinner complete with dessert waiting for him on the table. I will never forget the look on his face. It was like he had walked into the wrong house and all I could say to him is, "I'm back".

Those ten months were a very humbling experience for me because I knew that it was NOTHING I did to come out of my depression. It was the Lord in his kindness that lead me out of where I had been. Looking back now, I can see how that experience made me much more open to the new paths the Lord was about to lead us down.

In May, Rylie was born and let me tell you there were quite a few people who watched me like a hawk for any sign that I was slipping back into depression. But it didn't happen. Life was good.

In June my dear friend asked me to go to the home school convention with her. She said she really wanted my input with choosing curriculum and I kept telling her, you don't really want to home school do you?? Because of the last months and the struggles I had been through there was a new found humility that wasn't there before. So instead of saying no (since I didn't agree with home schooling) I said why not.

I was only there one day when I knew that this is what the Lord was calling us to do. We have been so blessed to have our children home with us and I thank the Lord for his calling in this area. I have been truly blessed.

So today I am off to Denver to attend the home school conference with the same friend that this all started with six years ago. This will be the first time we have attended with out one of us with a newborn or pregnant. Watch out Denver. I will also get to see three of my sister-in-laws who live in Colorado and home school. Life is good!! Thank you Lord!

• Jun. 12, 2006
Part III

**Disclaimer** At a recent event someone asked me how we started home schooling. I told her about my experience at the home school convention, yada, yada. The more I thought about it, the more that was the smallest part of the equation. I want my girls (and bubba) to know that this was a much bigger calling than attending a convention.

Part III

Due to many factors, Kevin was induced early. Instead of the usual pitocin, I was given a half of a pill to start labor. Unfortunately, my body did not tolerate this pill very well and the only way they could get the contractions to stop was to give me injections to try to slow things down. We also lost his heart beat twice during this ordeal and later learned that the cord was wrapped around his neck rather snugly.

Before he was induced however, I preached to myself not the gospel, but the fact that this baby was never going to make it. I think a lot of that was still reeling from being told this was, more than likely, going to be our last child. Because I obsessed about it, I had stopped sleeping and was a total basket case.

Things didn't get much better after he was born. He was just a different baby than Kyla had been. Suddenly everything we applied with Kyla didn't work with Kevin. Because of a tongue thrust "thing" Kyla had, I was unable to nurse her. Kevin nursed non-stop and I had no idea how much nursing, especially the first weeks, takes out of you. Oh and the fact that it was toe-curling painful. YIKES! He also didn't go back to sleep at night. He wanted to be up, and not like in a swing or bouncy seat - he wanted to be held. When he did sleep, it was usually in his vibrating bouncer (which could equate for his need for constant motion today).

Suddenly, everything was in chaos. I had a fussy baby that wouldn't sleep, a two year old who was on the verge of turning 13, Jim and his family were dealing with some very heavy issues, my grandad had just died, I was trying to wrap up the end of the year and was doing as much work at home as I could, and I was lost. I didn't know who I was anymore. Jim was working a ton and I totally lost sight of him. It was all I could do to function during the day.

Summer brought a little relief, but not much. I look back on pictures of that summer and I don't even recognize myself. I was on a path of depression, but didn't fully realize that is what was happening. Remember I was the all together get my masters, work full time, have a baby, life is so easy gal. I so didn't know what was happening - not only that, but no one else around me seemed to see a problem.

So school started again and I went back to work on a job-sharing contract. When you teach "part-time" you might as well be full-time for the amount of work you put into it, but I didn't have to be at work until 11:30 every day and I had every other Wednesday off. In September, I started not feeling well at all. It was one of my off Wednesdays and I was at Wal-Mart with the kids. I don't know what possessed me, but I bought a pregnancy test. Later that day I cried and cried and cried. It was positive. I was shocked. Kevin was 5 months old.

At eight weeks pregnant with Rylie, I started bleeding. Jim took me to the emergency room and we were told that I was probably miscarrying this baby. After running some blood work they decided to go ahead and do an ultrasound since the numbers looked good. I remember the technician told us that she wouldn't be able to give us any information and I was not in a position to see the screen. In the middle of the ultrasound she flipped a switch and the dead silent room came to life with a whoosh-whoosh-whoosh. There was a heartbeat.

On Halloween that year, we were over at friends and the men took the little ones out to Trick-or-Treat at the neighbors. That is when my dear friend looked at me and said, "Robbin, I think you are depressed. Do you think you are depressed?" The floodgates just opened and I just bawled. Finally, I felt like it wasn't just all in my head, that something serious was going on. I later asked Jim, who knew something was seriously wrong, why he hadn't said anything to me. He said that I was just in such a fragile state he didn't know if what he said could send me over the edge even farther. I don't blame him - he didn't know who this was and I didn't either.

Then in December, a blood test we had taken came back positive for Rylie to have Downs Syndrome. We went ahead with a Level II ultrasound, but wouldn't consent to an amnio. Typically, the test I took errs on the side of giving false positives. That is because it has to be taken in a certain window during the pregnancy and sometimes people are off on their dates. We, on the other hand were certain of our baby's size due to having ultrasounds so early on. Because of family history we are viewed, on paper at least, as being at a higher risk for birth disorders, so we did agree to genetic counseling. (Which, on a side note was very fascinating. For the first time I actually saw someone use the male and female signs to make family trees that you learn in high school - very scientific).

The holiday season was dreadful and things couldn't go on like they had been. Something was going to have to give and neither one of us knew what to do. The new year was to bring big change one way or the other.

• Jun. 9, 2006
Part II

Jim says I stopped mid-story. So I did.

Kyla was born in September, and I enjoyed staying home with her. I was scheduled to return to work after Thanksgiving break and I was truly looking forward to it. You see, as a mother I had no idea what I was doing, but I had been trained as a teacher. That I knew how to do and felt comfortable doing it. The Lord blessed us in finding an amazing sitter for Kyla. I never once worried about her while she was at Jeri's. I knew that she was being well taken care of and loved.

The following summer I finished my master's degree. I remember the talk of the graduation party was let's all get our doctorates. Because of the program I was in, I had been in classes with the same 30 people for two years. So it only made sense that some of us would go on together to get our doctorates. When we were leaving the party I mentioned to Jim that I was interested in signing up and I think his response was something along the lines of let's wait and see.

So back I went to full-time teaching. It was great. I didn't have classes hanging over my head and was having so much fun. I loved my job, my school and my first grade team, my baby, my husband. What could be better??

In February we found out that I was pregnant again. This was not planned and very much a surprise. This baby and Kyla would only be two years apart and I remember thinking that that was a little close in age . That alone should tell you that I had no clue what the next few years would hold. On Valentine's Day of that year, I started to miscarry that baby. It wasn't meant to be. I remember praying in the weeks that followed that I would be pregnant by October - which is when that baby would have been due.

On July 4th we got another positive test. I knew from the beginning that this pregnancy was much different than Kyla's had been. I was sicker than a dog for the first 16 weeks. When I started feeling better, I started to bleed. It was discovered that I had a tear in my uterine lining and was put on bed rest. Because of this and because I had placenta previa I started having Level II ultrasounds every month.

In January it was determined that Kevin' head was growing at a faster rate than the rest of his body which was a cause for concern. At the beginning for February the technician found some damage which indicated that this baby was a miracle and that there was a good chance that this would be my last baby. That was quite a shock. I wasn't sure if we wanted more, but it was surprising to learn that this may be my last baby.

In mid-February three things happened that were to heavily influence the next months of our lives. First at my ultrasound, the technician found a uterine band. Because of the location of the band it was hard for them to get a clear shot of it. I was told either it could be nothing or there could be a chance if Kevin were to get tangled in it that they would have to amputate a limb soon after he was born. The second was that Jim, at this time, was working a lot. So much so, that he had stopped going to these appointments with me. He then told me that he had a business trip and would have to be out of town soon after the baby came. And, third, and most heartbreaking for me was that my most wonderful, godly grandad passed away. I was the only one in my family and extended family that was unable to attend his funeral in Texas.

These three main things, peppered with several other smaller things, sent me on a path - a very dark path - that I had never been on before. Little did I know what the following 10 months were going to bring.

• Jun. 8, 2006
A Change of Heart...Part 1

Two days ago, I only had three kids with me. Totally weird. Rylie was invited over to my mom's to spend the night and she invited Jordyn to go with her. Then Kyla was invited to spend the night with a friend, so that left me with my 7, 4 and 1 year old. To quote a little friend of ours, "Me no likey likey!" I do fine during the day, but at night, I like it when we are all together and the dinner table and all the beds are full.

The reactions and looks we get totally crack me up when we are all together. I think I have only had one or two nasty comments about having six children, and to be totally honest those comments don't bother me. The most common one, that makes me question the eyesight of our community in general is, "so you held out for your boy." Well, what should I say to that? I have just witnessed them bobbing their head six times while looking from child to child and counting. It is pretty obvious (to me at least) that at 7 years old Kevin is older than, say, my one year old, two year old and four year old. My girls look like girls and my boy is all boy, so what to say.... Usually I just comment that no, he is our second child. And then I get looks of sheer shock mixed with a little panic.

As much as I hear people say, "oh, I couldn't imagine having six", to be totally honest I can't imagine having two or three. Isn't it wonderfully kind that God meets you where you are? Jim and I never set out to have six children and we certainly didn't set out to have them so close together, but I can't imagine my life any differently.

Looking back ten years ago, I would have told you we were very busy. Jim owned a photography studio and was also starting to get his feet wet in the office furniture industry. I had just wrapped up my school year teaching first grade and was halfway through my masters degree program. I was also seven months pregnant with Kyla, with no intentions of giving up my career. So many of my teaching friends had children so to be honest I never really thought of staying home. It all looked very manageable to me.

(To Be Continued...)

• May. 30, 2006
If I've Said it Once.....

I've said it a thousand times!!!

Don't MESS with your mother or you'll be sorry!!!! Just kidding!

This is Kevin attempting to look sad, but in actuality, he is pretty proud of his new look. See what an afternoon of swimming and being thrown off a raft with other boys can do!

I must add... isn't he the cutest thing ever????

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• May. 29, 2006
Jordyn, Jordyn, Jordyn

I often say to myself, and others many, many times over, "I have no idea where Jordyn came from!" O.K. for those of you who like to snicker when I say this, I do KNOW where she came from, but where did that personality come from?

Yesterday we went on a field trip to the Mesa fire station. The night before, my Little Miss Sunshine did not have a good night. So, yesterday she refused to change out of her princess jammies since they matched the ribbon in her hair.

Oh, did I mention she had a ribbon in her hair from getting it cut the day before? I had to take her in to see if there was anything that could be done to repair the bang "trim" that she gave herself this weekend. But I digress....

So on our way to the fire station, we dropped her and Presley off at my moms. I wished my mom good luck and said a little prayer as we headed out the door. I wasn't too worried since life always goes well for Jordyn at Grammy's.

Remember a few days ago I wrote about Jordyn's love for all bodily functions? Well yesterday when I picked her up my mom was recounting the day's events when Jordyn spoke up and corrected her about something she said. Here is the conversation:

Grammy: She took a little nap on the cot.

Jordyn: Noooo Drammy, I sleeped on the floor!

Grammy: Oh, excuse me!

Jordyn: (can't speak for a minute for laughing so hard) Mommy, did you hear? Drammy just burp-ped!

Here is where I should just be grateful that she at least knows to say "excuse me" after a burp. If she ever learns how to burp at will I think we will be in trouble!

So, the princess jammies and the ribbon in her hair don't quite match with her love for burping. She is a contradiction, but one that makes my life full and my toes sore (from having to keep on them at all times).

• May. 22, 2006
Summer Projects

OreoSouza gave some great advice to help keep my brood busy during the summer. In the months leading up to the summer she has her children list activities that they want to be their "summer project" and then lets them have at it. It sounded good to me, so the kids have been listing away. Keep in mind that the rule for these projects is that they cannot be mommy intensive.

They have now narrowed their choices down and here are the final results.

Kyla: digital photography and sewing. These will be great since she is taking a digital photography class with my friend Sandi along with some friends from church. As for sewing, my mom has been teaching Kyla to make her own outfits so they are just going to pick up from where they left off.

Kevin: he has decided his summer project is to take things apart. He is going to start with our old toaster and go from there. I am a little worried about this one. When I was young one of my brothers decided to take the engine of one of my parent's cars apart while they were gone one day. As I recall, I don't think he was able to get it back together. I am too young to remember, but I am sure it wasn't pretty.

Rylie: now this is a stretch for me. She is gardening. I have a brown wilty thumb, so this one should be interesting. I found a company that sends you the plants that are good for your area and a diagram on where to place them. We did that two weeks ago and so far it looks like only 25% of them survived their journey from Ohio to Arizona. Good thing there is a money back guarantee.

Reagan: She has decided to have a rock collection. Now this I can handle. She already has a few that she wants to wash and name.

Jordyn: We need to work on wearing panties full-time. Every time we start it seems she gets an upset tummy and well, I will leave it at that. Our other project is to get her not to talk about bodily functions. She thinks burping and fluffing (we are trying to get her to us that word instead of fa*ting) are the funniest things known to man. No matter where we are she announces her bodily functions as well as the ones of those around her to anyone that may show the tiniest bit of interest. So lady like. This will be quite the project since her brother can talk to her ad nauseum about those same two functions.

Presley: Her project is just to be a baby. Since she is our little caboose, I want her to be little as long as she likes.

• May. 15, 2006
Mother's Day

Friday night Jim and I went out to celebrate his birthday. We ended up at the mall looking for some shorts for him, but he kept insisting that I should get something new for Mother's Day. I didn't think anything of it.

Saturday we got together with my parents and I did much better than I thought I would. I just don't want to be weepy around them.

On Sunday, the kids were very cute. Kevin had been dying to give me his gift. Throughout the week he kept giving me hints and then getting mad at himself for giving away too much information. I finally surmised that whatever it was was pink and I could put things in it. It turns out he got me a bag. I love this bag. I basically love all bags, but this one just says "put your quilting stuff in me". Kevin knows his momma well.

On Sunday, I was a little emotional as I started telling people about my dad. When I got into worship, I kept giving Jim names of who I thought would be "Mother of the Year". Each year at our church a mother is selected to be "Mother of the Year", and each year they honor someone who is so admirable in their mothering ability. Actually, at our church I can name so many wonderful mothers who would be worthy of the title.

So, Rich got up and spoke a little about what mother of the year means and then said that the mother of the year for 2006 is .... ME???? I was so totally shocked that I immediately thought about getting my hearing checked. That is just the craziest thing I have ever heard. Then my dear friend Kristi got up and said some wonderful things about me. It was truly an honor.

When I was little and would watch Miss America or Solid Gold (yes, I know) or even the Olympics, I always thought "Oh I could do that, no problem," but I really knew I would never win a beauty contest, talent contest and oh never, never, never and athletic contest. So every year when they talk about Mother of the Year, I just say a silent little prayer that my kids turn out half-way decent and I still have a few marbles left in my noggin. So this was completely and totally unexpected.

After church the olders were filling in the littles about what had taken place while they were in their classes. They wanted me to pass around the plaque for them to see when my sweet Kevin says, "make sure you don't make that an idol mom!" Thanks Kev. Hopefully that child doesn't have the gift of prophecy.

So, since I am "Mother of the Year", I have decided to list thing that are so worthy of the title.

*Reagan asked me to push her on the swings yesterday afternoon. My response, mommy is not going to stand in the blistering sun right now.

*Mom - what's for dinner. My response - didn't I feed you lunch??

It is now after 3:00 and I am still in my jammies. The kids have been pretty much left to themselves today as I deal with medical and legal issues for my dad. I think I have said yes to every junk food possibility and fed them something that resembled chicken nuggets for lunch. Hopefully, I can get it together to shower and pick up a little around here.

I am blessed beyond measure. I have six amazing children and one truly great husband. I am forever grateful for all the wisdom and advice of my many friends and role models. The fact that this award was bestowed on me is solely due to Christ and what he has done for me. It speaks to my husband and how much patience he is forced to put into practice by living with me.

As many times as I have pictured myself running faster, jumping higher, standing on the podium, walking a runway with the Miss America wave or whatever nonsense I have conjured up, this award is most precious. Not because it's about me, but because of what Christ is doing through me.

• May. 15, 2006
I've been Tagged

LadyPoet33 tagged me last week, so here is my contribution to 6 random things about me:

1. I once, in college, jumped off a 40 foot bridge without checking the level of the river below first. I wasn't impaired in any way, just way too impulsive.

2. I am an organizational FREAK. I think I have an addiction to boxes, baskets, containers and bags.

3. I would love to someday write a book. About what I have no idea.

4. After having my first child, I worked full time while getting my masters degree in education. To say the path of homeschooling is one I would never have taken would have been a MAJOR understatement.

5. I was in Santa Fe, New Mexico when Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwartzeneger were filming the movie "Twins". When we saw them they were actually dressed alike. Weird.

6. I have a strange list that only certain foods go together. For example, ham and cheese sandwiches can only be served with potato chips or sour cream and onion chips. Turkey sandwiches can only be served with Doritos, etc.... It took me years to ingrain my long list of "food friends" into Jim.

So now I am off to tag some others. If I tag you, and you have already been tagged, please let me know.

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• May. 15, 2006
My Dad

I can't believe it has been a whole week since I have been here. Life, as usual, is moving at warp speed.

My dad has been sick off and on for the last few months. The doctor he has been going to diagnosed him with chronic arthritis and has been sending him to physical therapy. During this time, he has continued to feel much worse, so last Wednesday he went to the Mayo Clinic.

On Thursday, the doctor called him back to her office and told him that he has cancer. He has had it for a while because it has already moved to his lymph system and his bones. He and my mom were completely shocked. The Lord was so gracious to me, because I have seen him decline and had already thought something more serious was going on.

Saturday was Jim's birthday, so we all went out to dinner. I was shocked when I saw his appearence. He has definitely declined in just a week. Overall, he has lost about 30 pounds and has no appetite. He is also in quite a bit of pain which keeps him from sleeping. His coloring looked very pale on Saturday, but he managed to eat about three bites of cole slaw and a little bread.

This is all new territory for me. My mom is busy helping my dad and I have been busy trying to think of everything that needs to be done.

My list for today includes:

Call his doctor to get more information and ask some questions that my brothers and I have.

Call and attorney and find out the ins and outs of probate, a living will, power of attorney, etc...

Call his old doctor and get a release for his medical records.

Find out what things they own are in his name only and find out how to add my mom to those things.

Any input would be greatly appreciated.

Please pray for me that I would be supportive, but not step on their toes.

It is so sad to see my 6 foot 6 inch, strong, golfing dad suddenly look so old and frail. I have had my cry moments and I am sure more are to come. I have found it so helpful to read until I can't keep my eyes open anymore and then drift off to sleep. At 73 my dad is the youngest of his siblings, so I know they are all trying to process this too. My brothers are out of state, one in Texas and one in Colorado, so we will need to decide when they should come for a visit.

My dad has many more tests and doctors to see this week, so hopefully when we meet with his doctor at the end of the week we will have a more clear of a picture of what we are facing.

I appreciate your prayers, advice, wisdom......