Happy Birthday, Noah!!!
12 years old - young man - helper - compassionate - sweet - artistic - intelligent - seeker of justice - defender - analytical - Lego-builder - oldest son - first born - reader - Star Wars - Indiana Jones - Sugar Creek Gang - Dragons in the Midst
We've been home for four days now. That first night was difficult for me. I wanted so badly to be home with Mark and the children, but then I was so tired, I became overwhelmed by all therewas to do. I cried a lot Saturday night and Sunday, but now I wonder what it was that overwhelmed me and why I was crying.
Mark had his second rehab. workout today. We were both nervous, since he developed fever after the last appointment and ended up in the hospital for four days. So far he is feeling well, breathing well (with pain meds.), and not too tired out from the workout. He spent about 20 minutes on the treadmill, about that much time on the bike, and then leg lifts and arm curls. The rehab. is at the hospital an hour from our house, and we'll be going three times a week for a while. The exercise physiologist offered to let us come twice a week, but I think doing the full three appointments will help Mark to get into a habit of exercise and be more beneficial.
We were surprised Sunday afternoon with a visit from a co-worker, who gave us a $50 gift card to the grocery store. And Mark's parents filled our freezer again. My folks fixed our old van and put new tires on it last week, which is so appreciated.
God continues to provide.
At the moment, Mark is hugging his cardiac pillow TIGHTLY. He has a bad case of the hiccups. We've tried a spoon full of sugar, my usual remedy, rubbing the soft palate with your tongue, and holding your breath, but so far.... At least we are 4+ weeks post surgery. I am so thankful that this is the first case of hiccups and only one sneeze.
We watched a funny youtube video in the hospital of President Clinton falling asleep while listening to a Martin Luther King Day speech. We laughed so hard, mostly because we could identify with falling asleep during church and trying so hard not to. (I highly recommend bowing your head, putting your head in your hands, and praying quietly. It attracts much less attention that head bobbing.) Laughter is good for Mark; it exercises his lungs. I've been trying to think of videos to rent or borrow that would make him laugh out loud.
The hiccups are GONE, so I think it's bedtime.
We miss our children, but are so thankful for my parents who have been taking care of them the last few days.
We have also seen God's provision. Mark's disability checks came in and he received back pay for the weeks he hasn't been paid. We received another check from a relative (THANK YOU). We found out the ER doctor that Mark saw when he had his heart attack had only been in the States for two days when Mark went to the ER. He had been stationed in Kosovo for the past 14 months. He also had seen a patient like Mark in the early days of his career, a patient who had a hiatal hernia but whose chest pain turned out to be a heart attack. I just feel that having had this experience probably changed how he practiced medicine and influenced his decision making in Mark's case, which probably saved his life.
I am writing this from the hospital. And although it is great to have internet access, I can barely see the words I type and have difficulty editing. So I will post this as is and edit when we get home.
We should be going home sometime today!!! Yea!!!
Thanks for your prayers.
Life can be divided into before and after. Before we were married, and after we were married. Before I was married my house was a lot cleaner. (OK OK. There were pockets of organized chaos, but I knew it was my mess I was cleaning.) There is before children, and after children. Before children our bookcases held knicknacks and breakables. After children, the lower shelves slowly began to empty as the breakables were put up higher to be replaced by board books and stuffed animals and plastic chew toys.
Now we have the before heart attack/bypass and after. Before the surgery, if anyone got sick, we took a wait and see approach. Treat the symptoms and wait and see if it got better because usually it was just a virus.
Now a fever or illness in Mark means calling a doctor, making an appointment, picking up a lot of medicine at the pharmacy. I wonder when every unexpected doctor's visit or illness will stop feeling like an emergency and more routine.
School has a before and after. Of course, before Daddy wasn't home all day. And if he was, he wasn't sleeping in the big recliner, which lives in the middle of our little living room. But it's nice having Mark there, in the middle of things. I think it would be sad if he were tucked away in our bedroom, even if he were resting and getting some quiet time.
School has been so interrupted by doctors and rehab. and just surviving, that we are doing something a little different and a little the same. I had initially planned to do a unit study on the election process, as well as studying American history, and we are still talking a lot about the process and the candidates and the issues, but it hasn't been formal schooling.
Since we have been consistently having family prayer time, I downloaded a prayer guide several weeks ago from Open Doors, to use in praying for the Muslim world, and decided we should read a little about each country as we prayed.
This prayer/study has turned into a real unit study. We have books and videos from the library, and I'm sure we'll come up with some activities to go along with our reading. For now, I will just list what we will be reading/watching. I haven't reviewed any of the books, so it is always possible that something won't be appropriate for our family or relevant to our study, but this is what I have found at our library so far:
- Time Life's Lost Civilizations: Mesopotamia (video)
- David Livingstone: Africa's Trailblazer (Christian Heroes: Then and Now, by Janet and Geoff Benge)
- Beliefs and Cultures: Muslim, an information and activity book
- Introducing Islam: What Muslims Think and How they Live
- Ramadan: Islamic Holy Month
- Aladdin and Other Tales from the Arabian Nights (An Eyewitness book)
- Aladdin and the Enchanged Lamp (book by Philip Pullman)
- Scholastic Atlas of the World
My goals for our study are to learn more about the countries of the Middle East and Africa, to understand in general the beliefs of Islam and how they compare to Christianity, and to understand how one might go about sharing our faith with someone of the Muslim world.
I know there are probably a lot of other worthy goals and many more resources, but this is what I've pulled together for now. We'll see how it goes.
I haven't wanted to check on the worms* since we got back. I was afraid they had died. I finally dug through the container last week and had a look. Mark stood by to see the worms and how our garbage was doing. They have done a great job of making dirt. And they are still alive.
Marked wondered, though, why my hands were shaking so bad.
The worms and I have a love/hate relationship. I think it is too cool that they eat my garbage and make great garden soil, but--ewww! They're worms. They wiggle. And they're slimy. But they are oh so cool.
*Worms eat my garbage.
Friday we went to see the P.A. because Mark was experiencing ear and neck pain. We thought it was possible that he had an ear infection. It turned out to be a sinus infection affecting the function of his auditory canal. He's been on antibiotics for two days, but he is now running a fever and aching all over. If he is still sick tomorrow, we will be going back to the P.A. Hopefully, he'll be feeling better.
I feel disappointed and a little worried. I really, really expected his recovery to go smoothly. Instead, he has experienced fever above 101 on two occasions, over the holiday weekend and now. Plus, he is still fighting off the fluid in his lung, which feels better to him and which the P.A. could not hear, although he could tell that Mark was not getting a deep enough breath in that lung.
My blood pressure and pulse are back to normal. After Mark's surgery, but while he was still in the hospital, I experienced what can only be described as extreme anxiety. I did not have the anxious thoughts that usually go with that; my body just betrayed me.
My pulse shot up, I could not relax, then I began to worry that something must be wrong with me--the other half of my brain was well aware that this was only a delayed reaction to all we had been through. During the crisis, I was calm, able to handle whatever was thrown our way--and quite a bit was thrown our way. I know God was with me, protecting me through that. I don't believe He abandoned us after the surgery nor that I lost faith in His love and presence, just that--well, when it's hot, you sweat.
When you've been through a crisis, at some point that adrenaline has got to kick in. I suppose I had been pumping out that adrenaline throughout the crisis, and it enabled me to do what I had to do--attend to Mark, make decisions, drive back and forth to the hospital without getting sleepy despite almost no sleep (and very little food) for three days.
So here we are--3 1/2 weeks post surgery/heart attack. I'm waiting for life to get back to normal, but I suppose we've got the new normal for now.
I'm taking the children to the lake to swim. We had hoped that Mark would be able to go soon, especially since we are experiencing slightly cooler temperatures. Cooler as in upper 80s. Next week should be even cooler. I can't wait.
Just wanted to share this with you:
We were driving home from my parents house last night and saw a tornado about 10 miles west of our house. I have seen tornados on tv but never in real life. It disappeared before we could get the camera. I don't believe it did any damage, so if we are going to see a tornado, this was the one. Now no more tornados.
This is a link to one of the pictures others took of the tornado: http://blogs.kxan.com/cpg/displayimage.php?album=6&pos=3.
And here is a link to the story: http://www.kxan.com/Global/story.asp?s=8981640.
You can also view other pictures of this tornado by following the link in the upper left corner of the story, just under the title.
Although we have eaten relatively healthy, we have still enjoyed hamburgers, hot dogs, chips and sodas.
With Mark's heart attack and quadruple bypass, our diet is about to become ultra healthy.
Today we had portobello mushroom burgers for lunch today (Mark and I). (The children had turkey hot dogs on whole wheat buns.)
I found the recipe at the Mayo Clinic website. They have many heart healthy recipes. You can find the recipe at http://www.mayoclinic.com/print/healthy-recipes/NU00397/METHOD=print.
I have also checked out several books from our library. (Our library ladies have been wonderful, by the way. They are always asking how I am doing and are great at finding the books I need.)
I am currently reading:
Heart Mates: A Survival Guide for the Cardiac Spouse by Rhoda F. Levin (Evidently, suddenly bursting into tears for no apparent reason is perfectly normal. I figured it was, but it is nice to read that.)
The South Beach Diet: Taste of Summer Cookbook by Arthur Agatston, M.D. (I read another South Beach Diet book a few years ago and followed their diet exactly for two weeks and lost about 6 pounds.)
Diabesity: The Obesity-Diabetes Epidemic That Threatens America--And What We Must Do to Stop It by Francine R. Kaufman, M.D. (I read this book several years ago. It is packed full of research. One suggestion I remember to attack obesity/diabetes, especially in children and youth, was simply 5-2-1. Five fruits and veges each day, 2 hours or less of screen time--television or video games or computer time, 1 hour of physical activity daily. This is an easy way to check on your lifestyle and determine if it is healthy and where to make changes.)
Dr. Dean Ornish's Program for Reversing Heart Disease and Eat More, Weigh Less both by Dean Ornish, M.D. (I have not read either of these books, but I have read about this plan which drastically limits fat. Our cardiologist did not seem enthusiastic about this plan. I have read that many doctors don't recommend it because it is so hard to stick to.)
Our doctor recommended Weight Watchers as the best diet and healthiest eating plan. He also suggested South Beach Diet and Sugar Busters as good resources for healthy eating.
We bought a large dry erase board a couple of days ago to use in school. Our old one had literally fallen apart. The children have been using it to draw on, but today someone accidentally picked up the Sharpie PERMANENT Marker and began drawing. That child noticed he was using the permanent marker and panicked.
But Dad is our hero.
He told us to draw over the black permanent marker with the black dry erase marker then wipe it clean. Believe it or not, there is NO trace of permanent marker on our new board. Dad's housekeeping hint worked perfectly.
I don't think it works if the permanent marker has been allowed to dry, and I don't know if you need to use yellow with yellow, red with red, but the black on black worked wonderfully.
My brother-in-law posted this over on his Facebook page and I thought it was so powerful that I wanted to share it with you also. And since I've figured out this "source" thing, I'm like a little kid who has learned a new trick.
My cardboard testimony would read:
Cardiac Spouse~~~~Trusting in the Almighty God
I haven't mentioned, but...
There was a mix up while Mark was in surgery. They called us frequently with updates to let us know what they were doing. We received an update about every hour for three hours and then were told that they were closing up and he was off the bypass. Then nothing. No update. No reports. No doctors or nurses. No one around to ask. For almost two hours we waited, wondering what had gone wrong and why no one had come to talk to us.
After about an hour or so, I was pacing. Hands behind my back or held tightly in front and praying, praying, praying. And then I couldn't pray. I had no words, just this overwhelming fear that Mark was gone, that he had died. And I wanted to demand that God make him live. I wanted to tell God what He should do, and I wanted to beg Him, "Please God, please."
And all I could do was sing to myself, and the song, which I hadn't thought of in so long:
I surrender all,
I surrender all.
All to thee my Blessed Savior,
I surrender all.
And after humming it and singing it several times, I was able to say, truly, "I surrender all. I surrender Mark to you, Lord. Your will be done. You know how much I love him, how much I need him, how much our children need their father, but I surrender all."
Not 30 seconds later, a nurse came to get us. All she said was, "You need to come with me."
I asked, "Is he upstairs?"
"Yes."
All I could think was, "She didn't say if he was alive."
So we went upstairs to ICU, walked down this unbelievably long corridor, and finally I saw Mark and he was alive. Everyone had warned me that he would be swollen with lots of tubes and a ventilator, and that was all true, but he was beautful and alive. I know I had the biggest smile on my face, and I went into his room and took his hand. And I started to cry.
I think that moment passed my wedding day for happiness.
You must watch this video segment from a British TV show called Yes, Prime Minister. In this segment the prime minister proposes abolishing the Department of Education.
We saw the doctor today. Mark does not have pneumonia, although he does have just a little bit of fluid in his left lower lobe. He has been fever free for two full days, and I think he is looking better and healthier. He will begin cardiac rehab. next week.
I am waiting.
Waiting for that first bill from the hospital. I just need to see it in writing. One quadruple bypass=$100,000. Or whatever they are going for these days. Yes, we have insurance, which will pay the vast majority of that, but just the thought that we owe someone that much money.... At least until the insurance pays.
And we are waiting for the doctor's office to call. Mark has been running fever for the past few days, and so today he had a chest x-ray to rule out pneumonia. So we are waiting to hear about that.
And we are waiting for the insurance company or the doctor's office to change his cholesterol medicine or approve the prescribed medicine, because the insurance doesn't pay for Lipitor. And who would have thought that a pill could cost $5!!
But while I am waiting, I will do what my dear, sweet cousin reminded me, "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." (Col. 3:15-17 NIV)
Wednesday as I came back from the grocery store, I was calculating in my mind how much money we had in our wallets and in the bank, how much Mark's next, and last, paycheck would be, and how many bills there were to pay. We have disability insurance, but it only pays a small percentage of our income. I reminded myself that God had worked a miracle in saving Mark's life, that He had provided doctors and nurses and hospitals to take care of Mark, God could handle our money problems.
Whenever I think about our money problems, I am reminded of something said to me years ago. I used to babysit for a family with four children. One day the father was driving me home from babysitting and he began to tell me that my father was rich. Ha. I knew we weren't rich. We bought our clothes and shoes, not at Sears, but at the Sears Surplus store. But Mr. D told me, "Your Father owns the cattle on a thousand hills."
Thirty odd years later and that conversation came back to me. My Father owns the cattle on a thousand hills. He can handle whatever we are facing financially. Already God had begun to provide. A friend sent us $200 for gas, groceries, whatever we needed while Mark was in the hospital and recuperating. A relative wrote us a check for $300 to pay our insurance deductible. Friends Mark worked with took up a collection, enough money to buy groceries for a week. So I prayed.
And that afternoon someone from work brought a check for $680, provided by the company Mark works for. God does provide.
Baby Noah's mom (www.homeschoolblogger.com/ourquiverfull) has talked about their hardships as an opportunity for them to see God provide. George Mueller determined that his church and then the orphanage he managed would not ask for money but pray and wait on God to provide.
Our family has been truly blessed. My Father does indeed own the cattle on 1000 hills, and He will provide. I look forward to the amazing things He will do to carry us through.
The paperwork and educational material the hospital gave us warned us that Mark would experience insomnia, depression, irritability, etc. They forgot to mention that the wife would also experience exhaustion and tearfulness. Please pray for my patience and strength. Mark is so uncomfortable and in pain. It is hard not being able to help. I can change his bandages, pick up the remote control when he drops it, cook him healthy food, but I cannot help him to be comfortable. He paces from chair to chair, bed to rocker to couch. I have contacted the doctor about increasing his pain medication or changing it, but until then we're stuck. Then add running a household and managing children (who have been great helpers), and I teeter between challenged and overwhelmed.
I keep grabbing at verses I learned as a child like a lifeline to hope and help. "All things work together for the good of those who are called by God, according to his purposes." "You are my hiding place. You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance." "The Lord is my Shepherd. I shall not want." And the old hymns bring comfort. "I surrender all. I surrender all. All to Jesus, I surrender. I surrender all." "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, the saved a wretch like me..." And my very favorite: "Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine. Oh what a fortaste of glory divine. Heir of salvation, purchase of God, born of His Spirit, washed in His blood."
Today I keep reminding myself, or maybe the Holy Spirit is whispering in my ear, "The joy of the Lord is my strength." So I will just "Breathe deep, breathe deep the breath of God, " and go on about our day and KNOW that God is with us in all this.
Mark is recuperating at home. He is tired and sore but well. I did not realize how exhausting being home would be, but my parents have the children this afternoon and I am going to nap while Mark rests. It has been a much too exciting week. I don't know how long it will take us to be "normal" again. Although I think we are going to be seeing a new "normal".
Noah is showing a new found maturity; Jonah continues to be his helpful self; Grace is just a sweet, singing, dancing little girl. The younger two don't seem to be aware of the gravity of the situation, which is as it should be. Noah, even though I have been careful of how I've spoken about daddy's health, picked up on the fact that Mark had had a heart attack.
Of course, they all want to see daddy's scar. I will need to change the dressing tomorrow, so they will see it then. I would have dreaded seeing it, but saw the scar by accident. All I can think is how beautiful. Every time I see the scar I will think of how close I came to losing Mark and how blessed I am to have him, of the many prayers of friends and family, and of each miracle God performed in keeping Mark alive.