Apr. 13, 2008 - Anxiety: A Choice
When I started homeschooling, I knew that God had completely led our family in that direction, without a doubt. Along the way, He has confirmed it to me. Just last week it was confirmed again that we are on a path that is the best for for our kids and our family.
But recently I have overheard two conversations where people were making fun of homeschoolers. The jokes were the same types of things that Steve and I have laughed over, but for some reason I felt bad when I heard some non-homeschoolers make the jokes.
Today I felt a ton of anxiety over homeschooling. I have to admit that I went in the bathroom and cried, praying to God about my fear that I am ruining our children.
At that moment God brought to mind a conversation I recently had with a group at church. We were talking about fear and having trouble trusting God. A dude named Jeremy said, "God must get so frustrated with us. He provides for us over and over and over again, and we are still scared and worried."
So I am making the CHOICE to fight the anxiety. This is not easy. In fact, this week I have two medical appointments and they make me very, very anxious. But God clearly tells us "Do not be anxious about anything..." We all know the passage. How much clearer can He get?
Comments
Apr. 14, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by knoser
Sounds like you're a smart mama and a trusting woman.
You're doing great, don't let the poo pooers getcha down.
Apr. 14, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Kara Jo
Oh, Kris, thanks for sharing your heart. I can so relate to the feelings of anxiety you're talking about, as I'm sure can every other homeschooling mom I know. We all just want to do what's best for our kiddos...
I have struggled back and forth for the last year about whether or not to homeschool. I can't tell you how much anxiety it's caused me. And I worried either way. If I chose to homeschool, I worried that I would be the ONE homeschooling mom who would do a crappy job and really mess up her kids. (Of course, I am convinced that everyone else is doing a super job--including you, by the way.) And then on the flip side, I worried about sending them off to public school as well--for all the obvious reasons that make us consider homeschooling to begin with.
In the end, I felt led to homeschool Emily this past year, but send Abby to public school. And now this Spring I have struggled with the same question all over again for next year. I look at many other homeschooling families and want to do things that way also. Truth be told, I would love to be able to homeschool my kiddos, but it just doesn't seem to be a good fit for our family at this point. I feel shame at times over that--like I'm a failure for not being able to get it together to handle homeschooling.
The bottom line for me, though, is that I have sought the Lord, sought wise counsel, and Wade and I have talked...and are walking in the direction we believe we are being led.
Kris, you are doing the same. Bravo to you for being obedient and pressing on despite your fears or feelings of inadequacy! I am absolutely convinced that you are not only NOT ruining your girls, but are giving them priceless treasures by investing in them through homeschooling. What a gift. Thanks for your post and good reminder to choose to walk in peace instead of being paralyzed with anxiety.
Apr. 15, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by KHallblade
Kristi, thanks for the encouragement, as always. You're the best!
Kara Jo, thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. I think we get caught up in "Mom Guilt." No matter what we do and how well we do it, we are worried that we are going to screw up our kids. I have a friend who felt very guilty when she stopped homeschooling. But I reminded her that this isn't a moral decision with a right or wrong. It's more like choosing between what is good, better and best for our families.
Thanks for your kind and encouraging words! We need to meet in person someday...
