In my other blog, I have been writing about my struggle for perfection in all areas of my life and how as a pastor’s wife I am sometimes too concerned about what people in the church think about me. Max Lucado’s quote below really hit home for me today, and I hope to carry it and ponder it in my heart as I round the mountain, learning my lessons in this area every single day:

“Christ, however, gifts you with a finished work. He fulfilled the law for you. Bid farewell to the burden of religion. Gone is the fear that having done everything, you might not have done enough. You climb the stairs, not by your strength, but his. God pledges to help those who stop trying to help themselves.”

Of course, this quote is referring to religion, and how we can never fulfill all the law. We will always fall short. That’s why Jesus died for us.

But I am applying this quote to my life in the areas of my life where I feel I fall short: the laundry is never caught up, there is always one more phone call I could make, there is always something still to do as I leave the church building everyday. I never feel caught up. I always feel behind. I have got to learn to climb those stairs of my work not by my strength, but by His. I have got to stop helping myself and learn to lean on Him.

I think I do, but apparently I don’t, or I wouldn’t be feeling so overwhelmed and alone sometimes. Maybe sometimes I do listen to that voice that comes from somewhere, accusing me: “you haven’t done enough. You fall short. You will never measure up. Give it up, you’re spinning your wheels. No matter how hard you try, people are still going to let you down. What good is it? Why try anymore? Nobody appreciates what you do, and God is disappointed in you.”

In fact, I could rephrase Max Lucado’s quote to say, “Bid farewell to the fear of rejection.”

Surely, I recognize those are not thoughts from the Lord. They are my own thoughts. They are the enemy’s accusations.

I do struggle in my flesh in the area of rejection because in the back of my mind is a gnawing truth: my mother abandoned me at birth.

Unless you are an abandoned child, you can’t know how the enemy will toy with that fact and use it against you. He waves it tauntingly before you because he knows you are vulnerable in that area. And if he isn’t waving it, then you may be harboring that fact in the back of your mind. It convinces you that you don’t measure up, that you haven’t measured up from the beginning. It gives you a victim mentality instead of a victor mentality.

God sees me so differently. My mother may not have wanted me, but God wanted me to be born, and it is that truth that must wave higher than any other message about who I am. He is a father to the fatherless. He is the parent that wanted me from the time I was conceived. If the One True God of the universe wanted me from the very beginning, then does anything else matter? If he knit me together in my mother’s womb, knows the number of hairs on my head and values me more than the sparrows he lovingly care for — why would I dare to entertain any other thoughts?

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11

The LORD thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing. Zephaniah 3:17

I am a “pleaser” and a peace maker. It’s important to me to please people and keep peace between everyone. But it must become much more important to me that I please God and keep peace in my heart with Him, realizing that in His eyes I don’t fall short. In His eyes I’m his child. And if I’m His child — does anything else matter?

This reminds me of what Jesus said to Martha when she was being more task oriented than Jesus oriented. Perhaps He is saying the same to me.

“But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me. And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:40-42

Oh, Lord, help me to always choose that good part, the part that will never be taken away!