Feb. 2, 2008
Do the Next Thing
My twins with autism will be 13 in a few weeks. My son who is 17 has a diagnosis of bipolar and they all don't get along because of their cognitive problems. The twins really frustrate my 17 year old and he has a very hard time handling stress. He also has pragmatic semantic disorder and he doesn't know which things to get really upset about, so he gets upset about every little thing that they do instead of being able to ignore certain behaviors.
Just keep in mind as you read this post that this blog is entitled "Let's Get Real." This post might get a little ugly. If you have a perfect little family with perfectly behaved children, you will be shocked and horrified. It might be too much for you to handle, and you might want to read someone else's blog!
I haven't had a real bath since December. (I have taken showers! I'm not THAT gross! LOL.) But I love my baths. I usually try to get a "spa morning" in every Saturday but haven't had a chance. Today I thought I'd try it. Well, it ended pretty much like I thought it would. The kids got in a horrible fight, food ended up on the walls, and they were yelling and screaming at one another. (My husband wasn't home.)
This behavior is so daily that it really gets to me. I feel so guilty sending the twins to daycare after six and a half hours of school so I can get a couple of hours of a break from them (I teach them at our cottage school all day) but I really don't know what else to do other than have someone come in and help me but that's not possible right now.
Sometimes the chaos that is autism makes me want to hide, you know? We've all been there.
What helps me get through this sometimes is thinking about mothers with triplets or quints or some such thing. I then don't let myself feel sorry for myself that way, but it's hard not to.
I think the hardest thing about being a parent is accepting and embracing the need to give our day to God and let Him order our steps and if plan A doesn't work out, then go to plan B. Believe me, there have been days when I needed to go all the way to plan Z. I used to be a type A personality wanting things done a certain way -- and I have had to learn SO MUCH in parenting these special kids! Sometimes I wonder if it's really true that God will not give us more than we can handle, but really, if we let HIM DO IT and flow through us, then it IS true.
And I'm preaching to myself, sisters!!!
Someday I will have more time for baths. But sometimes it feels like this is going to last forever and that the boys will never be independent enough to live on their own someday. But I can't worry about tomorrow because to do so would be to sin (Mark 10, Luke 12). I have to only think about "the next thing."
"Just do the next thing, Karla," I say to myself.
And sometimes, the next thing, is just to pause, pray, and rest in God while the mashed potatoes go slithering down the wall.
I suppose if I can find peace in the midst of the chaos, then I have truly learned to lean on Him.
Comments
Feb. 3, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Anonymous
Karla,
As a mom of an autie, neighbor to autie twins, and relative of two people with bipolar, I am not shocked by food on the wall. I've had a bowl of oatmeal dumped on my head!!!! I'm praying for you to feel true inexplicable peace that you cannot explain when the food is flying! :-)
Here is a quote from Charlotte Mason you might enjoy!
http://www.amblesideonline.org/CM/3_03.html
Faith.––Other ingredients go to the making of the delectable compound we call 'masterly inactivity,' but space will allow me to speak of only one more. That highest form of confidence, known to us as faith, is necessary to full repose of mind and manner. When we recognise that God does not make over the bringing up of children absolutely even to their parents, but that He works Himself, in ways which it must be our care not to hinder, in the training of every child, then we shall learn passiveness, humble and wise. We shall give children space to develop on the lines of their own characters in all right ways, and shall know how to intervene effectually to prevent those errors which, also, are proper to their individual characters.
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Feb. 3, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by hugs4Him
I understand... it's so draining. Thank God you have the daycare! I'd love a break sometime. All I do is live & think about autism, the next therapy, what this one is doing if anything, the bad reaction & what happened; the now & then good reactions keep me going ... I need those more though!
We do have to let go so much don't we? Letting go of expectations, our own & others of us. Thank you for reminding me of the sin of worry; lately I've been thinking too much of the future. It's not good & there's reasons God doesn't want that of us for sure. It weighs me down to do that. Can barely manage thinking about tomorrow LOL!
I love the way you present your day, which I can truly appreciate the stress therein, however you inject some humor while sharing as well. I often say to dh if I don't laugh, I'll cry. Lately I've been needing to remember that more...
Blessings & thanks as always for "being real"! Michele
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Feb. 3, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Majormom
I remember listening to Elizabeth Elliot on the radio and it seemed like "do the next thing" was her mantra. Yet that very statement has helped me many times. From one Type A to another, I pray for you peace on your borders. Hugs, J
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Feb. 4, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by PosterGirl
So sorry you're hurting, dear sister. I'll be praying for you. I know those pains that just keep on keeping on can really wear you down.
Hang in there,
Kim
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