Feb. 20, 2007 - Combat Pay or Confessions of a Weary Mom
Moms with boys should get combat pay for getting them up out of bed and ready for school each day. But Moms with AUTISTIC BOYS should get DOUBLE combat pay! I have twins with autism and a son with bipolar. None of us are sunflowers in the morning.
I am exhausted by the time we arrive at the church for cottage school each morning! Wait, who am I kidding? I'm so exhausted and frustrated and overhwhelmed after getting them ready every morning I can hardly haul myself into the van's driver's seat to drive to cottage school!
The mornings, no matter how organized I am, are hectic. I don't handle hectic with very much grace. I want to. I know I should, but it's just plain hard.
I get up before they do. If I am doing what I plan to, I get to exercise for about 20 minutes before waking them up. I switch laundry and pack their snacks and lunches before waking them up. I locate an outfit for each of them because they cannot pick out an outfit for themselves.
Then, I holler down to their rooms to wake them up. The twins wake up without a problem, and they come bounding up the stairs picking at each other every step of the way. The son with bipolar has a very difficult time waking up in the mornings and is a snap dragon. It takes me three or four tries to pry him from the blankets.
People with typical children don't understand. They think a few consequences for this bipolar child would solve all his getting up issues. They don't understand that kids with bipolar have a very, very difficult time waking up. They stay in a lethargic dream like state until about noon every day. It is a real challenge.
Okay, so, they are up. I have their oatmeal ready for them to eat after they get dressed. I wake up their dad and ask him to help out, but he has ADD, too, so gets distracted by "The Beverly Hillbillies" or "The Three Stooges" and forgets to help the boys get ready.
I take a whole 15 minutes to shower, put on my make-up, fix my hair and get dressed. (Hey, when you have kids like this, you learn to do things FAST!) You would think in that amount of time the boys could have found their backpacks, snowpants, boots, etc., and be ready for me when I launch myself out of the bedroom and fly down the hall to grab my coat, brief case and purse.
Nope.
Dad is knee deep in the stooges, and I am knee deep in trying very hard not to loose it. The twins are picking at each other, fighting over the sack of snacks. The bipolar son is getting more and more upset with his noisy, noncompliant brothers. One of them can't find his shoes. Another one doesn't remember where he put his reading book, and on and on it goes.
It would seem so simple. Trust me, it isn't.
I don't know why I think it will be different every day, but I do. I still dream and hope for that one smooth morning, when all the underwear fits, the socks match, and the shoes are in the closet where they are supposed to be.
But the fact is, I am so exhausted by the time the boys go to bed at 8:00 PM that I can hardly move. In fact, moving is the last thing I want to do. I sit in my chair while my husband watches something silly on TV and stare off into space until I drift off to sleep. This means that the prime time I have for cleaning and organizing for the next day drifts off with me into la la land. And so the nightmare repeats itself the next morning.
Listen friends, please don't judge that Mom with the exhausted look on her face who's wearing socks that don't match her outfit. Don't judge those autistic adolescent kids who show up to school with holey sweat pants instead of the jeans she set out for them. Don't assume that their life is in any way similar to living with typical people with no mental or cognitive disabilities because it's not. Not even in the very least way. There are no quiet evenings at dinner, no simple family conversations, no outings without crisis. There is only survival. There is only a promise of the sun coming up again the next morning bringing with it all the antics and angst only children with behavioral disabilities can bring you.
But with all those crazy moments, there is one overriding thing that does bring hope to mothers exhausted and wrung out. And that is the love shown through unexpected hugs and kisses from those autistic boys whom she was told would never be able to display affection.
Love might not solve problems. It might not find those lost pairs of socks and missing book bags. But it does provide fire to the bones and enough fuel to face just one more day. Where there are special ed teachers, they will not remain, where there are therapies, they will cease, where there are social stories, they constantly change and where there are developmental pediatricians, they will fade away.
The only thing that will remain out of all these things is love.
The greatest of these is love. There will always, always be love, bigger than the sky, higher than the Empire State Building and deeper than the darkest ocean.
And for me, that love is what gets me through. It is love that keeps me waking up and trying again, hoping for, and dreaming for -- my boys. One day at a time, one tantrum at a time, one lost mitten at a time, we will make it. It might not be pretty, and it might not always be fun. But it will always, always, be worth it.
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Feb. 21, 2007 - Amazing Love |
| Posted by Anonymous |
I never cease to be amazed by the power and beauty of a mother's love. The way in which it shapes and molds lives and the way it gently but steadily overcomes obstacles is simply breathtaking. I think that part of what makes such love so beautiful is the simple manner in which it is offered - often in obscurity and far from the spotlight but never unnoticed and never forgotten.
There may not be any combat pay forthcoming and the recipients may take your love for granted at times but the service has been duly noted and I know it will be amply rewarded. Thank you for sharing this glimpse (as hectic as it may be) of your life and love.
May the Lord continue to bless and encourage you in the labor of love that is a mother's life.
"For God is not unjust to forget your work and labor of love..." Heb. 6:10
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May. 10, 2007 - don't judge this FAMILY |
| Posted by Anonymous |
My daughter-in-law is 32, bipolar married to my son, they have a 15 yr old bipolar son, 14yr old daughter,and 11yr old bipolar son.
Kids taken away by state in 2005, everyone went to therapy, kids back march 2006, judge says 11yr old too young to diagose by his understanding, still waiting for final decision, everyone exhausted by counseling. Hired a lawyer who is in shock as to how unorthodox the whole thing is and now the sate of Nebraska is thinking of taking the kids back into state custody! This grandma is fuming and fighting and finding websites for support and wisdom. This is a tragedy and I need some help!!
patbattt@msn.com |
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May. 10, 2007 - don't judge this FAMILY |
| Posted by Anonymous |
My daughter-in-law is 32, bipolar married to my son, they have a 15 yr old bipolar son, 14yr old daughter,and 11yr old bipolar son.
Kids taken away by state in 2005, everyone went to therapy, kids back march 2006, judge says 11yr old too young to diagose by his understanding, still waiting for final decision, everyone exhausted by counseling. Hired a lawyer who is in shock as to how unorthodox the whole thing is and now the sate of Nebraska is thinking of taking the kids back into state custody! This grandma is fuming and fighting and finding websites for support and wisdom. This is a tragedy and I need some help!!
patbattt@msn.com |
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About Me
I have 5 children and three grandchildren. My oldest two children are married with children of their own. My youngest three are still at home. My middle child is 15 has bipolar, semantic-pragmatic disorder, hypothyroidism, adhd, dyslexia, giftedness and other issues. My youngest children, twins, are 11 and have autism, mental retardation, communication disorder, and all the behaviors that go with those lovely diagnoses!
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