Educating Leaders - No Conveyor Belt Education Here!

November 17, 2005 - Why Have Standards For Our Teens?

Often our kids may wonder why we have certain rules in our home. We continually try to teach our children that rules and standards are a good thing. Without standards, we are left unprotected. If our teenagers know the standards they should be able to apply them when they are away from home. In order to do this well, our kids must know the difference between God's Rules and House Rules.

God's Rules are those standards specifically stated in His Word. Do not lie. Do not cheat. Do not commit adultery. Our kids should be grounded in God's Word so much that they know these standards like the back of their hand. Not only should they be able to quote those standards, they should know how to apply these standards. This takes wisdom, training and talking with them on a regular basis.

Our kids should have a high view of the Scripture, so they desire to obey God's Word. A high view of the Scripture leads to a high view of parental authority. When our kids obey God's Word, they will ultimately obey their parents. As parents we should not take advantage of this situation. Instead, we should be in awe of the responsibility we have in teaching our kids what God's Rules are and how they differ from House Rules.

House Rules are those standards that our family follows. They are the application of God's Word in our life. For instance, the movies we let our kids watch are usually different from the ones other kids can watch. We have been very particular about what they can watch as they grow up. Where we draw the line is simply a House Rule, not God's Rule. Our House Rules will look different than other family's House Rules.

House Rules cover a large variety of topics, including movies, tv, books, clothing, curfew, friends, sleep-overs, snacks, courtship, and so on. You get the idea, I'm sure.

It is important to iron out those House Rules early on. Communicate faithfully what is expected of your kids so they have an understanding of God's Rules and House Rules.

One problem many Christian kids have is they don't know the difference between God's Rules and the House Rules in their own family. Their parents have not taught them the difference and often the House Rules are enforced as strongly as God's Rules. This leads to legalism and pietism. When kids from these homes leave, they have a tendency to rebel against the "rules". One way to avoid that rebellion is talking to your kids, over and over and over again. I'm not talking about the talks after disobedience. These are talks around the dinner table, in the car, on a walk. Casual talks are the best time to discuss House Rules and God's Rules. Those are the times your kids will remember.

Standards are great when your teens understand them. Standards protect our kids. Standards will produce leaders when properly understood. Be sure to teach your kids why you have such standards. After they understand, begin to let them have some freedom in decision making. Older teens should learn to apply God's Rules while they are at home with their parent's guidance. As they make right decisions, encourage more wisdom in their life. As they make wrong decisions, gently teach them to what God would want them to do in that situation. It is better for them to fall a few times at home, rather than when they are out of the house.

Teens that have opportunities to make their own decisions (with guidance, support and encouragement from their parents) grow up to be the leaders of tomorrow.

Kerry

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Family
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November 17, 2005 - Excellent points

Posted by JoelKing

Grounding children in Godly standards is fundamental...

When I think of how I instruct my children on what they should and should not do, I also tell them WHY...

For instance, it is one thing to say do not steal because it is wrong and leave it at that. But, I take the next step and tell them WHY it is wrong. And my answer isn't the simple (yet true) statement of 'because God says so.'

No, I tell them it's wrong because it violates the law of Love. If you expect to be loved, then you need to love in return. Therefore, if you steal from someone, you are showing NO love to that person. And it is your lack of love which is the violation of Godly standards.

Why do I not steal? Because you love.
Why do I not kill? Because you love.

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November 17, 2005 - Great Point

Posted by LeadershipEducation

Thanks for the comment and great point.

Kids really need to know the reasons why God says yes or no. We reinforce the idea of love, as well as many other reasons. One that my husband continues to share is the fact that our actions do not happen in a vacuum. Our actions affect others around us, even if it doesn't "look" like it.

So many reasons that God gives us at least 18 years to teach and train our children in the "whys" of God's Word.

Kerry

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A place to interact about teaching our kids without following the conveyor belt model of the government schools. Think outside the box and provide a leadership education for your children. Other musings are included on a regular basis :-)

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