In church these past two weeks we've been talking and praying about eachother's burdens.  At the beginning, I was so fired up for God.  We'd just gotten back from China, my dad was quitting his job (and I've been SO excited for the changes that are coming with that), and I felt perfectly fine.
Then two nights ago came.
My sister and I have really, REALLY wanted to be involved in a youth group.  Our church is so small (yet, it's really great to be in), that we don't have a youth group.  The youth: me, my sister, and this other guy that just turned 13.  So, what are we to do?  We ask my dad if we can search, yet again, for a youth group.  In the past, we've found one really awesome youth group - but it's 30 minutes away.  The one closer we went too is so HUGE and it seems like everyone has their own little clique.  We've gone to a few others, but they just don't seem to be the one we're looking for.

And then I met this girl at the end of school.  She is the first girl I've met that has such a good relationship with God and is open to talking about Christianity and issues, and whatever else that is on her heart.  Exactly what I was looking for in a friend.  So, she invites me to a purity class that's going on for almost the whole school year.  You're taught about abortion, sex before marriage, it covers probably EVERYTHING.  The most I was looking forward to about this class was learning and being able to help other girls struggling with modesty, the thought of abortion, or whatever else. 
Can you guess what time it meets?
The same time our church meets - 5 pm every Sunday.
So my dad's answer?
No.

Well, that's what it basically sounded like to me anyway.  And the whole thing has been kept silent ever since.
Until two nights ago at least.

My sister and I brought the subject of looking for a youth group again.  And as my dad begins to talk, it sounds like this HUGE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!  He has this tendency to mention all the negatives of what we're asking for and then he says, "But I'm not saying no."  And we're like "Really?  Cause that's what it sure sounds like with everything you have against it."
So my dad starts talking about all the kids that go to youth group just to hang out; all the kids that go there that may seem on fire for God, but later leave the church altogether; all the stories he's heard of the young youth pastors abusing his students, running off with the pastor's wife, whatever the bad story may be; that my sister and I would probably find it hard to get involved since we don't go to the church; he puts on this whole NOOOO! talk. 
And then: "But this doesn't mean it's a no."

I'M ABOUT READY TO SCREAM!!!

So, I brought up the purity class again, in a letter, telling my dad, what if we ask how our church feels about meeting in the late morning?  I ask him what the harm is, what if this is God's will?  Later I learn he feels really bad that I can't seem to find a youth group, that everything that comes up seems to not work. 

Now I feel bad...I mean, really bad.

How can I show my desires without feeling so bad, without seeming to hurt my dad's feelings that his teaching isn't satisfying my desire to be with other teens?  Even though I love his teaching, and I've really grown from sitting in with the adults, I so want that relationship with other teens who have the same passion for God as I do.  But...I don't know what to do.

So, Sunday, my dad and I are being prayed over.  I'm sure they're going to be asking me about what burdens I have, and that's what I'm going to say.  I think I'm scared that this desire in my heart to be involved in a youth group, to go on trips with other teen girls and grow in my relationship with God with other teens, won't be met, that maybe God has another plan.  This is the first time I'm really scared about what God has in store.  Does He want me to be in a youth group?  Or is there something else?  I've been asking him to give me peace about whatever his will is, but I'm not feeling that peace.

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