This week I've been thinking a lot about growing up.
  I'm going to try to explain this as best I can, but in fact, all the things I'm going to put down are scattered and out of place and only really make sense in my mind. One of those deep thoughts that's kind of hard to explain.
  I was in a college town the other day, eating out. We were waiting for my grandparents to get there, just sitting there in our car. So I watched the people going in and out of the restaurant. They were college students. And they were all just a couple years older than me.
  Once a family friend told me, "I may be 46, but I feel as if I'm still just your age." I told some other adults about this, asking them if it was true, expecting some of them to say something slightly haughty, like, 'Oh no...I do feel different. You're changing all the time.' But no one I've talked to disagreed. They said that it was totally true. That you may acquire more knowledge, but your soul never really changes.
  I have experienced this a little bit myself, to some degree...because I still feel the same as when I was 8, and I'm 15 now. You adults/old people (just kidding!) may think that that's not really a big deal. So what? I'm only 15. But let me explain what I'm thinking about all this.
  I will be a technical adult in 3 years. I could be going to college that soon. Now, I've always considered growing up...being an adult...the ultimate goal of my life. It's all about my future...what I'm going to be when I 'grow up', you know? Therefore I've never really felt grown up, because I always see it in the future, not part of what's happening to me now. So I haven't really been preparing myself. I still see it as a long way off. But I'm going to be an adult in 3 years! I don't feel really ready to live on my own right now, and if my soul never changes, who's to say I'll feel ready then?
  It just feels so weird to me. My friends are getting drivers licenses and jobs. I'll find myself in conversations with my friends about what college they want to go to...Realistic conversations. One of my best friends was telling me the other day that she wants to go to Harvard, and that you don't have to pay as much to get in if you were involved in a lot of community service during High School, so she's organizing a walk for a good cause in the fall, I believe. She's actually got a plan for what she wants to do, because she knows we're growing up. We're growing up soon. We're growing up right now, actually.
  Anyway...I don't know what to say. In spite of the depressing way I've written this, I'm actually sort of excited. I have realized that I need to start preparing myself, though. Wow. It's really happening.