I'm sorry everyone. I've been trying to write down my birth story for a few days. I'm too emotional to do it right now. My husband keeps telling me how strong I was. He keeps saying that I never couldv'e delievered the baby ******lly. Everyone keeps saying that! But, I know that I could have...if I hadn't have given up. There were other options, but I was too tired to try them.
So, now my body has been cut open again, and I have failed. I didn't get the birth that I wanted, and I am questioning how future children will be born. I don't even think that trying for a regular birth after two c-sections is an option for me. The town we live in is not open to it.
If you know me in real life, please DO NOT call me and ask me how I'm doing. I just need to vent. I don't need people worrying about me and bugging me to death. I don't want to talk about it with anyone other than my husband. | 
I know at the moment you may not want to or be able to hear that, but you will later. I would love to have another child and would be thankful to have a C-section in order to make that happen. Unfortunately, I can't even conceive.
I will keep you in prayer these next few days. It sounds like rather than just being disappointed it wasn't the birth you had prayed for, that you are disappointed in yourself. Please don't be. You didn't let anybody down, except perhaps yourself. There is not a single person on this planet, including your newest BLESSING who feels at all disappointed in you.
You did a great job. You got your baby here safetly. Enjoy getting to know him.
Many Blessings
Tara B