Here it is, late on Tuesday night.  We have been home 48 hours.  Those 48 hours have been like a whirlwind.  So much has taken place that it's hard to wrap my brain around it all.  Yesterday and today Blaine had visits with Birthmom.  She seems to have accepted the fact that he will be adopted by us.  I find it so strange to say that.  I can't imagine ever being okay with something like this.  Then I stop and try to simply wrap my brain around her life and her existence.  I can't do it.  This woman has literally lost everything.  It is common place for her to 'lose' her child.  wow.  So far she is continuing with visits.  After each visit I wonder if this will be her last one; if next time she just won't show up.  The couselor as well as the case worker have made it very clear that they are filing to terminate her parental rights next month.   Today the counselor also made it clear that Blaine sees ME as his mommy, not her.  Heart wrenching. 

My heart is aching for those I know that don't know Jesus.  Lately I have been so burdened to pray for people I know that don't know what they are missing in their lives.  There are so many agendas, and platforms, and useless causes.............as Solomon wrote in the book of Ecclesiastes, "Meaningless! Meaningless!  Utterly meaningless!   Everything is meaningless."  At the end of the book he concludes that the only thing in this life that matters at all is that we know God.  For ultimately all we will have will turn to dust and our soul will rise to Him for judgement.   Nothing on this earth matters except for our relationship or lack of one with the God of the universe. 

I often wish I could enter the hearts of those I love that do not follow Jesus so I could understand what makes a person NOT choose Him.  There are so many ways to reject Him.  There's the obvious one of the person who shakes their fist at God and flat out rejects or denies Him.  There's the person who puts their fingers in their ears saying BlahBlahBlah I can't hear you and claims atheism.  And then there is the person who get's the fact that they sin thus offend a holy God and yet feel no need to accept Jesus' sacrificial gift that covers our sin so that we can stand clean before holy God.  They just don't care.  Why?  Why and how can people not care?  I believe I will ask this question until the day I die.  And until that day comes, I will continue to pray that God will open the eyes of my loved ones, and that they will see that Jesus is THE Way, THE Truth, and THE Life and that no one will come to God without Him in their hearts.