Mar. 3, 2008 - Music Rehab
Just by looking at my blog you can probably guess that music is very important to me. Believe it or not, I actually went through a period when I seriously wondered if music was just a part of my past. I started taking piano lessons when I was five and took to it like a duck to water. I remember learning to sing harmony as a third grader. I was earning an income with music by the time I was in high school. Music paid for my college. Then ten years ago we moved to the state we currently reside in. No one here knew anything about my musical abilities. And I left it that way for a few years while I was home with two small babies. However when that drive awakened, I found the outlets just were not there like they were when I was growing up. The church that we went to was a wonderful church, but boy howdy, was it rough on a musician! You see at that church, there just were no openings. I never did figure that out- a church with a weekly attendance of 3,000... And there was only a handful of soloists- literally! I could count them on one hand! There were even times when you heard the same soloist in the same service. The minister of music- I know he was godly man. I know he wanted to do his best. The only thing I could ever figure was that perhaps he was being driven by fear? What if someone messed up? What someone wasn't perfect? His background was in the orchestra. That was really his heart. And he was very good with the orchestra. I suppose maybe vocal music was outside his comfort zone? It's completely conjecture on my part. I really have no idea. I just know that he was a good, godly man who earnestly wanted to offer the praise and worship due to God. He just used very few people to do it. All in all, it was very closed. After a couple of years, I had really worked up a huge complex about my musical abilities or what I feared was a lack thereof! It was so painful that I set out looking for something else to fulfill that desire of my heart. I joined the drama team of my church and did that for a few years. It was fun, and I did learn and get to do some things I had never done before. But it wasn't music... It all came driving home to me when my daughter had a threatening medical condition. Through all the stress of that, seeing her getting worse and not better, wondering what her future would hold, I rediscovered music. I remembered how music had always brought such joy in my growing up years. I recalled how in college when I went to choir and voice and piano lessons, no matter what my mood was when I walked in, I always left a happy girl. I was always lifted- my burden was lighter. So I decided to head back to music. I didn't care whether I ever got to use my music to serve in worship. I would just sit in the choir, doing the same easy music. It was my therapy. It made that time easier to cope with. It gave me a little bit of cheer and hope to go deal with the stress we were under.
So then I decided that since church wasn't open to me, I'd just have to go look elsewhere. As much joy as I gleaned from those simple choir practices, it only awakened my desire for more challenge, to stretch and grow. So I worked up a resume' and got a job teaching piano at a local music store. It was quite a shock when I did start getting to be in some ensembles at church. But I must say it was bittersweet. As thankful as I was to be able to be a part of a deeper level of music at church, I never could shake the feeling that it was only because now I had "credentials." And there was also the fear that that little bit would be taken away if I did any hint of less than perfect. I was still in a huge group of people where there were many untapped talents- and that can be a very unsteady, insecure place to be! In short, it was still quite a torture! In talking with my sweetie, I decided that I was going to still keep searching for that challenge- the "more" I was craving. So I auditioned for a local choir. And wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles, I made it!!! After so many years of doubting and second-guessing, I was so shocked that I'd be allowed to sing anything, anywhere! I honestly felt like I must be one of those people on American Idol- you know the laugh-offs? The people who think they can sing and are woefully deluded? Joining that choir was such a wonderful move for me. It is such a positive group. It has been like water to my soul. It is music that's a joy to sing, and an environment of such encouragement.
Fast forward to now... We did eventually make the decision to get to a different church. It was such a hard decision, made mostly because of what we saw for our children. But the music did play a small part in our decision to move on. We've been a part of our new church for almost a year and it's been heavenly. It's been a wonderful place for our children, foremost. But there is also such a wealth of truly talented musicians. And it is sheer joy to be able to serve with them. It's taken a while to work through the fears and to slowly re-emerge from the shell I'd been in for all those years. But I'm making it! I'm so thankful to be in the warmth again.
Comments
Mar. 4, 2008 - Hello
Posted by jones9387
I am glad that you found a church so that you can use the gift that the Lord gave to you. What a wonderful blessing that is. I took piano lessons when I was 10 or so and the only reason I took them is because my mom made me. I really didn't have a choice. What I really wanted to do was to learn how to play the sax. That is my favorite instrument. But I never got to. Oh well I may take it up again so that I can teach our children how to play the piano.
I do have to tell you that you write beautifully. I am still trying to work on my writing skills. I hope that the Lord helps me with that. He has helped me with a lot of other things that I was having trouble with.
Yes, we are all getting better now. That was so miserable. It's always sad to see your little ones sick.
I would give you some deer meat but we are almost out. Not a lot of people like the taste of deer meat. When I cook it you can't tell it is deer meat. mmmm it is scrumptious. The best way to take the wild taste out of deer meat is to put some chicken bullion in with the deer meat as it is cooking. It actually tastes like beef after it is done cooking. When we go hunting and we take down the deer. We don't take it to get it processed because we don't know if we get the meat back that we brought in. So we process it ourselves. It does take some time but you know what? it is worth it. We know what is in our freezer. . I went to the library and checked out a tape on how to process deer and we copied it off. So every year we watch it to refresh our memory. It is so much cheaper to do it that way. Well I hope you have a wonderful day today. Many blessings to you and your family.
Hugs,
Tiffany ;)
Mar. 7, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by lahbluebonnet
I'm glad you found a place to use your gifts. Our church believes the more the merrier! I love music, I can read music, but I'll never solo. That's a gift I do not have. I am really glad you feel as though you fit now!
Blessings,
Laurie
Mar. 7, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by lahbluebonnet
I'm glad you found a place to use your gifts. Our church believes the more the merrier! I love music, I can read music, but I'll never solo. That's a gift I do not have. I am really glad you feel as though you fit now!
Blessings,
Laurie
Mar. 7, 2008 - Hi
Posted by jones9387
What do you know....I live in Missouri also and we take advantage of all the weekends to go hunting. :) My husband wasn't really into hunting but he took it up. I grew up eating wild game. My dad was and still is a hunter and a fisherman. Growing up I have eaten. Deer, fish, coons, pheasant, rabbit fish and frog legs. I also grew up on wild mushrooms mmm those are my favorite. I am so happy my dh and I took up hunting 3 years ago. Needless to say out of the 3 daughters I am the one who has walked in the path of my dad as far as loveing the outdoors and hunting and fishing. So I am like my dad. I love it.
Talk to you later :)
Tiffany
Mar. 10, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by teachingmisssmartypants
I'm very un-musical (I played trombone for three years, dropped it, and never looked back). It must be amazing to have such a gift for music that you ache to use it. That is a blessing, and I'm glad you have found outlets for it.
Mar. 31, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by momto4beauties
I completely understand where you are coming from. I haven't gotten to use my musical abilities in years. However, it is my one true love..which I attended college for initially, but met the hubby, married,etc...didnt' finish college. Anywhoo...I still have that longing in my soul and no outlet for it. I may never get that, I know. But I am truly happy to hear that you have found one. God gives us each a gift to use. It is usually the one thing that we wake up thinking about the most, that is deep in our hearts and soul...God-given. Music is that for me, and for you as well. You are so blessed!
