I'm not sure how it happens, but whenever one of my kids is gone for a few days, they always seem to come back looking like they've grown up.  such was the case with emily when she returned from CIY tonight.  this strange phenomenon makes me almost gasp aloud and i find myself staring and trying to pick out what exactly the differences are.  19 years of mothering 5 kids and i still can't figure it out.

i find myself a little threatened by this, mostly because it's an occurance that has gone on without either my approval or my involvement.  silly, i know.  but the fact remains that i am feeling the first pangs of letting go of my daughter (which is entirely different than that of the boys) and i'm just not quite sure what to make of it.  it is more like a part of myself with my girls than it was with the boys, and i am praying that i don't do something stupid like try to ride out my own final teen years through theirs.  those of you who are close to me and know me...please don't let me do that, 'k?  nevertheless, it has been a really great experience overall, but it does leave me in an odd place that i've not been to for awhile...