Nov. 12, 2007
My Wasted Time in Public School (no pun intended)

I really appreciated Deborah Wuehler's recent entry, "Public School - A Waste of Time - A Waste of Life."  Just by the title itself, I was immediately transported back to a time that I thought would never end.  Endless hallways of lockers; noisy chaos one moment - dead silence the next.  I felt as though I was trapped inside the Twilight Zone, and it truly did feel like it would be my life forever. 

I remember reading recently, that one of the biggest issues with students in our public school system is that of boredom.  I concur.  Lectures that droned on and on.  Tick-tock, tick-tock.  Or how about the schedule, convenient for the school but terrible for the student.  Like mandatory swimming just before a big test.  Or how about swimming just before school lets out - but leaves you no time to dry your long hair - that is, if you want to catch the bus home.  It's one of the coldest days in the northeast, and the moment you walk out the door - your wet hair freezes in these long frozen locks.

Public school is to teach the masses, and the masses must be moved and maintained in whatever way works.  Except "works" doesn't really mean educated in the end.  It works in a babysitter sense, and in an arranged schedule sense.  But it does not work towards the goal of a true education.

So there I was trapped.  Truly, out of my mind with boredom.  Depressed about my life.  That hamster on a wheel comes out to be the best analogy.  Not to worry, in our drug free school there was plenty to go around.  I spent three years in a stuper.  How does that work, when you're in the school district where "these things don't go on" in this well-to-do town -- except for half the school is doing it? 

One day, after time in the woods by the school with some friends, I came back into school with the boldness to skip my next class.  I went into the guidence office for a legitimate excuse to not be in class.  I thought I'd hang with my guidence counselor, who had told me to drop in anytime I needed to talk.  His secretary told me he was with someone else, and not available.  As she was speaking, the whole room began to melt and I could only see as though I was looking through a triple screen.  As I stared at her, trying to get my bearings, she came in and out of focus.  I saw her staring back at me with a very puzzled look.  She said to me "Wait right there."   She walked away and so did I. 

I happened to walk out in the hall right when the bell rang, and the hall flooded with students rushing to their classes.  I grabbed onto a friend and said "Help me, something's wrong.  All we did was smoke a joint, but something else must have been in it."  (I did no harder drugs than smoking pot during those three bad years.)  The response came "I've gotta get to class."  I tried one more friend, then another.  No help.  My sight was getting worse, I could hardly see.  The hall was empty now and I made it to the end, down the stairs, and then another long hallway.  Door after door, I struggled to see what room that was.  I was trying to find a restroom.  Teachers had to notice me, groping my way down the hallway - I don't know how they didn't.  I'd walk right up to a door and stare at it's number at the top, full classroom right inside.

Finally I found "Girls."  So grateful, I fell into the least used restroom in the school.  I would have it all to myself.  Every pore in my body was oozing sweat.  My hair was wet with it.  My heart was pounding out of my chest.  I lay prostrate, face down right on that bathroom floor and savored the feeling of cold that came up from the floor.  I fell asleep - or you might say passed out.  I don't know how long I was there, but when I awoke, I was weak and unstable.  I looked at myself in the mirror and wondered "What on earth just happened?" 

After a bit of time I got up the nerve to walk out the door.  I had brought myself to the end of the day.  School was almost over.  As I walked down the hall, a school administrator approached me.  She said "We've been looking for you.  Report to the nurses office right away."  I did.  "I'm caught." was all I could think.  Nope.  When I got there, it was simply time for some standard procedure that I had failed to do up to that point.  In fact, I do believe it was an eye exam, which I took and passed.  Fell through the cracks again - but thankfully, lived to tell about it.

It was a waste of time - and a waste of life for me.  Thank God, He does restore the years, and He gives back so much when we turn our lives over to Him.  And nothing is truly wasted, for He will use it all to show He is mighty in our lives. 

My heart goes out to prisoners everywhere, in our government schools all over the nation.  May they take heart, and realize - it's the system they are in that's broken, and they are not stupid - just bored.

I don't have to watch my children go through the same feelings of waste day after day that I endured.  That trapped feeling - where you watch the clock tick off the minutes - the hours - day after day.  They have many things to do when they are through with academics, and it does involve their interests and giftings.  God is shaping them, and as their parents we are so privileged to be such a large part of that work.  And it is humbling, because it is all Him. 

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Comments

Nov. 15, 2007 - Public School Truths

Posted by Anonymous

Hello. I came upon your blog through a link on a current blog I read daily. I would like to first say that I agree whole-heartedly with you about keeping our children's hearts. I just had a baby and have talked seriously with my husband about homeschooling her when the time for her to enter school comes. However, I would like to shed some light on some issues for public school teachers who became teachers for the sole purpose of changing lives. I'm not sure what schools are like in your area, but I am a public school teacher and all the teachers on my campus have a heart and desire to see every child succeed and to change their lives on the way. My campus is an economically disadvantaged campus and I feel that the Lord has put me there as a missionary to show His love and grace to these elementary aged students who have no one, and I mean no one to show them any type of love. Even though I'm not allowed to openly share my faith with them, I pray every morning that God would use me to show Him to them and that I would be a sweet fragrance of His Spirit to these children. So, while your experience with public education may not be the best, please know that there are great teachers out there, and ones like me who have been sent to a mission field that is ripe for the harvest. I may be the only person to show them Jesus, and if I do nothing but that, it has all been worth it! Thanks for your time!

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Nov. 16, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Pattycake

Anonymous,

I am not sure if you meant to comment on this post, or the one about keeping our children's hearts:
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/TOSPUBLISHER/425984/

But I do want to say, thank God for teachers like you in the public school. I commend you. It is not the teachers I have a problem with (though there are many bad teachers). It is the whole system that I feel is broken. I praise God for the good teachers, like yourself, who are a light shining in a very dark place.

Deb Turner

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Nov. 16, 2007 - Dear Anonymous

Posted by JacqueDixonSoulRestES

I wrote the "Keeping your child's heart" post, and I am also thankful for teachers who are making a difference and praying for children in these situations. My sister, who has no children, is a teacher's aide and feels the same way. I am also able, as a homeschool mother to pray for these children.
The only thing I have to ask you is, "What about your baby? Whose care is she under now or will she be under as she grows?" I am concerned about other children and their hearts, but I am called to first protect and keep my own child's heart. That was the spirit of what I wrote. That we as parents must keep our own children's hearts.
Believe me, there are times when I would love to parent another person's child - and they may need it, but I am first and foremost responsible before God for the mission field in my own home. It is my job to help prepare that field and be there when it is ripe for harvest.
I am sorrowful for all of the children who do not have these opportunities. The main fire that was ignited when I wrote that was because I read the 'stripper' post. It made me angry and sick, and all I could think of was minds and hearts of children being totally raped by what they saw and heard. It sickened me. Those poor children.
We cannot and must not put others first before the hearts of our children. We cannot teach them to be selfish or all about themselves, but we must keep their hearts.
I take issue with christian women today who have reasons for doing things the Bible instructs us to do otherwise. The facts that children raised in christian homes and church who will leave the faith as adults is a testimony to the fact that we as women and as families are in adversity to Titus chapter 2 and in our sin, we may win a few battles, and God will surely give us grace, but at what cost?
So, while I am thankful that these children have someone praying for them and a light in their darkness, I cannot agree that it should be mothers whose children are with another to mother them.

And another thought.... it has always upset me that we would introduce a child to Christ and then send them home to unsaved parents. I know that can be a great struggle for a young child whose parents do not believe, because my sister was saved as a teen, and struggled with it at home. I do not think we should abandon teaching and introducing these children to Christ, but I also think we should reach out to their parents and place a priority on introducing them to Christ so that they may do what they are called to do with their own children.

Sincerely,
Jacque
http://homeschoolblogger.com/jacquedixonsoulrestes

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Nov. 16, 2007 - Yes, but...

Posted by Anonymous

Isn't it funny, Anonymous, how you've declared that you're a great public school teacher and you're praying for your students and helping them to maybe find God. You're one of the good guys in the white hat and riding the white horse. But.

According to Jacque, you're a failure. It's not a good thing to help literally dozens of students when you're failing your own child. Or at least that's what Jacque would have you believe. You'll never be good enough or live up to the expectations of these 'holier than thou' women. "So, you love your children. But do you teach them about God? Yes? But do you teach them modesty and to only ever wear skirts and keep their hair long and never to tweeze, shave, color, or otherwise enhance her beauty? You do? But do you homeschool them? You do? But what curriculum do you use? Oh, do you UNschool them? Yes??" The questions and too-high standards are never-ending.

NO ONE can live up to the impossibly high standards they seem to have set. Of course, they claim to be imperfect, but do they really see themselves that way? Or are they just a teensy bit more godly than the rest of us?

Keep doing what you're doing, Anonymous. Contrary to what they'd have you believe, the battle is NOT lost.

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Nov. 16, 2007 - RE: Jacque

Posted by Anonymous

In response to the question about who keeps my baby while I'm at work...my husband does. He has a wonderful job that allows him to be home for days at a time and God blessed us with this blessing of my child being raised by her parents, and only her parents. However, I would be at home in a heartbeat with her if it was financially possible. I am teaching on a "probationary" certificate and had to continue teaching this year in order to graduate in December with my degree. I would just like to ask that you not be so hard on other women, specifically those like me, of which you have no idea about financial situations, etc..which cause us to work even when we'd give our last breath to stay home with our babies. Thanks for your response and good luck with your homeschooling efforts!

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Nov. 17, 2007 - Dear Anonymous

Posted by JacqueDixonSoulRestES

I am sorry you feel I am being too hard on you. It is not my intention. The world we live in is a sinful one, and we as a society pay the price as a whole much of the time.

To put this into perspective: "According to Jacque, you're a failure. It's not a good thing to help literally dozens of students when you're failing your own child. Or at least that's what Jacque would have you believe."
I would not have you believe you are a failure. I would have you believe you are failing your child in favor of others if you leave them to mother other children. Yes. I do. And there is strong Biblical backing for that. It does *not* take a village to raise a child. It takes the 2 human beings God gave that child to teach him or her about the God who created that child.
And, truly, I am writing as a whole, not just to single you out. I understand about finances; believe me. I know that there are single moms who must work. I also know single moms who work and homeschool. I think it is wonderful and a blessing that your husband can stay home. I truly do. I hope you can overcome your finances and you get to stay home. It is hard to answer comments when you do not know people, obviously, and I am answering to the majority of women who believe it is better to be teaching others and does no harm to their own children to be in the pss.

As for having financial issues... I truly do understand. My husband works 2 jobs. He has for some time. He has always supported our family without my income, and I know we are blessed by God that I have the opportunity to stay home and teach our children and keep the home. He works 2 jobs and we give up some things, because that is what it takes for us to be able to homeschool.

This article, this comment, is not about placing blame or calling someone a failure or assuming that you or any other commenter is putting someone down. I am sorry if anyone feels like what the Bible says is a put-down. It is not. It is a standard to live by, one that most christian women get boiling mad about and start saying things like:
NO ONE can live up to the impossibly high standards they seem to have set. Of course, they claim to be imperfect, but do they really see themselves that way? Or are they just a teensy bit more godly than the rest of us?"
but, take heart... homeschool moms have struggles and are imperfect and know it. We just can no longer sit by and watch parents send their children to a system such where humanism and sin are the daily diet. We care about others' children too. We pray for others' children too.
It is not a holier-than-thou attitude. It is an "I read my bible and this is what I as a woman am told to do" attitude. But, don't take my word for it. Read it for yourself. I am way past feeling guilty or ashamed for knowing and living this out. Anyone who thinks that homeschool moms think they have arrived needs to visit some homeschool mom blogs. Seriously. It is a great reality check for people who don't really know a homeschool mom and is just taking their own opinions into account.

I truly hope you get to come home to your precious little girl. I have a 7 month old, our 8th child, and I am still utterly amazed at how quickly time flies by. She is scooting around now, and it is so bittersweet to know that soon she will be running alongside her 2 and 4 year old brothers. But, oh what a joy to live!
I pray you will get to come home to her and spend that time with her and your husband.
Blessings to you as you wait for that day and as you pray for the children you see daily. May God bless you!
Blessings!
Jacque
http://homeschoolblogger.com/jacquedixonsoulrestes

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Nov. 17, 2007 - and while I'm here, Deb....

Posted by JacqueDixonSoulRestES

I did read your post. :)
I do not like being taken back to my high school years. They were quite similar to what you described up there, and my 18yo and 16yo daughters know what they are not missing by staying home. They do have friends who are in the pss, and - well, one would have rather been homeschooled too.
I think things have come so far in the pss that you cannot pinpoint one thing as the problem. Boredom certainly enters into it, I am sure. I was a straight A student until I got tired of the same stuff. And, no direction. I wanted to be a wife and mother, but I was told that I had to go to college... "make something of myself"... yeah... so I went on to college, which is usually just advanced high school as far as maturity goes, and I made some things of myself that I am not too proud of. I am much more proud of being able to stay home and be proud of my children than the direction I was heading. Even if I had gotten my degree in dentistry and made the big bucks, I am happier at home with my children.
Amen to this: "It was a waste of time - and a waste of life for me. Thank God, He does restore the years, and He gives back so much when we turn our lives over to Him. And nothing is truly wasted, for He will use it all to show He is mighty in our lives." Praise God for His mercy and grace!

Ugh... do NOT make me re-live that again, ok?
:)
blessings!
Jacque

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Nov. 18, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Pattycake

Jacque -

I didn't see this 'till now -- didn't even know people had been commenting away on this thread. My apologies for making you relive your ps days : )

Let's blame Deb W., 'cause she made me relive mine. And I know exactly what you mean - it really is painful, and that's no joke. I have to try and shake off the foolishness I feel concerning those years, the shame, the anger of wasted time - and again rejoice that I serve a great Savior Who saw it all, forgave it all, and restored me to Himself, and has blessed me in so many ways. I am so far removed from those years, and yet they can create such fresh pain.

And you're right - the boredom is just one thing, and one thing can't be pinpointed as the problem.

Deb

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Nov. 20, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Vicki

I have to laugh at those that think homeschooling moms think they are perfect!! I am a homeschooling mom, and I will be the first to tell anyone that I am far from perfect!!

I am also a single mother of 2 girls. I have a fulltime job, and another job (thankfully at home) that I probably spend about 25 hours a week doing. It's not easy...My house is less than perfectly clean, my children are not perfectly behaved, I am tired most all of the time....Would I trade homeschooling my children for a few hours sleep, or some extra time spent cleaning...NO WAY!!!!

The public system was failing my children!! They were only in Kindergarten and First grade, but they were already floundering in the system...I could not see my children fail at such an early age, and it was sure to just get worse...Homeschooling is the right thing to do for my children...NOT just because of what the Bible says, but also because my childrens education was/is at stake!

I know Jacque personally, and she is the most encouraging, non-judgmental person I think I have ever met.

God Bless!!
Vicki
www.prairierosesamongthorns.com/vblog

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