How Fruitful Am I? - I posted these words a few days ago...........

I am having a rough homeschool year. I knew it would be one BUT I had hoped I would be wrong.

I feel like a failure. I do.

I just want to jump ship and well give up.

I don't know what to do...except pray of course.

I am getting everything done...........it is one particular child that has me in a stew.

**************UPDATE*************

Not only am I nutsy coo coo, I am a completely pathetic parent. GRRRRRRRRRR!

I had a child spill my LONGED for once a month cup of Starbucks tonight before Bible Study..............
NEED I SAY MORE!!!!!!!!!!!! Shall I leave you to your imagination!!!!! OY I STINK!

******************I MEANT IT WHEN I SAID************

all I can do is pray!

And I did.
Fri AM is when I posted this and then I posted the edit on FRI night after our BIble Study. We are doing Shepherdin a Child's Heart.

I was so convicted FRI night , mostly by the quote, You need to engage and not just reprove.

I mulled on that Fri night and into Sat. On Sat I was convicted that I needed to get a vision which I also posted about, but where that went off to..who knows.

I got down on the paper, Brandy's Vision, and that was it, but I prayed, Lord help me fill this page with YOU plans and not mine.

So this AM SUN, I sooooooooooo did not want to go to church. I felt like lousing around the house. Well , of course, we went.

The Lord over the past few days had, PREPARED THE WAY for what He was wanting to teach me today.

The sermon was on John 6. The feeding of the 5,000 and then some.

The WHAT IN YOUR LIFE DO YOU THINK IS TO BIG FOR GOD TO HANDLE? Hummmm, did not take long for me to write, my homeschooling. What is my "if only"......... Well, mine was IF ONLY MY HOUSE WAS IN ORDER then God could use me.

Our pastor said, God reduces our resourses and magnifies our NEED! God wants and will answer my prayer ABUNDANTLY!

So this afternoon, I played a praise and worship CD and as I was mopping the floor on my hands and knees this song came on and I was overwhelmed!!! I lifted my hands and worshiped, I mean worshipped, for the first time in a LOOOOOONG time. The next song reduced me to tears once again.

I went out to Matt and said, come here!" grabbed his face between my hands and planted him with a kiss that made him forget his name. I said, I LOVE YOU! and walked back into the house.

THEN, my mom calls and says, Brandy, I want to keep all the children (that means all 7) tonight so you and Matt can go and see this movie we just saw. (We hardly go to the theater)

It was called, Facing the Giants.

Now girls!!!! Let me tell you! God had/has been working on softening my hard heart for 3 days now and I am/was already spiritually exhaused and on the verge of tears.

This movie, MINISTERED TO ME IN a way I can not explain!

All I can say is I want to give GOD 110% of my homeschool, marriage, children life!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to go to the filed goal line no MATTER WHAT! (run the race and have perseverence!)

I am overwhelmed what God has taught me the past few days. I feel like I have been hit with a SPIRITUAL Mac Truck!

The whole thing wrapped up in a neat package is, With God all things are possible."

Do we believe it??? I am telling you I have been chugging along IN MY OWN STRENGTH! I THOUGHT I was givin' it to God, but I was holding back!!!! I released to today! I want nothing but for GOD to have all the glory for everything!

Praise him in the good and praise him in the bad JUST HAVE TO PRAISE Him, LIKE JOB!

So, I ain't cured of my weaknesses and faults, but I am RELEASED AND FORGIVEN and I aim to move forward FOR CHRIST and HIS GLORY!

AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!