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Jul. 11, 2006
He's got a mean right hook
We were at church this morning helping to put together crafts for vbs. I took the dc along so they could play with the other moms' dc. Most of them were boys, my ds13 was the oldest, the youngest boy was 7. Out came the light sabers, and a 'war' was commenced with teams. Except one team kept making rules, and then not following them, but insisting the other team had to. My boys were on the 'other' team. Now, if there is one thing my competitive, stick to the rules oldest can't abide, it's unfair play. He got more and more frustrated, and SHOULD have left the game and walked away.
But he didn't. :sigh. One rule change too many, and a tug of war ensued over one of the 'weapons'. Ds let go, causing the other boy to crash into a wall. Said boy 'came at ds', who proceeded to haul off and hit him in the face. Another boy (the pastor's son) started trying to kick ds (but missed), ds had better aim and left a large red spot on the boy's thigh.
I was stunned at the suddeness and the violence. My ds was the oldest there, and was acting like a 3 yo. He was in tears of frustration, and I think even surprised himself at his reaction. And I was embarrassed that here my *homeschooled* oldest was behaving like a playground bully.
I made him stay with me the rest of the morning, and when he calmed down he actually was a big help in getting things cut out and bagged up. I must admit, I was frustrated that the other moms said NOTHING to their dc involved, even though we discussed that there was 'plenty of blame to go around'. I didn't find out the whole story (the other boys' involvement) until on the way home, but the Mama Bear in me was growling! My ds was definitley wrong--and we talked about at which point he should have simply left the game and walked away--and I punished him by not allowing him to play the rest of the time we were there; but he wasn't the only wrong one there, and he felt the unfairness of that as well (another teachable moment about not being able to control others, only ourselves).
He apologized to the boys; one accepted, the other walked away without saying anything. Tomorrow, we will see them all again at a swimming party at the lake home of a friend. At least I won't be otherwise occupied and can supervise more closely. If I'd been paying more attention, I could have helped ds notice when he was getting to the boiling point and stepped in sooner. (NOT that his aggression was my fault, but that I could have used the opportunity to help him diffuse his anger in an appropriate way).
A good reminder why we like limited, controlled, well-supervised social involvement with other dc.
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Jul. 12, 2006 - Untitled Comment
That's one of the things I struggle with.... figuring out how to teach the boys to react when someone they are playing with are acting like those boys. With all of our boys, we make them follow the rules... but when they are with other kids, all bets are off. It sounds like walking away is a very good option. But what about if the kids won't LET them walk away?
Kids can be so cruel. I definitely agree with supervised playing with others.