Oct. 1, 2008 - Little Baby Lucy Goose

I'm such a blog slacker! But at the risk of forgetting all sorts of stories I'd rather remember, I'm determined to press on, however rarely I seem to have the chance to write. Here are some thoughts on babies.

I've said before how much I love babies. However, that doesn't mean that I always find them to be easy! Alyssa in particular is a bit of a spit-fire. A very cute spit-fire, I might add, but rather strong-willed nonetheless. Along the way we've come up with some little gimmicks which make our days run more smoothly. She's the first baby I've given regular bottles to. I don't know if she was hungry or merely appreciated the distraction (I tend to think it started with the former as her happiness greatly increased with the bottles), but she has a bottle each time I give her playpen time. At this point, they're mostly water (3/4 water, 1/4 milk or formula), but she still loves them. The best part was accidental - on our trip I picked up a few cheap bottles for her, and didn't realize I had grabbed the slow-flow infant nipples. I was so worried that it would irritate her, but it had the opposite effect - she doesn't mind at all and one bottle keeps her happy for a loooong time thanks to that slow flow!

I've also switched her naps around to help with school. Instead of a long afternoon nap, I put her down after we finish circle time, and she sleeps through the entire rest of our school time - SOOOOO much easier! Then she takes a shorter nap in the afternoon, but all the girls still rest for one hour in common, so I get a bit of quiet.

Lately I've grown weary of our rather loud and squawky (on her end, not mine!) wrestling matches in church, and have realized I often spend more time out in the hallway with her than in church. Things like this always creep up on me until I realize that I could attempt to fix them at home (takes my brain awhile to catch up sometimes!) Anyway, I decided I'd had enough of this, and spent the whole of last week making sure I took twenty minutes each day to have her sit in my lap. I decided to keep her awake during school circle time, even if it meant we didn't get much done for a week except church practice. She got a little swat each time she squawked or squirmed, and amazingly enough it only took a day or two for her to get it. Sometimes I think little ones are just waiting and hoping we will teach them some self control, as they seem so much happier afterward! She loves sitting in my lap now, and I love holding her in my lap. The real test was this past Sunday at church. Matt's been enjoying sitting in the front row, so I was really hoping she'd remember our practice times. Weeeellll, she did, and she was an angel sitting in my lap. However, just to make sure that her mommy stays humble, or simply because God has a sense of humor, she decided to take the "lawful" route to making sure I didn't have it too easy. That girl pooped FIVE times while we were at church on Sunday! These were the diaper-filling, too-smelly-to-ignore sorts of poops - I've no idea what I fed that baby! So not only did I have to troop in and out of church each time, I also had to beg a diaper off of four friends, since I always bring one diaper and wipes to church - she's never needed more than that! Trying to be subtle while carting around an odiferous baby and hunting for friends with diapers was not quite the peaceful church picture I'd had in mind . . . .ah well, there's always next week! Incidentally, to any of the afore-mentioned diaper-loaning friends who might be reading . . . THANK YOU!!!!!

 

 

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Sep. 3, 2007 - Rodless Training

Recently someone asked me for ideas on how to gain obedience without sp*nking (for foster children, etc).  I don't know how much help these ideas will be, as I do believe that is a difficult task, but here are some thoughts and resources in case they're of use to anyone else in this situation:

http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/ - she has a ton of wisdom and some great ideas for corralling a bunch of little ones. We do a lot of "tomato staking" to avoid needing sp*nkings and keep the girls from too much temptations

 http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/ - the Pearls have written about "rodless training" in some of their books. I can't remember which ones, unfortunately, but you could email them from their site to ask.  I don't always recommend them because I really disagree with their doctrine, but they do love the Lord and have a lot of good child training techniques. And when it comes to books, I am a firm believer in "eating the fruit and spitting out the pits".

Gary Ezzo has written a few books which may prove helpful. With the same caution as above about fruit and pits, I do recall these books having quite a few "rodless" training ideas.

Clay and Sally Clarkson have written a book which may prove helpful.  I do personally believe that as parents God has given us the guidline of training with the rod, but for those in unique circumstances perhaps this book will prove helpful.

Having listed those boooks, I must mention that for the "heart" of discipline issues, I most highly recommend these two books (even if one can't use the methods discussed, I believe they have the best grasp of the principles involved): Standing On The Promises and Shepherding A Child's Heart.

Ok, now here are my little thoughts and ideas on the matter:
 
*Specifically for preschool age boys and very active girls (since they're so young at this point and have so much energy) I personally think a lot of formal schooling isn't so necessary, I'd make your schedule to have a LOT of time for them to get their energy out between other activities -Have a bit of reading time, then something active; eat lunch, then something active, etc: running outside, games of tag, ride on toys, walks, races, silly games like Simon Says with lots of jumping jacks - anything to get their energy used in a constructive way. 

*With my girls lately, when they act up and I'm not for some reason able to sp*nk them (I'm nursing or covered in raw chicken or something), I have them put their hand over their mouth (usually if it's a mouth related offense like interrupting or tattling) and sit down where they are.  If they're all playing in the other room and I hear anyone fussing, I usually call at least two of them to me and have them sit by me till I'm done.

*Figure out what they're *wanting* with their poor behavior, and give them the opposite. Sometimes this works better than a sp*nking for my four year old - for example, she really likes watching the occasional video, and would be far more pained if I take that privilege away than if I sp*nk her (she'll actually ask for a sp*nking). If they're doing something for attention, perhaps denying that attention by having the stay on their bed until their attitude improves.  Basically make it totally counter-productive for them to disobey, and productive for them to obey cheerfully.

 
*I have one daughter who often seems to be on the verge of meltdown (the one daughter who was able to use the word "emotional" in context at eighteen months old.) My pastor's wife and I were just talking about this yesterday. Sometimes, if my daughter needs to *weep*, I simply send her to her bed - I don't let her wail and yell or anything, but there are times I feel the need for a good cry too, and so if she really can't handle life happily at the moment, I just say "Ok, you may stay on your bed until you are able to be pleasant with everybody else". Then I shut the door and let her cry a bit (like I said, as long as she's not throwing a big fit or something) until she gets lonesome and comes out to join us. Then of course, she'll often come out sniffling and saying "I need a snuggle."

*I like to teach my kids to "fold your hands and get some self-control".  So if my baby grabs something she shouldn't have, and I'm on the couch nursing, I'll sometimes just say "Juliette, that is not your's to touch. You sit right down and fold your hands in your lap, please" for a minute or so.

*I think training in obedience (as opposed to simply disciplining for disobedience) is very important here.  Honestly it's an area I tend to forget about and need to do more often.  Things like obedience games work great - and my girls LOVE them!  If I want to teach them to come to me when I call, I'll send them all running off into various parts of the room or house, then call one of them (I usually use their first and middle names to indicate I want them to come to me rather than just answer me).  That girl comes running to me, "tags" me and says "yes, mother?".  We call it the Yes, Mother? game, and believe it or not, they love it!  Another good one is the Obedience game.  It's basically like Simon Says with more odd requests, to help them learn to obey whether they understand why I'm asking something or not.  You could say "Sally, pour this cup of water on the floor"; then "Sammy, please clean up the water on the floor"; then "Susie, jump up and down ten times". The girls get such a kick out of these games, and learn better obedience at the same time. Hmmm. . . I think I need to work these into my schedule.

*Lastly, I try to pay good attention to which situations get my kids into their biggest temptation and avoid those. I have two daughters who tend to fuss with each other more than their other sisters, so when I'm cleaning up from lunch (I have a hard time having the girls help me with the whole of this chore, as our kitchen is very tiny and we're all pretty clutzy), I make sure to keep one of them by me with a particular toy (a little box of seashells, for example) while the other one can run about and play - I switch it around but I try not to have those two playing alone together without me right there as I know it puts them in temptation's way. Also I have one daughter who enjoys some alone time in her room, and if I see that she's beginning to have a difficult time I suggest this and she usually loves it - it removes her from the tempting situation and gives her a chance to regroup.
 
 

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Jul. 27, 2007 - Training In Free Time

Sometimes it's funny the things I find a need to teach my children.  I never thought I would be "training" my girls to have free play time.  Perhaps because our home runs so well on routines (which I think is a wonderful thing, and invaluable with so many little ones!), one area my children don't do so well with automatically is "free play".  The past few weeks I'd been noticing that there was quite a bit of bickering, some children flopping about acting as if there was nothing to do, and other unpleasantries.  I want my girls to cheerfully do what task they are given at a certain time, but I realized it would also be nice if I could tell them to play for awhile without having to give them an exact task to do.  I wanted to see them learn a bit more independence and creativity, as well as harmony in their play since I know that they will probably have more "free" time as I'm resting with baby Alyssa. I also realized it would be good for me to not try to "control" every moment. So I decided we were going to try to learn these things together.  Isabelle loves to have "alone time" - when she gets her room all to herself for awhile.  I'm trying to make sure she has this time when she needs it, but I'm also seeking to teach her and the other girls to enjoy playing with (not just near) one another.

I usually have the girls doing some task (or playing in the playpen if it's Juliette) while I am cleaning up dishes or making meals (after they've helped with what I feel they're able to).  But lately I've made extra effort to not give specific tasks and simply tell them they may play with sisters in a particular room or two (the one where I am, or where I can easily see or hear them to correct any difficulties). The first few days I felt like a referee, but I am happy to say that the skill of having free play time is being learned, however slowly and imperfectly.  We've had talks about being happy (rather than "bored") with what toys and tasks God has made available to us.  We've had talks about how playing together with sisters is far more fun than playing alone.  We've had reminders to be friends to our sisters, rather than "enemies". I've found myself reminding one of my girls of a phrase my mom often said to me growing up: "you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar" - meaning that if you want a sister to play a certain game with you, or share a certain toy, you're much more likely to have a happy result if you simply ask sweetly rather than try to force it.  I've been spending quite a bit of time on the couch, with my feet up, watching my little brood of ducklings play around me.  And I've enjoyed it, however unstructured it all is!  If nothing else, it definitely shows me areas of character that need to be addressed and prayed for. I'm thankful God continues to show me such things in myself and my children - though it may not be easy I'm glad He continues to refine us!

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Feb. 23, 2007 - Reaping What's Sown . . .

Well, my oldest two daughters had a lovely luncheon feast today.  I decided to give them a "diligence chart" a couple of months ago, to help them gain more diligence in their chores, and also help them to understand how we reap what we sow over time.  I'm not usually big on rewards -I want my girls to obey because it is good and right and pleases God, not just for a treat.  But this was a long haul for them - each time they did a particular chore diligently and cheerfully they put one little star in that column.  I promised them that once they filled up the whole chart they could have ice cream for lunch.  It took them a few months, if I recall correctly. Now, Miss Hannah didn't quite get the concept of individual rows, so we counted her chart as "full" when Isabelle's was.  It was such a proud moment this weekend when Isabelle put in the last "morning chores" sticker for making her beds and getting all the water cups ready!  Today was the big day.  They each were presented with a heaping bowl of good homemade ice cream, graham crackers, blackberries and orange slices!  What a feast for little them!

Can you guess which chart belongs to whom?

Love the dimples!

Can we have this for lunch every day?

I can't resist throwing in a picture of the new baby (sort of ) around 14 weeks old!

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Feb. 15, 2007 - Creating Antithesis For Babies

One thing I've noticed is that certain facets of child training seem to get easier with successive children, due (I'm guessing) to the younger ones having the older ones to watch.  For example, I have never really had to "teach" Naomi to tidy up - she's always known how (she doesn't always do so perfectly, but that's a different subject!)  She could tidy up all the playpen toys she'd chucked out from the time she was fifteen months old.  And some things get a bit easier as they simply become more instinctive to me. One of those things is simply teaching "no" to a baby.  Where five years ago it would have been instinctive to move my eyeglasses out of baby's reach, now it's just as instinctive to me to leave them there, and use the opportunity to teach my baby what "no" means (or practice her little restraint).  This is one thing that was brought up in the parents' study we've attended recently.  One of the fathers talked about creating an "antithesis" for our very young ones.  He recommended starting with something that was extremely important to teach our babies anyway, such as not touching the wood stove.  He reminded us that we want to teach, train and discipline, all of which are separate things.  We teach by showing baby what to do what not to do. So perhaps I would take Juliette near the fireplace and pat the nearby carpet while saying "yes".  Then I could touch the tile surrounding the stove (to create a boundary) and say "no, no".  After repeating this a few times, I could also use her hand and say the same words.  That's the teaching part.  Then comes training - I set up situations in which she will face the temptation to touch the tile.  Perhaps I set her blocks near the fireplace (which can be so appealing with all those orange flames!)  Then I watch like a hawk (maybe where she can't see me), and whenever she puts her little hand on that tile, I swat it (or flick for a little one) saying "no".  This is more to train her than to discipline.  The little pain reinforces the word "no", and also reinforces not touching the tile near the fireplace.  Once I'm confident that she understands and obeys I can relax quite a bit, and simply discipline if ever she disobeys.  It's actually very cute to watch a little hand come near the tile, then pull back so quickly on it's own! It surely seems preferable to me to house-proof our children than to child-proof every last thing in our house (to borrow a phrase). Through all four of our little ones we've never once had a child burned on our fireplace.

Another thing Juliette has been learning is to sit nicely on my lap for family worship (and thus for church).  It's been a relief to be reminded (after temporarily forgetting, and being rather flustered with her grabbiness) that I can train her not to touch what I'm holding - whether it's glasses, an open Bible or a little communion wine cup.  It also brings a silly smile to my face when I whisper "no" in her ear, and she yanks that little hand back.  Still, knowing these things doesn't automatically do them for me.  After being sick for almost three weeks I have a bit of retraining to do, and I am seeking to be diligent to restore that peaceful order in certain areas where it's currently lacking.

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Feb. 13, 2007 - On Training Little Ones

There's been a study at our church over the past few months for parents of preschool age children.  It has to do, largely, with training our children in righteousness.  We've only been able to attend a couple of times,  but it's been such a blessing, as well as a wonderful reminder of many things we may have let slip.  One thing that's been the most encouraging to me is that there are a couple of different teachers rotating - all godly men with wonderful, faithful families.  And while they are all implementing the same biblical principles, there is such variety in the methods they employ in teaching their little ones.  It's been an encouragement that though our family culture and the way we apply certain principles may look different, it is truly God's grace working through these things to produce "the peaceful fruit of righteousness" in our families.  There are times when I begin to feel stressed that what we do with our children doesn't look exactly like "Shepherding A Child's Heart", "Raising Godly Tomatoes", or "To Train Up A Child" (since it can't possibly look like all three at the same time!), and Matt gently reminds me that our family is our family - we are different than every other family.  The commonality, and the reason why the people who have shared their wisdom in these and other books have faithful families is because of God's grace. His grace abounds to us as we work through faith in His promises, and we diligently seek to teach, train, and discipline our children according to His word. One of my favorite passages about discipline is Hebrews 12:9-11 "Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness." This passage reminds me that as fathers and mothers we can only discipline our children as seems best to us (never with God's perfection), based on diligent study of God's word.  The beauty of it is, that although we are never "perfect" in our methods, God allows our discipline to produce the "peaceful fruit of righteousness". 

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Sep. 29, 2006 - Tomato Staking

Recently I found this great site, Raising Godly Tomatoes. I'm sure many of you know of it, since I think I found the link somewhere on HSB, but I hadn't seen it before.  I didn't have too much time, but I thoroughly enjoyed perusing her wisdom, and gleaned much from it.  One thing that stuck out to me was the concept of tomato staking.  I had chatted with Corin about this same kind of thing a few weeks ago, and reading about it yesterday re-inspired me and also gave me some great practical ideas.  It made perfect sense - usually the times I experience frustration with my girls, it's because I'm trying to get some dishes done and I have let them go play in the playroom.  Within a few minutes I often hear them not being so kind with one another.  So yesterday when Matt was coming home late (due to his sweet idea of doing the costco shopping for me this week), I put this idea to the test.  Since we had sticky gooey rice for dinner, I didn't ask Isabelle to do her sweeping job (this has happened a lot lately with all the rice I'm making for Naomi's tummy; I figure if I have a hard time sweeping it up, it would probably exasperate my four year old to do so); instead Isabelle helped Hannah with the little garbage cans.  Then I had each girl pick only one dolly, bear, book or toy (their choice, though they all picked a dolly to take care of) and I plopped them on the counter next to me.  They all "nursed", fed, disciplined, and played with their dollies, then rocked them and sang them lullabies, telling me the dollies were tired.  No bickering with one another, no mommy feeling like I was leaving my children to themselves, it worked well.  They did ask to get down a few times, but I said I would be lonesome without them and it wasn't time to get down yet. I think I just need to get over my modern (often subconscious) notion that kids always need to be entertained, and I'm depriving them if I don't let them play freely.   It's not a horrible thing for them (actually it's probably quite a good thing in learning contentment) to learn to be happy with one little toy for awhile.  Anyway, that was our first official "tomato staking" experience, and I think I'll keep using this idea this for those after-meal clean-up times after the girls have finished "helping".

I had to take a few pictures, it was a funny progression of facial expressions, though unfortunately I think I erased my favorite one.

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Jul. 31, 2006 - Cheerful & Timely Obedience

Here are some thoughts on teaching our children to obey us cheerfully, rather than grudgingly.  As a side note, one of our favorite resources that talks about this subject is the audio cd series called Biblical Childrearing by Doug Wilson.  Anyway, on to the thoughts for today:

1.  Our most important way of teaching our children to submit cheerfully is example.  This starts at the top and manages to work its way downward without fail.  For example, perhaps we are noticing our children "grumbling" to obey.  If we honestly think about it, I may realize I've been doing that with Matt, and perhaps he may realize he's been doing it with bosses at work.  We must first seek to discipline our own hearts to respond with grace to the discipline of the Lord in our lives, and, as wives, to the desires of our husbands (as they are our God-given head).  As we learn to do our work heartily and with joy, this will spill over to our children.

2.  I must seek to be consistent in disciplining our childrens' poor responses to our instructions.  I've heard it said that if a child is disciplined for something nine times, then gets away with it the tenth time, he will continue to do it for that one in ten chance. Now, I know I am not nearly as consistent as I ought to be in training, and that little formula does not take into account God's grace in our training, but it makes a good point.  If we consistently rebuke our children for disobedience (and I include "grumpy obedience" in this category), they will learn much more quickly to obey cheerfully.  Some days this will take repeated times of discipline, but we as parents must prevail in this, for the good of our children.  When I ask my daughter to do something (tidy the toys in the living room for a recent example), if she does not: 1: start right away; 2: do it all diligently; and 3. do it happily, she will be disciplined, forgiven, kissed and hugged, then sent back to try again (most of the time they still must complete the task; occasionally I will no longer require it- like if they really need to go to bed, or I realize they aren't feeling well or something).  We had to go through this process about three times today, but the fruit in the end was the "peaceful fruit of righteousness", which the Bible speaks of.  If I have to discipline repeatedly for something, I do try to later have some extra snuggle time with that daughter.  And for something like bedtime (or really anything) if a child is calmly and loving disciplined every time they disobey (by talking in bed for example), the rod (sometimes called a "wisdom worker") will drive the folly away - they will learn to obey!

3.  I try not to give instructions that will overwhelm my girls, thus provoking them to sin.  If, like today, the living room is a big mess, I try to break it up for her and give her a simpler task than to tidy it all up.  For example, today I asked her to do three things: put the pillows back on the couch, put the books away, and put the blocks in the box.  Or I try to help, have sisters help, or at least be right there encouraging her, so she won't be frustrated by her task.

4.  I must discipline myself before I discipline my daughters.  I've also heard it said that if I feel like disciplining them, I'm probably not qualified to do so at the moment.  I must make sure that I am not rebuking them in anger, and that if I fail in this I am faithful to seek their forgiveness.

5.  Our pastor gave us the wise advice to not only discipline disobedience, but to then discipline again if the discipline was not responded to gracefully.  The end result in our discipline should be that "peaceful fruit of righteousness" spoken of in the Bible.  If we're not seeing it, chances are, the discipline is not over.  We must all learn to be wise, rather than fools who despise the discipline of the Lord.  That includes our children, so we seek to teach them to respond to their discipline with grace.

6.  One big important thing to me is that I do not want to have to raise my voice to ensure obedience from my children.  I'm not a big fan of loud noise in general (I know this must sound funny coming from a mother of four preschoolers!), and I don't want to have to use it to guide my girls.  If they are truly obedient to me, they will obey whether I whisper an instruction (if they can hear me, of course) or sreech it.  Of course there are times that I do fail and speak unkindly to my daughters, and again I seek their forgiveness when this happens.  There are also times I find it necessary to use a more authoritative or stern voice (which my daughter can almost always distinguish from an angry voice).  But as a general rule, I try to use the same tone of voice to read stories, talk about the day, give instructions, and give rebukes and discipline.  Matt reminded me a few weeks ago that the Bible teaches us that pleasant words increase learning.  As a general rule, my girls will learn more from me as I use pleasant words.  And if discipline has the purpose of restoring my girls to right behavior, it is not a time for me to "vent" my frustrations to them. That only causes separation and disunity.  I can't tell you how said it feels to have your toddler ask in a quavery little voice "mommy, are you angry to me?"  She hasn't had to ask that in a long time, thank the Lord, and hopefully she won't again! Again, this takes self-discipline on our part, but it is well worth it, and an example that sometimes disciplining our children teaches us as much as them!

7.  Know your children!  Sometimes an effective way of teaching cheerfulness looks different for each child.  One of my daughters had a hard time being cheerful while doing her laundry job for a few days.  Since this particular daughter takes a bit longer to come back to cheerfulness after discipline, I was leery of going that route.  So I told her that if she was not cheerful in her work, she would no longer get her one cup of warm juice-cider in the morning.  To her, this would pretty much seem like the end of the world!  I think she lost her juice one or maybe two times.  Now I can't imagine her doing her laundry job un-cheerfully (is that a word?)

8.  I try to make it a habit never to say yes to an un-cheerful request.  This can take many different forms, but it is a general principle.  If something is not asked for respectfully and cheerfully, they can't have it.   Sometimes they can't have it at all (like if they complain that I gave them water and cry or pout for juice - they are most certainly having water!), sometimes I let them try again to ask nicely in a couple of minutes.  A little side benefit of this is that temper tantrums rarely, if ever, occur (I say rarely because my girls can still have "silent" tantrums which no one but mommy and daddy may recognize - those have to be dealt with too). 

9.  I also try not to repeatedly "warn" my girls, or remind them to be cheerful, when I should simply rebuke and/or discipline them for complaining.  This is often what causes frustration in me.  It's too easy for them to get into a habit of not being cheerful till I've warned, begged, threatened, whatever!  If they can do that, they can just as easily get into the habit of obeying cheerfully the first time (not that I'm expecting them to be perfect - we are all sinners who fall short of God's grace!)

10. Coming back to setting an example, I really think a key to much of our childrens' behavior has to do with our example by responding to them.  If I get frustrated easily by my girls' poor attitudes, my attitude is no better, and it certainly won't teach them to do right!  This is what keeps me on my knees - knowing how often I fail reminds me daily that I can only do all things THROUGH CHRIST Who strengthens me!

Ok, those are my ten thoughts for the night on cheerful obedience.  Now for one more list: three things I'm thankful for today:

1.  My sweet husband:  he had to wake up early (four hours earlier than normal!) for court this morning.  When he came home, I figured he'd go straight back to bed, but instead he ordered me to bed (he knew I wasn't feeling well today) and took the girls to the park!  What would the world be like without wonderful men like him?

2.  A kind neighbor who offered to put my garbage bags in his can, as he realized ours was overfull this week - sometimes it's the little things that make your day . . .

3.  The way Juliette tightly wraps her little arms around my neck and coos in my ear each time I go to put her to bed!  I don't remember having such a snuggly seven-month-old before!

Lastly, one or two pix:

My four little hungry girlies ready for dinner!

Hannah wearing a "horsey riding hat" - she really is under there!

Isabelle's turn for the "horsey hat" and the horse, affetionately named "Phillip"

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Jul. 30, 2006 - Obedience From The Heart

It's funny how things can creep in little by little, without my even noticing them.  Then by the time I do notice them, it's because they're making me loopy!  I discovered two little sneaky things which have done just that this week.  One is a lack of organization in some key areas of my home - clothes, toys and other such things. I think I shall write about these tomorrow, as I need to write down all of my summer organization goals anyway.  Today I will write about the other "little fox", which has to do with heartfelt obedience in my children.  Specifically I've been noticing that bedtimes have become somewhat of a frustration, in subtle ways.  Somehow, little by little, a couple of my darlings seem to have "forgotten" the bedtime rules (lay quietly or look at book quietly until you fall asleep).  I won't go into details, as I know all of our children struggle with sin, and it's a big part of our job as mommies to lovingly train them to flee temptation.  But in dealing with this particular "battle" this weekend, I've been thinking over some basic principles of obedience that I realize I've been letting slide.  The thing about letting standards slide is that it's dangerous.  It may seem like I'm really "helping" my girls by looking past "little" sins, but according to the Bible, I'm showing them that I don't love them.  As I do dearly love my girls, I have become convicted of the need to love them better in the area of discipline.  Proverbs 12:24 says "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." Now of course I realize there is a time for everything, which includes a time to simply show mercy.  But overall I've been convicted in the area of teaching obedience to my girls, and wanted to share some principles in this vein.  Disclaimer: probably none of these thoughts are my original ideas - I've learned them from the Bible or people wiser than myself, who've also learned them from the Wisest One of all.

*True obedience has the purpose of glorifying God; thus the purpose of teaching our children to obey us is to teach them to love, obey, and glorify God.  I don't teach them to obey simply for my own convenience, comfort and enjoyment (though truly obedient children are certainly a joy!)

*True obedience will occur whether I am in the room watching or not, but at these tender ages, I must be in the room more often than not to avoid putting my children in the path of overwhelming temptation. ("a child left to himself brings shame to his mother" Prov. 29:15)

*True obedience has three characteristics:

1. Prompt:  little one starts obeying right away

2. Diligent:  little one finishes the entire task quickly, not dilly-dallying

3. Cheerful:  little one's entire act of obedience is done with a merry heart

*Related to the above, true obedience should be "first-time" obedience. While I have purposely never "counted" to three or ten or any such number to get my children to obey, I often do this same thing by "reminding" them when I ought to be rebuking them for not obeying.  To borrow a phrase coined by someone else (though I don't honestly know who) "delayed obedience is disobedience".

Ok, so these are some basic principles I needed to remind myself of today. Now I shall pray for the grace of God to implement these in such a way as pleases Him and properly shepherds my little girls' hearts.

By the way, here's what I ended up doing for the bedtime issue:

I tried listening closely on the baby moniter (we still have one because our room is across the house) and going in each time I heard something "fishy" - that didn't work as one little dear learned how to play almost silently when she ought to be laying down!

I tried leaving their door open whilst I worked on various tasks in adjoining areas - that didn't work as it kept them awake too long, and I was often so distracted by what I was doing that I found myself "letting things slide" again.

What finally seems to have done the trick is this:  I leave their door open with their hall light on.  Then I grab a nice "pillowseat" and either a book or a quiet project to work on (like a daily schedule which needs tweaking, or a school plan for autumn) and plop down just outside their door, where I can see them, and they can see me.  This is working wonderfully thus far (though admittedly I just started it today), and it's killing two birds with one stone, so to speak.  It's giving my girls accountability in this area of current struggle, and it's giving me a few minutes of downtime to read or work on projects I really need to do, but keep pushing to the side.  I could probably sit there and doze a bit, and still have it work well.  Anyway, like I said, it's working great for now (I think it took under 8 minutes for my little gal to fall asleep with me sitting there!), and I'm thankful I can work on a few things in the meantime. I don't expect to have to keep doing this indefinitely: just however long it takes to re-establish a habit of obedience in this are.  Truth is, though, this made me think of one last principle of obedience:

*Teaching obedience is time-consuming work, and I must cheerfully be prepared to take the time out of my day which is necessary for this important task!  Even if I had no quiet projects to work on, sitting there would still be time well spent, I think, as I would be providing gentle accountability to my daughters, who are also sisters in Christ.  When I take time out of our preschool time, or dinner time, or play time to discipline, it may feel like time lost but it is actually time well spent (provided I am disciplining rightly, of course).

We mommies must always remember that our time is well spent when we are doing what God has called us to do, and that He will bless our efforts through His amazing grace.  "Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." Gal. 6:9

Now I'm off to nurse a hungry Juliette!

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Jun. 23, 2006 - Bedtime Thoughts

Quite honestly, I'm writing this because I really wanted to post this little poem I love that's been cracking me up lately.  It's from the Holly Pond Hill Child's Book Of Bedtime Prayers - although it's not a prayer at all, so I don't know why! I do love the little Holly Pond Hill books (one of the few "mainstream" Christian books I like nowadays - they have sweet poems, blessings, prayers and scriptures) and they're fun to sing the words to, instead of read sometimes.

Anyway, as a preface to the poem, and in case anyone here in blogville is interested, here are some of our thoughts on bedtime that we like in our little family (they might be in a random order, I'm pretty tired today!):

Our girls have always (within reason) slept at the same times as one another - naps and nights.  This allows me some project time or downtime during the day, time alone with Matt in the evening, and allows for those "special" times that we let one daughter stay up late!  People have always said we're lucky they do this, but it's really not luck at all - just training!  One trick is you have to be able to wake them up (either in the morning or after a nap) at the right time to ensure they'll be ready for bed for the next time.  Though now that I have four munchkins so young, I have "scheduled" myself out of a nap or time with all four asleep.  I find that I enjoy a little alone time with Juliette when the other girls are sleeping, so she gets up to eat after Isabelle goes down.  It's just working better for now . . .

Since they were babies, we've always put the girls down awake and let them fall asleep on their own.  We do rock and sing to them before bed quite often (or of course to comfort them if they're sick or had a nightmare or something), we just don't rock them to sleep.  This has always been a blessing, as going to sleep has never really been a difficulty for them.  The rules are (for the older girls): no talking (though they now are allowed to pray in a whisper voice if they desire, and they're doing well with this), and stay laying down happily till they fall asleep.  We've never let them fuss about bedtime, and though they've occasionally needed discipline for this, it hasn't been too often since they were used to it from infancy.  Now that Isabelle doesn't need quite as much sleep as her little sisters, she stays up a bit later and folds laundry with me, and then she can take a book to bed, to read if she's not sleepy (though she's never actually stayed awake!).

Our girls have never been attached to a comfort object (except little babies with paci's, though I go back and forth on this!).  I can't say that's from anything we've really done intentionally, but it is nice to not be tied to something.  I think they're more attached to the routine than anything else. Here's our routine:

Family worship is usually before bed (or before nap on this current schedule)

Everyone potties who uses the potty, and I change the two littlest girls' diapers.

Daddy blesses Naomi (I usually do too), I sing her bedtime song (we invented one for her) and we tuck her in.  She likes to snuggle any piece of fabric she can get her hands on, so any blanket works!  She still talks to herself and wiggles around a bit - soon I'll probably teach her to go to sleep more quietly (though I'm not sure it will matter since she often talks at full volume in her sleep .)

Isabelle and Hannah share a room now - We have tons of rooms here, but we'll probably still have all the girls share once they're all sleeping through the night and going to sleep quietly and such.  They enjoy it, and when they do go to sleep alone (like Hannah does at nap before Belle comes to bed), they usually ask if their "sister-friend" will be coming to bed soon!  Anyway, Daddy blesses both girls, and so do I (it started out as a daddy thing, but now the girls like both of us to bless them, and they bless their dollies when they put them down.), we tuck them in, kisses and hugs, turn on their Scripture Songs CD, and shut the door.  They each are usually allowed to sleep with one book, one bear and one hanky (in case of runny noses). When Hannah goes to nap by herself, I usually sing her "Edelweiss" - did I spell that right? The most important part is the blessing, and them being used to laying quietly, so they can *usually* go to sleep anywhere, without their bear for example.

The biggest difficulty we've probably ever run into with bedtimes is that one of our daughters is a total perfectionist, so she has a rough time if anything is askew (I mean really, if one corner of her blanket is not laid straight, she'll totally stress!)  While we do typically keep things just so, so as to bless our daughter, life is not always perfectly how we want it to be! So for training's sake, there are some days that we'll mix up the routine slightly, or let the blanket be a little crooked to help her learn to deal gracefully with change.  Then if it's not met with cheerful submission, she'll lose the priviledge of a book or something like that for the nap.

With babies, I think it's helpful to put them into a different bed or crib to sleep occasionally, so they won't be too attached to their own.  I think I forgot to do this with one of our's, and as I recall it was more difficult to put her to bed at a friend's house.

Last night Hannah had a fever, so I brought her in our bed so I'd know if she got too hot.  She's SUCH a wiggler - you should have seen how contorted she managed to get herself!  In her sleep, I think she was managing to kick me and Matt on opposite sides of the bed at the same time!

Lastly, they do stay in their bed until we get them up.   They can talk or sing quietly or quietly say "mommy, I'm awake" (we have a moniter so I'll hear them, and hopefully they won't wake their sissies up).  Except for Isabelle - she's allowed to get up and go potty, then she goes back to her bed and reads till I get her up. 

Ok, my favorite part, here's the silly poem.  I think it must describe what really goes on in kids' minds, especially in the summer when it's still so light at bedtime.  We always have fun reading this and "acting it out":

Goodnight and Goodnight,

Goodnight, if you please

All I need is some water,

A kiss and a squeeze

All I need is some honey

Some milk and some pie

And to talk while we rock

And a long lullaby

Did I mention some hugs –

Just a hundred or so

And a back scratch

A head scratch

And tickle my toe

So good night and good night

May I have some cake?

How can you be so tired

When I’m wide awake?

I think a pillow fight should be in there somewhere, though ... :-)

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Jun. 18, 2006 - Teaching Boundaries

I've had a number of people ask me about blanket time, so I thought I'd post about that, and teaching boundaries in general.  We use blanket time during preschool reading.  The girls take turns having "special time" (where they sit and snuggle with me while I read) and blanket time.  Here's how it works:  I put two decent size blankets on the floor of the living room, and on each one I'll put one or two "preschool" toys that they only use during this time.  Some toys we like for this are: chunky wooden puzzles, Lauri toys like shape sorters, Melissa & Doug's wooden food cutting set, a baby wipes container filled with plastic animals (88 cents at Walmart) or small teddy bears for counting, a mancala set (for the ones who don't put toys in their mouth), some board books for the littler ones, lacing beads, and lacing boards (pretend sewing).  There are others, but these are some favorites!  Then I put one girl on each blanket and one with me.  The rules are simple: no talking unless you raise your hand and mommy says "yes", stay on your blanket, play nicely and properly with your toys (no banging, throwing, etc) and be cheerful.  If there's any deviation from any of these (venturing off the blanket, whining, etc), they typically get a swat on the hand and a cheerful reminder of what they should be doing (depending on the situation, they may need a more formal discipline session).  I set the timer for 20 or so minutes and we read the favorite books of the child who's in my lap.  Then we rotate.  This way they all get to use all the toys, see the pictures in their favorite books, and have time to snuggle with me.  It works pretty well.  There are always days where everyone just wants to sit on the couch, and that's usually fine too, but this gives the squirmy ones options.  When my three year old is on the blanket, I ask periodically "What did mommy just read" to make sure she's hearing the book.

As far as training, the youngest baby I've done blanket time with is Naomi, and she started at about 14 or 15 months.  I'm sure you could do it with a younger one, I've just never needed to since we usually have reading time during the younger babies' morning naps.  An important key to teaching boundaries like this is that children must be accustomed to obeying instructions (promptly, cheerfully and completely), and recognize the God-given authority of their parents. Of course, this is something we work on daily, and sometimes it feels like two steps forward, one back.  But we must not lose heart in well doing!  

If you're starting a little late with child training, there are a number of wonderful books to help.  My motto with any book besides the Bible is "eat fruit, spit out pits".  Recognizing that any book written by people is not perfect is very helpful to gleaning wisdom from many sources.  That said, I will only mention a couple of my favorite books, that I believe are primarily "fruit" and very little, if any "pits".  Shepherding a Child's Heart by Ted Tripp is a wonderful, practical book on training, discipling and disciplining our little ones to obey from their heart, not just outwardly.  I also love "The Mother At Home" by John SC Abbot - it's an older book, which is usually so refreshing to read, and it's eminantly practical.  Lastly, I highly recommend the audio CD series Biblical Childrearing by Doug Wilson, available at canonpress.org.

Ok, back to teaching boundaries:  When I started teaching Naomi blanket time, here's how I did it (I put this in a comment earlier this week, so I'm just pasting it here):

I don't know that I'd call Naomi easy-going, but I have found that certain things have been a bit easier to teach to successive children, as they watch and copy their older siblings. Naomi does seem to understand pretty well what I tell her, and is used to obeying (or should I say, is learning pretty well to obey). But the way I do blanket-time training is that I pat the blanket a few times and tell her I want her to stay on it and play. Then I pat the floor around it and say "no, no". Then I just sit really close to her, and if she starts to go off the blanket she gets a little swat on the hand with a "wisdom worker" and I say "No, obey mommy and play on the blanket". Like I said, she really seems to understand well what I tell her to do (which doesn't mean she always does it unfortunately :-)), so this has been a fairly easy thing to teach her. But it does take persistence and consistency. If a little one gets a swat on the hand each time they go off the blanket, it doesn't usually take more than a few to convince them to stay on the blanket!

Lastly, there are lots of other ideas in the same vein, that give our kids something purposeful to do, that is confined to a certain spot.  Here are some that we use a lot:

*Couch time (usually with a bunch of books, or a specific toy)

*Chair time (with one book to practice for church)

*Standing time (they usually do this by me while I'm frying tortillas)

*Dollhouse time

*Playpen time (starting this young helps with them liking it - Juliette already recognizes and likes the playpen.  The key with this that we work on is playing happily, not just putting up with it)

*Hula hoop time (I don't really use this - but it looks like a great idea from preschoolersandpeace!)

*Dolly time - this isn't confined to a certain spot, just a certain type of play!

*Table time - in their chair or a high chair for a little one.  Isabelle loves this, as she can work on her puzzle.

*Project table time - they get to choose one project (simple ones: crayons and paper, scissors and paper, stickers and paper, etc)

We did try roomtime for awhile - where a daughter played alone cheerfully in her room for awhile, but we pretty much stopped that unless they desire to.  I read a line in Teaching the Trivium about how our children at this age really like to be near us, and it just struck a chord with me.  So although they may be confined to a blanket or couch,  I typically have them doing something near where I am (playpen time is an occasional exception when I'm cleaning the bathrooms or something). 

Of course there are some days (like yesterday) and some times in each day where they just "do their thing" so to speak, but we really benefit a lot from having purposeful times - especially when we're reading aloud!

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Jun. 3, 2006 - Knowing Our Childrens' Frames

 “Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.  For He Himself knows our frame. . .” Psalm 103:13-14a

#4: KNOWING OUR CHILDRENS’ FRAMES

Along the lines of there being times to throw out the schedule, there are times I throw out the rebuke (so to speak) and concentrate on compassion. If my kids are being stinkers or I’m feeling annoyed, usually I’m either not having a merry heart myself or they need some “snuggle time”, whatever that looks like for them.  I’m learning to be more sensitive to those times when I “feel” like disciplining, but my daughter just needs to have a tea party!

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Jun. 3, 2006 - Proper Discipline

Proverbs 29:17 “Correct your son, and he will give you comfort; He will also delight your soul.”

Hebrews 12:11 “All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.”

#3: GODLY DISCIPLINE

Our children need to know what they ought to do.  At these ages, we basically enforce that they need to obey God by:

*Cheerfully obeying mommy and daddy

*Having a happy heart (not whining and complaining)

*Not stealing (toys from sister)

*Speaking kindly

*Telling the truth (more for Isabelle at this point)

Of course there are lots of different situations, but they usually fall into these categories (most things just fall under obeying mom and dad).  We always see a distinct difference in the peace of our home and the countenance of our children when we are not consistent in upholding these standards. Hebrews 12 is a good reflection for us of whether our discipline is as God would have it to be.  When we discipline properly, we see the peaceful fruit of righteousness in our children, and we find we delight in eachother’s presence.  When I slip, and discipline in annoyance, the result is never peaceful!  We also get a good review of our discipline in watching how our children “discipline their dollies” – if they speak sweetly to them or harshly, for example.

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