Under His Construction
• May. 1, 2008 - The greatest command of all is to love
If you have been reading along as I have been posting the incredible lessons (here, here, and here) God had for me at our local homeschool conference this year through the tremendous speakers, Reb and Beverly Bradley, then you will not want to miss this post as it is the most important of all. All of the other insights I have mention are meaningless without these truths. My heart was truly broken over this one as I recognized what they were saying in my own heart and thus in my household as well.
When you think about the people in your children's lives that they tend to gravitate to and desire to be around, what do you notice about them? Genuine acceptance - these people like our kids and accept them as they are. These people should be us my dear fellow parents. We should be the ones that our children gravitate towards because we not only love them but we like them just the way they are. Something the Bradleys said that really hit home with me was that our children are not ingredients in a cake we are baking, they are people. They have a need to feel wanted and accepted just the way they are, like everybody else. We parents tend to look towards the future and the end results we want to see. Our children see that in our eyes every time we look at them. They feel that they will never measure up. We love them but sometimes we don't like them just as they are. Ouch!
So what will the results be? Children who run to the first individual or group that offer them acceptance. Children who have not given us their hearts, so any obedience will be outward form only and not from their hearts. Children that do not feel safe to divulge what is in their hearts to us. Children who reject Christ because all He ever was to them was condemnation and scorn.
I urge you to examine your relationship with your kids and see if any of this is true in your home. Are you taking the necessary steps to win over your child's affection and devotion? Are they drawn to Jesus by how you example Him to them? Do you have expectations of your children that they can never meet? Are you constantly disappointed in them? Are anger and irritation daily displayed by you in your children's presence?
If you see yourself in any of these examples don't despair, you are a sinner just like your children! ( :
The Bradleys laid out some practical tips that I thought were well worth sharing along with a few of my own.
1. Touch - Be affectionate toward them.
But we were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherisheth her children 1 Thes. 2:7
As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you Isa. 66:13a
2. Teeth - Discipline yourself to smile at your children. No matter what - even when entering a room where fighting or mischief has been going on (in fact remove suspicion and mistrust as well, but instead calmly and gently get to the bottom of the problem.)
When the king smiles, there is life; his favor refreshes like a gentle rain. Prov. 16:15
Jesus felt genuine love for this man as he looked at him. Mark 10:21a
3. Tone - Remove the Exclamation! at the end of your child's name when addressing them. ("Jacob! Get in here right now!")
Don't make your children angry by the way you treat them. Eph. 6:4b
And you know that we treated each of you as a father treats his own children. We pleaded with you, encouraged you, and urged you to live your lives in a way that God would consider worthy. For he called you into his Kingdom to share his glory. 1 Thes. 2:11-12
4. Time - Is time with your children a variable or an absolute?
He must manage his own family well 1 Tim. 3:4a
5. Tender discipline - Always out of love, seeing discipline as a necessity, never out of anger or scorn, expecting perfect children. Again, we are all sinners and will continue to be so until we get our new incorruptible bodies!
Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness Gal. 6:1
He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly. Prov. 13:24
He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly. Deu.8:5
My child, don't ignore it when the Lord disciplines you, and don't be discouraged when he corrects you. For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights. Prov.3:11-12
And have you entirely forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you, his children? He said, "My child, don't ignore it when the Lord disciplines you, and don't be discouraged when he corrects you. And have you entirely forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you, his children? He said, "My child, don't ignore it when the Lord disciplines you, and don't be discouraged when he corrects you. As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own children. Who ever heard of a child who was never disciplined? If God doesn't discipline you as he does all of his children, it means that you are illegitimate and are not really his children after all. Since we respect our earthly fathers who disciplined us, should we not all the more cheerfully submit to the discipline of our heavenly Father and live forever? For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God's discipline is always right and good for us because it means we will share in his holiness. No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening-it is painful! But afterward there will be a quiet harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way. Heb. 12:5-11
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• May. 1, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Blessings,
dee@boysrus