This is a response that I penned to a parent dealing with a trouble teen. I based this advice on advice I have given to many families with success over the years I worked with teens and their parents. When I opened the homeschoolblogger.com homepage I came across another parent looking for advice so I thought that I would share. What works for each family may not be what I recommend so I always advocate parents seeking the Lord's guidance and then see if my advice confirms what the Lord has revealed to them about their specific case. Read my advice below. (details have been altered to protect the privacy of the family involved.)

For most kids addiction or other problem behaviors are usually feeding a much more important need that is probably not being met for your child. Usually these needs are affection, emotional intimacy and spiritual longings. I would urge you to try to discover which of these may need attention in your child.

 

I do not know everything about your case but I can say that in many similar cases some variation on the theme of bringing the family closer together and bringing the family closer to God has been most helpful while I have not found traditional counseling therapies to be as helpful in part because they often oppose the first two strategies.

 

 I NEVER advocate sending children in these situations away from the home for any reason (whether you call it a wilderness camp or a military academy). Instead, families grow and heal best when members muddle through the tough stuff together.

 

Again, I am aware that I do not know everything about every home situation but here are some tips that seem to work in many cases:

Start spending large amounts of focused with your child. Do not talk about the problem behaviors. Get to know the other parts of him without distractions. Pretend that you are the wilderness camp staff. Set aside large amounts of time specifically to be with and talk to your son. Take off work or make some other drastic gesture to show how serious you are about this. Consider a long camping trip. Do not look for youth pastors, counselors or any other party to build your relationship with your child. It always backfires in the long run.

Start seeking out opportunities to praise your child and speak postively about him and his future. This will incredibly hard and forced at first but please, persevere. Several times each day, catch him doing something right and praise him for it. No matter if he is sullen and unresponsive to your comments at first, just persevere. Say out loud that you have high hopes for him and for his future and God does too.

Pray. Pray as a family, pray with your spouse and pray alone. Ask your child to pray alone and with you. Ask God for His guidance in this difficult situation. Ask him to protect and comfort your child. Pray that the only legacy your child will receive from you will be a godly legacy and his legacy as  a child of God according to Scripture. Pray that he will not repeat patterns found in you or your spouse as you were growing up and that he is not exhibiting problem behaviors that may have become problems in your own life.

Ask the Lord to search your heart for actions, attitudes and thoughts that you have that are contributing to the problem and not reflecting the heart of Christ who died for the forgiveness of our sins and the sins of our children. Pray that the mercy and grace of the Lord will be manifest through you as you deal with your difficult child. Pray for the Lord to reveal any rebelliousness and disobedience in your life as you train your child. Pray that you and your child will be able to hear the whisperings of the Lord as he guides each of you.