In honor of Heart of the Matter Online's 1st Birthday, we are having a TOSGA (The Old Stuff Giveaway)!!!   To see the rules and what not's and if you would like to participate, additional info and links to other TOSGA's can be found HERE.

I really wanted to say TOSGA! TOSGA! TOSGA! but wasn't sure if y'all would just think I'm one egg short of a dozen.  But you get it right? Like TOGA! TOGA! TOGA!  Okay, nevermind then...

I am giving away a brand new Pouch of Ancient Roman Coins.  My boys got some for Christmas and have really been fascinated with being able to hold such history in their hands!

All you have to do is serenade me with your very own creative happy birthday HOTM song and it must be double spaced with iambic pentameter.  Okay, since I don't really know what that means (I totally flunked it in high school English), just say hi to me in the comments section (with your e-mail addy too)!

I'll pick a winner on Saturday-- and yes, I'll even ship internationally (I *heart* my international friends too!).  Don't forget to check out all the other TOSGA's too!

Okay, so I made it through the 2008 Presidential election and didn't kill anyone.  I even refrained from venting my feelings here or on any of the message boards I visit.  My dh had the honor of listening to my feelings, well, and my mom.

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As a new years starts, I've decided to set goals, not make resolutions.  Goals seem so much easier to pick up again if you "fail" whereas we get this idea we are a failior if we slip up on our resolutions.

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1. Read through the New Testament once this year, plus the book of Psalms twice.  I'd like to also read through the book of Proverbs with the children as part of school.
2. Crochet a few things for MY baby.  I've made many baby things over the years, but very few for my 8 babies.  One blanket that I can remember.  This will be #9 when placed in our arms in April.  For now he/she resides under my heart and makes it hard to breath at times.
3. Use the Wii daily for some form of activity.  I love to bowl on it.  I'm hoping someone decides to get me the Wii Fit for Mother's day.  I'll be just about ready to start working on a new goal weight about that time, being a couple weeks out from delivery.
4. Keep the kitchen clean and teach the children to clean it properly, plus the three oldest need to learn to cook at least a little.  I also think it isn't expecting too much to think that the 5yo's and the 6yo can learn to make their own sandwiches.
5. Blog at least weekly about our life.
6. Survive Robotics competition season.  It starts this Saturday.

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Well, that is about all for now.  We are doing well, for the most part  Dh needs more work and I have to do our taxes this month.  YUCK!!!!  i dread it, but know that the sooner I get it done, the better.

Yesterday, I did the unthinkable.  Well, at least for me, as a mom that likes to have everything organized and tidy.  As I was cleaning my storage shelves in my laundry room I grabbed the bag of mismatched puzzles, put together the puzzles with all the pieces, and then THREW AWAY THE PUZZLE PIECES.  I had been holding onto these pieces for years...hoping that the missing piece would show up...afraid that if I threw away the puzzle then I would find the piece.  So there they sat.  A couple bags of pieces.  Taking up space. And, in a way, aggravating me everytime I looked at them.

Throwing away those pieces was freeing.  As soon as I began, I wondered why it took me so long to let them go.  Why had I held on to them for three years?  As the last handful of worn pieces fell into the sack I knew I was to write about those pieces.  Life, especially our pasts, are like those pieces.  How many years do we hold onto bitterness, grief, or anger?  It is so easy to view our current circumstances with the lens of the past.  We cling to the pieces of our puzzles, hoping for that last piece....you know, the one that would explain why something happened....the one that would justify our feelings.   We look and look, not forgetting, just wanting to figure out why.  And in that looking the puzzles of the past color today.

In this earthly life sometimes the piece of why won't be revealed.  We won't know how everything fits together.  Someone knows...and that is our heavenly Father.  He knows how all the pieces intersect.   He's got the "box", the big picture of our lives.  When we trust Him, we are releasing the need to put all the pieces together.  I know from experience how freezing it can be to continuously try to make sense of past events.  My future outlook becomes tainted with yesterdays puzzles.  I'll cling to memories...memories of hurt, failure, and lost dreams.   I'll want to figure out why we lost that job, or my husband got sick, or a friendship struggled.  "Why" doesn't really give answers.  Figuring out how something happened allows us to learn.  But clinging to the why pieces allow the past to sit on the shelf of life.  In view, always there, waiting for the day when we can figure everything out.  But, ponder this, are we to know all the answers while living our life, our temporary life, on earth?

There are times where the puzzles of the past need to be let go.  Released to the Father.  And in that letting go, the seeds of hope can begin to grow.  Hope in the future.  For in those moments the hope is not in what is seen....or remembered....or learned....but is in a present, a future in Christ.

"as we look not to the things that are seen

 but to the things that are unseen.

For the things that are seen are transient,

but the things that are unseen are eternal."

2 Corinthians 4:18

What puzzle pieces are you clinging to today?  Is there some pieces that you need to just let go?  Our Father in heaven is so good.  When the past is released, He can fill that gap with joy, hope, and peace from Him.  One more thing.  There are many, many good memories, lessons, and even bittersweet moments found in our past.  I'm not saying to never remember.  My thrust in this post is more about identifying those "hooks" of our past.  You know the ones that we just don't let go of.  Those thoughts...maybe everytime you see someone that's slighted you years ago -you just don't let that hurt feeling go...even though it's been forever, and they've asked for forgiveness. Or its anger over a lost job.   Or for me, a piece that I truly need to let go is the thought that, "it won't change."  That thought is based on years and years of financial struggle.  But that very thought, that piece, becomes a piece of today's puzzle.  And I don't want to believe in a future contingent on the puzzles of the past.  My future is in Him.  In Christ.  Not on yesterday's worn pieces.

"So do not lose heart...."

2 Corinthians 4:16a

Blessings on you today,

Rachel

Today I should be taking time to plan out our week of homeschooling.  I know that I should take that time and work.  And yet, that type of planning is tedious for me.  I always know that the work needs to be done, but I'll find other things to occupy my time.  And then, when the week begins, I feel aggravated and frustrated because I don't have a plan. 

Planning, real planning, takes work.  It involves sacrificing the "fun" of now and  instead taking that time ~ thinking, analyzing, and even hoping.  I tend to find myself overwhelmed at the process.  Oh, I love to ponder and think and dream.  But, I've always been a "do it at the last second" type of gal.  When I was in college I would write my papers at crunch time.  I'd struggle when I had to send in outlines, then rough drafts, etc...  It seemed to stifle my thinking.  I'd always get better grades when I wrote under pressure. 

But in life, there are moments where I need to set aside the need to function under pressure.  We're always moving, busy, and seem to thrive in the anxiety of being busy.  We race here and there, buzz through a drive-thru, and need our extra hot double shot of coffee to keep going.  I know, because I exist in that motion.  But this year, this year where I'm going to start really writing, I know I need to release that "fix" of adreniline found in the rush and sit down and slowly plan.  To move step by step forward, set a goal, and excel in the planning.  It means saying "no" to extra activities, and being willing to live life at a slower pace.

It's ironic that it's hard for me to slow down.  After all, I've written about the need to slow life down and think, and still I struggle with not finding urgent things to occupy my time.  These urgent things?  Oh...they're not all that urgent...I just push them into that category.  In order for me to be consistent and truly use my time to the Lord's glory I need to be devoted to being in His Word and discovering His truth.  And that, lol, involves planning.  It requires discipline and tenacity.  And the truth is...He will bless the steadfast work of planning. Planning that will lead to action.  Not just ideas, but ideas with work, and implemenation.

So, as this short, and perhaps muddled blog post comes to a close, I know that for part of today I will sit at my table with my school planner and work. Oh, I'll still do my housework, and organizing, and play with my kids, but I'll work.  And later, I'll write. 

Blessings,

Rachel

So I hate to admit to you all that at 50 years of age, I am still domestically challenged.  Maybe I'm not so challenged, it's just my personality.  Call it whatever, but at times it all really goes out of control.  Like during the holidays.

So after Christmas was over, I got onto my Flylady email group.  I had gone no-mail a long time ago.  I pulled out my book "Sink Reflections" by Flylady, and reminded myself of a thing or two.

I thought I'd write down what's working so far.

Into my morning routine, I get up and get dressed immediately. 

I go downstairs and drink a glass of lemon water.  That is, a freshly squeezed half lemon into a glass, add about 6 oz. of water.  This gives me half a lemon to put down my garbage disposal ever day.  The lemon thing is my thing - not from Flylady.

I fix my hair - wash it in the sink or just wet it, depending.  I take a shower later, after the gym on the days I go, or otherwise.

I wash my face, dry my hair, moisturizer, make up, etc.

This feels totally different from when I used to do computer first thing.  How great I feel.

Oh, before I wash (or wet) my hair, I put in a load of wash.  I make sure that it is downstairs by the washer the night before, so I don't wake anyone up gathering hampers, etc.  I try and deal with the wash (drying, folding, putting away) right away.  I admit, getting it into the drawers is my downfall and I'm working on that.

I keep up with the dishes all day - dishwasher, or washing the few I don't like to put in there.  I USED to let things dry in the dishdrainer, but am drying everything (or delegating the drying) and putting it away.  NOW we have more counter space, and it looks so much better.

I'll talk about my bedtime routine next, and how some of Flylady's other principles are working for me.

But I'll finish by adding - this has shown me the importance of routine - especially for someone as distractable as me - and part of that routine is daily prayer and bible.  It used to fall by the wayside much too often.  Silly me.  Without God, we can do nothing.

You are a Doris -- "I must help others."

Dorises are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs. (Such a kind way of saying one-step-away-from-codependent. Just kidding.)

• * Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.(Otherwise I'll just think you're tolerating me because you're nice.) (And really, you could leave me a bloggy comment. If you want. But I don't want to be pushy or anything.)
  
• * Share fun times with me. (I can be fun. Really I can.)
  
• * Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours. (Actually I'll feel like you don't really care about me if you don't share your problems with me as well. That just doesn't feel right to me.)
  
• * Let me know that I am important and special to you. (Man, I sound kinda needy, huh?)
  
• * Be gentle if you decide to criticize me. (Does anyone really LIKE to be hit with a sledgehammer?)
  

In Intimate Relationships - Tony, this part's for you!

• * Reassure me that I am interesting to you.
• * Reassure me often that you love me.
• * Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be seen with me.

• * being able to relate easily to people and to make friends ( I'd be a rotten lone wolf.)
  
• * knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better (Yea, that kinda makes me happy)
  
• * being generous, caring, and warm (Just ignore the PMS days though, k?)
  
• * being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings (Ding, ding! That's why quiet people make me a little nervous.)
  
• * being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor (Well living here on the funny farm, that's pretty much a requirement.)
  

• * not being able to say no (It's taken me years, but I can TOTALLY say No now when needed!)
  
• * having low self-esteem (Well ummm, let's get back to talking about YOU.)
  
• * feeling drained from overdoing for others (Not so much anymore. Really the whole saying No thing helped.)
  
• * not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish (OK that could be true. I've secretly wanted to get a pedicure for years, but just talk myself out of it ALL the time.)
  
• * criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should (Well I do spend a lot of time wishing I could do more for others. The fibro, it, has slowed my "doing" WAY down.)
  
• * being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as I tune in to them (Go figure. Perhaps that's why they're actually getting things done rather than just sitting around thinking.)
  
• * working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings (I do try to choose my words pretty carefully, but God and I hash all kinds of stuff out just between the two of us.)
  

• * are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism  (Truer words may never have been spoken.)
  
• * try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding (Oh yes, the people-pleasing started early.)
  
• * are outwardly compliant (Hi, my name is Nancy. I love rules.)
  
• * are popular or try to be popular with other children (Note it says try. Again with the people-pleasing.)
  
• * act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention (Insert tumultuous junior high years here.)
  
• * are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted Dorises), or quiet and shy (the more introverted Dorises) (I actually think I've been both.)
  

• * are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren't) (Thanks hold your applause and the Mother of the Year awards.)
  
• * are often playful with their children (Well the quiz couldn't be right ALL of the time could it? I think I'm more like a stick-in-the-mud.)
  
• * wonder: "Am I doing it right?" "Am I giving enough?" "Have I caused irreparable damage?" (Or am I a stick in the mud? What if I didn't play with the boys enough?! Ack!)
  
• * can become fiercely protective (Oh yes, sensitive and nurturing goes out the window if someone goes after one of my boys!)