I am ashamed to say how long.  I’ve survived pregnancy, and so did my daughter.  I am so blessed.  She is almost six months old and I realize how the last year and a half have flown by.  Pregnancy, in a nutshell, was hard but blessed.  Everyday was holding my breath with quiet faith.  I fear my God in a healthy way, and trusted Him as well.  Every ultrasound came through.  The day came when I heard the words. “C-section in twenty minutes”  (my darling went footling breech…so much for the natural birth haha!) and the lead balloon dropped in a realization.  WE WERE HAVING A BABY.   A real live, bouncing, healthy baby girl.  Even though I was 36 weeks, she was fine.  My thoughts wondered as my body visibly shook.  We did it.  God did it.  It is happening after 13 years, six losses, growth, ministry, hardships, character building… noone can possibly understand our emotion.  And there she was.  Small, cute, kicking immediately, with hair.  More details later.  My point is: I have a daughter.  The last six months I have been getting to know this precious mini-me.  She is adorable and a gift.  All I can say is God had a plan and it was in His time.  SO many lessons learned!

God has been tugging at me to start writing again, so Lord willing; baby willing; home school willing; ministry willing, I will.  I have many things on my heart to share and pray my humble imperfect offering will glorify Him and lead others to draw closer to Him.

Aleacia

This week was crazy insane!  I kind of felt like I was an out of control tornado!  Everyday was a new adventure of multiple phone calls, emails, to do lists, home school, church, fitting in house cleaning, figuring out dinner, going to church, falling into bed, getting up and doing it all over again!  I have to say, I AM EXHAUSTED!!!  I am glad tomorrow is Saturday.  I plan to clean *AT MY OWN PACE* and work on home school “stuff”…  Next week, let’s pray that life is at a slower pace and there is more “home” time… but with writing class, park day, a funeral, and Friday school- I am not too hopeful!!  So, I will just laugh, go, and pray all my day!

Good Night!

My lap top is fixed and being shipped.  Seems like a pretty normal thing, but to me it means something else. We stepped out on total faith to even afford the repair, He will provide…  but He tells me to Finish the book.  The book I have longed to finish, the book God is telling me to write.  At night, sometimes I still feel the emptiness.  I long to finally heal but know it is only by finishing this that it will all be settled… No, I do not talk about it a lot.  Too hard.  The pain is still there and is easing, but not to chat about, not to address… SO, I just read this book called “I will Carry You” by Angie Smith.  I read it in one afternoon but will be going through it again.  The first time you read it- you cry especially if you have experienced a similar pain.  I bawled in a few places.  The second time, I will read it differently, the author puts so many biblical applications, I need to see them beyond the initial grief.  What a beautiful portrait though, of loss, of healing, of God, of Jesus.  The pain is there, but as a believer, you know it is okay, you get on with it, you live knowing promise.  Listen to this song online, it is amazing.  Read her blog, read the book, and praise Him who knows all and heals all….

So in a day or two when the computer comes I will open my heart and write, to glorify Him and to share my story as He leads….

Read the lyrics to this amazing song-

Aleacia

There were photographs i wanted to take
Things i wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?people say that i am brave but i`m not
Truth is i`m barely hanging on
But there`s a greater story
Written long before me
Because he loves you like this

So i will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And i will praise the one who`s chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But i know
That the silence
Has brought me to his voice
And he says

I`ve shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And i will praise the one who`s chosen me
To carry you

I feel like the Lord is refining His people.  I talk to and see so many of His children that are in the midst of trials.  It is chilling, though comforting.  He is coming soon, I pray!  The types of trials are so different and complex.  Children are dying, marriages are ending, families are being ripped apart- even in the church.  Complex issues that are only solved by crying to Him are here.  They are the type of issues that only He can fix and sort out- to think of solving ourselves would be too exhausting and terrifying.

I am thinking of how He was hated.  Not by just one or two or bothered by one or two issues- but He was hated by many.  He was pursued by many.  To this day, the Name of Jesus draws strong emotion from people.  He is either loved or hated.   John 15:18-21 says, “If the world hates you, know that it hated Me before it hated you.  If you were of the world, the world would love its own.  Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the word hates you.  Remember the word that I said to you,’A servant is not greater than his master’.  If they persecute Me, they will also persecute you.  If they kept My word, they will keep yours also.  But all these things they will do to you for My name’s sake, because they do not know Him who sent Me.”

So when we, as His children call Him Lord, we are making a very important and controversial decision.  The comfort, the promise we have is eternity with Him and His will and protection.  When a trial comes our way we are to give it to Him, pray, and trust.  We have a hope in Christ.  Everything He said was and is true and every promise has been kept.  Why do we fear?  Why do we doubt?  James 1:2-3 says, “My brethren, count it all JOY when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.”  We are to have joy.  We are not to be weary, although when and of we do feel it at times, we come running to Him- “cast your burdens on Him, for He cares for you”.

I too, encounter trials,  nothing to be compared to my Lord, but bumps in the road, nonetheless.  I do feel tired at times.  I do feel bouts of hopelessness and doubt.  But, I run to Him, a sinner that I am and trust in His will.  There is SO much peace there!  I do not know what tomorrow brings.  I do know that I long to be closer to Him daily.  I want to touch children’s lives (especially my own kiddos!)  so they turn to Him.  I want to glorify God in all I do though I make SO many mistakes… Lord cleanse me!  I am Yours- I confess it all!  He is my Master and Savior!  I know that in the end, the day we all meet the Lord we all are going to see Him face to face.  One on one.  “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive the things done in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad.”  (2 Corinthians 5:10)

He is full of mercy!  I feel the  pressure and the reality of refinement.  He wants us all to turn to Him more.  I am not seeking Him more in a fearful, panicked way, but in a response of love, obedience and respect.  When a trial is upon us or passed us, we have an imprint marked upon our heart.  Experience makes us see the things we were unable to see before.  SO, I call upon my Lord and Savior and ask Him to refine me more according to His will and use me.  Help me Lord, to represent You the way You desire.  Keep me out of it I pray!  I mess it up all the time and feel so ashamed for that, but I know Your grace covers my sin.  I am your daughter…

Aleacia

We started school a few weeks ago and all is going well, except for one small irritating interruption.  Life happens!  I am so blessed to be HOME for good and not juggling a career and school.  God is so good.

I was reminded as of late on preparation of the Word and its importance in the believer.  Of course we all ( I Pray) read His Word and go to church… but how much time do we REALLY spend pondering the Lord?  I too, fall short in this category.  When trials come, it is so apparent that we should have could have done more to prep in His Word.  It is how we know His ways, His statutes, and is plan.  Here is a quick thought: when sinking in a raft in the middle of the ocean, there is no time to make a plan or think things over.  You just act.  Bear instincts take over.  Trials in life are the same. Much of the time there is no time to “plan”  when attacked by the enemy and no time to “catch up” in devotional time.  Our instincts take over and I know in my own life, sometimes my instincts are not so pretty!  The more we are in the Word, the more likely our reactions will be according to His plan-controlled and led by the Spirit.  Remember: what comes out of our mouth (and into our mind) first is what our heart truly is.

Something to ponder, something that convicts me….

In Him,

Aleacia