Random observation to break the empty monotony of this blog:

Today I decided that Americans do drive on the right side of the road after all.

This is totally very momentous, so I must explain. It’s a long story, and there are several Very Important facts you must study first so as to fully understand.

VERY IMPORTANT FACTS:

1. I’ve always known that Americans drive on the wrong side of the road. I know, it’s the ‘right’ side (don’t you get my pun ha ha aren’t I clever?), but we’re on the right side of our cars, so that’s no excuse. The fact is… well, there never actually were many facts to support me. It was just a vague patriotism, I guess.

Actually, the real reason is that pretty much every part of the driving experience in America totally sucks, so it’s a pretty safe bet that they got the side of the road wrong as well.

2. It has been a very hot day today.

3. I have been working very hard today. From four to five (AM to PM, that is) in a stifling supermarket with so many customers everywhere that it’s not funny. EVERYONE seems to go to the supermarket on Christmas eve! And why? WHY? I have no idea, but they all want a lot of bread. They’re probably planning something illegal.

END OF VERY IMPORTANT FACTS.

So. I was driving home from the supermarket at 5 after a really, really long day, and I was in my own cute car with my radio up and the windows all down and the breeze (ok, gale – it gets like that at 100k in a Very Small Car) so cool and refreshing and hair-blowing. And I was dangling my hand out the window and shaping it like an aeroplane wing so it would glide through the air (that’s the theory anyway) and all the other things you do to make yourself feel cool, and then it hit me.

You guys can dangle your left hands out the window when you’re driving.

I know, that sounds like a really little thing, but actually it’s enormous. I mean, it’s impossible not to dangle your hand out the window when you drive with the window down – that’s a totally undisputed fact. And if you’re concentrating on trying to make an aeroplane wing with your arm out the window so you have to drive with your left hand, and if you happen to be right-handed… well, it’s difficult. And if you happen to miss roadwork signs because you’re so busy concentrating and hit a rough gravel corner at 100k then it gets very difficult.

So that’s basically my amazing discovery.

The only question I have left is this: Are Americans all left-handed? Because although it’s possible that you guys actually changed something for the better, its probably more likely that you’re a totally left-handed race and it all makes no sense after all

Happiness

I have just driven home in my sweet little car which is finally home from the mechanic, watching the sun rise over the misty hills all pink and blue and gold. Now I’m snuggled up with a hotwater bottle in my lap and a plate of hot banana toast and cinnamon buns all dripping with butter in front of me, sipping a huge cup of steaming milky coffee….

I’m just so happy right now. The early mornings are so worth it for this.

A day in the life of me

Well. I have been trying to write up an entry on the criminal dude, but as usual I lose inspiration for anything that anyone else wants me to write. So while you are waiting for that, I have a rather random and disjointed entry for you, packed with the thoughts and experiences of the last couple of weeks.

Also, we went off to an ATI conference this weekend in our trusty new bus. We aren’t an ATI family yet, but we’re possibly maybe considering it, and in the couple of years it always takes us to make up our minds about this sort of thing they’re quite happy for us to tag along.

I think ATI in NZ is largely rather different to how it is in America. Less formal, for one thing. The skirt wearing thing sorta illustrates the atmosphere – everyone does wear them on campus (uh… the girls, anyway), but they mostly couple them with gansta hoodies. Which I gather isn’t the normal attitude your way? *grin* Not to mention the fact they have a rehab type ministry on campus, so everyone consorts happily with criminals and Delinquent Youths.

Despite this (or perhaps because of it?), they’re all fantastic people, and I made some awesome friends in the couple of days we spent there. They’re just so inspired for God and so active and focused in serving him and others… it’s great to see.

Also, we got to know our bus rather well, in the two days and nights spent in it…

Impressions of our new bus:

-    Wind. The wind plays a very big part in the bus experience. As do the windows, which slide slowly open as one travels.
-    Cold. This is pretty self-explanatory, in the middle of one of the coldest winters we’ve had in years. I’m pretty sure it would have been snowing if it wasn’t raining so hard.
-    The wipers go squeak, screeeeeeeeeech, click. Squeak, screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech, click. In some ways the click is the most irritating part of all.
-    The door is cool. There’s this little button at the front that pressurized it shut, and when it is you can open it but it’s jolly hard work. Sometimes you have to brace your feet against the wall to tug it open, and then you need to get someone reliable to hold it while you squeeze through or it will trap you halfway through.
-    We’re trying to convince Dad to let us all spray paint it in bright colours. Wish us luck with that.
-    We’re also trying to convince Dad that he doesn’t need to remove one of the seats and install a toilet. The smells alone are enough to put me off the idea, let alone the noises…

And… moving right along. Just in case you were under any doubts about the chaos and general sinfulness reigning supreme in our household, I shall proceed to illustrate it now for you all, in the following examples:

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First up we bring you a day in the life of our new homeschooling system (AKA Dad teaching)…

Dad: So on your average set of accounts you have your income statement documenting your assets…
Ione: (whining) Dad, you still haven’t even told me what assets are.
Dad: …including your starting stock and your purchases, minus your ending stock…
Ione: Dad, you’re standing in front of the blackboard.
Dad: (ignoring her) …that’s called your net profits or your gross profits…
Ione: I can’t even see what you’re writing, Dad…
Dad: …then you have your vehicle costs and your wages…
Ione: (mutters) Fine then, I just won’t write it.
Ben: (farts noisily and snickers)
Gabrielle: (raises her pen threateningly)
Ben: (snickers to himself obliviously and farts again)
Dad: …so your current assets, your stock-
Ben: Ow! Gabrielle, go away!
Gabrielle: (glaring) Go away yourself, you loser.
Dad: (looks up) Ben, are you farting again?
Ben: She stabbed me in the head!
Dad: (exasperated) Ben, are you even listening? Would you rather I just sent you to school?
Ben: Would you rather I just went to school?
Gabrielle: Yes! Please do!

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And here, a snippet of Dinnertime conversation from the Stuart household, staring our very own Liviyaya…

Livi: (starts tipping her food off her plate)
Heather: Livi, Mummy will be scary if you do that!
Livi: (keeps doing it)
Mum: (sneaks up behind her and roars)
Livi: (bursts into tears) You’re a mean mummy!
Mum: And I have to keep being a mean scary mummy if you don’t eat your food.
Livi: (glaring) I’ll tip a cup of water on you if you do it again!
Mum: (trying to be stern) (failing) Well, I’ve got a whole jug of water to tip on you, so you’ll end up wetter.
Livi: (still glaring) I’ll cut your head off!
Dad: (bundles Livi off to bed without any more dinner)

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And… we interrupt this broadcast to provide you with a snippet of a story by Keren, acted out by the infamous pencil family:

(Small pencil shoves her parent pencils off the side of the boat)
Parents: (climbing back onto deck) "Now we’re all wet, little one."
Daughter: (chucks them back in the water) "No treats for you now, parents!"

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As you can see, our lessons are profitable, our parents are highly venerated and peace and harmony reigns supreme in our Good Homeschooling Home.

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And lastly, our quote of the week:

Gabrielle: Livi, you’re the man.
Livi: *enthusiastically* Yeah, I’m the big, huge, fat man.

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Heh. Signing off, yours, etc, etc… and you should see the proper entry soon.

Well, my kind of soon. Maybe.

*grin*