Apr. 17, 2008 Life Overflowing
Sometimes life as a mother of three is more than I expected. It is not a bad kind of more, just more of everything in general. More of the good, really good, the bad, and the oh so very ugly moments that i would like to be able to erase from the memories of my children.
In My Cup Runeth Over I wrote extensively about this experience. It is humbling and frustrating and invigorating to be a mom full time. It is certainly also terribly exhausting.
I wrote that article over at HubPages (my profile)s. In case you are not familiar with HubPages, it is not a blogging community. They allow their writers to write articles (called Hubs) on anything they want, adding videos, photos, news feeds, and Amazon and Ebay ads. It is really fun to put together a hub, and you get to share 60% of the revenue from Adsense as well. In addition to that, they have a Flagship Hub program, where approved writers create a hub on a specific topic and are paid $25-$35.
Here is an example of a Flagship Hub that I wrote, but if you are not interested in finance careers, you made find it dull!
Anyway, if you do find yourself over there sometime, please stop by and say hi! My screen name is Amy Jane. :) |
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Apr. 17, 2008 Oh, So Long!
It has been so very long since I have been to this neck of the internet world, just thought I would drop in and say hello! I am no longer able to call myself a homeschooling mom. i mourned this for quite some time, and I think that is why I shrunk back from my blog, not wanting to admit that I failed, or maybe that is not the best word for it, but I had to send my girls to school, for a few different reasons.
They have adjusted, although it has been a long difficult road for us all. My husband ultimately made the decision, and I agree (now) that it was the right one for our family.
I still love the idea of home schooling, of keeping my children as close to me as possible. I admire all of you wonderful homeschooling mom who have managed to do it all of these years. I think it is an amazing accomplishment.
I still struggle daily with my role as mother, learning to grow, expanding my heart, developing my patience and all those other qualities that children demand we get in order to raise them properly. I am still writing quite a bit, and in my next post I will do an update on that.
Thanks for reading, my old friends! Please say hi if you have a free moment :) |
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Sep. 29, 2006 Curriculum for Sale!
Hi all! I have been doing some serious reorganizing around here and have decided to sell some of my collection of curriculum and homeschooling books. Please email me if you are interested! I really need to make some room on my bookshelves! I am flexible on the prices! I can also email pics if you want to see the condition of the materials.
Here is some of what I have:
The Story of the World - History for the Classical Child Activity Book One: Ancient Times: This is in excellent condition - $15 (orig. 29.95)
Phonics Pathways by Dolores G. Hiskes Excellent Condition - $15 (orig.32.95)
Horizons Math Kit Grade 1 Great Condition, but missing lesson 1-11 in workbook. There are additional worksheets to cover those lessons in the teachers manual. $50
Sonlight K Science Instructors Guide Good condition, some (very few) of the activity sheet were used. $10
Lifepac Language Arts First Grade Kit by Alpha Omega Lifepacs 1-3 are missing, everything else complete and in excellent condition. Includes the 5 readers to go along with the program $50 (orig. $90)
A2 Homeschool Curriculum (Achievement Raised to the power of 2) This is a CD Rom, unused, containing K-12 curriculum. Email for details. $50 (orig.$100)
Books: A Charlotte Mason Companion, by Karen Andreola - $10 The Homeschooling Book of Answers by Linda Dobson - $7 Homeschooling the Early Years by Linda Dobson - $8 The Unschooling Handbook by Mary Griffin - $6 Learning All the Time by John Holt - $7
I also have AOP first grade lifepac kits for Bible and History and Geography, and teachers guides for Handwriting Without Tears and Getty Dubay Italics.
Please email me if you are interested!
Thanks!
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One of my main concerns when we began homeschooling was that we would become isolated from the rest of the world. Now, I don't really have a huge problem with that, I am quiet and rather introverted.
I have always been pretty content with having just one or two close friends, rather than a big group of "fair weather" types.
It has been a constant effort for me these past two years to get out there with the kids. I must say, we were doing really well for a while. My girls had made some friends and everyone seemed "socially healthy." Whatever that is...
Then things started to fall apart. People just kept falling away, out of our lives. I even checked, and no, we don't have the cooties.
So now we are a bit isolated. We go places. We interact. We continue to make an effort. It all seems pretty superficial right now.
This has been toughest on my soon to be 7-year-old. She has lost her two closest friends in the past two years. One when we started homeschooling and the other just recently. She has always had a little trouble socially. It just doesn't seem to be her nature to walk up to another kid and introduce herself. Now, of course, people like to use homeschooling as the reason for her shyness.
God made her this way, similar to me. And I believe that there are many gifts that come along with being an introvert. I think it is a very OKAY way to be. If we were all social butterflies, there would be no lovely quiet flowers. My daughter is so full of imagination and stories and dreams. She is extremely sensitve and compassionate. She feels on a level much deeper than I thought was possible for such a young child. She is also a perfectionist and very hard on herself when she doesn't measure up to her peers - in her own opinion. In order for her to measure up, she has to be the best. This is very difficult to manage sometimes, as it causes problems in her freindships. This break form socializing has also given her a break from comparing herself to others.
The odd thing here is that I am not sure that this isolation is a bad thing. I am not lonely. I was lonely when I was seeing these "fair weather" friends regularly. We may have had some things in common, but we really did not have a friendship. (Although I was not aware of it at the time!)
When does a family become too isolated?
I am trying to figure it out. Everyone around me is claiming that this proves their point about homeschooing and socialization. They suggest that I get them in school as soon as possible. The longer you wait the worse she will get. Unfortunately, this is coming from family members that previously were supportive of our decision to homeschool.
I am just going to view this as a "social hiatus." Maybe we need to have some down time together. Maybe we just need to make some new friends that share our values. I am sure that God has a reason and a purpose for makig these changes in our lives.
I am going to stick it out even if it would be far easier for me to send them to school. I am going to trust. I am going to smile to myself on an early September morning when the school bus rolls by without my children as passengers.
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I'm back! Finally, I have figured out how to get back into my blog to post. While I was gone, I did set up another blog and I will be moving everything back over here as soon as I have a chance.
Ahhh...it is good to be back.
I had an ultrasound yesterday and babe #3 is doing just fine. And now I am too. After the problems that I had in my last pregnancy, I couldn't help but worry. I tried not to, really. But I just couldn't let go of the fear. It is just amazing how much better I feel physically after seeing that little one wriggling around in there. I am always in awe of the miracle of new life.
As for homeschooling, I am still trying to find a happy middle ground. We love the freedom of unschooling but sometimes the chaos is a little too much for everyone. Going forward, I am just not sure what we will be doing. I really so enjoy shopping for curriculum.
Chloe starts horse camp in two weeks - jumping camp actually. She is not afraid at all. She is not even seven. I cannot believe she is going to learn to jump a horse. What a thrill for her. She is just get used to cantering!
Sweet Kaela is waking from her nap, and will be tearing the place apart momentarily, so that's all for now!
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Jun. 1, 2006 Chloe's Quote of the Day
"Mom, don't go dancing like that to make money." Said in response to me dancing around the kitchen to The Numbers Rhumba by the Wiggles (little Kaela's favorite band). I am not quite sure where she got the idea that I would try to make money as a dancer or why she felt she should discourage me from trying! Says a great deal about my dancing though...
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May. 30, 2006 Unschooling Myself
I
am utterly amazed at how much I have learned in the past few weeks. I
have been helping Chloe explore her interests and have had the
wonderful benefit of learning alongside her. We started out reading a
couple of really nice picture books: The Rag Coat Sweet Clara and the Freedom Quilt The Quilt Maker's Journey These
books brought up many of topics for us to discuss (beyond the obvious
subject of quilting)- coal mining in Appalachia, slavery, the
Underground Railroad, helping the needy.... From here Chloe asked if we
could make a quilt that she could give to her children when she was
grown up. She is planning on having 17! Her favorite number these
days.... So I started exploring quilting a bit, thinking, how hard
could it be? I ordered an ebook and spent two days reading and
deciphering the instructions and then made a trip to the craft store
for supplies. Chloe was thrilled and couldn't wait to get started.
Then I needed a lesson in measuring from my husband, because the
quilting mat and ruler is a bit difficult to figure out. For me. We
cut our fabric and started to lay out the design and then I had to step
back. I really wanted to design it myself. I at least wanted to give
my opinion. That was hard. ow I think I will have to make a quilt of my
own. Chloe worked out a nice pattern. She wants to embroider the
center with a picture. On our next trip to the library I checked out a
bunch of quilting books and I am loving it! Chloe likes to work on her
quilt for a few minutes everyday. I should add that I am a knitter
primarily. I really don't sew very well. We are learning together. I
am also becoming well read on the history of quilting. Really, it is
fascinating, if you have an interest in it. Chloe has been counting
her savings regularly now. She is saving for a horse, of course. She
wanted to know what the picture of the pyramid on the back of the
dollar meant. I had no idea, and looked it up online for her.
Chloe has also been putting her new addition skills to work. She
has been making up her own word problems. This amazes me, of course.
Word problems in school always drove me nutty. She mentioned this
morning, that in the book Peter Pan (which we are almost
finished reading) that Hook wants to make six of the boys walk the
plank and two to keep for cabin boys, there fore there must be eight
lost boy's in total, but if you add Peter Pan, then you have nine.
I never would have guessed that she could use literature to play
with numbers. Or I think I wouldn't have expected her to come up with
it on her own. I am thrilled that I am learning so much just from
observing how her brilliant little mind works.
We are a resilient bunch, we humans. Even if our desire to learn and
explore our world seems to be gone after years of traditional
schooling, it can surely be awakened again. Try looking at the world
through a child's eyes. You are sure to see the beauty again and all we
have to be thankful for, and waking up to start a new day, a new
adventure, will make you smile too. Even at 5 AM.
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Life
has been wild around here lately. I found out last week that I am
expecting! Baby #3! We are all very excited, even Chloe who is not so crazy about her toddler sibling right now. So, there
has been a lot of planning around here. I guess I was feeling a
little stressed and maybe a little out of my mind, and I forced Chloe
to read to me. Then she decided to read the same book to her father.
This seems like a good thing, but she is now unwilling to do anymore
reading practice. Perhaps I just need to let it go for a while.
Pushing never helps. I can't believe that I keep forgetting that. I
was thinking about how other kids her age were finishing up first
grade, probably reading pretty well, and I started to get nervous. I
guess I just wanted to get this reading thing "done" to some extent
before the baby. I need an attitude adjustment. Chloe is on the
verge on learning to canter a horse, and she will probably be jumping
by the end of the summer. Maybe I should just let her focus on that
right now! We are still exploring the Middle Ages and castles and
knights and all that goes along with that...her passion for it has not
yet burned out. She would really like to learn to joust, and combine
her two main interests right now. I actually found a group that does
medieval equestrian practices / competitions! It is two states away,
but maybe when she is older. I don't think they let 6-year-olds
participate! We have a couple of castles to visit here in CT, and the Renaissance Faire' is coming up this summer, so we have plenty to do. Unfortunately,
it seems we may be loosing another friend, Chloe's closest. And this
feels totally out of our (my) control. I just have to believe that it
is for the best and that perhaps it was not a healthy relationship for
us to begin with. We have to run to a graduation party now...my niece...I can't believe she is graduating from high school already.
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Oh my, has it been awhile. I have come full
circle in my homeschooling journey. It will be a year this week
since I took my daughter out of school and sometimes, often, I feel
like we are still recovering from the experience.
I find myself on the fence so often, thinking maybe it wouldn't be so
bad to send her to a nice private school again. I worry that I am
always making us different from everyone else in the world. Maybe we
should just be normal, regular people.
Then I start to gag and I can't seem to catch my breath and my heart pounds in total panic.
I pray for a sign. I pray for God to show me clearly that this is
his will for us. He always answers the same, gently and with
patience.
So I recommit to homeschooling. Somedays I absolutely love it and
think it is the greatest experience of my life and theirs. And
then I start comparing myself to others, or my child to another
homeschooled first grader who is three grades ahead in math and reading
shakespeare for fun.
Then I start to gag and I can't seem to catch my breath and my heart pounds in total panic.
I pray again for a sign that this is his will for us. Please
Lord, be as clear as possible this time, so I cannot mistake what
you are trying to tell me. The last twenty times you answered I
was only 99.9% sure of what you meant.
And then the cycle begins again. I try out a new approach to
homeschooling. I look at a new curriculum. I toss the curriculum out
the window because we are just going to live and learn for
awhile. I go outside a month (or two) later and dig it out of the
ice and snow. My support group falls apart. I search for another, and
another hoping to find the right fit for us. Maybe we just
don't need a group right now.
I am surely naive, I really didn't think it was going to be this hard!
Okay, I admit some days are great, we have just been experiencing
operating difficulties a little too much lately.
Well, today, I have had it. I am determined to stop allowing the
thoughts of sending my children off to school to enter my mind. That is
not an option. This is God's will for us and I know this. I just
keep thinking that it is my choice!
Isn't that funny? I think it is funny that I can't seem to get it through my head that this is not about me!
Huh. This process baffles me sometimes. It is so clear to me what is missing in my life after I write it all out.
I asked a veteran homeschooler recently when she stopped doubting herself. She replied, to my surprise, that she never doubted.
We didn't have the opportunity to talk at length, so I can only assume
that she has the one thing that I have been lacking for so long now.
Trust.
Trust in God to do what he promises to do!
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Aug. 5, 2005 You Really Have Your Hands Full.
I have heard that phrase from no less
than six perfect strangers in the last two days. Still, I am
always surprised. I must appear worse than I feel! My
poor labrador fell down while playing outside the other night.
She was unable to put any weight (which she has in excess) on her
back right leg. I took her to the vet, with kids in tow.
This is where the comments began. It is a struggle to manage an
85lb limping dog and a toddler. My 5-yr-old was helpful.
She loves going to the vet's office. We have been there so much
in the past month that she now has been inspired to become a
veternarian herself. Yesterday she asked me if there is a "Vet
Camp" she could go to, to learn more! Anyway, we were
just there a few weeks ago with the cat. We found out that
our beloved 13 year-old kitty has diabetes. I now have to
give him a shot of insulin twice a day and check his urine.
Imagine that. I am actually managing to do it! Back to the
dog...they discovered she tore her ACL (knee area, Dh reminded me
that Vinny Testaverde had this injury. I only know that Vinny
Testaverde was a quaterback for the NY Jets because Dh is one of the two remaining Jets fans).
So my pup Juliet now will need surgery. I know it sounds crazy to
spend the money on this animal, but we adore her. And she is only
3! We recently installed an invisible fence for her (see earlier
post re: HS mom arrested), paid massive vet bills when she was
accidentally poisoned, attacked by our neighbors dog, and caught
a nail in her paw that needed repair - twice. So we have already
invested a great deal in the loving animal. Right now she is
laying by my feet. She won't have the surgery for a couple
of weeks, so I have to keep her "resting." I also have to lift
her large tush onto the couch when she wants to snuggle. Wow. I really went off on a tangent there.
Anyway, I guess people are sympathetic to me when I go places with the
kids. I don't think they are particularly offensive or any more
difficult than everyone else's children! It is just funny when
people say "you really have your hands full." I would much prefer
to have them full - of all this - than empty. So I always smile
at these strangers, to let them know that I am really okay with it all.
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Aug. 2, 2005 Pondview Farm, Martha's Vineyard

This is Mikaela and the "kissing horse" at our favorite farm on Martha's Vineyard. This sweet horse was kissing us!

Here is Chloe riding "Jimmy." We visit this farm for riding lessons every year (or just pony rides). It is one of the most beautiful spots on the island - but it isn't on the sightseeing tours, so it is so nice and quiet!
More later...I am just learning how to post pictures the right way, so it takes a bit of time!
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Jul. 29, 2005 Like a beautiful dream...
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We spent the last 9 days in Martha's
Vineyard (off the coast of Cape Cod, MA). We had such a wonderful
time! I was difficult to see dh leave for work this morning. It
was such a treat to spend so much time with him. Pictures and details
of our adventures will follow soon - but first I need to catch up on
all my blog reading!
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Jul. 18, 2005 Thinking about farm life...Part 2
I still want to live on a farm.
I want to be surrounded by the beauty of God's creation and enjoy the
view from the back of a horse. I spent the afternoon on Saturday
at the barn - riding, grooming and cuddling "Benji," the half quarter
horse / appaloosa I have fallen in love with! I was thinking how
blessed I am that I can have this hobby now, in my thirties, when I can
really appreciate it. (I have loved horses since I was very
young, but never had the opportunity to learn to ride.) Now I
understand what it is worth. Now I need
it. It is the only time I have to myself all week and it is so
refreshing to spend my time with Benji! So what if I return home
smelling just like him...I return home with a big smile. I am
content.
I am so very thankful for my few hours of farm life every week.
It is my little gift from God, who always gives me what I need.
So if we never make it out to the real country, I will still be content. He knows what is best for us. And I am learning to trust.
"God is able to make all grace abound
to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need,
you will abound in every good work." 2 Cor. 9:8 (NIV)
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Jul. 13, 2005 Thinking about farm life...
Over the past year I have realized how much
I want to live a more simple life. I have lived in or close to
NYC all my life. I am slowly getting further away. Generally,
people around here have way more than they need. If they don't,
they are doing everything in their power to get as much as they can.
The teenagers at the local high school drive BMW's and Hummers.
They have cell phone and $300 handbags.
I hope our next move will bring us way out to the country, surrounded
by the beauty of God's creation - not man's. We would love to
live on a little farm with horses, sheep and maybe a few alpacas.
Alpacas communicate by humming and it is so cute to be around! It
is like a baby cooing! Horses are a passion for us around
here. I just learned how to canter. It is the most fun I have had
in ages! To be on the back of this huge, graceful, beautiful
animal, running in the sun is the most wonderful experience! I
wish I could do this everyday. As always, God did a superb job in
creating these loving creatures.
I am a knitter as well, and the alpaca and sheeps' wool would be
put to good use! I have tried a little bit of spinning, but have
certainly not mastered it. It to, like knitting and riding
horses, is a calming, peaceful practice for me.
I don't know where God will lead us. For now, we spend many days
at the farm where we are learning to ride. We visit the sheep at
our favorite farm market. We enjoy the ride from the back of a
cantering horse!
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Jul. 13, 2005 It's been a while...
I have been waiting for inspiration. I am not sure this is it, but...
Chloe (5) spent two weeks at Pony camp and loved it. She won
first place in their little show, which made her extremely happy,
as she views her whole life as an Olympic stadium. She is
such a perfectionist and for the longest time I could not imagine where
she gets this from.
Can you guess? It finally occurred to me. After two years
of pondering. I am a perfectionist in a different way.
I want to be perfect on the inside. I stuggled for so long in the
dark, trying not to harm anyone or anything around me. Trying not
to hurt anyone's feelings. Trying not to make any mistakes of any
kind. Trying to be the perfect mom and never yell. I didn't
want my kids to have those memories of their mom screaming about
their rooms looking like a tornado hit or that there was mud on the
carpet. I tried to be the perfect wife, daughter and sister. I
said yes to everyone who needed something from me. But I was
alone in this mission of mine to be perfect. All I ever saw was
my failure.
Things are different now. God is with me and I am no longer alone! I only needed to say that one big yes
to Jesus and everything changed! (Okay, it did take a bit of time and
faith on my part). My goals as a mother have changed. I want to
be present with my children. Availible and loving. I want them to
know how truly loved they are by God. It is His job to love them
perfectly. I can try to follow His example, and my endless effort
will be equally important for them to see as will the love they recieve
from me.
I still have the urge to be perfect. I want a perfect
heart. I don't ever want to repeat the mistakes I made in the
past. I pray for guidance daily, that I may follow His will for
me and not my own. Why on Earth would I want to follow my own
will anyway? It only leads me into pain! I am so relieved
that I don't have to worry anymore about figuring out where I am
going in life. I have a beautiful map and a patient guide to lead
me!
I also pray for my little girl, who thinks she needs to be perfect at everything. I pray she will feel how deeply loved and treasured she is.
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