Jeremiah 29:11

Out from under the clutter ...

Last week ... AJ was in Florida.

I cleaned. Out of necessity of heart and home. The XBox room was the first because it seemed the most managable ... i was sort of wrong.

But ... I found a most precious picture of mom and son ... a few letters and cards that were fun to go through again ... clothes that were old and outdated made their way to the garbage or Goodwill.

But in the bottom of the closet, under the boxes of science experiments was a small bag. Inside were two treasures that in December of '99 I thought might be important someday. You see, even when my Granddaddy was sick, had oxygen tank and tubes everywhere ... my son loved him. He loves him still. AJ called him GG Pa ... the Pa part stuck in his mind most because when he was five he was proud that we were related to one of Jesus' apostles ... the Apostle Pa ... true story.

So, when GG Pa died when AJ was four, I wondered what he'd like to have of his ... watches were claimed ... wedding rings claimed ... there was every little of value ... AJ chose one bottle of Gray Flannel which I occassionally sneak in and smell. For him, I chose a pair of overalls and a flannel shirt which were the treasures in the bag ... tonight, I showed him the clothes ... knowing that overalls aren't his thing, I wondered what the reaction would be ... he was thrilled, which thrilled me. I even got an unsolicited hug, kiss and thank you for thinking of him all those years ago. I nearly cried watching his long legs fill the legs of my Granddaddy's overalls ... knowing how pleased he would be to see that boy that sat on his lap proudly wearing his Big Smith's ... I'll spend some time working on the cowboy boots and one other treasure for his 13th birhtday. Somehow, that just seems like the right thing to do.

My heart is full tonight.

A Little Grace

I consider myself an okay driver. Not because I'm a great driver, but because I am, in my husband's estimation, "painfully careful" ...

I'm careful because I know my limitations. I have zero depth perception (vertical or horizontal) ... I try to not frequent locations I've not scoped out, I try not to position myself in parking spots where I'm going to have to maneuver around to get out ... and I've never had a wreck (well, except for a snowy road in the middle of a midwestern snowstorm ... there was a snow drift, an icy surface and well ... thank the Lord, no other vehicles on the road)!

but no matter how well I know my own weaknesses, try to avoid putting myself in awkward situations and avoid doing the wrong thing ... IT HAPPENS. A curb, a pole, I might have to back up a time or two or six ...

And such was the case on Friday at the Horn of Plenty. I was in a hurry, my mind was elsewhere and I did not notice how full the parking lot was when I started my entry. I managed into a spot fine, picked out peaches for cobbler and Yukon Gold for mashed potatoes and gathered salsa ingredients ... all in record time! Heading toward the Jeep I realized, "Oh, man, how am I gonna get outta there?" and that's when the deep panic set in my gut because I knew I was in over my head.  I'd made a hasty decision and now I was going to pay for it.

I was bound to screw up. There was a curb, a busy road, a pole, cars beside me and cars behind me ... all the makings for a disaster.  But ... I had to get home and Randy was working ... "OK ... I can do this."

Well, it didn't take15 seconds to know that, 'yes, I could do it, but I couldn't do it without making a mistake."

And the rich little man, in the little silver sportscar wanted to give me grief ... man, did he give me grief ... and believe me, it was completely unnecessary for him to point out what I'd done wrong ...

I KNEW I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ENTRANCE- I DIDN'T WANT TO BE THERE ANY MORE THAN HE WANTED ME THERE ...

he honked, shouted something out his window at me, pointed to the middle of the entrance and still bumped his tires up on the curb ... none of which helped me get out of the way any more quickly or conveniently for him. I left the parking lot thinking about how stupid I was, how foolish I'd looked ...

and yes, I was slightly honked off at the little man who was so impatient ... but mostly I was just feeling stupid and talking to myself and saying all the things I wanted to say to him ... if he'd just let me get ouf of the mess before jumping in and pointing out all the ways I'd screwed up, I just needed a little space to right what I'd done so wrong ... if he'd just been 15 seconds patient, he wouldn't have hit the curb or made me look foolish, and then I said it, "All I needed was a little Grace" ...

And somewhere in my soul I realized that just about covers life in general. Sometimes, we all just need a little Grace.

How many times do we recognize our sin, but we're in the middle of the garbage we've created around us ... we're even ready to admit that we've messed up (sometimes in horrific ways) ... we just need a little room/time/energy/encouragement to be able to work ourselves out of the middle of the muck. I think how often we look at folks, kids or adults, and we blast them for making a mistake and then for having to maneuver themselves out of the middle of it ... and make no mistake, if there's a mess, there will be consequences to be worked through.

And all that's required is a little grace. Not an exemption from the consequences, just Grace for the moment where they're trying to figure out what the next move is supposed to be.

I didn't have any choice but to continue to pull my car through the middle of the entrance ... I needed another 15 seconds to make right the previous decision. But I was trying.

I needed the little man to give me a minute to work myself out of my mess. Grace, just a little grace. He was on the sidelines in the enviable position of having done it all right! Maybe, just maybe he didn't know what it was like to have done it wrong.

Whatever your IT is today, I pray that the little man in the little sportscar  in your life will grant you Grace ... Grace to get yourself out of the pickle your in!

Friendship

Ecclesiastes 4:10

For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. NASB

Kneeling at the foot of the cross ...

wrestling with life ...

accountability  in our struggles...

laughter in the midst of the storm ...

contentedness in need ...

peace in chaos ...

challenge to be better than you thought you could be ...

security to be just who you are...

honesty inspite of fear ...

love in unspeakable ways ...

known as one who has purpose ...

treasured in undeserving ways ...

covered in petition ...

silence that speaks volumes ...

and words that bring healing ...

and a heart that always points back to the cross.

I pray this kind of friendship for you. I am blessed.

I thought this was fun ...

I won't tag anyone specific ... play along if you want. No pressure. I do think I'll have AJ fill this out as a get your brain working activity this morning though!

One word

YOU CAN ONLY TYPE ONE WORD!

Not as easy as you might think.

Now copy or forward, change the answers to suit you

and pass it on.

It's really hard to only use one word answers. Be

sure to send back to the person you received it

from!

1. Where is your cell phone   pocket

2. Your significant other?       work

3. Your hair?                         stringy

4. Your mother?                   Florida

5. Your father?                       Unavailable

6. Your favorite thing?          friend

7. Your dream last night?     uninvited

8. Your favorite drink?           coffee 

9. Your dream/goal?             Christlikenss

10. The room you're in?         library

11. Your hobby?                     hobby?

12. Your fear?                         uselessness

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years?     praying 

14. Where were you last night?                  home

15. What you're not?                    housekeeper

16. Muffins?                                         banana

17. One of your wish list items?            completion

18. Where you grew up?          Indiana                 

19. The last thing you did?         dress               

20. What are you wearing?        gray                

21. Your TV?                            channel-less                

22. Your pets?                           outside                

23. Your computer?                   link               

24. Your life?                             God's               

25. Your mood?                        motivated

26. Missing someone?              yes                

27. Your car?                                 unspoken            

28. Something you're not wearing?     shoes       

29. Favorite store?                             Fresh Market        

30. Your summer?                              distant     

31. Like someone?                              unfathomable      

32. Your favorite color?                      navy     

33. When is the last time you laughed?      yesterday

34. Last time you cried?                           Friday

35. Who will resend this?                        unknown

This is one of those ...

A penny for your thoughts ...

and the last thing I wanted to do this morning was argue with *someone* about getting out of bed. When said younger someone was, well, younger ... we played a game of tickle. I would use 3 voices, all sounding somewhat like Speedy Gonzalez, and each had a special placed they liked to tickle.

The last time I tried that he almost broke my fingers off ... he was attempting to 'pop the heads off of all tiny mice in the house' ... (see previous entry, we've turned the satallite off).

Plan B ... For two weeks I've been trying to use my "nice mommy" voice (note the quotation marks ... that signifies that the nice mommy voice is FAKE) ... followed by the normal mom voice, which has been effective, like ONCE ... followed by the mean ole mother voice, which usually nets me a grouchy 12 year old. ahem ... what to do, what to do.

This morning, I was in a more playful mood ... I considered water torture (but retaliation frightens me), I considered testing the fire alarms (don't want to teach him to ignore the computer) ... breakfast cooking might have worked (but shredded wheat cooked ... well, maybe not and didn't meet the want for a giggling boy).

So the solution was this ...

He has a fish bowl full of pennies sitting on the steps leading into his room. I entered with a not so fake happy mama voice and said "A Penny for your Thoughts this morning!"

I got a groan.

When I took the first penny and said it again, I tossed the penny onto his toes that were peeking out of the covers (note to self ... must look for a longer blanket by next fall).

I got a "hey, what was that?"

When I took the next two and aimed slightly higher ...

he moved to peek out of the blanket.

Where I promptly landed one penny right on his forehead (I knew that God was in this plan all along) and said cheerfully, "Penny for your thoughts?"

To which I got a giggle.

SUCCESS!!

NOTE: I have been pelted by pennies for the past 20 minutes, and I have no blanket to protect myself. Take this into consideration when testing this system at your house.

So ...

We've taken control of our TV again.

Following March Madness ... becoming somewhat addicted to American Idol ... watching too much news ... the discovery of Seventh Heaven reruns ... Modern Marvels out the wazoo ...

we've turned the satallite off for a while. It changes our lives ... we sit at the table and laugh longer. We talk more ... we decide TOGETHER what we'll do ... my guys "jam" upstairs ... my son becomes so involved in a book that he stays up until 2am just to read a book that he just picked up because it looked good ... my house is cleaner (not to be confused with clean, like by most standards) ... my husband sleeps an extra 30 minutes in the morning because we don't even get local channels for news in the morning, then brings coffee to me and we actually talk before he goes to work (okay, that would be a plus some mornings and a not such a plus others) ...

my point is ... we have no self control. We are drawn to the magic box with the talking people inside ...

So my question to me is this ... will I be the one who buckles (say, when the Olympics start in August) and has the Satallite reinstated?? Or, will I stay strong?

The reality is ... even if I lasted through the Olympics, which I won't. I would never make it through football season (college or Pro) ... or basketball season (men's or women's) ...

I'm a wimp!!!

Can someone please post about Idol this week ... maybe a simulcast blog again Cindy?

How long will I wait?

Mark 5:28  For she said, "If I touch even his garments, I will be made well."

In our Bible Study yesterday we looked at Mark 5:21-43 ... the focus of the lesson was on allowing interruptions to be God-appointments.

And as I am so prone to do, I was focused on the way little picture.

I calculated interruptions yesterday. I wondered how many times I call a friend and would find myself the interrupter ... but

 I didn't linger there. I was pretty focused on the notion that we need to be available to serve others as the Lord opens those doors.

But an interesting thing happened while we were there ...

One of the women in the study pointed us toward a humbling perspective ...

wonder what it would be like to allow our circumstance to be interrupted by a God-appointment with the Father himself? How hard it must have been for this woman with an issue of blood for 12 years (12 YEARS!) and all the isolation that would have accompanied that in her culture- to even walk out of her house ... let alone find herself close enough to touch the hem of the garment! And still have the faith to KNOW that if she just reached out her hand, Jesus was all she needed. 

I spend days ... and I'm embarrassed to say, weeks and at times months ... wandering around my circumstance ... whatever it is at the time ... too spent to read my Bible ... too depressed to talk to anyone ... too proud to reach out ... and too faithless to cry out Abba, Father ... You are all I need.

I believe those words.

I cousel others to trust Him in that way ... just yesterday, I said as much to a dear friend ...

and the convicting truth in my soul as I tossed sleeplessly last night was that I don't live there. I'm hopelessly found in the midst of chaos(often the chaos of my mind) or awaiting the next storm. I've witnessed "Peace, be still" moments ... and yet I fail to trust Him in the ones that might be on the horizon. Living in fear of what's to come instead of living in joy ... content in my circumstance. Didn't Paul write that little tidbit from prison ...

Lord, help me to dwell in You.

1

Springtime poem of Hope

Digging for Pearls seeks your input!

Don't forget to use her email address or go to her blog ... not that I'm not interested in what you have to say ... I just have zero confidence in my own ability to get the informtion passed on to her if you leave it here!! I'll post my list soon ... as soon as I get the courage to do it!

12 Willow Drive

Shippensburg, PA 17257

April 2, 2008

Hi! My name is Jodie Wolfe and I live in Shippensburg, PA. I have been a Christian for thirty-seven years. I am passionate about encouraging women through my writing to deepen their walk with God. One of the ways that I am trying to do this is by surveying as many women as possible to discover what ten struggles they face as a Christian woman. With these findings I plan to write a book that addresses these ten issues.

I need your help in order to make this book a success. I am trying to survey at least 500 women of all ages and walks of life. The only requirement to participate is that you have a personal relationship with the Lord. Please also include your age so I have a better idea of the demographics that are represented with this questionnaire.

Thank you so much for your help. I truly appreciate you taking the time to fill out this information sheet. If you would rather email the list you can reach me at digging4pearls@comcast.net or post it on my blog:

41 Things to be thankful for ...

141. Snuggling in the morning.

142. A coffee maker with a timer.

143. Ceiling fans.

144. Coffee shops with free wi-fi

145. Friends that know your heart and let you know theirs

146. Words, words, words, words and more words

147. A taller than me preteen fella who still needs me.

148. Banana bread with walnuts.

149. The privileged of praying for others.

150. March Maddness

151. The Book of Colossians

152. A husband who works hard ... if I've used that one before, I'm using it again now!

153. Yankee Candles ... especially the apple scent.

154. A God who is the same ... past, present and future ... regardless of my shortcomings (and they are many)

155. Boys who play at my house ... even though they act like they're too big to 'play' when they are in public places

156. Red bud trees in bloom

157. Spring lightening that calls me to Foothills Parkway

158. Chili's Lettuce Wraps

159. The courage of young believers in the face of adversity.

160. The outlet pass and drive to the basket!

161. Tons of pillows on my bed!

162. My mom who collected pop bottles so we wouldn't have to be on the free lunch program.

163. A cast iron skillet that is so well seasoned that cornbread almost jumps out of it when you take it out of the oven.

164. New Balance Tennis Shoes

165. Friends who laugh (and pee their pants) with you.

166. Days when you get to make something that was so wrong, almost right again.

167. Sweet tea with lots of lemon (don't comment about the YouTube video please).

168. Protective boys who are trying to be men.

169. Men who remember how to be little boys.

170. Dove Chocolate with carmel

171. A God who uses me inspite of myself

172. Francine Rivers books

173. Maple and Brown Sugar Frosted Mini Wheats

174. Wrigley Field and a new year for the Cubs

175. Grapes

176. Pending trips ... to familiar arms

177. Grace extended, Grace received

178. A new hair cut

179. The song "Tis a Gift to be Simple"

180. Waves that crash, even in a distant memory.

181. Fifteen years of marriage

182. That I've come to a place in life where I'm glad I was born.

I love my life!

It's been a long, cold, lonely winter ...

okay ...

maybe not cold ... by the standards of anyone over the Mason-Dixon line.

maybe not lonely ... here has been no lack of folks around who are in need

and maybe no longer than any other winter, since that season is given it's allotment of time on the calendar just as every year is given.

BUT-

it has seemed an unusually harsh season. I don't know if it's the climate of my heart or the busy-ness of the days or possibly just the lack of sunlight that seems to happen from late January to mid-March.

At any rate, I'm going to try to get myself back into some sense of blog-routine.

Today hubby is digging with the Bobcat ... mounds of clay-laden dirt are being removed from the side of the hill in anticipation of a basketball court (for the next ten years or so) /someday garage (when the basketball has no use at the home of empty-nesters). My Indiana soul is still shocked everytime we start a project like this to find that no matter how far we dig down, there is still no rich, black dirt to be found.

When I was little and we drove through West Tn in route to Mississippi, I thought the red dirt was somehow on fire, making fumes that cause me to have difficulty breathing. In reality, we were just hitting traffic in Nashville about the time that the sun was getting really high in the noon sky ... I'd been riding for 6 or so hours in a car with the windows rolled up and adults who smoked. The combination of stand-still traffic in Nashville, heat from the summer sun, hours of cigarette smoke in my asthmatic lungs and the slightly claustrophobic panic that I still get on long car rides conspired against the only thing my 7 year old brain could find to blame ... the red dirt.  

Funny how we find thing to cling to that we think could make our situation temporary. Child or adult ... our brains function so that we build a world in which we can function until the real world either adjusts itself or we grow into the reality of it. If you haven't seen The Martain Child - rent it. It is an amazing story. And I won't say another word about it, because it's just too good to spoil any of it.

Alright, so we'll see whether this leads me back into a routine ...

We're Going to the Championship!!!

How cool is this ... there are two homeschoolers who start for MCS!

AJ had 9 points ... steals, rebounds and just an overall great game. He is incredibly excited.

okay ... I'm pretty excited too!

There are several bloggable lessons from this tourney ... not the least of which involves sportsmanship (or the lack of it by coaches or players opposing us tonight).

But tonight, we're just going to be happy for the boys who only won 1 game last year!

There's really no excuse ...

blog land etiquette ...

requires that I link back to the site I saw this post on first ... I can only sometimes make that work with my AOL acct ... and today isn't one of those days.  BUT Patrick's Place Sunday Seven question of the day was "What are your 7 favorite Christmas songs?" ... actually he called them Holiday or Christmas songs ... I'm just calling them Christmas songs ...

Here's my list ...

1. It Came Upon A Midnight Clear (there's no spiritual reason, when I was 7 Kevin Kirkman sang it in a church program our babysitter took us to ... he also played the guitar ... I fell in love with both of them

2. The Little Drummer Boy

3. Mary Did You Know

4. Breath of Heaven

5. The entire Young Messiah CD

6. Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree

7. Tennessee Christmas (This was the cutest thing ever when I was teaching English to 15 Japanese 1st graders!)

I've had the same alarm clock since I was in High School ...

it's traveled from Frankfort, Indiana to East Tennesse ... from Davis Hall to Bartlett Hall to Cates Street back to Indiana briefly to Topside Road to Sterling Street to Hoopes Street to Wildwood Road to Blockhouse Road to Bay's Mountain Road to Oakdale Street to our current home (somehow it sorta freaked me out to type in the street we live on now).

Monday morning it failed to go off at the appointed 6am. Randy was convinced something was wrong. Loyal friend that I am (to my alarm clock) I declared it must be a programmer issue!

Tuesday morning it failed to go off at the appointed 6am. Randy declared it dead after double checking it for accuracy. But lovingly agreed to give it one more chance to come through!

Wednesday morning it failed to go off at the appointed 6am. Randy declared something had to be done! Because I have a hard time letting go, I asked several questions ... did you double check the time, did you make sure the volume is turned up, did you make sure that it's set for 6am and not 6pm???

Thursday morning it went off right on time.

hmmm ... I'm not sayin' a word!

121-140 ...

green (darker shades), rice crispy treats, unexpected hugs, clothes that come right out of the dryer, Paula Deen's Banana bread recipe, Iron Chef, snow days, The Living Christmas Tree, AJ scored 7 points tonight and he was more excited about his assists, the word culpable, the warm blanket I'm snuggled under while I type, Constant Comment Tea, homemade Christmas ornaments, my nieces and nephew are coming for the weekend, Amy Grant's Christmas albums (Dr. H ... do you hate the Christmas album too ... or just the old stuff??), being able to look for the perfect gifts, my bread machine, soup on cold days, blue jeans and tennis shoes!

Life-changing moments ...

Let me just start off by saying ... this may turn into an intense entry ... so if  you aren't up for it today ... I so understand!

I spent the past few days trying to write more "thankful entries' but the end of November always makes me contemplative. Maybe it's the fact that there's not enough daylight to ward off the blues. Maybe it's the fact that I'm always trying to figure out how we're going to 'do' the holidays ... both Randy and I come from divorced families and the end of November always brings questions from my mom (in Florida), my dad (in Indiana), Randy's family (in St. Joe, Missouri) ... and because I'm a people pleaser it makes me sad to tell each of them 'no' we won't be coming ... and maybe it's made me even slightly more sad that we've said no for so long now that they ask but already know the answer ... maybe, just maybe it's because we're involved in two basketball leagues, a huge Christmas performance at church, youth group, prayer group, church ... and I'm sleeping about 4 hours a night!

Those would all be valid reasons for sluggish joy during the last week in November!

But it's an exercise in futility to 'suppose' what might be causing my contemplative heart. I already know.

I'm going to set the stage a bit ... I left a small town in Indiana and came to Tn to a college which challenged the wishy washy Christianity. And  by the time I graduated, my wishy washy faith became secular humanism at best. I began to speak the 'there is no absolute truth' mantra.  I started to look at a variety of religions in a way that leveled all playing fields (in a nutshell ... I really stopped believing/started questioning that Jesus is the only way to the Father). I was in a very difficult journey of someone who was abused as a child. I was not surrounding myself with friends who did much to bolster a true relationship with Christ, but rather surrounding myself with folks who were playing at church (more dangerous in my estimation than just abandoning the church all together). And, I had developed very strong feminist attitudes, including a pro-choice attitude. Those beliefs just skim the surface of what was really going on in my heart, but they do give you a picture of what was happening from about 1985-2002. It wasn't outright rebellion ... it was a very quiet change in my heart that was not obvious to the casual observer. And, though I always wondered if I was headed down a destructive path, I thought it was my intellectual awakening.

In 1992 I entered my first teaching position ... 6th grade science. I LOVED MY JOB. And I loved teaching science. The Lord used that job to begin to challenge my beliefs. I started that fall with some amazing Christian women. All three of them my age ... all three of them committed beyond anythiing I had experienced in a long time. We adored each other. We loved teaching. We loved our students. It was an amazing experience ... we started a drama club, a Jesus and Me (JAM) session ... we jumped in and really impacted the lives of those kids. But it was the faith of those kids that really began to soften my heart toward things of the  Lord again. The first ding in my academic armor was textbook teaching of Evolution. I did teach it as a theory, but one particularly vocal Christian young man (whom I suspect had the spiritual gift of discernment) came to me privately to ask if I really believed all that evolution junk. I lied to him that day and said no, but I knew it was a lie. Then came the week long abstinence unit.

I had to begin to look at my own personal beliefs and weigh them against what had to be taught. I loved those kids too much to lie to them.

And so I began to explore my faith again ... I started being more regular in church attendance ... stepped up some relationships with Christian friends that I had let begin to dwindle and I made some surface changes but nothing significant had changed in my heart. I was sort of living out a faith by works existence. I was DOING a bunch of good stuff!

Jumping quickly ...

In the spring of '93, Randy and I married ... and in the fall of '94 we got pregnant.

I thought it was an ironic turn of events that I would be teaching reproduction(starting in November) at exactly the time that all these things were  happening in my own body. I made a decision that I would share the experience with my students. Afterall, I knew these kids. It was my second year with most of them and some had come to my wedding, their parents had thrown a shower for me ... we loved each other and I was thrilled to take them on this journey. I okayed the approach with my principal and off we went. The Lord used those weeks to really break my heart and my pro-choice views. Those kids looked at pictures and asked questions ... hard questions. I was forced to look at some of the liberal views that I had so proudly developed and I was beginning to waiver.

Three weeks later, in November of '94 ... the 22nd to be exact, I left school early because I had started to spot. And that afternoon, during an office visit, I miscarried ... not an unrecognizable mass of cells ... but 8 weeks worth of baby that looked just like the pictures that my students and I had poured over the week before  in anticipation of week 8. Perfectly formed fingers, toes, body ... in a perfectly formed, but unable to stay attached sac.

I will spare you the details of the entire process ... but as I lay on the examining table, I was in shock. Full blown, can not recount how the next 5 hours passed shock... how I got  to Randy, got to the hospital, got through xray, got through another procedure ... but it was like I was an observer, perched up on the ceiling everywhere I was, watching what was happening ... and at every turn I reminded myself that I had no one to turn to ... no one who would ever REALLY understand what had just happened.

To top it off ... it was the week of Thanksgiving. And just because my world was crumbling didn't mean that life stopped for anyone else. And I was utterly alone. Randy and I ate Thanksgiving dinner at a restaurant and he worked the rest of that day and the entire weekend. It was in those days following that I began to see my own need for transformation in my relationship with Christ. Wrestled with God over some hard issues, threw my Bible and cried while I was alone. To everyone else, it appeared that I had gone through this experience with strength and courage ... inside I was dying a private death.

At first glance,  that sounds like a terrible thing. Make no mistake, it was painful. Going back to school and having to tell my kids. Trying to decide whether or not to try to get pregnant again ... which was a laugh, we decided not to try right away, God decided differently and three weeks later we were pregnant with AJ ... though we wouldn't know that until March!!! All of it clearly orchestrated by a God who had a plan. A plan to draw me back. A plan to build a family. Plans I can not begin to pretend I understand completely. But it was that experience of isolation that made me know there was no where else to turn but to Him for healing. And that private death was the dying to self that I was resisting.

It would be a year later, after AJ was born that I came around to full recomittment to my walk with the Lord. And several years later before I was able to really begin to mourn the loss of a baby. So while November always makes me ponder and evaluate my Christian walk and my heart, it almost always makes me a little sad. Our Sunday School teacher recently said he often prays, "Lord, bring me the easiest way I will come." And I know in my heart that the Lord tried to bring me easier roads ... but I resisted ... and the sadness reflects the regret.

That said, I am so thankful that He never gave up on me. That He lovingly brought me through even the tougher road. And on the other end, He provided healing. He gave us AJ ... and in that gift he is teaching me the lessons that are mending my heart in ways I do not deserve!

And so I can't hear Chris Tomlin's words without knowing them to be true deep in my soul ...

The splendor of a King
Clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice
All the earth rejoice

He wraps Himself in light
And darkness tries to hide
And trembles at His voice
Trembles at His voice

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God

Age to age He stands
And time is in His hands
Beginning and the end
Beginning and the end

The Godhead Three in One
Father Spirit Son
The Lion and the Lamb
The Lion and the Lamb

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God

Name above all names
Worthy of all praise
My heart will sing
How great is our God

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God

Blessings to you this day!

The 80's

Our co-op is having a fundraising dance with an 80's theme on Friday night ... as I was looking for the lyrics to one particular song (I'm not telling which one) I found a funny list of "You might be a child of the 80's if ..."

I hope you enjoy it!

You remember Don Johnson when he was "cool" You know who shot J.R You remember when Michael Jackson was actually considered something of a sex symbol You practice getting in and out of your car through the windows You owned at least one skinny leather tie. Your first Walkman weighed 10 pounds and was the size of a brick. You wore L.A. Gear tennis shoes. You know the meaning of Wax on/Wax Off You're always "in the mood for dancing" If you can "See Better" with sunglasses that have paint splattered all over the lenses. You wore lace gloves with the fingers cut off, bangle bracelets up to your elbows, bright red     Reebok high tops and parachute pants to a school dance You need a shopping cart to carry your personal stereo with you. You remember what Michael Jackson looked like before the surgery. You go rollerskating every Friday night (not to skate, but to 'hang out') You still want to take Karate...(after you move to California) You watch NYPD Blue thinking, "Well, they're no Crockett and Tubbs, that's for sure". "Outrageous!" is the term to describe something neat and cool You think that Garbage Pail Kids are your children's worst enemy You had a poster of Bo, Luke & Daisy Duke There was nothing to question about Bert n' Ernie living together The feeling in your thumb is only now just returning after holding down the Atari joystick to     control the racecar in Enduro Racer You went out and purchased the sound track for 'Miami Vice' You remember the magazines of song lyrics If you think Hulk Hogan is the best wrestler of all time. If the best non-slasher movie in your opinion is An American Werewolf In London. Two words: The Clapper. Six words: "This is your brain on drugs." You want to live in 'the Valley'. Ferris Bueller was your idol. You watched 'Star Search' on a regular basis. You can sing all the words to "One Night in Bangkok" by Murray Head, and now you understand     that it is about chess. If you had an entire wardrobe of Esprit clothing (or coveted one.) If you know the words to the "Oscar Mayer" theme songs Your bangs are teased perfectly to 7 inches above the rest of your hair. Have multi-colored earrings that touch your shoulders Played Upwords, Boggle or Trivial Pursuit (the original) on a rainy afternoon You're still bitter that WHAM broke up You know whose phone number is 867-5309 You drink Diet Coke because Max Headroom told you to You can feel St. Elmo's fire burnin' in you. You still wear a bandana tied around your leg and/or a ponytail off-center on the side of your     head. You have the tendency to turn up the collar of your polo shirts You never go out for a night on the town without frosted blue eyeshadow and feathered bangs Everything in your wardrobe is either pastel or fluorescent People are constantly gagging you with spoons. You know all the words to "I'm just a bill, sitting up on Capitol Hill" and "School House Rock." The phrase "Where's the beef?" still doubles you over with laughter. You still can't believe that Milli Vanilli was deceiving you all that time Every now and then, you blurt out: "Ooh noo, Mr. Bill!!!" You still watch things on Beta tapes You know who Martha Quinn is. You still carry your boom box on your shoulder You think David Hasselhoff was awesome in Knight Rider but sucks in "B ay Watch." You wanted to be "The Hulk" for halloween A piece of folded paper and two hands could tell your fortune. Knickers and leg warmers were cool If you remember Bruce Willis from Moonlighting, not Die Hard You had ringside seats for Luke and Laura's wedding You ever had a Dorothy Hammill haircut. You thought a Commodore 64 was the highest technology available When you saw luging at the Winter Olympics you poured water down your driveway and tried it     yourself. You want to be "Where Everybody Knows Your Name" 'A Different World' kicked butt Remember "Dancin' to a Big Mac at McDonalds!" You know who played Magnum P.I One Phrase, "The Plane, The Plane" You can name at least three members of the Brat Pack Still think banana clips were a godsend Still wear Wet n' Wild makeup If your idea of hi-tech toys is still the heat-sensitive color-changing sticker on Transformers You ever wanted to learn to play "Stairway to Heaven" on the guitar and choreographed "Dancing     Queen" by yourself in your room. You still wear your "Members Only" jacket. You still have a couple of those barettes made of woven ribbons. You had snap bracelets You remember when Pee-Wee wasn't a pervert. You had had five pairs of socks on at any given time You still think Donkey Kong can beat Mario up If you still have your scratch-n-sniff sticker collection If you ever used Lee Press-On Nails If you wear jelly shoes If you remember when you heard that drinking soda and eating Pop Rocks would make your     stomach explode You still play with that CASIO SK-1 Keyboard You're still hoping for a New Kids on the Block reunion tour You still argue over who was better: Tiffany or Debbie Gibson Every time you hear the "OH YEAH..." song you think of "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" You still watch tapes of Stingray, McGyver, and Airwolf