Jeremiah 29:11 | |||||||||||||||||||||
My PlaylistI love music. I think it's a ironic that I would have zero rhythm, I can only sing if you're listening with ears of love and the only things I can play are the radio, stereo in my car (most important feature) and my Ipod. I'm pretty good with my Ipod though ... and it brings me more joy that any 'thing' I own besides books. I can take TV or leave it (okay, I love a good basketball game or a great football game) ... but everyday I have to have a music fix. I regularly change my playlist to fit the activity that I'm involved in ... example: 4-wheeling Playlist: I Walk the Line - I keep a close watch on this heart of mine ... to make sure it's beating before and after each ride Honky Tonk, Badonkadonk - it's stupid, degrading song, but I was trying to se a mood, to do the thing, I had to be another person. There's not really a lick of badonkadonk in me! Redneck Woman - ditto the last song, except that by the time this song would come on, I pretty much needed to believe I was a redneck woman to complete the task at hand Amazed - I was often amazed that I was even on one of those stupid machines, but actually, I dreamed that if I rode enough, that Randy would someday sing these lyrics to me ... I gave up riding before I ever heard those lyrics - because I decided I needed something more than sappy, country lyrics to get me through the next 50 years with him ... like legs, arms, a brain that functioned and my salvation. All things that I was afraid I would lose if I ever climbed back on one about 8 months ago! But I digress Live Like You Were Dying - why did I choose this song? What Hurts the Most - usually whatever hit first or bounced hardest. Before He Cheats - anger helped me through the hardest part of most trails ... and I decided that a Louisville Slugger to his 4-wheel drive was a good idea ... really it had nothing to do with cheating, just with wanting to destroy Randy's 4-wheel drive. Settlin' - well, I just like the song. I Need You - As much as it makes me laugh right out loud as I type, I would get to this song and usually tear up ... because I'd been scared, well, outta my wits for lack of a more family-friendly phrase. And I would use this to help me remember that without Randy, I was never gettin' outta whatever we were in the middle of ... only a couple of times did the angry part of the ride last into this song and I realized, I Needed Him to NEVER PUT ME IN THAT SITUATION AGAIN!!! How Do I Live - the ever-present quandary Something's Gotta Give ... oh, yeah, like the side of his head when I got ahold of that Louisville Slugger if we didn't reach the end of the trail soon. Better Life- sappy song to remind me of those poor days when we couldn't have afforded 4-wheelers ... oh for those wonderful days! Must Be Doing Something Right- i needed to have happy thoughts of my husband about then ... Come a Little Closer - sometimes I needed two songs to get me there. Politically Uncorrect- I needed a little redneck to make it's way back into my mind Mud On Your Tires - easier part of the trail coming on ... maybe it wasn't so bad afterall ... yeah, it was! Alcohol - Another place and time in my life, it might have been the solution to the situation ... just kidding, don't send me hate mail! Okay, just kidding, mostly. Tomorrow's Playlist ... Jeep Music!
Scattegorieshad a fun meme on her site today and since I've fed 3 different familes for the past 3 days, washed a million and one dishes/spoons/forks/glasses (slight exaggeration, but not much) ... my ability to create a read-worthy blog is questionable! So I'm just going to play along!
Here are the rules:
1. What is your name? arajbrown 2. A 4 Letter Word: Able ... describes my favorite people in the world, my husband- able to provide in a multitude of ways, my son-able to bring a smile in the most difficult of circumstances, my dearest friend, able to cut straight to my heart with that two-edged sword, my God in all ways, always.. 3. A Boys Name: Atticus, I do love that name! 4. A Girls Name: Abby (I might have liked to have named a little girl that ...) 5. An Occupation: Artist, which is what I would call my husband, but never myself. 6. A Color: Amber (hate that color) 7. Something you wear: ankle socks ... don't get the wrong picture, there's no ruffle or lace or even pink trim, they are socks that land at my ankle ... 8. A Beverage: Apple Juice 9. A Food: Asparagus (great teamed with chicken breasts in a creamy sauce over whatever carb you choose (rice, cous cous, egg noodles) 10. Something found in the bathroom: Asprin 11. A place: Ashville, the first romantic destination for hubby and me! 12. A Reason for being late: A cell phone, a book, a bookbag, a pair of shoes ... a son who would forget his head if it weren't attached, and regardless of how cheesy that sounds- it's true!!! 13. Something you shout: Alright, someone's gonna get hurt. Those words get play at my house on a daily basis! Okay, I tag all of y’all. Been mulling this over in my mind ...since yesterday morning. I was struck by the Truth of the following passage by good 'ole Oswald: Sin is a fundamental relationship; it is not wrong doing, it is wrong being, deliberate and emphatic independence of God. The entire reading went on to delineate the notion that we come to God with a laundry list of sins we've committed. Everyday, everyday ... lining them out for us and for HIm - when in reality it was the sinfulness, the innate, unavoidable sinfulness of each of us that is at the root of our separation from a Holy God. He notes the use of the word SIN vs. SINS, using that as a way to differentiate between Christianity and other religions which focus on individual sins instead of a sinful nature. And while it was a topic worth pondering in and of itself, as the day went on, I had a sick feeling about my own condition ... the pride that was present when a good day had gone by and my end of the day prayers contained fewer confessions ... and the shame (which I'm coming to believe is just pride in a wrapper of self-hate ... that may be for another blog or may prove itself too personal) of the days that seemed like I couldn't even recall every single rotten thing I'd done in a day- and that Deeply Abiding Spirit called for something more than I was offering. And it was- it was calling for a surrender of me. I think what the Apostle Paul called "dying daily" ... but how often do I really do that. I'm reading a book called No Other Gods by Kelly Mintor (I know,everyone else in the whole world read it with Beth Moore this summer ... I was waiting on my small group ... another story) ... and I've been trying to look at what the modern day idols are in my life ... since I don't have a golden calf in my backyard (funny, I feel like if you called, Randy would have stored about everything else in the world somewhere in our backyard, but I digress) ... one of the things that I'm discovering about myself is that my "To Do List" with God is one of my idols. I give my service to a list of 'gotta get it done's - especially in my relationship with the Lord. And it becomes ritualistic- not unlike bring a sacrifice before a false god ... Doesn't that scream a reliance on works/legalism ... therefore, myself .... gack! Rely on me??? What foolishness. So there's the problem/idol/god ... pride. And I'm left to re-examine my heart in relationship to everything that I do. What is the posture of my heart when I approach an activity ... is it God-honoring, or merely good. If I'm do do every good work as unto the Lord ... then don't I need to be focused on the God-honoring activity instead of what we would deem 'the good stuff' of life? And how does one decide the difference? It's a sad night here...but it's more sad in Frankfort, Indiana for my dad. The Cubs have lost again ... in a season when they won 97 regular season games- they couldn't manage one win in post-season. I don't know if it's the curse of the goat or an Silly? Maybe, but he's my dad. And so we'll wait 'til next year. Again.
A funny thing happened on the way to the coffee pot this morning ...I did the things that I typically do ... stopped for my Bible, got a cup, stuck two pieces of bread in the toaster ... and settled in at the counter. I've received several 'encouragements' of late to spend more time in the Word. So I flipped open to Psalms for 5 chapters ... Proverbs for 1 chapter ... and topped off with some time in Ephesians. DONE ... checked off the list for the day. In 20 minutes flat- and I was reading more than I usually do. Such encouragement ticked me off a bit because I am consistently checking Devotions off my daily to do list. And while I received such encouragement from each person readily- okay, with a side of "I'm doing that" , this morning there was a new understanding ... you see yesterday, I cleaned out my coffeemaker. It didn't look nasty, but it was sluggish in brewing ... the coffee wasn't tasting as good as it had in the past and even though we'd changed filters and coffee ... things were still askew in my coffee loving world. As I cleaned the pot and all the easily reached parts ... I realized they'd been well maintained with a wipe down or rinse every so often. But the internal workings, well, I wasn't sure. So, I added a pot full of white vinegar to the machine and let it start to work. First of all ... it smelled awful ... that scent of coffee and vinegar together. It brought AJ out to see what was going on! Something was not right and he could tell. When the pot was finished brewing, it was obvious what the problem was ... there was too much junk in the inside for the coffee to taste good- regardless of the quality of the coffee. There was, scaly stuff, white chunks, black chunks and a sludge of the top of the water. (If you had coffee at my house in the last month or two, I'm so sorry) ... So, I rinsed out the pot, added another dose of vinegar and repeated the process. Surely, this would finish it off. Again with the crud at the bottom of the pot. What the heck ... I ran one pot of vinegar through! I'm a little grossed out at what I'm seeing. So I run third pot through ... significantly less crud ... and a fourth ... almost none at all ... and 3 pots of water though until it's running clear and vinegar scent free. I was pleased, but really didn't think too much beyond, 'wow, the coffee will run through 3x's as fast tomorrow morning' ... and went on with the rest of my day. This morning, the coffee ran through more quickly ... and it tasted better than it had tasted in months. I didn't even realize the bitter taste we were getting ... probably because the taste deteriorated over time I surmised. And then it happened. Standing at the coffee pot, I ran into the Cross. Why did my friends encourage me to spend more time in the Word ... because what I was spitting out was bitter(Likewise, if you've sought fellowship and encouragement at my house in the past few months, I apogize ... it might have been more bitter than the coffee!). Ephesians 4:31-32 says ... Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling, and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. When I asked Sandy, "How do you know I'm not spending time talking to Him?" the response I got was this ... Guess I don't think the despair, anger anxiety and loneliness you've been experiencing can grow to the magnitude it has in the light of His face. I'm not saying I don't understand why you're feeling them. The Accuser of the Brethren is rubbing your face in past sins that your heavenly Father has paid for and put out of his mind. About the antithesis of the verses in Ephesians, huh? This morning, I realized that there have been more gentle reminders from some along the way ... "keep reading and writing, that will help you work through some of this" ... "what are you using for your quiet time?" ... all of which would have been met with an answer to satisfy the question ... but the evidence was in- regardless of the minutes or hours I'd spent with the Word beside me, around me, near me ... I wasn't allowing the Word to get in me. Just the same as the coffee pot ... I could have poured the vinegar on the outside and made it shiny, I could have put it in the pot and made it look better ... I could have even run it through once and cleaned it out a little ... but the inside would have still produced bitter coffee. Because the remedy wouldn't have been thoroughly applied. So, this morning, I went back to the Remedy ... I found myself re-reading Psalm 1-5 ... and Proverbs 1 and 2 ... and back in Ephesians 3 ... reminded again of how deep and wide the Love of Christ is ... settling in Ephesians 4 over the verses I shared earlier ... confessing the sin, bitterness, unforgiveness and anger that I've let build there over the past months. Laying it down, allowing His love to wash over it in a way that cleanses. Realizing that this will require continual reapplication ... afterall, that's where the problem started. I wasn't attending to the inside ... but today I'm hopeful that my friends will find their place beside me in life as the song states, "There’s a sweet, sweet Spirit in this place Oswald is at it again ....
Simple Truths ...from the Louisville, KY Living Proof Simulcast ... Jesus Loves Me ... This I Know ... For the Bible ... Tells Me So no matter what ... Jesus Loves Me ... This I Know ... For the Bible ... Tells Me So through tears ... Jesus Loves Me ... This I Know ... For the Bible ... Tells Me So through gritted teeth ... Jesus Loves Me ... This I Know ... For the Bible ... Tells Me So
FriendshipEcclesiastes 4:10 For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. NASB Kneeling at the foot of the cross ... wrestling with life ... accountability in our struggles... laughter in the midst of the storm ... contentedness in need ... peace in chaos ... challenge to be better than you thought you could be ... security to be just who you are... honesty inspite of fear ... love in unspeakable ways ... known as one who has purpose ... treasured in undeserving ways ... covered in petition ... silence that speaks volumes ... and words that bring healing ... and a heart that always points back to the cross. I pray this kind of friendship for you. I am blessed. I thought this was fun ...I won't tag anyone specific ... play along if you want. No pressure. I do think I'll have AJ fill this out as a get your brain working activity this morning though!
One word
So ...We've taken control of our TV again. Following March Madness ... becoming somewhat addicted to American Idol ... watching too much news ... the discovery of Seventh Heaven reruns ... Modern Marvels out the wazoo ... we've turned the satallite off for a while. It changes our lives ... we sit at the table and laugh longer. We talk more ... we decide TOGETHER what we'll do ... my guys "jam" upstairs ... my son becomes so involved in a book that he stays up until 2am just to read a book that he just picked up because it looked good ... my house is cleaner (not to be confused with clean, like by most standards) ... my husband sleeps an extra 30 minutes in the morning because we don't even get local channels for news in the morning, then brings coffee to me and we actually talk before he goes to work (okay, that would be a plus some mornings and a not such a plus others) ... my point is ... we have no self control. We are drawn to the magic box with the talking people inside ... So my question to me is this ... will I be the one who buckles (say, when the Olympics start in August) and has the Satallite reinstated?? Or, will I stay strong? The reality is ... even if I lasted through the Olympics, which I won't. I would never make it through football season (college or Pro) ... or basketball season (men's or women's) ... I'm a wimp!!! Can someone please post about Idol this week ... maybe a simulcast blog again Cindy?
How long will I wait?Mark 5:28 For she said, "If I touch even his garments, I will be made well." In our Bible Study yesterday we looked at Mark 5:21-43 ... the focus of the lesson was on allowing interruptions to be God-appointments. And as I am so prone to do, I was focused on the way little picture. I calculated interruptions yesterday. I wondered how many times I call a friend and would find myself the interrupter ... but I didn't linger there. I was pretty focused on the notion that we need to be available to serve others as the Lord opens those doors. But an interesting thing happened while we were there ... One of the women in the study pointed us toward a humbling perspective ... wonder what it would be like to allow our circumstance to be interrupted by a God-appointment with the Father himself? How hard it must have been for this woman with an issue of blood for 12 years (12 YEARS!) and all the isolation that would have accompanied that in her culture- to even walk out of her house ... let alone find herself close enough to touch the hem of the garment! And still have the faith to KNOW that if she just reached out her hand, Jesus was all she needed. I spend days ... and I'm embarrassed to say, weeks and at times months ... wandering around my circumstance ... whatever it is at the time ... too spent to read my Bible ... too depressed to talk to anyone ... too proud to reach out ... and too faithless to cry out Abba, Father ... You are all I need. I believe those words. I cousel others to trust Him in that way ... just yesterday, I said as much to a dear friend ... and the convicting truth in my soul as I tossed sleeplessly last night was that I don't live there. I'm hopelessly found in the midst of chaos(often the chaos of my mind) or awaiting the next storm. I've witnessed "Peace, be still" moments ... and yet I fail to trust Him in the ones that might be on the horizon. Living in fear of what's to come instead of living in joy ... content in my circumstance. Didn't Paul write that little tidbit from prison ... Lord, help me to dwell in You.
1 There's really no excuse ...for a month between blogs ...rick asked for a new blog on Christmas Eve ... sorry it's taken so long to accomplish! And, this is a pathetic excuse for a blog really. While I have several ideas rolling around in my head (and believe me, I've so completely disconnected over the holidays that there's ample room for things to just roll around!), I've developed a self-imposed time limit on the amount of time for reading and writing blogs everyday ... and my time is up in 3 minutes. And Sarah hasn't posted yet today(the rest of you are almost as pathetic as I am about posting regularly). How is this time limit thing going to work??? Anyway ... over the holiday I have: had dinner at friends, had friends over for dinner, had friends visiting for a week (almost), learned to more effectively use my bread machine for dinner rolls (white and wheat), cinnamon rolls(not as good as Kelly's), cinnamon bread, biscotti and banana bread (now I need to learn to more efficiently use my treadmill), developed 3 new recipes to use in my two week rotation (if you could only hear the cheers from my family), watched movies, started a new 'read through the Bible" plan, shopped, cooked, slept ... and now my 3 minutes is up! sorry for typos or misspellings ... blog land etiquette ...requires that I link back to the site I saw this post on first ... I can only sometimes make that work with my AOL acct ... and today isn't one of those days. BUT Patrick's Place Sunday Seven question of the day was "What are your 7 favorite Christmas songs?" ... actually he called them Holiday or Christmas songs ... I'm just calling them Christmas songs ... Here's my list ... 1. It Came Upon A Midnight Clear (there's no spiritual reason, when I was 7 Kevin Kirkman sang it in a church program our babysitter took us to ... he also played the guitar ... I fell in love with both of them 2. The Little Drummer Boy 3. Mary Did You Know 4. Breath of Heaven 5. The entire Young Messiah CD 6. Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree 7. Tennessee Christmas (This was the cutest thing ever when I was teaching English to 15 Japanese 1st graders!) I've had the same alarm clock since I was in High School ...it's traveled from Frankfort, Indiana to East Tennesse ... from Davis Hall to Bartlett Hall to Cates Street back to Indiana briefly to Topside Road to Sterling Street to Hoopes Street to Wildwood Road to Blockhouse Road to Bay's Mountain Road to Oakdale Street to our current home (somehow it sorta freaked me out to type in the street we live on now). Monday morning it failed to go off at the appointed 6am. Randy was convinced something was wrong. Loyal friend that I am (to my alarm clock) I declared it must be a programmer issue! Tuesday morning it failed to go off at the appointed 6am. Randy declared it dead after double checking it for accuracy. But lovingly agreed to give it one more chance to come through! Wednesday morning it failed to go off at the appointed 6am. Randy declared something had to be done! Because I have a hard time letting go, I asked several questions ... did you double check the time, did you make sure the volume is turned up, did you make sure that it's set for 6am and not 6pm??? Thursday morning it went off right on time. hmmm ... I'm not sayin' a word! It's been a quiet Thanksgiving ...one with a mixture of new recipes and old favorites ... a mealtime which is different because we have a kid (my 18 year old niece) who has entered the workforce and had noontime obligations ... and a day which normally begins at 6am for me didn't get into full swing until 10am.And this girl who usually has a migraine in the face of major change ... loved the change! And I think candlelight dinner worked very well! So, what was on our table? Turkey ... sage and butter as the main basting ingredients (old standby) Dressing ... sage, apple and sausage (new recipe ... I think we'll go back to the old recipe next year) Sweet Potato Casserole ... just the standard because no one but Randy and I like it. Mashed Potatoes ... Yukon Gold with lots of butter and half and half Cranberry Sauce w/ Mandarin Oranges ... nothing special here, but a required item Green Beans ... just green beans, not casserole Beef and Noodles ... because it isn't a holiday meal in my family without it! Yeast Rolls Pumpkin Pie Pecan Pie Fresh Whipped Cream There are still dishes in my sink ... that won't change before tomorrow morning. But, all the leftovers are stored. Folks are dropping like flies around here from exhaustion after a day of laying around watching movies and football (GO COLTS!) ... We won't be shopping at 5am ... who knows if we'll make it out at all! We do plan a trip to the theater to watch August Rush! Pray your Thanksgiving was full of joy! Trying to get back into the swing of life!Two weeks at the beach was a blessing i could have never imagined! Only a loving God could have orchestrated the time with family! While I'd love to have any time to recount the memories (or the ability to post some of the wonderful pix) ... I simply don't. What I do have time to do is post the most amazing Beef Veggie Soup that I used in the crockpot this weekend. It made a ton and was 100 times better after sitting for two days waiting to be served steaming hot from the crockpot after a day up on the mountain ... boy do I have another "lessons from the trail" post just whirling through my mind! Here goes .... I love my Paula Deen cookbook ... !
I've been tagged ...Okay ... so LaDonna (I'm so sorry ... I'm terribly techno phobic and can't make the links work anymore) tagged me. Seven random things about me ... 1. I've had glasses since I was 18 months old ... my parents actually had to tie them on my head with a shoestring. 2. I get choked up when I hear the National Anthem ... mostly when they play it during the Olympics. 3. I was in labor for 27 hours, NO medication and ended up having a C-section because my OB didn't realize AJ was sunny side up ... the lights in the entire down of M-ville went out while they were finishing my surgery (including the operating room) ... and folks wonder why he's an only?!?!? 4. The name of my high school was Frankfort Senior High ... we were the Hot Dogs. That would be like a dachshund not a food. 5. I got pneumonia when I was in the 2nd grade ... I was in the hospital for over 2 weeks and missed over a month of school. Until then, I was scheduled to move to the 4th grade after Christmas break but after missing so much, my parents thought it would be too difficult. 6. I got a Barbie (she was baked in with a blue and white icing dress) Cake when I was 5 ... I cut all her hair off and used my dad's knife to find her "bones" ... the white plastic in the middle sort of looked like bones. 7. I played softball from the time I was 6 until I was 22. I tried to play boy's baseball, but they wouldn't let me. I petitioned the school board to allow me to play football in the 6th grade, but they wouldn't let me. They said I would get hurt ... so the next day at recess I tackled Joey Williams, the biggest guy on the playground just to prove them wrong. I got to wash chalkboards after school ... but I still didn't get to play football. I'm tagging: The Queen, Sharon, Cindy, Miss Meg, Sarah S, Donna and BLOGLESS KELLY (post in a comment box!) 5:15am ... Sept. 15 ... Happy Birthday AJAnd while normally on this day all focus would be on my favorite 12 year old ... today will be different. We have miles to drive a wedding to attend. Last night we attempted a 'fun' evening at a HUGE mall in St. Louis ... we were overwhelmed. Most AJ who after 15 minutes was ready to go. So ... this morning at 4am ... my darling husband woke me to let me know he was going out to find a Wal-mart, buy balloons and streamers and a few of AJ's favorite things ... because even though he's wanted the Toby Mac tickets and he'll love the concert ... it's two weeks away and we have to mark the blessing of this day in some special way ... so ... on this day I have to also give kudos to my hubby for recognizing how important it is to celebrate ... how impossible it would be for ME to negotiate St..Louis at 5am ... and his willingness to do it! Just for the record ...I am very visual.When I am involved in a conversation, I often create picture dictionary references to people, things, places ... and it isn't uncommon to hear me say, "now that's a picture" ... If I've known you for any length of time, you probably have a place in my picture dictionary ... and the word I place my own mental picture by can vary from day to day (I bet that's true for Randy as well) ... salty compassion aromatic unselfish wise unyielding gooey faithful scratchy ratatattat silent unwavering buzz diligent heroic crunchy profound slippery refuge refined The list goes on and on ... it can be amusing, annoying, convicting and down right hilarious at times. This morning, it was convicting. Spouting off to a couple of moms I found myself to be particularly prickly this morning. And on my way home I had to spend some time thinking on this ... "Does that picture match with any Fruit of the Spirit? And if it doesn't, is there sin I need to confess?" I have a ton of work to do!!! Updated Reading ListA- My Father's Summers by Kathi Appelt TITLE LIST A- A Fall Together by Jennifer O'Neill { Last Page } { Page 1 of 3 } { Next Page } |
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