Zachary is five and a half now. He is immersed in the tumults of understanding and expressing his feelings these days. Of the four children, he seems wired (must be the Scotts/Irish and Germanic genes) to feel with intensity and because he is fairly extraverted, unlike the other three kids, he has no problems letting the rest of us know what he is going through inside. LOL.

He was having quite a time with his temper for a while. We have been gently guiding him to learn to catch it, acknowldege it, and turn to a more calm thinking mode before acting on it. He has made much progress. When he gets frustrated you can see the wheels in there spinning by the expressions on his face. He is doing a terrific job of turning powerful emotions into possitive behaviors. But that doesn't mean that he doesn't get mule stubborn sometimes still.

Last night, he asked to be allowed to cut paper with scissors. He had not asked to do that in a while, so I knew that he would have fun with it again. I gave him the permission with the attached promise that HE would be the one to accept the responsibility of the paper gibbles cleanup detail. He happily agreed and set to work making a mound of confetti. Fifteen minutes later he drifted away and began to watch a special on TV with John and the bigger boys on modern weapon design. All the fellows find engineering type shows to be fascinating. Melody came through and asked if Zachy was to have cleaned up the paper pieces. She let me know that he had not. Fortunately, the timing was perfect as the show when to commercial break. Zachary however, went into a crying fit that he didn't want to miss the show. No matter how insistent I was that he wouldn't miss a thing if he got right to it during the commercials. he dug in his heels. To make a long story short he ended up missing at least ten minutes of the show by being stubborn about it.

Here is how the discussion went during that ten minutes:

Zachary: You can do it faster.

Me: It will take you less than ten seconds to put the paper in the trash can. That is no great hardship. Plus, you agreed to be the one to clean up when I gave you permission.

Zachary: You make me sad.

Me:  It would make both of us sad if you didn't keep your side of the agreement, and then I would have to say no the next time you ask for scissors.

Zachary: You make me sad. You make me not love you anymore.

Me: Well, even when you make me sad, I still love you very much. That is what love is. It is loving even when someone makes you sad or mad. (Note: We have had this discussion before about being mad)

Zachary: I don't want to pick up the paper.

Me: That's the problem. It's not that you can't pick up the paper. It's that you won't pick up the paper. That is disobedience; worse yet, it is breaking your side of an agreement that you committed to. So that is why I will not pick up the paper for you.

Zachary: But I will miss the show.

Me: That is your choice. You could have already picked up the paper during the commercials and not missed a bit. Now you are missing a lot of it because you will not pick up the paper.

Zachary: (goes over and puts the paper in the trashcan - it took not more than 10 seconds)

Me: OK, now you may go see the show.

This morning:

Zachary: (Comes and crawls in my lap) I love you even when you make me sad.

Me: (big hug on my little man who is growing up) I love you too.