Joy.  Isn't that something we all want?  Sometimes even long for?  Wonder why it seems to be lacking in our lives?  What exactly is joy, after all?  Webster's 1828 Dictionary defines it as:

The passion or emotion excited by the acquisition or expectation of good; that excitement of pleasurable feelings which is caused by success, good fortune, the gratification of desire or some good possessed, or by a rational prospect of possessing what we love or desire; gladness; exultation; exhilaration of spirits.

As a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, and looking at this definition, how can I NOT be filled with joy?  Well, that happens when I am not living in light of the Truth.  Let's take a another look at this definition, breaking it up a bit to examine it more closely.

1.  the passion or emotion  - this reminds us that joy is, in fact, something that we feel.  Passion would imply that we feel it strongly.

2.  excited by  - something causes, brings about, joy.

3.  (excited by) the acquisition or expectation of good  - Even from a human or worldly perspective, I can make a long list of "good" things that I have acquired.  I can probably even have some expectation that at least some more "good" will come into my life at some point.  Is that where it ends?  Is that where the joy comes from?  Or the lack of it?  I would argue that this thinking is exactly why many of us, as believers in Christ, ride a roller coaster of emotions in search of joy, but never seeming to stay joyful.  It is because we are looking at it from the wrong perspective.  We have become so assimilated into this world that is not really our Home, that we have taken on the mindsets that bombard us from all around.  We are continually told what will make us happier (joy?), make our lives better (I even saw an ad for a special kind of television screen that will supposedly "improve your life" if you purchase it!  Sad...), etc....  If we are not very careful, we will allow these messages to pervade our own thoughts, guide our emotions and hearts.  We won't even realize it, but we will look more like the world than we ever wanted to.  We will not look like foreigners that are serving a purpose before going HOME.

Let's look at those words again:  the acquisition or expectation of good.  Let's view this part of joy's definition through the lens of Truth, God's Word.  Have I acquired any good?  Oh, my.  Ephesians 2:4-9 says, "But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.  For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast."  What have we acquired?  Salvation as a gift from God.  We have been raised with Christ and seated with Him in the heavenly places.  GOOD things, or not???  Wow! 

4.  This passage also gives us some of the next part of the definition: expectation of good.   In the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.  Expectation of even more good from the Lord!

Psalm 103 reminds us of much good the Lord bestows on us:  "...forget none of His benefits; Who pardons all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases; Who redeems your life from the pit, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion; Who satisfies your years with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle.  The Lord performs righteous deeds and judgments for all who are oppressed...  The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.  He will not always strive with us, Nor will He keep His anger forever.  He has not dealt with us according to our sins, Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.  For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His lovingkiness toward those who fear Him.  As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.  Just as a father has compassion on his children, So the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.  For He himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust."  (vs. 2b-6, 8-14)  No matter that He knows in the grand scheme of life, the world, and eternity we are DUST...He still chooses to pour out all of these blessings on us!!!  Incredible.  I'd say that is some real good that ought to bring us true JOY!  We could search the Scriptures and find countless good like this.  Good that the Lord has already given to us!  Promises for our futures! 

5.  So we look at some more of the definition:  that excitement of pleasurable feelings which is caused by success, good fortune, the gratification of desire or some good possessed,  Does the great good we just touched on above excite pleasurable feelings in you?  If not, why?  Isn't that something to consider?  If we meditate on all that God has done for us, surely we ought to have pleasurable feelings beyond measure for all of the success, good fortune and good He has enabled us to possess!!!  Once again, I think that it is the assimilation of worldly values that causes us to miss out on so much of this.  Look again:  the gratification of desire or some good possessed - if the desires we have are not in line with God's will, if our definition of "good" is that of the world, then we will always long for what seems like unattainable joy.   We will always be disappointed.  And we will miss out on the immeasurable joy of the goodness of God and all He has for us - past, present and future!

6.  The next bit of joy's definition is this:  or by a rational prospect of possessing what we love or desire; Again, our perspective plays a huge role here!  What is it that we love or desire?  Man's admiration or attention?  Material possessions?  A large sum of money in our bank account?  A life of seeming comfort and ease?  The ability to do what we want, when we want to do it, how we want to do it?  Or do we LOVE our Savior?  Do we DESIRE Christ above all?  I last wrote that my prayer (one of them) for the New Year is that I would truly delight in the Lord and in His Word.  Let's see how Mr. Webster defined delight:  To affect with great pleasure; to please highly; to give or afford high satisfaction or joy.  Hmmm...how very interesting!  So...maybe it is possible that if we delight in the Lord and His Word, the Truth, that we might find ourselves experiencing true JOY???  Joy that cannot be taken away from us?  That we cannot possibly lose?

I remembered this morning a song I learned when I was a very young child in Sunday school.  "I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart.  Where?  Down in my heart!  Where?  Down in my heart!  I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart.  Where?  Down in my heart to stay!"  Hmmm...I didn't expect back then that the joy would not stay.  Why did it leave?  Because I didn't stay focused on Christ, the Author and Perfecter of my faith.  I did not keep my eyes fixed on eternal things, rather than the temporal things of the earth.  I'm so thankful that the Lord does not give up on us, that He continues to draw us closer to Himself no matter how many times we allow ourselves to get distracted or we build up walls to "protect ourselves" (foolish, right?!?!). 

7.  The last part of joy's definition says: gladness; exultation; exhilaration of spirits.  Psalm 4:7a says, "You have put gladness in my heart..."  May be continually ask the Lord in this new year to draw ourselves ever closer to Him.  To instill in us such a deep desire to know Him more, to really study His Word, to meditate on it.  Romans 12:2 tells us "...do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."  May we be transformed as our minds are renewed by dwelling on the Truth of His Word.  May we be filled with joy for all that the Lord has done for us, is doing, and will do!  And in 2009, by His grace, may we be able to say that the joy of the Lord is our strength. (Neh. 8:10)

Surely, if God would do this for us, it would be for our good and for HIS GLORY!!!  Father, would You work this in us, and make 2009 a year of Joy?  May You do it for Your Name's sake, that we might make much of You!  In Christ's Name we ask it, Amen.

...for 2009:

• That the Lord would, by His grace, work in my heart in order that I would truly delight in Him (Ps. 37:4) and His Word (Ps. 1:1-2)

Father, I am so unworthy of your love, Your grace, Your mercy, Your faithfulness!  Yet You continue to shower me with blessings.  I do humbly ask that You would do this mighty work in this selfish, idolatrous heart...that I might be a blessing to others and bring much glory to Christ!!!  It's in Your Matchless Name I ask it, Amen.

A must-read here:

http://www.mikeysfunnies.com/archive/richFamily/index.html

There really are no words, are there???

Good morning!  It is nice to be up and about at a decent time in the morning for a change.  The Lord reminded me today of a verse I learned back in high school, and needed to consider again.  Galatians 5:1 - "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."  I know that life with Christ is not meant to be easy or trouble-free.  In fact, there is much to learn as He guides us through difficulties and struggles and trials.  I'm so grateful that we do not walk through those times alone!  That said, I realize that I have allowed my mind to just give in or give up too easily of late.  The verse reminds me to stand firm, in His strength, by His grace, and resist the things to which the evil one would have me give in.  Lately, it's been discouragement and self-pity.  I realize now that I have been listening to lies.  And my Father has told me not to LET MYSELF be burdened again by a yoke of slavery!  So...I'm praying, that by His grace, He'll enable me to take each thought captive to Christ and live in the freedom that He has already given to me.

Okay...that was a bit windy, but hey...this is my blog, so I guess I'm allowed.  ;-)  Today's focus for the haven is making it inviting and giving.  This is neat, to see how the Lord orchestrates even the smallest details of our lives.  Feeling as poorly as I have for some time now, I've not been inviting many into my home, because I can barely manage to take care of myself and my kids!  However, yesterday we had five friends over for most of the day, and today I'm helping my neighbor out by watching her daughter after school as she's in a pinch with another commitment.  God has already given me the opportunities this week to invite others into our homes, and give something of ourselves to others by using our time and our home.  Thanks for that, Lord!

My plan for today, in addition to watching my neighbor and a child's Dr. appointment, is as follows:

1.  Keep the music playing!

2.  Try to finish the bedroom and closet, make more progress in the school room.

3.  Keep catching up on laundry.

This may be beyond me today, as there is still a LOT to do to reach a tidy/clean status in these areas!  However...I'm just wanting to make more and more progress.  Yesterday I did not accomplish much, as we hosted our friends for most of the day.  Hopefully today will be a bit different.  As for dinner?  I'm thinking we may just put in a frozen pizza.  I've really been feeling my worst around that time of day lately, and so I'm going to try to go easy on meals for a few days and see if that helps.

Lord, would You please guide us through this day?  Protect us from the evil one, give us self-control, help us to see things as You would want us to see them and live accordingly?  How we long to be a constant source of joy and blessing to each other and give glory to You with our daily lives!  We cannot do it apart from Your work of grace in our hearts.  We thank You that You love us enough to continue to do that work.  To YOU be the glory!!!

Well, this one is going to be tough for me today.  We have been battling nonstop with rebelliousness, disobedience and other issues this entire week.  I believe Monica was right when she mentioned that the evil one certainly does not want us to have an easy time of blessing our families and honoring the Lord in our homes!  He has put up a fight in this home, for sure.  I have really been struggling with anger as I deal with these constant problems lately.  That said, it seems like today may have more consequences and we may not have fun all day.  I know, it might sound like an excuse.  However...with my husband gone, it's even more crucial that I work hard to be consistent and not let things slide, or they quickly get out of control.

Today we prayed together for God's grace, we talked about our gratitude and need for God's mercies being new every morning!  We asked for forgiveness for things left unresolved last night, and we have moved on.  And, already, a tough morning so far.  Lord, we need Your help!!!  He spoke to my heart today on the fruit of the Spirit from Gal. 5:22-23, "...the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."  Those things have not been my nature at all lately, sad to say.  Father, would You please work in us today to have this fruit be evident in the way we treat each other?  That our home and our lives would be characterized by these things?  We long to build each other up and bring glory to You each and every day!!!  For our good and Your glory, Lord, I pray in Christ's name, Amen.

So...the plan for today includes:

1.  Keep making progress on tidy and clean.

2.  Let music flow through the house and keep us cheerful and focused!

3.  Let the kids watch a movie at some point, they've been asking to do that for a few days now.

4.  Have some friends over to play.

5.  Go to the back yard and do some sketches of the mushrooms growing in the corner.

As for dinner?  I have no idea....  My all-day sickness seems to be back with a vengeance today.  So, it might just be frozen pizza or peanut butter and jelly.  Sometimes, it's all I can do.  Actually, maybe in honor of the fun focus, I'll have them choose and make what they want...we'll have to consider that option.  Lord, thank You for another day, for the sunshine, and for the lessons we're learning through our struggles!  To You be all the glory!

It's another new day, and His mercies are new!  Praise God for that!

This morning, the Lord reminded me of a passage I'd forgotten in the recent past.  Eph. 5:19-20, "Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs.  Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."  Did you get that?  ALWAYS giving thanks to God FOR EVERYTHING!!!  I have really missed the boat on that lately.  So, this morning, after God graciously opened my eyes, I thanked him for my husband being gone and I thanked Him for morning sickness.  It's been easy to thank Him for the pregnancy, but it usually comes with a..."but can I please just start feeling better?"  I never truly give thanks for the sickness itself.  Today, I did.  Because He told me to.  Sometimes I forget that it's not about how I feel, it's about making a choice.  Thank You, Lord, for speaking to my heart on this issue today!

The top task on my list of making my home cared for was easy to come by, and after today's Scripture, it also requires a prayer from my heart.  It's hard for me.  Lord, thank You that the kids have such bad allergies that this extra work is required of me to CARE FOR their rooms and, therefore, their health.  Okay...my list for today, then:

1.  Spend time with the Lord, which I've already done, obviously.

2.  De-allergen the kids' rooms, change their bedding.

3.  Clean glass door panels.

4.  Continue tidy and clean missions from last two days (there's still lots to be done here!).

5.  If time and energy allow, touch-up paint spots where needed throughout home.

It was nice to see that I tackled something that would have been on this list yesterday.  Polishing all of our cabinets is something I've never done in other homes, but in this one I am trying to be better about caring for them.  While I never see a noticeable difference, my husband has noticed instantly every time, when he walked in the door!  I know it blesses him that I do it, even though I don't see the reults.  I know it's good for them.

Dinner tonight?  I'm not 100% certain of that yet.  We may have to run a couple of errands out, and if that's the case we might have to grab something.  If we're home, it will likely be sandwiches of some sort, maybe salad.

Lord, thank You again for Your grace.  Please enable me to be the woman, the wife, the mother that You want me to be today.  Thank You for this beautiful home that You've given us.  And thank You for caring about me enough to direct my steps as I care for it today.  To God be the glory!

I have been in tears much of the evening.  I am humbled to consider what so many have endured and sacrificed for my freedom.  I know that it can sound cliche, but it is true:  FREEDOM IS NEVER FREE.  We are so blessed to be citizens of the United States of America.  When I was young, I don't think I really gave much thought to a day like today.  I don't even know if I was certain what a veteran was.  How proud I was of my two young children today, as they told me what a veteran was, and called their great-grandpa (who served and was a POW in WWII) to say Happy Veteran's Day and to tell him thank you for serving our country.  I imagine it was a blessing to him, as well.

That said, how I wish I could have heard them tell their own father that.  But duty calls, and he is currently away.  We talked about him today, and we sent things with him when he left to open on 11/11.  So he knows we're very proud of him.  I am honored to be married to a veteran.  I am grateful beyond words for the sacrifices that he continues to make for our country and our family.  He knows that the Lord has called him to this work, and so no matter how difficult it is, he continues to serve honorably, with integrity, and when he has to...leave his family and his beloved homeland behind to help defend our freedom and the freedom of others around this great globe.

Honey, if you happen to read this, words truly cannot begin to express how proud I am of you.  I thank God for your courage and commitment.  Scripture says that Jesus did not come to BE served, but TO serve.  And I know that He has given you a servant's heart.  Thank you for serving our Savior, our family, and our great nation.  You sacrifice so much, I cannot imagine what it would be like to have to go away like you do.  To say that I'm thankful for God's protection of your very life would be to put it far too mildly.  I am so humbled that He chooses to bring you home safely to us.  I trust He will do the same again at the end of this trip.  For now, until I can tell you in person, please hear from the bottom of my heart:  THANK YOU.  What you do is not done in vain.  Your wife and children are proud of you and your nation owes you a debt of gratitude.  You are my hero.  Happy Veteran's Day, Sweetheart.  I love you.

Well, it's day 2.  Let's hope I can get more accomplished today than yesterday.  I know that the tidy theme will run throughout my entire week.  So...I'll still work to make progress on each area I mentioned yesterday, until each one is finished.  And my hopes for today are:

1.  Spend time w/ the Lord; ask Him to guide me in the things I seek to accomplish today.

2.  Clean both bathrooms.

3.  Dust and vacuum.

4.  Wipe down kitchen and bathroom cabinets.

5.  Light candles and open windows to freshen up.

6.  Keep that Christmas music playing!

7.  Wash remaining dishes and re-wipe counters.

As for dinner?  Leftovers from last night's spaghetti meal.  Here's to another good day of working at making our home a haven for all of us!  Lord, may it be a blessing to my family, and bring glory to You! 

John 15:5 - "I am the vine; you are the branches.  If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."  May we abide in You and bear much fruit today, Lord Jesus!

This week I'm joining some others in an effort to make our homes into havens for our families.  I struggle greatly in this area, so while I had already planned to make myself focus on this area this week, I was glad to read that Monica was doing a group focus on it here:  http://thehomespunheart.blogspot.com/

Today's focus is on being tidy.  Monica said it well when she talked about not being able to really clean if there is too much clutter around.  Not to mention it is hard to focus!  This is an issue that I struggle with so much.  I tear myself down, beat myself up, make myself frustrated and end up just giving up.  I feel like a constant failure.  Monica reminded me of something very important today.  I shouldn't even begin something like this without giving it up to the Lord, asking Him to guide me and enable me to do what HE wants me to do in my home, for our family, for HIM.  So...with that in mind, I'm asking the Lord to help me get some things that are out of control back on track this week.

My plans for today are (not necessarily in chronological order):

1.  Spend some time with the Lord

2.  Sift through the paper clutter in the kitchen and dining room.

3.  Catch up on laundry.

4.  Put away some of the piles in my bedroom - just some progress would be good here!

5.  Do the de-allergen treatments on the kids' rooms and change their bedding.

6.  Keep uplifting music playing throughout the day to keep me a bit lighter on my feet.

7.  Ask God to reveal to me any clutter that should truly be sent to the trash, to someone else, or to a yard sale.

8.  Put away the piles in my closet.

9.  Make some headway in the school room.

I know I will not likely get through all of this, but I have already gotten a good start.  I am asking the Lord to give me energy and keep the nausea at bay.  Still not quite 11 weeks along in this pregnancy, the last few weeks have been quite challenging.  Thankfully, the joy of the Lord is my strength, and His power is made perfect in my weakness!  Please help me, Lord.  To do this to take stress off of myself, to bless my family, and most of all...to bring glory to Your Name!

...for freedom from the pain of another migraine.

...for two healthy, kind, fun-loving, wise children who love the Lord.

...for the privilege of carrying another child, no matter how difficult it is at times.

...for my incredible husband, who is constantly serving and sacrificing so much for so many.

...for God's sovereignty over ALL THINGS.

...for friends who care deeply about my family and me.

...for the energy to clean my kitchen today.

...for the feeling that comes over me as I look at that sparkling clean, sweet-smelling kitchen.

...for blueberry muffin candles.

...for sunshine and warmth.

...for Christmas music and the joy it brings into our home.

...for the great gift of salvation given to us by the Son of Man, who came not to be served, but to serve, and give his life as a ransom for many!

...for freedom, which is NEVER free.

...for God's grace, without which I could not make it through another minute, let alone another day.

I was watching Shadowlands last night, a movie about C.S. Lewis and his wife, Joy.  At one point in the film, he receives some encouraging news about the status of her cancer treatments.  His friend tells him that God has finally answered his (Lewis') prayers.  He tells Harry that's not why he prays.  What struck me, as it so often has when I've seen this movie, is what he says next:

"I pray because I can't help myself.  I pray because I'm helpless.  I pray because the need flows out of me all the time, waking and sleeping.  It doesn't change God, it changes me."

How true.  We do not change God or His plans.  He is Sovereign.  But He graciously and mercifully uses our time with Him to change us.  I am helpless, He is omnipotent.  May we pray continually, giving thanks in all circumstances, rejoice in Him, and know that He will accomplish His purposes and change our hearts in the process.   By His Grace, For His Glory!!!

I read a really neat post tonight on Ann Voskamp's blog, Holy Experience.  You can find it here:

http://aholyexperience.com/2008/09/making-of-heroes.html

I have been blessed numerous times by Ann's words.  She is gifted, humble, teachable, and loves the Lord.  Though I have never met her, and likely won't until Heaven, I have learned much from her.  Her words in this post resonated with me today, especially, as I am not always very good at making these kind of sacrifices...the little things that no one sees.  Except it's not no one.  God sees.  He sees it all.

I have been pondering Psalm 139.  (I actually began doing that before I found out I was pregnant, and then it took on another relevancy to me at present.)  It's so very, very hard to grasp.  The Sovereign God of the universe, the very one who put the stars in place, KNOWS me.  Created me.  Ordained every single day of my life before even one of them came to be!  He knows every word before I speak it, knows my deepest thoughts.  Incredibly difficult to fathom, isn't it?!?!

Yes, this precious, priceless, gracious and merciful, wonderful Savior, Jesus.  He sees when I follow His prompting in the little things.  He also sees the many times I don't do it.  The all-too-frequent times that I choose self.  But in His grace, He continues to speak to me, call to me, guide and direct me, challenge me....  And as I tell my children and long for them to understand this concept, I am blessed to experience, by His grace, that He enables me to do those things that no one but HE will ever see.  There will be no recognition.  No pat on the back to say, "Well done."  No praise for me.  All is as it should be.  I get NO glory.  HE gets it ALL!  When He gives me the self-control to make the right choice, to die to self, to lay aside pride, to choose to serve rather than be served...He and I both know He gets much glory from that!!!  For apart from Him, it would never happen.  And there is peace in my heart.

Our pastor often says that we want to make much of Christ.  Oh, how I long to do that in my daily life!  Make much of Christ!!!  Father, by Your grace, may our home be a place where we daily make much of YOU!  May our lives be lived out so that others see You in us!  It's all that really matters...that You get glory, Lord!  Thank You for enabling me to choose to do the little things tonight; things that only You and I know.  I love You.

Do you have it?  Regularly?  Are you at peace most days, deep in your heart?

Sadly, I must say, I have all too often been distracted, stressed, uptight, etc.  Why?  As with pretty much all of my struggles, it always boils down to this:  Lack. Of. Faith.  Is anyone with me here?  Am I alone in this?  No, I didn't think so.

God has been ever so gracious to work in my heart in the area of contentment this week.  It overwhelms me to think that still, no matter how long I struggle, no matter how many times I stray, thinking that I can "manage on my own" (Not that I really believe that, but I sure act sometimes as though I do!)...He is there.  He picks me up off the floor, dusts me off, wipes my tears, reminds me of His great love for me, heals hurts, whispers words of encouragement, and then guides my steps forward.  This Sovereign Lord, this Author and Perfecter of my faith...He gently reveals my sin, shines His light of Truth to remedy it, and covers me in His grace.  Grants forgiveness, once again, and enables me to walk.

This week He has especially used a few select verses and some wisdom that He bestowed on Linda Dillow, found in her book, Calm My Anxious Heart.  Many of us are familiar with Philippians 4:13 - "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."  But how often do we read that in context?  I have been working on memorizing verses 11-13 the last few days.  Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.  I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.  I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.  I don't know about you, but I am so glad that Paul writes here that he HAS LEARNED to be content in whatever circumstances...  This gives me hope!  If the Lord can work that in Paul, He surely can work it in my heart, as well!  He can show me how, with HIS strength, I can be content.  Praise God for that!

1 Timothy 6:15 says of the Lord, "He who is the blessed and only Sovereign, the King of kings and Lord of lords..."  One translation puts it this way:  God...is the blessed controller of all things, the king over all kings and the master of all masters.  Psalm 16:5 says, "LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure."  Wow.  What am I thinking to ever be in a state of discontent?  The ONLY Sovereign, One I know to love me, my Creator, is the same One who has assigned me my portion?  My portion in life, this year, this month, this week, today, this minute.  My blessed Redeemer, Jesus, who gave His life as a ransom for a debt that I owed...God, in His infinite wisdom, has a perfect plan for my life.  Nothing is out of His hands!  And oh, how I know that I can trust Him!!!

I have been blessed beyond measure in my life.  Seriously, some people would probably do anything to trade places with me.  And yet, in my sinful, selfish way...I can always seem to find something to whine about.  Or at least that's been how I've acted in the past.  By God's grace, I do NOT want to do this anymore!  My God, the One who gave His only Son for me when I was still lost in darkness and sin, can change me and enable me to rest in His perfect will for my life!  We've been talking about it together all week long.  And wow, what a week.  Not that I have not struggled, because I have.  However, I have seen Him reveal to me quickly when I am beginning to sin, and He has given me the courage to quickly confess it to my husband or children, ask for their forgiveness, and move on.  He has given me peace and joy as I have lived this week trusting Him for strength for each moment!

We have talked a lot this week about how only the Lord knows how many days we will be here on the earth.  Not one of us knows if we have tomorrow!  Only God knows that.  So each morning I have asked Him if He would graciously help me to live that day focused only on that day, without a care for the next one.  He's got it all in His hands, and I want to live each moment fully engaged, as though I might just be gone in the blink of an eye.  Because I could.  I know that sometimes it can sound trite, but seriously.  I do not want my children's last memory of me to be yelling at them!  I don't want my husband to think that I am never satisfied or that I don't respect, admire and adore him.  I realize that my behavior will never be perfect, I will struggle with selfishness until the day I die!  However, the Lord has shown me this week that by abiding in Him more and being SO grateful that He is in control of my every step...I can quickly resolve these things and continue on in peace and joy and love with my family.

Words escape me as I seek to express what this has meant to me this week.  I have just cherished these precious moments with the Lord each morning.  I have been so grateful to see His hand in each day, answering the cry of my heart for contentment, peace, rest and joy.  He has given me greater faith to trust Him, and has shown His mercy to me in new ways each day.  He has revealed to me how often I have allowed circumstances, emotions or people to rob me of my contentment, and how foolish I've been to allow that to happen!  Nothing can separate me from the love of Christ, and nothing can take me out of His hand!  There's nowhere else I'd rather be. 

Contentment.  I believe that there is only one place anyone can truly find that.  It's in the Lord Jesus Christ and the faith that is a free gift from Him for all who will believe.  How good it is to see Him calm an anxious heart!  And to top it off, it's mine!  :-)  Glory to God!!!

Obviously I haven't posted in awhile.  Sometimes it seems as though I cannot even begin to keep up with the pace by which the days fly....  Nevertheless, here I am.  And this will certainly be a bit of a ramble, but I'm needing to get these thoughts out...more for my own sanity than anything.  Sometimes it helps me to go back and look at all the Lord has done.  While it may not seem very profound, it's in these day-to-day scenarios that I find the Lord growing us, loving us, molding us to be the peopler He wants us to be!  My plan is to just "talk" here, not to go back and edit...I don't have that kind of time.  But since a couple of you have asked, here it is.  And thanks for praying!!!  Please continue. 

Some of you have asked me if I'm doing better since my last post on Attitude.  The answer is a resounding yes.  What is funny is that I cannot even remember what happened that prompted me to write that post!  Obviously, I can tend to allow my fickle feelings affect me too much at times.  God, in His great grace, is allowing all of us in our family to choose better atttitudes most days.  We continue to struggle, and we are far from perfect (as will be that case 'til Christ returns or calls us Home!).  But as we talk about it and pray together about it, we are thankful that the Lord is giving us the self-control that we need to stop wallowing in things.

This weekend has been a good example.  I'll see if I can give it a quick run-down (okay, so it might not be that quick, but I'll do my best).  My husband needed to spend the entire weekend catching up on his studies, as some of his training had caused him to be two weeks behind.  This was a daunting prospect, yet there was nothing he could do about it.  We planned to have him kind of "holed-up" in our room for the weekend, focusing on his school stuff, with few interruptions.  Well, that didn't last long.  The air conditioner went out Friday night.   Of course, it was in the 90s and humid!  Being the weekend, he could not get anyone to work on it.  He spent hours over the weekend working on it himself, which (obviously) took him from his studies.  We also had a yard sale.  I was not feeling well.  I had some serious sinus problems and migraines.  While I did most of it myself, I did need more assistance from him than I'd anticipated.  Still more time away from his studies.  He spent an hour working on an assignment to turn in, and just as he went to hit the send button...the computer went down, and he lost the entire hour's worth of work! 

I had severe insomnia last week and weekend, sleeping about an hour a night, alongside coughing spells that lasted for hours.  On Sunday I ended up needing to go to urgent care.  DH drove me - more time away from studies.  And to top it off...I came home and bent down when my son fell on the sidewalk...I could not stand up without excruciating pain.  My body has behaved like an elderly woman's this weekend, and I'm not quite sure why.  Then...the Dr.'s office refused to write the authorization for my urgent care visit, even though it was my insurance company's nurse who told me to go there in the first place.  When I became frustrated about that, she had her nurse call me back to inform me that she was cancelling my appointment that I'd made for this week, "because of the situation."  The icing on the cake was when the salon where my hair stylist works told me that they will no longer allow me to bring my children (who are quite well-behaved, mind you) in when I come for my hair cut.  Small thing, that one, but it was just the last straw for me, and I was in tears.  Since then, we have also found out that there was a huge fraud problem at our bank, and they've cancelled our debit cards and we'll have to wait for new ones to get here.  And, just tonight...our one credit card company called us to verify some charges that were made on our credit card.  They were not made by us.  So...that is now closed, as well.  Whew!

Usually, this would all send me through the roof.  I admit that I have had moments of being discouraged, but the over-riding sense in our home through all of this has been one of peace.  I have been beyond proud of my husband, who must feel so overwhelmed at his current situation...he has really handled it all quite well.  I don't know that I'd do as well - I want to cry for him, it's such a tough spot!  But God is faithful, and is giving him the grace to press on and just do the best he can with the situation he's in.  He is trying to work on learning a new (and very difficult) language at the same time as his master's degree.  It's no small potatoes.  How great is our God, to give him an attitude that is helping him to keep going, even when he wants to give up!  I prase the Lord for that!

And even though I have been in pain for most of the last few days, am extremely sleep-deprived, and am not quite sure what to do about some of these "situations," the Lord has given me peace!  I am at rest, knowing that His Word is true, and His grace is sufficient for me.  He has allowed us to have some perspective, as we grieve for those who have recently lost children, been in terrible accidents, facing much worse things than we do...  It doesn't mean that my troubles don't matter, but I know that things could be so much worse.  I am thankful that I can walk and move...whether it be with pain or not.  I am thankful that I celebrated a birthday with my son today.  I am thankful that the Lord has allowed us all to be able to look above our light and momentary troubles and see that He shines bright and He gives His grace to us for these times! 

Nothing that has happened this weekend was outside of His plan for us.  Does the evil one seek to destroy us?  Certainly!  Will he?  No!  Greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world.  We know that the Lord continues to teach us.  My youngest keeps saying that He is making our hearts like His.  So true.  And I'm humbled that He loves us enough to do that!  Do I pray for the pain to go away?  Of course!  (I rather like to be comfortable and pain-free.)  But do I sit and whine about it and neglect everything that needs to be done?  No.  People live productive lives in much worse pain than I am in.  I trust that the Lord will guide me to do what needs to be done in His timing, and that He will give me the grace to do it, regardless of the pain.  It has been so obvious this weekend that the evil one has just been bent on attacking us constantly.  I wonder if he doesn't think that if he just keeps on, that eventually we'll give in.  He is sorely mistaken.  God, in His grace, has called us to Himself - every one of us!  And we can stand firm in His Truth, with His armor on, and trust Him to fight for us.  We wait on the Lord and know He is working out His best for us - for our good and His glory!

May we always seek to bring Him glory, trusting in His sufficient grace, no matter how big or small the challenges we face.  There is nothing too difficult for the Lord!  Thank You, Father, for giving us grace to choose attitudes that lighten the load for each other, rather than wallow in self-pity!  Please grant incredible measures of grace to those who are hurting more than I can even imagine right now.  Please protect us all from the evil one, and surround us with your angels!  May be bring much attention to Christ in our daily lives!  May we be light in this dark world.  And may Your matchless Name be praised!!!  For Your glory we desire to live....