TODAY, I VISITED A POPULAR HOMESCHOOL BOARD... IN WHICH ONE OF THE TOPICS WAS "HUGGING."  I MEAN HUGGING AS IN FRIENDSHIP HUGS.  I WAS SURPRISED TO LEARN THAT MANY WOMEN ARE OFFENDED WHEN A FRIEND OR DISTANT AQUAINTANCE COMES UP TO THEM AND GIVES THEM A HUG.  MANY WROTE IN SAYING THEY LIKE THEIR SPACE, THEY'RE NOT THE HUGGY TYPE AND THAT IN SOME INSTANCES IT IS INAPPROPRIATE.  MANY WROTE HOW UNCOMFORTABLE THEY WERE WHEN EX-FRIENDS CAME UP TO THEM AND OFFERED A HUG.

YOU SEE, I AM A HUGGER.  IF YOU ARE MY FRIEND...I'VE PROBABLY HUGGED YOU AT LEAST ONCE.  AND, YOU CAN PROBABLY EXPECT IT AGAIN SOMETIME.   AND, I'VE  PROBABLY PHYSICALLY PATTED  YOU ON THE BACK WITH MY HAND OR MESSED UP YOUR HAIR WITH A FRIENDLY TOSSEL.

THERE'S BEEN MANY, MANY SEASONS IN MY LIFE--WHERE FOR WHATEVER REASON, CERTAIN FRIENDS HAVE COME AND GONE...  NO BIG BLOW-UPS, NOTHING LIKE THAT AT ALL... JUST A SLOW DRIFT AWAY IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS.

AND TODAY-RIGHT NOW....IF I SAW ONE OF MY OLD FRIENDS...FACE TO FACE...I WOULD SMILE AND GIVE THEM A FRIENDLY "HI, HOW ARE YA?" HUG.  YOU KNOW, NOTHING MAKES ME MORE IRRITATED THEN WHEN YOU KNOW SOMEONE FROM THE PAST AND THEY TRY TO AVOID YOU.  OH COME ON...YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN...  THE TYPE THAT LOOKS EVERYWHERE EXCEPT AT YOU...  THEY PRETEND THEY DON'T SEE YOU? THEY'RE LOOKING UP AND DOWN AND UNDER STUFF....    LOOK, I'VE DONE THAT MYSELF...JUST BEING REAL HERE.  IT TAKES WAY MORE EFFORT TO STRUGGLE AND LOOK AWAY THEN IT DOES TO JUST SAY "HEY, HELLO!  HOW'VE YOU BEEN?"  AND SMILE.   AND, MAYBE LEAN IN AND GIVE THEM A FRIENDLY-BONDING TYPE HUG.

I'M SERIOUS, I'VE BEEN ON BOTH SIDES.  A QUICK, FRIENDLY HUG OR A TAP ON THE BACK OR A SIDE-HUG...  HONESTLY BREAKS DOWN ANY BARRIERS.  IT IS SOME SORT OF SUBCONSCIOUS BRIDGE THAT OPENS UP.  AN INSTANT BOND.  A WORDLESS CONNECTION THAT LETS THE OTHER KNOW...  HEY, I MISSED YA PAL... "

LET ME GIVE YOU A NICE EXAMPLE...  IN JUNE WHEN I HAD MY GALL BLADDER OUT...A MOM OF A FRIEND OF TOMMIE'S OFFERED TO WATCH HIM FOR THE ENTIRE DAY OF THE SURGERY.  I TOOK HER UP ON HER OFFER...  SHE'S A PUBLIC SCHOOL TEACHER AND VERY CAUTIOUS TO THE POINT OF  BEING NEUROTIC.   ANYWAY...  AT THE VERY LAST MINUTE...WHEN WE WERE PRACTICALLY WALKING OUT THE DOOR, SHE CALLED TO CANCEL WITH A REALLY LAME EXCUSE.  I ADMIT...I WAS A BIT PUT OFF.  I MEAN, HERE I'M HAVING A SERIOUS LITTLE SURGERY AND PLANS FELL THROUGH...WITHOUT ANY GOOD REASON.  YEAH, I WAS ANGRY AND HURT FOR TOMMIE AND THOUGHT, "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME AT THE LAST SECOND?"....    "AFTERALL...HAVEN'T I  WATCHED YOUR SON A GOOD MANY TIMES AND HELPED YOU OUT IN A PINCH?"  WELL, I GUESS I COULD OF WALLOWED AROUND IN SELF-PITY, BUT, I CHOSE INSTANT FORGIVENESS, INSTEAD.  AND, THEN CALLED MY IN-LAWS.  I WASN'T SURPRISED THAT SHE DIDN'T CALL TO CHECK IN ON ME.  I HAD HER PEGGED.  FAST FORWARD TO A COUPLE OF WEEKS LATER....  I SAW HER IN KROGERS...  I COULD OF IGNORED HER OR JUST WAVED A SOUR WAVE AND PLAY BRAIN-GYMNASTICS IN MY MIND ABOUT HOW WRONG SHE DID US...BUT INSTEAD I WENT RIGHT UP TO HER AND GAVE HER A BIG OLD BEAR HUG AND SAID...  "HOW ARE YOU?"  SHE WAS FLOORED.  STUNNED.  AND RELEIVED.  WE MUST OF CHATTED FOR AT LEAST 20 MINUTES....  LAUGHING, SHARING AND CATCHING UP. 

YOU SEE, I  THINK A GOOD FRIENDSHIP HUG IS HEALTHY.  EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT THE HUGGY TYPE.  IT RECONNECTS FRIENDSHIPS.  A HUG OFFERS FORGIVENESS WITHOUT WORDS.  IT SORT OF LEVELS THE PLAYING FIELD, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. 

SO, IF YOU'RE THE TYPE WHO DOESN'T LIKE MY HUGS...JUST GRIN AND BEAR IT OKAY? 

SMILE, WINK, NOD.

Posted by Anonymous

As a fellow hugger, Ivy, I really appreciated your post!! Hope we get to meet some day so we can give each other a big hug!! :O)

Barb Cash

Posted by Anonymous

I'm not a "hugger" but I admire huggy people. I often see a hugger and think "wish I could be warm and loving to others like that!" So anyhow, Mich, I love your hugginess (LOL), and you are welcome to give me a hug. Just don't feel bad if I don't come up and hug you (since I'm sort of shy and unhuggy in person, LOL).
Sarah

Posted by healthyhomeschool

Michele, you took the very high road. You did the right thing. I am also a huggy person. We all hug in my family. I think hugs do break down barriers.

Lynn :)

Posted by lisaquing

I'll admit to having avoided people in the grocery store or wherever; mainly it's because I'm shy. Yep, I am. I don't know what to say and I don't know if they even remember me. I know it's lame, but that's me. I'm more of an introvert.

I don't mind hugs, but I don't often offer them myself. I should work on this about myself - being more outgoing and huggy. It's a struggle for me - takes a lot of energy and thought. Doesn't come naturally.

I appreciate these thoughtful posts, Michele! (And the hugs! Really! lol)

Posted by Anonymous

I love your hugs. See, when there is such a great friend like you, I just like to be around you; hugs and all.

But, you should have called me to watch Tommy!

See you soon friend. xoxoxo

Brandi