Godly Femininity

(Sigh.)  This does not come easy to me.  I know, I know.  The average homeschooling mother with six children, speaks softly and sweetly.  She wears a lovely and modest jumper and doesn’t raise her voice or her bblood pressure, ever.

Here is my admission:  I am not that woman.

I would like very much to be that woman, but I’m not.

What am I?  I’m just as comfortable in jeans and t-shirt as I am a dress, perhaps more so.  I am more comfortable playing soccer with the kids than sewing a fine seam.  I am more likely to run around the house yelling, "I’m going to getcha ya little monster" as any of the other children.  I can’t sing a note, but like to… At the top of my voice and try to make everything rhyme.  And as my friends can attest sometimes we sing rather inappropriate lyrics like the Bathroom Song for the little ones.  Don’t ask for the lyrics… It has many variations on any given day.

So why does this come so easy to some and is so hard fought in others?

I blame my mother as all awful children do, lol.  She is a very strong woman.  She has run her house as long as I was a part of it and does to this day.  I have never known her to not get her way.  I had t-shirts as a little girl that said, "Anything a boy can do, a girl can do better."  And she meant it.  She was thrilled when my sister considered wrestling and playing football.  I was horrified.  She is an inborn feminist, though I don’t think she would call herself that.

And so what legacy did I get out of all of this?  Ah, I’m past the point where I buy into everything I’ve been told.  And I’m past the age when I can just lay blame and let it lie.  I am now responsible for myself.

Many would excuse the behaviour and say, "Ah, it’s just your personality.  That’s the way God made you."

I am not so sure.  When God speaks of the lovely traits of the woman, loud isn’t one of them. 

So, go ahead, ask me, after thirty years, why is this now an issue?  Well, I’ll tell you.  I was on one of my favorite boards the other day  – Raising Godly Tomatoes.   And Elizabeth has created a new board dealing specifically with older children.  I’ll admit, I like it very much.  But a recent post hasn’t left my mind.  The question is specifically this: "What do you do to instill Godly Femininity in your daughters?"

Ouch!

Does playing soccer count?  And I suppose telling them that God gave her hips for a purpose (soccer) does NOT count as embracing your God given feminine traits.  What was He thinking?  I should have had eight strapping young men, those I could have dealt with, lol.

In all honesty, I’m very thankful for my girls.  One of them is very naturally feminine.  She enjoys being lovely, speaks quietly and sweetly, and is generally very gentle.  She is a tiny miniature lady.  It comes very easy and naturally to her.  My oldest, however, is Mini-Me.   She is fun and vibrant and energetic.  And with that comes stubborn, strong willed, and obstinant.  Yes, she’s mine.    I can see that at eleven she is struggling very much with who she wants to be.  On the one hand we have a little girl who wants to grow up to be a mama and have children and take care of her husband.  On the other hand, we have an intelligent young girl that prizes intellect and wants to travel the world, unhindered, as a scientist.  It is THAT young girl that scares the jeepers right out of me.  I do NOT want to raise a feminist.  I truly believe it goes against every bit of biblical principle I can find in scripture.   And though it goes against social norms, I prefer not to interpret scripture loosely to make it mean whatever I’d like it to mean.

So, do nothing?  No, I don’t think that is an option.   A child left to themselves is a very sad child indeed.  Children will not go the way they should go without training, teaching, overseeing.  So, then what?

I am a very firm believer that you act differently as you are dressed.  If you are wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and tennis shoes and are very unisex, you will not be inspired to act like a lady.  If you are wearing a modest skirt and a lovely feminine top, you are reminded that you are a lady.  And if you, like me, are very self conscious of long dresses, then you are even more so reminded.  The problem I have now is that I am expecting.  And I refuse to look like I’m wearing a potato sack.  So until I get my hands on some maternity dresses, slacks are just going to have to do.

I introduced this thought to my darling daughter with sincere fear and intrepidation.  This foreign idea of dressing as a young lady instead of a unisex soccer player.  To my joy she did embrace the idea, though I will say I’m pretty sure she was a bit nervous about not wearing ANY jeans Monday through Friday.   So, to help us along, we looked for skirts.  Or jumpers.  Or SOMETHING!  What did we find?  Well, wow.  Look at any popular store for skirts and what you find is rather unpleasant.  Young lady?  No indeed.   So, we began our online search with "modest dress girl" in Google.  This yielded several results, but I admit that my 11yo is past the age where either of us embrace the little girl jumper with yards upon yards of fabric.  Nor were we inspired to rush right out and buy those jumpers as the prints truly left something to be desired.  And so we did the only thing we could… we headed to the fabric store.

Long, leaner jumpers awaited us along with circle skirts past the calf, A-line skirts to the ankle.  None unfashionable, they just needed the right fabric.  Did we find what we were looking for?  Oh YES!   We found oodles.  Now I admit I’m a little excited about this.  Honestly it is inspiring to see my little girl get up in the morning and do more with her hair than just pull it into another pony tail.  And to see her fresh-faced, and dressed nicely is absolutely lovely.   Not to be left out we also picked up new fabrics for the little girls and white batiste and eyelet for lovely little bloomers and long slips. 

I do not want to give the impression that we in any way think that by changing the outside, that THAT is what makes us feminine.  Skirts and dresses, while I am not convicted that they are a necessity by scripture, do remind us that we are feminine, ladies, to act as such and to be treated as such.  They are just a  tool to remind us to emrace that God created us male and female and that we are different… not just unisex. 

So much in this society attempts to kill femininity.  To destroy or scoff at things that are ladylike.  To consume us all down to more base instincts.  To embrace wearing skirts is a difficult road for me.  However, for me, for our family, it is only symbolic of a heart change… The attempt to instill and create a love in our daughters and sons for things feminine. 

God Bless,
Kelly