Aug. 19, 2008 - Children's Books Blog Tour and Contest!
I’m so excited to share about three more books I had the opportunity to review this month. These are children’s books, and I had to snitch them back from my children who kept swiping them from my desk. We all enjoyed them very much.
(Click on the pictures for the Amazon links!) 
God Gave Us Heaven is a new book from Lisa T. Bergren. It’s a sweet and well done explanation for children about the Christian view of Heaven. This book uses Little Cub and his many questions to answer questions most of our children ask about the end of life and heaven. Little Cub and his Papa carry this conversation on their fishing trip, through snowy woods, and while playing with seals in the water. The illustrations (by Laura J. Bryant) are soft and beautiful and will capture the attention of any little one.
Author Bio: Lisa Tawn Bergren is the award-winning author of nearly thirty titles, totaling more than one million books in print. She writes in a broad range of genres, from adult fiction to devotional. God Gave Us Heaven is Lisa’s fourth children’s book, following in the tradition of the best-selling God Gave Us You. She makes her home in Colorado , with her husband, Tim, and their children, Olivia, Emma, and Jack.
Illistrator Bio: Laura J. Bryant studied painting, printmaking, and sculpture at the Maryland Institute College of Art in Baltimore . She has illustrated numerous award-winning children’s books, including God Gave Us You, Smudge Bunny, and If You Were My Baby. Laura lives in Asheville , North Carolina .
God Loves Me More Than That and When God Created My Toes are two wonderful books by Dandi Daley Mackall, illustrated by David Hohn. I have to say that I was at first more interested in the illustrations, which are bright and just slightly quirky. I like quirky. Once I finished looking at the pictures though, I went back and read the stories to my kiddos, and we enjoyed the rhymes and how they fit with the illustrations. God Loves Me More Than That explains in child-friendly terms just how high and wide and long and deep is God’s love for us. When God Created My Toes is a child’s celebration of her body, her version of the “fearfully and wonderfully made” concept. Both books are wonderful for reading aloud.
Author Bio: Dandi Daley Mackall has published more than 400 books for children and adults, with more than 3 million combined copies sold. She is the author of WaterBrook’s two other delightful Dandilion Rhymes books, A Gaggle of Geese & A Clutter of Cats and The Blanket Show. A popular keynote speaker at conferences and Young Author events, Mackall lives in rural Ohio with her husband, three children, and a menagerie of horses, dogs, and cats.
Illistrator Bio: David Hohn is an award-winning illustrator who graduated with honors from the Maryland Institute College of Art. He has worked as both a staff artist and an art director for a children’s software company in Portland , Oregon , a position which led to his art directing an award-winning project for Fisher-Price. Hohn’s recent projects include Lisa Tawn Bergren’s God Gave Us Christmas.
I loved these books so much and I am loathe to give any of them up. However, being a generous person at heart, I’m going to have a contest and the winner can wrench away from my clutching fingers one (only one!) of the three books. Winner’s choice. Just leave a comment with your email address AND the title your very favorite children’s book of all time.
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Aug. 14, 2008 - Ethiopia in the Olympics
I don't actually know how Ethiopia is doing in the Olympics this year. No TV, and I don't generally check news sites. However my "in-law" country has a long and interesting Olympic history, though it is generally ignored by the rest of the world unless the media decides it's time for another round of starving children pictures.
Did you know that the first black African to win an Olympic gold medal in running was an Ethiopian? His name was Abebe Bikila, and he won the 1960 Olympic Marathon and he did it barefoot. This son of a shepherd became one of Ethiopia’s heros and was greatly honored. Unfortunately, this man’s life was cut short by a tragic accident which left him severely disabled (quadriplegic, although later surgery gave him the used of his arms), and eventually killed him. Interestingly, this is what he said in regards to his accident: “Men of success meet with tragedy. It was the will of God that I won the Olympics, and it was the will of God that I met with my accident. I accepted those victories as I accept this tragedy. I have to accept both circumstances as facts of life and live happily“ This man was a hero not just in sports, but in the face of a very devastating change in his life.
Another amazingly talented Ethiopian runner is Haile Gebresellasie. He has had an extraordinarily long career for an athlete, and has broken 25 world records along with his Olympic gold medal wins, and in spite of injuries. He also has a really great smile. Personally, I can’t imagine grinning at the end of a grueling run, but then, I hate running with a passion.
Haile also has an amazing personal story that led up to his athletic career. He’s one of ten children, and lost his mother when he was a child. Before he was a professional athlete, he ran because he loved it, in the beautiful mountains of Ethiopia. He daily ran 10K to school, which puts a whole new spin on the “When I was a kid….” stories. A beautiful documentary movie was made about his life in 1999. Endurance is family friendly and will give people a good idea of Haile’s life and a little taste of Ethiopia.
You can read more about Ethiopia’s other Olympian athletes on Wikipedia. There are actually quite a number of them, mostly runners.
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Aug. 14, 2008 - G is for Giraffe (and also Goofy Goobers)
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Aug. 14, 2008 -
The top of the couch: apparently the only place to play the guitar that's safe from Biruk.
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Aug. 14, 2008 - A Very Dangerous Book
Or at least, very extraordinary. Any book that can induce my two oldest to sit next to each other, quietly, without any pummeling, pinching, kicking or name calling is a very wonderful book indeed.
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Aug. 14, 2008 - Big Boy
Biruk likes to do everything his brothers do. No highchairs for him. He will sit on the bench, even if his nose barely clears the table.
He is also amazingly coordinated. He surprised me one day when he was 12 months by spearing peas with a fork and actually getting them to his mouth. He then moved on to cheerios.
He usually does pretty well.
But once in a while he misses his mouth.
Oops!
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Aug. 12, 2008 - Tough choice
I do get a lot of great pictures of my kids, but the times I really wish I had a camera in hand, I usually don't. Last night the camera was charging up, and I missed one of the best shots ever.
We were sitting at the table and Biruk had gotten down to wander around. After a while, we started to hear some little fussy noises, as if he was frustrated. These escalated to grunts, then angry yells. But we couldn't find him! He was clearly nearby, but where? Under the table? No. Behind the couch? No. In the kitchen? No. His cries kept getting louder.
Finally we found him. He was behind Josiah's chair. In a bucket.
His chubby little rear end was fully engaged in my yellow diaper bucket (empty and clean, I might add!). He was folded right in half, with his little feet up by his chin, arms flapping around helplessly. I was seriously tempted to run upstairs for the camera, but I knew that would make me a Bad Mommy. So I picked him up and presented the butt/bucket to Josiah so he could free the baby.
You'll just have to imagine the picture he made, stuck in that bucket.
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Aug. 6, 2008 - Recent Reading
I'm still plowing my way through dozens of books a month. Once a bookworm, always a bookworm. Some of the books are not worth mentioning, but I've come across a few winners.
First, the nonfiction:
I Don't: A Contrarian History of Marriage: Simply fascinating. It's not really a statement about marriage or what it should be, just the history of marriage from the particular perspective of the author. For me the most interesting chapter was on marriage during the time of the Reformation, and the role Martin Luther played in melding love and marriage. Who knew?
The Commoner: I'm not quite through this book yet but I can confidently say it's a great novel. The book describes the life of a "common" Japanese woman who marries the Crown Prince. The marriage is a true love match, unprecedented for royalty at that time. She knows she will suffer severe restriction and criticism as someone who was not groomed or raised to follow all the rules of the imperial court, and she does indeed suffer. The Commoner is beautiful and fascinating and refreshingly free of smut and coarseness.
Laughing Without an Accent and Funny in Farsi : Two of my absolute most favorite books ever, both by Firoozeh Dumas. Both are memoirs of her life in Iran and America with her family. I really connected with these books probably because I'm married to an immigrant who's perspective on America is very similar to Dumas' family. This country is abundant, confusing, wonderful, ridiculous, spectacular, bizarre, fabulous and frustrating. The English language is torture for people who have grown up with reasonable, rule-following languages, and sometimes what one wants to say, and what one actually says in English are two very different things! I also think that in today's political climate, it's important to remember that Iran is full of human beings very much like us, many of whom actually do look to and admire this country for it's freedoms and blessings.
You might notice a theme here: foreign fiction. I love it. If I see a book with an author's name indicating Asian or African origins, I grab it. I find such books much more interesting and engaging than a lot of American fiction.
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Aug. 6, 2008 - Happy Birthday to Me!
When I was 16, I thought 26 was "old". Now it seems like nothing. But my kids think I'm ancient.
Happily though, my birthday was the occasion for all of us to eat out, which is a once or twice yearly happening for us (unless we're invited out by someone else). At first we thought we might try the Brazilian restaurant in town, but something about the place made us decide to check the menu first. Good thing we did. The set menu price was $34/meal and salads and sides were no less than $8 on top of that! We jumped in the car and hustled away!
We settled instead on a large Chinese buffet that we had passed many times but never tried. I'm so glad we did. We ended up paying $30 for the five of us, and it was remarkably good food.
The setup was like your usual buffet restaurant, but there were seven (SEVEN!) buffet tables, and a huge variety of food from all over Asia, as well as a sushi bar and an ice-cream freezer. Naturally, we had to walk right past the ice cream to get to our table, and even though he was too short to see what was inside, Gebre with his lightning-quick brain, deduced immediately that there was ice-cream in there and he wanted it, bad. We were able to stall him with a plate full of chicken. After tasting the "chicken on a stick", he spent the rest of his meal putting his unskewered pieces of chicken onto the stick, and eating them that way. He said they tasted better on the stick. Josiah is the adventurous eater in our family, and came back to the table with his plate loaded with things like seaweed, whole shrimp, baby clams, and teeny, tiny octopi (yes, really!). The latter caused unending and vociferous commentary from Asrat. He leaned over the table and stared, bug-eyed, every time Josiah lifted a little octopus to his mouth.
We finally gave in to Gebre's persistent requests for ice-cream. Asrat picked cherry ("Because fruit is healthy and I want to be a healthy boy!") and Gebre picked mint chocolate chip ("Because it's GREEN!!!") I went for the yummy, yummy melons they had at the fruit table. Biruk was with me and when he saw the green jello squares he sucked in his breath awe and then almost jumped out of my arms in his attempt to grab some. We went back to the table with our melons and jello, and Biruk spent the next 20 minutes spearing them off my plate with Gebre's left-over chicken-stick, happy as a pig in a mud puddle, and just as messy.
I couldn't have asked for a better evening or a nicer birthday present!
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Aug. 4, 2008 - The Debt Song
NPR recently aired a story on an awesome new country song called Debt. I'm thinking it will soon make an appearance as bumper music on Dave Ramsey's radio show. People will either love this one, or hate it, depending on their attitude towards their finances.
I laughed out loud listening to the clip they played, because the song so perfectly describes so many people we know and the general attitude towards finances and material goods we see in this country. When Josiah worked at a factory, he had many coworkers who were constantly moaning and groaning about their financial problems, yet driving these massive $20,000 trucks and SUV's to work every day. I have had coworkers (at a nursing home) with similar attitudes. They were forever complaining about their money troubles, but always eager to whip out the checkbook when the new Avon catalog arrived, because, you know, you just have to have a new swag and that framed print and maybe that adorable brand new figurine to brighten up your life once a month. The weekend drinking binges and daily pack of cigarettes didn't do much to ease their financial stress either, I'm thinking.
The chorus goes like this:
'Cause I'm in debt up to my nose
I make a lot of money but I don't know where it goes
My friends they look at me and they think I'm doin'
fine
But I take my paycheck and send it on down the line
'Cause I'm in debt
I'm only 29
Hear the whole song and the interview HERE.
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Aug. 2, 2008 - Getting Started
Asrat's computer and curriculum arrived a few weeks ago, and it really was like Christmas in July! The snazzy laptop and it's accoutrements he's not going to need for another few grades, so it's sitting in it's box. However, we dove right into the curriculum. Why wait?
Due to some issue with the school, Asrat is required to complete K5 before he starts first grade. Because K5 is essentially a review of everything Asrat already knows, we are zooming through the course like there's no tomorrow. We chose the Calvert curriculum, and while it's bright and colorful and has lots of neat activities, it's definately not challenging. With the blessing of Asrat's file supervisor (I still don't know what her proper title is) we are just focusing on completing the send-in pages, and leaving the rest. If I run across a concept that I'm not sure Asrat has mastered, I teach that lesson. Usually it's just a matter of terminology--he already understands the concept but didn't have the vocabulary for it. At this rate he should be starting first grade in October.
Although I'm a little disappointed to have been forced to wade through this grade again, it has served one very good purpose: Affirmation that we can teach our own children, and we can do it well. With only drug-store workbooks, alphabet puzzles, and a beginner leap-frog-type thingie, Asrat is well beyond the academic expectations of a 5 year old. Going through K5 with him will also help us figure out what he is expected to know and when, and cover any small gaps left from going it on our own. We also got a ton of modeling clay and a whole stack of great read-aloud books out of the deal.
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Jul. 30, 2008 - The Healing Choice Blog Tour and Contest!
I'm so pleased to have yet another wonderful book to review and give away. The Healing Choice by Brenda Stoeker and Susan Allen focuses primarily on helping women heal from the sexual disloyalty of their husband, but I think the principals set out in this book will help anyone who has felt betrayed and abandoned by others, or even by God.
In the wake of betrayed intimacy, you may feel nauseated, angry, humiliated, desperate. Why am I not enough for him? Can our marriage be saved—and do I even want to try? Will this unbearable ache ever go away?
Amid the devastation that follows a spouse’s sexual disloyalty, you need to know that you are not alone. God walks alongside you, offering comfort and a promise to transform the pain of the present into hope for the future. In addition, there is a community of women who know firsthand the agony caused by a husband’s sexual compromises and who offer the compassion, strength, and biblical wisdom you need to make healthy decisions for yourself and your family.
The Healing Choice reveals the hope-filled stories of two such women, authors Brenda Stoeker and Susan Allen, who draw on their own experiences and those of many others to offer step-by-step advice for rediscovering intimacy with God and finding the support you need to move toward genuine spiritual and emotional restoration.
Their down-to-earth insights light the path toward help and healing for every woman who longs to move beyond the pain of broken trust and experience God’s promise of hope.
For this tour, I have two books to give away, one with the guidebook as well. Please post a comment and we will pick two winners on Monday!
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Jul. 28, 2008 - File under "People I Would Like to Meet"
I love thier attitude. I love the "We just let life come" statement. I love how the dad is more concerned about caring for his wife and new baby right now than his job.
I want to meet these people! 
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Jul. 26, 2008 - Re-thinking the grocery store incident
Thanks to everything who left encouraging and affirming comments after reading of my encounter with the very rude woman at the grocery store. There were also some thought-provoking comments as well.
One commenter suggested that the woman's experiences growing up might have informed her opinion of large families, and having thought about it, I agree that's probably the case. She was an older black woman, and we are in an area that is somewhat "depressed". It is very common here for people to have large families. The unfortunate part is that these "families" are not really cohesive families. Quite a few men may have 7 or 10 children (or more), but rarely that many with one woman. Likewise, a woman might have five children, with each child having a different father. Our neighbor is one of at least ten children, but both his mother and his father have multiple children with multiple other people. So, in that context, a large family might well be a big problem.
Also, clearly the woman grew up in an era much different from ours, and certainly must have had experience with segregation and discrimination. Although racism still exists (and always will, likely, in different forms), society has changed, but she may not have recognized that.
The more I think about it, the gladder I am that I didn't respond unkindly to her. Clearly, she was speaking out of some hurt in her own life. I don't think she was correct in her conclusions about us, but I do think she probably had experiences that made those conclusions reasonable, at least to her.
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Jul. 25, 2008 - Book Review: Grand Theft Jesus
As is my usual habit (it may well be a dumb habit), I picked up this book randomly from the library’s new book shelf. Based on the title, and the summary, I thought it would be interesting. I realized from the summary that the author certainly held a very, very liberal theology (“bringing back the female side of God”) but I thought there might be a few good points. I certainly recognize that folks of every stripe have hijacked the name of Jesus to promote their own doctrines, and Christianity is plagued with false teachers, hucksters, and hypocrites. It was clear that I would end up disagreeing with many of the author’s conclusions. That is generally not a problem for me, as I love a good debate, even if I’m holding it with a book.
Unfortunately, what I hoped would be a well thought-out, persuasive, interesting book turned out to be poorly written screed against all things evangelical and conservative. Mcelvaine either misunderstands or deliberately misinterprets evangelical beliefs and what it means to be a Biblical literalist. He rightly points out the insanity in certain segments of Christianity which proclaim to the world that “God wants us to be rich!” He rightly reminds us of the social teachings of the Gospel, a principal one being caring for the poor in a self-sacrificial way. He is rightly outraged by the hypocrisy of calling something a perversion from the pulpit while engaging in that very behavior in private life. He is absolutely correct that such things are corruptions of the Gospel.
Sadly, that's as far as reason goes in the book. The bulk of the book is written with constant, very dull-witted attempts at word play and punning. He might as well have stamped in red ink “I hate Bush” on every page, for the number of times he manages to work in his disdain for our President (which respectful title is notably missing throughout the book in favor of the sneering ‘George W. Bush’ or ‘thief-in-chief’). Dr. James Dobson gets similar treatment, oddly (and wrongly) lumped in with televangelist snake-oil salesmen. Mcelvaine does exactly what he accuses evangelicals of, at the opposite extreme. His book reads like Anne Coulter’s would if she were liberal instead of conservative. Grand Theft Jesus is full of the broad-brushed generalizations and name-calling that it condemns from Ms. Coulter and other conservative authors. He misinterprets (whether it’s intentional or not) beliefs and twists them in order to fit his assumptions of evangelical Christians and social conservatives. He exaggerates, misrepresents, and denigrates wildly and in many instances undeservedly. In some cases the book is downright deceptive about the beliefs of certain high-profile Evangelicals. Anyone who has listened to Focus on the Family or read any of Dr. Dobson’s materials would know that he most certainly does not preach against contraception as a universal evil, and does not believe that women must spend their lives barefoot, pregnant, and miserable. FotF will not even outright condemn the Pill, asserting that there is no real proof that it is abortifacient (How do I know this? I emailed and asked them directly) Yet, reading the book, one would have no choice but to assume that Dobson believes and teaches such things.
Some of Mcelvaines "facts" are either patent lies or tortuous stretching of the truth. From reading the book, one might imagine Timothy McVeigh was a fundamentalist or evangelical Christian. Maggie Gallagher has a good explanation for why that's an untruth. And even a passing knowledge of McVeigh gives no impression of any kind of Christianity whatsoever. The statements he made and the literature he was interested in point strongly towards agnosticism. Likewise, Fred Phelps is presented in the book as only slightly worse than James Dobson, the implication being that Dobson is a quiet but vicious hater, while Phelps takes his hatred to the streets with great noise and gusto.
Mcelvaine condemns evangelicals for picking and choosing which portions of the Bible they take literally and seriously, while he himself does the very same thing, and worse. He assumes that “free grace” is “cheap grace” to all of us, and decides that because we believe we cannot be saved by works, we therefore do not believe good works matter at all.
What I find absolutely fascinating is that Grand Theft Jesus completely ignores some of the most high-profile and well known “name it and claim it” wealth preachers out there. At first, when I noticed this, I thought, “Surely not!” I combed through the book, and through the index, looking for names of folks that I know preach that God wants us all to be wealthy. How odd that I did not see the name of T.D. Jakes, Juanita Bynum, or Eddie Long. Do you know what the common denominator is? They’re all “minorities”, or “people of color”. According to Mcelvaine's definition of “Christianity Lite” these people should be on the top 10 of worst offenders. Yet somehow, they escape even a mention in the book. Is Mcelvaine only brave enough to pick on elderly (in one case, deceased) white males? Are minorities immune from criticism? And since he roundly lambasted various right-wing folks for intimating that 9/11 and Katrina might be God’s judgment, why did he not also condemn the Reverend Jeremiah Wright for doing exactly the same thing? Surely Mcelvaine did not somehow miss the widely broadcast “God #@$% America” sermon from Wright’s pulpit.
This obvious bias, packaged with the constant forced attempts at humor, twisting of hymns, revision of Scripture (to mirror Mcelvaine’s assumptions of what conservatives believe), and general poor writing made the book not worth reading, unless one likes to chuckle at the literary antics of the ignorant. Grand Theft Jesus reads more like a series of hate-blog rants than a well-researched and well-considered book. It’s really a shame, because had Mcelvaine gotten past the fog of his own bias and rage, he could have taken the concept in a very different and much more valid direction.
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Jul. 25, 2008 - What a mom of many wants you to know
Rocks in My Dryer hosted a guest blogger this week. Jenni is a mom of 12 and has a few things to say about mothering a large family.
Here's a taste of her post:
"In the end, what I’d like for you to know is probably not that much different than what anyone else would say: when in doubt, extend grace. Grace is the Melanie Wilkes to the world’s Scarlett O’Hara: it believes the best even when it doesn’t understand, and is humble enough not to insist on explanations. I don’t know of a single situation where it wouldn’t be welcome!"
In light of my run in with the super offensive woman at the grocery store last week, this post really resonated with me.
Read more of Jenni's thoughts at her blog: One Thing
And if you're wondering what you can say to a larger family, without offending them, here's my advice: A simple "You have such beautiful children! What a blessing!" would make any mom's day, no matter how many or how few children she has.
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Jul. 22, 2008 - Gebre-isms
Gebre's middle name is really "Gotcha".
I consider myself a fairly attached parent. We do the co-sleeping, extended breastfeeding, stay-at-home mom, homeschooling, and all of that.
However, some days, I want to run away from it all. Last week I was having one of those days, feeling like I might just crawl out of my skin if anybody touched me, and there was Gebre, hovering around. "Mama hold me! Kiss me! Pick me up! Hug me". He tugged on my arm, touched my face, poked me, and I finally snapped at him "Stop it! Go find something else to do!". Bad mommy.
But he didn't cry, or pout, or have a melt-down. He just stood there looking at me with a sweet smile on his face and said: "I can't, Mama. I'm attached to you!".
Ouch.
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This morning when I told them we were going to read "Goldilocks and the Three Bears", Gebre happily shouted "Oh yes! I want to hear Goldiblocks and the Three Squares!"
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Jul. 22, 2008 - A Winner, and my sorely trying day.
Well, I said Monday, but Tuesday will have to do (an explanation ensues...). We have a winner for Love As A Way Of Life!
Abrianna, please leave a comment with your email or email me!--I couldn't sign in to your blog circle.
And this should tell you something about my personality: I feel terrible, horrible guilt that I don't have enough books to send to everyone who commented! 
Anyway, the reason I'm a day late with this is because we were having so much fun yesterday that I didn't get to the computer. Well, not really. What happened was, we had Vacation Bible School in the morning. That really was lots of fun. But then I had to hit the grocery store, and that's when the trouble started. I got all the kids and groceries loaded into the van, turned the key and the CD player went crazy, followed by the van going dead. Turn the key....click...turn the key....click...desperately turn the key....click, click, click. Unload the kids, haul them into Aldis, borrow their phone, call for AAA, wait in the hot sun for the truck. Kindly AAA man comes, thinks it's the battery, gives the van a jump start, we're good to go.
Here's where it gets bad. Stupidly, I decide to stop and get a Sprite to drop off with Josiah. I figured he must be sweltering working on the house with no a/c and no fans. I get as far as the payment window at McD's before the van dies again. It's totally dead and there are 5 cars behind me. I ask for help. I hear all the teenage workers commenting with gleeful vulgarity on the size of the van holding up business. I am dying of embarassement. Finally, a hulking but very nice employee comes out and pushes my van to the side. He could make a living at tractor pulls, I think. He gives the van yet another jump start, and the boys and I drink up all the troublesome Sprite while we wait for the battery to charge a little. We make it home, barely, before the van dies yet again.
Something makes me think this is more than just a simple battery problem. Anyway, we will just have to do "VBS" at home this week.
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Jul. 16, 2008 - My Run-in With the Fertility Vice Squad
Generally, people restrain themselves when they have an opinion about me and my “huge” family (yes folks, these days three children is a “large” family, bordering on insane). At most they content themselves with “Wow, you’ve got your hands full!” and “My, you must be busy!” which are neutral enough that I need not take offense. Every once in a while, someone is notably positive about our family, which makes my day.
Today though, I was cornered and accosted in a grocery store by a woman who arrogantly assumed that I had an interest in her opinion on the subject of my fertility.
“Three boys! Girl, you CRAZY! What are you THINKING? You better get yourself a girl next time! If you get another boy, you better STOP!”
Now, while I will happily and heartily discuss (Debate! I love debate!) the subject of family planning on a public forum, or give an answer when asked, I do not go around grocery stores commenting to strangers about the number of children they have. Ever. What would I say? “C’mon lady, just two? You can do better than that! How about six”? Thus, I was floored by that opening volley. I stammered out some mild response along the lines of “Oh but we would love to have a large family”, but she wasn’t listening. She was on a roll.
“Girl, today’s economy don’t make big families necessary. You keep having babies, you’re going to have to go to work. You can’t afford anymore. Take it from me. The fewer you have the better off they’ll be. You need to give them OPPORTUNITIES. They won’t have any if you have a bunch”
Shocked and slightly taken aback by her presumptions about our values and priorities, our finances, our children’s opportunities, and our ability to instill ingenuity and a good work-ethic into our children (which are ultimately more important than an Ivy League college education), I stammered some more. Why do snappy answers always fail me when I need them most? It’s the story of my life, since first grade on. Three minutes after a confrontation, I’ve got a long list of retorts both pithy and humorous. But never, never when I need them.
Anyway, at the end of this long tirade against me and my prodigious fertility, she turned around and handed me a catalina coupon that the store register had just printed out for her-$1 off my next purchase of a Gerber toddler meal (another presumption on her part-we don’t spend good money on those overpriced things). Just doing her part to help those poor, poor little boys who’s mother doesn’t care enough about them to stop burdening them with siblings.
And unfortunately, my parents raised me to be polite and gracious, so my only intelligable answer, and the only thing she actually heard was: "Why, thank you! That's so kind of you!"
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Jul. 16, 2008 - Love As A Way Of Life--Blog Tour and Contest!
I'm really grateful to have had the opportunity to review this new book from Gary Chapman. There is so much great stuff inside, most of it the kind of common sense (and Biblical sense!) that many of us seem to have such a hard time remembering. Love As A Way Of Life is the kind of book that gently but firmly pushes the reader to conviction about lack of love, and gives encouragement and practical advice on being a truly loving person. I have one copy of this book to give away. If you would like it, leave a comment with your email, and I will randomly pick a winner on Monday!
Drawing fresh insights from timeless biblical principles, Chapman presents poignant stories of real people who have discovered the joys of living out the seven characteristics of authentic love: kindness, patience, forgiveness, humility, courtesy, generosity, and honesty. Enhanced with eye-opening self tests, practical ideas for building daily habits of love, and inspiring examples of love’s power to change lives, this book guides readers in putting love to work in all of their interpersonal relationships.
Convinced that in a world of constant conflict people desperately need authentic love, Chapman paints a compelling vision of how life can be richer and relationships more satisfying for anyone who practices Love As a Way of Life.
1. Describe some of the everyday situations that can be changed if a person has a foundation of love.
When love becomes the focus of ones life it will change every encounter we have with people. In the family, the husband is thinking, “what can I do before I leave for work that would be helpful for my wife?” Such thinking may lead him to take the trash out, put his breakfast plates in the dishwasher or feed the baby while his wife takes a shower.
In the workplace, employees are asking, “on my break, what might I do that would help someone else?” They will also make time to listen to a co-worker who seems to be having a hard time with a personal issue.
At the bank, post office, or cafeteria, the lover will look people in the eye and smile, perhaps opening the door to a conversation. They will express interest in what is going on in the lives of those they encounter.
The focus is not on “it’s all about me.” But, rather on “It is all about others.”
Love as a Way of Life is designed to help the person who sincerely wants to make a positive impact in the world. I believe that is ‘most of us.’ Our biggest problem is that we don’t know how and we keep getting tripped up by our own selfish ambitions. The purpose of the book is to help us break free from the prison of selfishness and come to experience the satisfaction of truly loving others as a way of life. It is little acts of love that build up to a lifestyle of service.
The five love languages give information on the most effective way to express love in a meaningful way to a particular person. But, if you are not a loving person – don’t have the heart or will to focus on others – the information is of little value. Most of us must make a conscious change of focus from self to others if we are going to genuinely, and consistently enrich the lives of others. Love as a Way of Life is designed to help people make that change.
I first recognized the need for Love as a Way of Life when in a counseling session a husband said to me, “I’ll tell you right now, if it is going to take my washing dishes, and doing the laundry for my wife to feel loved, you can forget that.” I had just explained to him the concept of the five love languages and that his wife’s primary love language was ‘acts of service’ and that these acts would deeply communicate his love to her. I realized that he lacked the will to meet his wife’s need for love. He was locked into his own perception of what his role was to be and it did not include washing dishes and doing laundry. I knew at that moment that there was something more foundational than simply knowing a person’s love language.
I view love not as a single entity, but as a cluster of traits, which if developed will enhance all of life. These traits are:
Kindness: discovering the joy of helping others
Patience: accepting the imperfections of others
Forgiveness: finding freedom from the grip of anger
Courtesy: treating others as friends
Humility: stepping down so someone else can step up
Generosity: giving your time, money, and abilities to others
Honesty: caring enough to tell the truth
All of us have some of these characteristics to some degree. Most people see love as being better than hate. But most of us are comfortable to live somewhere between love and hate in a lifestyle that is fundamentally focused on self. We feel good when we are making money, accumulating things, gaining status, but in time these things do not ultimately satisfy what I call the ‘true self’. The true self longs to make the world a better place to live. To do something to help those less fortunate than we.
However, we all suffer from the malady of being ego-centric. I call this the ‘false self’. It is that part of man that pulls him to focus on self-preservation and a self-centered lifestyle. This is not all bad. Indeed we must meet our own physical and emotional needs in order to continue life. It is when we never get beyond this self focus, that life becomes a ‘dog eat dog’ world where everyone is out for self even at the expense of others. Such a life never brings long-term satisfaction. However it is often later in life that people discover the emptiness of selfish living. I’m hoping that Love as a Way of Life will help people discover the satisfaction of developing the ‘true self’ earlier in life.
(forgive all the italics. the editor is not letting me shift back to normal!)
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