Posted in book reviews

I have recently become slightly interested in interior decoration - that is, I am now aware that "Baby Toys and Homeschool Clutter" is not an actual decorating style.  An online friend asked what in my home was truly reflective of me, and it made me realize that in 8 years of living in this house, we had never done anything to make it truly ours.  In fact, curtains that came with the house which I had hated the day we moved in were still hanging at the windows.  I realized that this is not the way to live.

In my quest to learn more, I got The Complete Idiot's Guide to Decorating Your Home from Paperback Swap, just before I got sick for a couple of months, so I still haven't read it.  I did make some changes to my bedroom which I've really enjoyed.  We had desperately needed new bedding for our bed and got some shortly after the twins were born in a sage green.  The color was my husband's choice, as I was more drawn to the blue, but it is so relaxing and restful that I am glad he chose it!  Then I bought new curtains that have the same pattern in a slightly different green called moss.  I moved the bed in between the two windows and hung a table topper above the bed to fill in the wall.  It is cream with pink roses embroidered on it and sage green trim.  So when I actually make the bed it looks pretty nice!  Now if I just got rid of the clutter and actually put the babies' clothes in the dresser drawer instead of on top of the dresser...

So, at some point in my short decorating journey, the name Alexandra Stoddard was mentioned.  I even remember doing a search on Paperback Swap to see what they had by her.  Last week while trying to keep up with my 3 year old in the library and trying to find an aisle I could manuever the double stroller down, I happened to pass this Alexandra Stoddard book, so I grabbed it.  I usually don't get a chance to look at my books at the library, so if I see something I think might be interesting, I just check it out and look at it at home.

I am glad that I checked this book out, because it has provided me with more laughs than the early seasons of Everybody Loves Raymond!  The book is not about decorating at all really.  The subtitle is "How to Live Graciously in a Hectic World by Finding Time to Love Your Family, Your Friends, and Yourself."  Why I would need her to tell me how to do that I haven't quite figured out yet.  I figured out a new title for the book - Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Rich People.  This book is for people who can afford the tuition at a Montessori school and actually think it's a bargain LOL!

Now while I am going to slam this book pretty hard, she does have a few good points, things we homeschooling mothers should probably hear.  The problem is that these little gems are stuck in a whole lot of worthless, annoying rock.  Actually, I might not have read the whole book, but I wanted to blog about it!

She begins by telling us to nurture ourselves.  Yes, we do need to do things that we enjoy.  Then she ruins it by saying, "No matter who you are, you are your own boss for certain times each day.  If you work for someone else you may need your lunch hour to do something for yourself.  See an exhibition or browse in a bookstore. We can't be with others nonstop without replenishing energy...Recently I canceled a meeting...with a client because the weather was foul and I felt I just couldn't keep the appointment and still be myself.  My client understood...We rescheduled and it proved to be the wiser choice because I would have been grumpy if I hadn't."

After I picked myself up off the floor, I pictured my husband calling his boss and telling her, "I just don't feel I can be myself and work today.  I'll be in tomorrow.  I wouldn't want to be grumpy at work."  Or how about another mental picture, of my husband dashing into a local art exhibition on his half hour lunch break (does anyone get an hour anymore?) and spending two seconds per piece of art.  That'll really nurture his soul!

Well, I'm glad she has understanding clients and can afford to cancel meetings.  A lot of people are not in that position!

"In the clutter and pressure of our stressful and dehumanized technological age, we need to take whatever time is necessary to rediscover the joys of feeling great about our lives.  This might mean...[getting] your hair done - which really means getting away from everyone so you can get your senses back."  OK, I have been thinking about getting my hair cut.  I have long straight hair and usually get it cut once a year.  I don't remember getting it cut since the twins were born, so I'm due.  Of course, my going and getting a trim at Walmart is probably a lot different than what she has in mind, but then she ruins it by continuing, "And under the dryer you might feel inspired...you might want to take a trip alone.  You might even decide to sell your house on the lake and free yourself to travel, exploring a variety of different places."  

Yes, I can just picture myself coming home from Walmart, six inches less on my head, and telling my husband that we need to sell our lake house so we can be free to travel.  Never mind that we don't even have a vehicle we all fit in!

Ms. Stoddard recommends getting all parts of our lives running smoothly.  "Maybe you need to organize your house or apartment so that it runs more efficiently."  Well,  yes, I probably do.  She goes on to say, "If you feel tension in your house with your cleaning woman you should probably make a change."  Hmmm, that might be hard.  How do I fire myself?

Another story that cracked me up was, "Never live without flowers - you need them to nurture your soul...A friend was starved for flowers in her apartment and canceled her plans to take a four-day trip so she could buy flowering plants with the money instead. Her mood improved immediately."  I would take the trip over the plants any day, since I would just kill the plants.  At least I would have pictures from my trip, although I guess I could take pictures of the plants before they died, I suppose.  Still, it seems like a waste of money.

"When people take short cuts, it robs them of the richness of life."  Or maybe it allows them to actually get basic necessities done when they have 3 children 3 and under. "Develop the habit of doing things beautifully out of the joy of making an effort for your own satisfaction.  If you're enjoying yourself, there is no such thing as being overly fussy." Yes, there is.  What if the people around you cannot enjoy themselves because you are being overly fussy?  (Yes, I am speaking from experience here, and the person involved shall remain nameless.) I think it's a worthy goal - and I am declaring it right here for all readers of my blog - to never be called "overly fussy" in my whole entire life!

She suggests that we devote ten percent of our waking time each week to ourselves.  That works out to a little over an hour a day.  Maybe this week I will try to keep track of "me" time.  Does that include computer time?  Blogging about this book is "me" time.  Chatting with my friends is "friend" time.  Searching for homeschooling stuff is "work."  No wonder I spend so much time on the computer!

Really I could go through every line of this book and respond to it in some way, but I don't want to spend my ten percent that way!  The basic ideas are good: be gracious, be good to yourself and others, make an effort to include beauty in your life, organize, simplify, etc.  It's just that this woman lives on a different planet than I do!

One idea she had that I will take to heart is to make a list of fun, happy things you are going to do that day and check them off at night.  I want to make sure I do fun things with my children, so last week I played games of their choice with two of them.  My oldest and I like playing games together; we used to do that regularly as part of his schoolwork.  I think I may ask myself too, each day, "What would be fun to me today?" and then try to do it if at all possible.

Part Two of the book is nearly 100 pages of her marriage advice, from a lady who has been divorced once and whose second husband told her before the wedding "I don't want you to show me love by darning my socks, ironing my underwear, or packing for me. I love you for what you are and don't want you to change a thing for me."  At that point she already had a successful career as an interior designer.  He told her he didn't want her to be his housekeeper, which is all well and good, when you can afford to pay somebody else to do all that yucky stuff. "We hired someone full-time as a day helper who also took care of the girls when I was at the office and who also did the housework.  The mere fact that I didn't have to prove anything to Peter domestically made me very happy.  This freed me to concentrate on nesting and creating our new home."

Part Three is her parenting advice, and advice about friends and others.  The parenting advice basically seems to be, "If you are true to yourself and follow your intuition, you will be there when your children really need you and everything will be fine."

I'm not sure what this quote even means. "Think of your children as naturally flowing into your life and being carried steadily forward by you like fresh clear water in a stream."  She believes that "the children who have the best chances for happiness and stability are those who were wanted and planned for" and that "a wanted child is a loved child, and love makes you instinctively know what to do."

Enough advice from this lady already!  If she has any books that are actually about decorating, maybe I'll check them out. Otherwise, no thanks!