Posted in book reviews

I have been meaning to write this review since the summer, and this week I am finally doing it!  I like to tell these little stories full of twists and turns, because I think it is amazing how God takes tiny things and turns them into a path to someplace new.

Amy Tiemann, the author, lives in my vicinity and spoke to my Mothers of Multiples group.  However, I did not attend because I was either hugely pregnant and not going out, or had newborn twins and was not going out.  Plus, I don't really like the word "mojo", so I had very little interest.

Then, just before Mothers' Day this year, someone sent the group an email saying that Amy Tiemann had gotten her big media break and was going to be on a panel on the Today show the Saturday before Mothers' Day.  I thought it sounded interesting so I asked my son to tape it for me and I watched it.  Leslie Bennetts was also on the panel, and so I decided to read her book "Feminine Mistake." Part 1 of my review of that book is here, and Part 2 is here.

I began reading Amy Tiemann's website, mojomom.com, and read all the archives of her blog.  Another mom in my group kindly mailed me her copy of Mojo Mom so I could read it.  I also listened to Amy's podcast of her interview with Leslie Bennetts.  I guess you could say I was immersing myself in the idea of being more than a mother.

Since she lives near me, I wondered if I would ever run into her, and I did actually, at the mall.  I chatted with her for a minute and would have loved to talk longer, but one daughter was at ballet and the other one was with me, and I needed to get back over there so they could switch.  I was a little annoyed I couldn't talk with her longer.

Amy is a wonderful person!  She is incredibly positive, and hardly ever says an unkind thing.  Also, her daughter attends a Montessori school, and she said in her blog that if she were President, she would have Montessori school for every child.  I know I said that I was done with Montessori, but I think I spoke too soon ;-).  But that's another blog post!

Anyway, now begins the book review!  The full title is Mojo Mom: Nurturing Your Self while Raising a Family.  The first page says, "This book is not about escaping, but about surfacing.  Becoming a mom does not mean that you have to sign away your rights to individual growth for the next twenty years.  Each of us needs time, space, and support to allow us to answer the question, Who am I, now that I am a Mom? Many parenting experts will tell you to take care of yourself, but only because it will make you a better Mom.  Others make you feel like you should 'get away' from your family and do your own thing to be whole again...This is not about reclaiming who we were but discovering who we are now and who we can become - and all of this amidst the daily demands, dreams, hugs, smudges, laundry, and limits of the Mojo Mom life."

She repeats that question throughout the book - "Who am I, now that I am a Mom?"  I am usually baffled by descriptions of transitions to motherhood because I had no difficulties with it.  My theory on that is that I was 18 when I became a mom, so I was not used to having an adult life the way I wanted it, doing whatever I felt like when I wanted.  But also it was my personality. I remember reading Phyllis Chesler's book With Child: a Diary of Motherhood  around that time, and I just didn't get it.  She was worried about things like, "Will my baby hate me?" - a thought that never even crossed my mind!  My transition to motherhood was uncomplicated and easy.

But I do think the passage I quoted applies now, after having the twins.  Being pregnant with twins and taking care of twins is an intense, extreme experience, and when I came to when the second one started sleeping through the night at 14 months, I did wonder, "Who am I, now that I am a mom of twins?" (Not that I phrased it that way at the time, but looking back now it fits into the framework Amy presents in her book.)

I had my children in different sets.  Robert by himself, a 6 1/2 year gap, then Gabrielle and Mary 2 years apart, another 5 year gap, then Ryan, and 2 years and 2 weeks later, the twins.  During the gap between Mary and Ryan, I was involved in things - I led a support group meeting for homeschoolers, I taught classes for homeschoolers, I learned a lot about running our home and I did a lot of schoolwork with my children.  However, as soon as I got pregnant with Ryan, I quit anything that took me out of the house, because I wanted to eliminate any source of stress to avoid another miscarriage.  Ryan fit smoothly into our family, we had a wonderful schedule going, and then everything fell apart.  I got pregnant with the twins and basically couldn't do anything, my husband's job went you-know-where in a you-know-what, and my brother-in-law was dying of cancer.  The stress in 2005 was astronomical.

Then it was just survival.  Figuring out how to get through the days, get some sleep, pay our bills, that took all my time and energy.  There was no time for me - who was "me" anyway?  It was the summer of 2006 when I started to come out of it, and I realized that I hadn't done anything for me in years.  I started this blog, and that was the first step toward regaining myself.

Even before the twins, though, I never really felt the need for "me" time, so I rarely ever took it.  I did go to a homeschooling conference when Ryan was a baby.  I took him with me and splurged on two nights in a hotel, even though the conference was only an hour away.  I just needed it!  But that really is the only time I can think of where I had to get away. I was amazed when I read A Mother's Rule of Life by Holly Pierlot and saw that she took every other Saturday as her "mother's Sabbath."  I couldn't imagine why anyone would need that sort of alone time! What I am realizing now is that even if I didn't feel the need for me time, I still needed it.

I have mentioned before in my blog that I had gotten to the point where I felt that the only legitimate outlet for my interests in languages was making my children learn them.  I couldn't see how wrong that was.  I couldn't see that even with our very real limitations of time, money, energy, and backup, taking time for me was necessary and vital.

I have also seen arguments for homeschooling that schoolchildren are in an artificial world, where adults don't do anything but teach children.  They aren't out in the world as much as homeschoolers, seeing adults working in their jobs.  But I started thinking, how is it any different if the majority of the time, the children see their mother only taking care of them and their schoolwork?  The mother should also be following her passions, seeing where God leads her, expressing herself, and growing and changing.  And that really is the essence of Mojo Mom.  So if you need a boost with that like I did, I highly recommend this book!