Posted in Christianity

Someone told me lately that she didn't like being called a Protestant.  I understand why she said that, but I don't know how else to refer to Christians who are not Catholic.  So, if the word Protestant bothers you, please leave a comment and tell me what other word you would like me to use.

I was raised Catholic, but stopped going at age 17.  Two years later I really wanted to be part of a church again, but I didn't want to go back to my Catholic parish.  Then I met my husband-to-be, and his mother invited me to come to church with her.  My husband had also been raised Catholic, but his mom had since left the Church and was attending a small, fundamentalist, non-denominational church.  I was immediately impressed by the vibrancy of their church service and the friendliness of the people.  Northeastern Catholics are not especially known for their friendliness as they try to beat you out of the parking lot Sunday morning!

I began praying about whether or not it was right to attend this church, and one night I had a vision: I saw Jesus and I having a conversation and we were surrounded by white light.  I could not hear what we were saying, but I felt peace.  So I decided that the vision was an answer to my prayer, and that Jesus had said it was all right to attend.  

At a women's breakfast shortly after that, I told a lady with whom I had become friendly about my experience and about how I was now reading through the New Testament (although I had read the Bible as a Catholic as well), and all she kept saying to me was, "But have you accepted Jesus as your Savior?"  I thought maybe she hadn't understood what I told her, so I started again, only to be asked again, "But do you have a personal relationship with Jesus?"  I did not understand the question and I got a little frustrated.  It was only later that I realized what she was saying to me and how it differed from my view of what had happened.  I felt that I had been a Christian all along and now was coming into a fuller understanding and enthusiasm about it, and she was implying that I had never been a Christian!

At another meeting a few weeks later, another lady named Wendy encouraged me to say "The Sinner's Prayer" so that I would have a date that I could look back on and say, "On this day I was saved" in case Satan ever made me doubt.  I did not feel it was necessary, but again she pushed me so I did it for her.  But honestly, it felt like a giant step backward to me.  To say it another way, it was like if after dating my husband for a while and beginning to fall in love with each other, I asked him to state that he wanted to go out with me!  I didn't understand why these ladies didn't understand that I was beyond that.

After attending that church for a while and learning all kinds of new phrases and sayings that I had not heard as a Catholic, I started thinking that maybe it was just a language issue.  Maybe Catholics and Protestants meant the same things, they just used different words.  I even toyed with the idea of writing a "foreign language" dictionary!

I also was exposed to what I can only call more rabid forms of anti-Catholicism.  I remember one day browsing in a Christian bookstore and coming across a tract that made incredible claims about Catholicism.  Now, remember, I did not consider myself Catholic anymore and I had my own issues with the Church, but I was shocked by this tract.  I had no idea how bad Catholicism was!  But then when I spoke to another lady at church about it, she warned me that the publisher of that tract was not reliable, and reassured me that Catholicism was not as bad as that made it out to be.  However, I really think that this was my first exposure to the fact that many people do not consider Catholics to be Christians.  I grew up in a town that was 75% Jewish and 25% Christian, and the majority of those Christians were Catholic.  I thought that the fundamentalist church was just a different way of being Christian, a better way.  I remember writing at the time that is was the sense of community there that I enjoyed, a sense I did not have at the church I grew up in.  I felt I could have it at the Catholic parish, just that it would take a lot of work on my part, and so I preferred the other.

And so I would have gone on my merry Protestant way except for one thing: I loved Roger, and he was Catholic.  However, having grown up with a Protestant father and a Catholic mother, I was totally committed to marrying someone of the same religious beliefs.  Roger felt the same way, and yet he also loved me.  So where did that leave us?  Both praying and praying and praying for Divine guidance.

And we prayed, and prayed.  We even twice stopped seeing each other briefly.  I remember telling Wendy that we had gotten back together, and she laughed and said, "You guys just can't stay away from each other, can you?"  And I had to admit we couldn't!  (And still can't!)  The first time, I was praying and said to God, "God, I really feel that You have told me that Roger is the one for me, but I don't understand why we are so far apart on this.  So I really need some kind of sign" and just then the phone rang and it was Roger (btw, this is the only time I have ever asked the Lord for a sign). The second time we separated, Roger had a vision where he saw several things that he needed to correct, and he corrected them so thoroughly that I can't even remember what they were anymore.  And I had so much pressure from the members of my church to stop seeing him!  I got sermons about being "unequally yoked."

So, there we were, at an impasse, when one day, I was praying yet again about this issue, and I clearly heard Jesus say to me, "The church where you see Me is the church at which you belong."  Immediately, I thought, "Oh, that's the fundamentalist church!  I see Jesus in the people there - they are so friendly and loving."

About a week later, I had a strong urge to go to Mass, so I went.  It was just a routine daily Mass, short and to the point, and yet, it was amazing.  I realized for the first time in my life that the entire Mass was from Scripture! And then, the priest spoke the words of the Consecration, which I had heard so many times before, and he elevated the Eucharist, and I saw Jesus!  The entire altar filled with smoke like the cloud that surrounded the Holy of Holies in the Old Testament, and I knelt there crying.  I was so overwhelmed, so overcome with the presence of Jesus.  Mass ended and I continued to kneel in my pew, crying.  I stayed there until the priest came and asked me to leave so he could lock the church up for the night.  He did not know what had happened to me that evening, and I made no attempt to tell him.  I could barely speak.

I don't actually remember telling Roger what had happened, but immediately I came back to the Catholic Church, and I never looked back.  Roger proposed a month or two later, and of course I accepted.  I later found the story of Wittikind, a king of the Saxons, who converted to Christianity after he saw in the Eucharist at the Elevation the face of a little boy smiling at him.  Jesus had made it clear where He wanted me and that was where I went.

But later, I again encountered the idea that Catholics weren't Christians.  And I found it ironic that I considered those who believe in Christ to be Christian, but others didn't extend me the same courtesy.  It was very difficult to stay in touch with my friends from the fundamentalist church.  I guess they considered it a betrayal.  And again I was baffled - weren't they always talking about having a personal relationship with Jesus and being open to the Lord's leading?  And yet when He led me back into the Catholic Church, that was wrong.

This is when I began to experience the phenomenon that I have yet to understand:  anything Catholic is wrong. People who always want to see your Scriptural defense ignore the Scriptures I present, because since I am Catholic, my position must just be wrong.  Some considered me a backslidden Christian, some I guess felt I was never really Christian, very few saw it as that I had just chosen to be Christian in a different way.  Some felt that I was saved because I had said "The Sinner's Prayer" even if I chose to waste the rest of my life in the Catholic Church.

I have a friend who, whenever I tell her about somebody, asks me, "Is she Catholic?"  They have Catholic family, join Catholic homeschooling groups, use entirely Catholic curriculum, and have mostly Catholic friends (or maybe all Catholic friends).  Certainly it's wonderful to be surrounded by your faith.  But that has never been my path.

Even though I grew up Catholic, the majority of my family is not Catholic.  My father's side was Protestant as I mentioned (and also anti-Catholic), my mother's family was not all Catholic and her brother did not remain Catholic.  I have three sisters, and only one besides me remained Catholic as an adult.  In my husband's family, there are no Catholics since his grandmother died and he is an only child.  It's really hard for us to choose god-parents for our children!

My husband and I have always been open to learning what we could from Protestant Christians.  We respected Dr. D. James Kennedy and learned a lot about creation and evolution from him.  We used to watch different ministers on TV.  One day we heard Jack Van Impe say, "I've read the Catechism of the Catholic Church and it's right on" and Roger and I looked at each other and said, "Then why isn't he Catholic?"  In addition, as I mentioned in my post on why my name is cathmom, I have been on primarily Protestant message boards for nearly 8 years now.  I have looked for, but never found, a Catholic message board that I liked as much.

I have always felt that, while I was there primarily for the fellowship and household and homeschooling tips, that I was maybe the only Catholic that some of the ladies had ever really known.  I tried to represent the Catholic Church the best that I could.  But there is so much more work to be done!  Perhaps that is why the Lord is sending me another worker.