Posted in Christianity

I think I tend to complain a lot on here, and there have been three big blessings we have received lately (besides Brogan!) that I wanted to share.

First, it had become clear to us that my husband needed to take a second job.  We realized that there was no way I could work right now, even part-time, and so he began looking for a job.  Then an opportunity came up for him to work eight hours of overtime each week at his current job.  The downside is that it is four hours on Saturday afternoon and four hours on Sunday afternoon, so he never has a full day off.  The upside is that he is making at least twice what he would make at any other part-time job for half the hours, and that is a very big upside!  It also means that he is home every evening, which is a relief to me.  Thank You, Lord, for this opportunity, and help us to be wise with our money!

Second, our beautiful baby Brogan was born with a strange sore on the side of his head.  My husband noticed it just minutes after his birth.  It scabbed over and healed, but left a little crater-like indentation on the side of his head.  At this point, we decided to have our pediatrician take a look at it.  She said she had never seen anything like it and referred us to a pediatric dermatologist.  The dermatologist said it is something called "aplasia cutis congenita."  He explained that the skin closes up like a zipper on the side of the head, and sometimes the zipper doesn't close all the way.  Because Brogan has what is called a "hair collar" around the sore with no hair growing in it, he wanted him to go for an ultrasound to make sure that everything underneath the skin was closed properly.  If you read my post "A Week in the Life of a Postpartum Homeschooling Mother of Seven," you may have noticed that I referred to taking Brogan for an ultrasound, and this was why he needed one.  The ultrasound showed that everything was completely normal and there is no followup needed!  The dermatologist said that in the future, Brogan might want to have surgery to remove it though.  Praise God that Brogan is healthy and happy!

And last of the three, I posted before that my daughter Gabrielle's test results showed that she had moderate to severe dyslexia and needed at least twice a week tutoring.  We had no idea how we were going to pay for it.  I posted on my homeschool group's email loop asking if anyone could recommend a tutor, and someone told me that a church nearby has a ministry that provides exactly the kind of tutoring Gabrielle needs for low-income families for free!  They train the tutors, the tutors volunteer to help one child, and then after that they can charge for their services.  I put Gabrielle on the waiting list and it wasn't long before I was contacted by a fellow homeschool mom who had just completed her training.  Gabrielle really enjoys her tutoring sessions, and while figuring out exactly when to have them has been challenging, it is such a blessing not to have to come up with another $400 a month for them!

Sometimes it really helps to step back and see that He really does have us in the palm of His hand!

Posted in Christianity

Monday was the Feast Day of the Archangels Michael, Gabriel and Raphael (and also my husband's birthday). Yesterday was the Feast of the Guardian Angels (and also the twins' birthday).  I was reading a priest's blog and he shared a story about a missionary to Burma being saved by an angel.  Here's the link if you want to read it.  So that got me thinking that I would like to blog about angels a bit.

I have been asked before what the Scriptural basis is for belief in guardian angels.  It is the words of Jesus in Matthew 18:10, "See that you despise not one of these little ones: for I say to you, that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father who is in heaven."  When our children get scared at night, we always tell them that their Guardian Angel is right there with them and that really helps.

I know of at least two times that my guardian angel has saved me from harm. The first time was when I was a teenager. I was going to do something really bad (forgive me for not sharing details - you never know when someone might pick me as their vice-presidential running mate and I don't want it coming back to haunt me!).  I needed to reach over and pick something up in order to do it. However, I physically could not do it.  I could move my arm in that direction but then it was like I hit a wall and could go no farther.  But there was nothing (visible) there.  I was very confused, and so I just went to sleep.  I now understand that my guardian angel was there, physically blocking me from doing what I had planned.

The second time I was very upset about something (sorry - the whole VP thing again! I'm not a hockey mom, but I am a ballet mom.  However, I don't wear lipstick...) and I went for a drive.  My oldest son was a baby at the time and was in the car with me.  I really like driving, and it was my favorite form of therapy until I realized how STUPID it was to drive when you're upset.  I was out in the country in the dark, on a road I had never driven before, and the speed limit was 50 mph.  I was busy being upset when all of a sudden, it seemed like someone had said, "Look at that sign!"  I had never before paid attention to the suggested speed limit on a curve (it is a suggestion, right?).  I saw the sign said 25 mph for the curve coming up, and I thought, "Wow, if the speed limit is 50 and they are suggesting 25 for the curve, it must be a really serious curve!" Immediately I began braking and slowed down considerably before getting to the curve.  Right after I slowed down, a car coming from the other direction too quickly did not make the curve, went across both lanes and off of the road.  The point at which the car crossed my lane was the point I would have been at had I not started braking!  I truly believe that accident would have killed both my son and me. It must have been my guardian angel who got my attention which made me slow down.

In less serious matters, whenever I have asked my guardian angel to wake me up for something important, I have always woken up at the right time. I guess angels are more reliable than babies as alarm clocks!  I know there are countless ways that my angel has helped me and I can never say thank you enough! I do ask my children's guardian angels to protect them and to help them as well. 

I have a book called Under Angel Wings that is a true story of a girl who became a nun.  For most of her life, her guardian angel was visible to her and helped her avoid sin and make sacrifices.  Under obedience to her superiors, she wrote these experiences down so that they could be helpful to others.

If you have had an experience with an angel, I'd love to hear about it!  Leave a comment!

Posted in Christianity

Back in 2004, I began a prayer notebook that has really helped me in my Christian walk.  I have never shared it with anyone, but for some reason the other day I felt like I should blog about it.  Maybe this will help someone be more faithful in prayer, and reminding myself how helpful the binder is will help me to be more faithful as well.

I have a regular binder divided into 6 sections: Bible reading, prayer, memory work, gratitude, insights, and writing.

Bible: I write the date and whatever verses I read that day.  I will confess that I have really not done this at all in 2008, but before I stopped, I was reading through the Gospels in German.  I would read it in German, look up any words I didn't know, and then read it in English.  If I have a thought about the Bible verses, I will write that down in the same place.  Back in 2004-2005, I was also trying to read through the Catechism of the Catholic Church, but didn't finish.  I will have to pick that back up again as well!  Regular Bible reading is very important and I highly recommend it!

Prayer: This section starts with the 1 Corinthians 13 definition of love.  I try to read this frequently to remind myself what love is.  Then comes the Catholic prayer the "Act of Love." (BTW, just to warn you, when searching for the German equivalent of this prayer, putting "Act of Love" into a search engine is NOT a good idea!)

Next I have a page for each member of my immediate family, and I write long term prayer requests for them here.  I once read a biography of St. Francis of Assisi, and it said that his mother always prayed that he would be a good Christian.  I thought that pretty much summed it up and so that is one of the prayers on each child's page.  I ask their name saints to pray for them and their guardian angels to protect them and help them.  If a request no longer applies, I check it off.

After that, I have a page for each day of the week.  When I was setting up my notebook, I made a list of prayer requests having to do with the larger world and divided them up onto different days.  So I am praying for all these important things once a week (as long as I don't skip any days!)  These requests are things like: an end to abortion, healing for all who have been hurt by abortion, for the Holy Souls in Purgatory and my deceased relatives, for my parish, for my diocese and my bishop, for all priests and seminarians (and I pray specifically for every priest who has a special connection to our family), and for my friends and their prayer requests.

Then I have a page where I pray for specific people to return or convert to the Catholic Church.  These are mainly family members.

After that come specific prayer requests.  I write the date and whatever the request is and then skip a line.  Whenever it is answered, I write down what happened on the skipped line and check it off.  What this does is give me an ongoing history and a praise list - all these prayers that have been answered!

The next page is prayer for anyone affected by a natural disaster.  I added this page after the devastating tsunami that occurred right after Christmas 2004.  Then comes my St. Gerard list.  For those who are not Catholic, St. Gerard is the patron saint of pregnant women.  I write down the names of my friends who are pregnant and pray for them to have healthy pregnancies and babies.  Then after the baby is born, I pray for them for another six weeks as they recover. 

Sometimes I might add in a special page if something else is going on in my life.  For example, when I was participating in a weight loss contest, I had a page with my teammates' names so I could pray for them. 

Last is the page of long-term prayer requests for me.

Memory: I was actively trying to memorize prayers and verses.  However, after the twins came in 2005, I think the sleep deprivation or something damaged my memory.  I have an extremely hard time memorizing now!  It took me from November 2005 to February 2006 to memorize 2 verses and so I just gave up and haven't tried again.

Gratitude: for 2 1/2 years I worked on developing gratitude and wrote something down every day that I was grateful for.

Insights: this is a section to write down those little (or not so little) insights that come every so often.  It's kind of like a spiritual diary.

Writing:  sometimes I am working on a piece of writing relating to all this and do it here.  For example, I love the story in the book of Tobit so much that I wrote a version of it for my children.

So that's basically it.  This notebook has helped me feel like I am doing what I should be as a Christian: regularly reading Scripture, praying, and growing closer to God.

Posted in Christianity

Seven years ago, some close family members did something that hurt me, my husband and my family very badly.  I was shocked and angry for a long time and struggled with bitterness.  I could not speak of them without being bitter.  I tried to forgive them but just couldn't.  Every time I went to confession, I would tell my priest about not being able to forgive and it got to the point where he told me, "Jeanne, you've got to let this go!"  I knew he was right, but I didn't know how.

After three years like this, I went to a service for Divine Mercy Sunday.  I had never been to it before, but a friend had told it was wonderful.  The priest gave a convicting homily that was all about forgiving others and dying to self.  As I listened to him, I knew I could no longer carry this burden of hurt, anger and bitterness.  After the homily, the priest gave healing blessings to anyone who wanted them.  I am not very good at visualizing, but I decided that when the priest touched my head for the blessing, I would picture myself giving it all to Jesus.  So when he blessed me, I pictured handing Jesus a huge box.  Once it was gone, I could see and feel the flame of the Holy Spirit within me.  I had almost let it be snuffed out by my negative feelings and unforgiveness.  Afterwards I went to confession and was able to confess my sin for the very last time!  That was such a freeing feeling!

I realized that, honestly, it didn't matter if they hurt me.  Any hurt I suffered was much less than the hurt that Jesus carried for all our sins.  For so long, I just wanted them to acknowledge that they hurt me instead of acting like I should have been all right with what they did.  I realized that this too, was a form of pride.  John the Baptist said, "He must become greater; I must become less" (John 3:30). Instead of asking, "Why did this happen to me?",  it would have been better to ask, "Why not me?" and embrace the cross I had been asked to carry.

We say it every time we recite the Our Father: "Lord, forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."  If we do not forgive others, we ourselves cannot be forgiven, as Jesus clearly demonstrated in his parable of the unmerciful servant in Matthew 18.  This is the answer to Peter's question of how many times we should forgive someone who sins against us.  He tells of a king who forgave his servant's large debt.  Immediately the servant went and demanded repayment from someone who owed him money, and when the man couldn't pay, he had him thrown in jail.  Others told the king what happened, and the king said, "Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?" and then turned him over to be tortured.  Jesus ends by saying, "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."

Studying the lives of the saints can help with this as well.  The Curé of Ars, Jean-Marie Vianney, who almost certainly had dyslexia, had a lot of trouble learning French, and then Latin.  One day, when Mathias, another student, was tutoring him, Mathias lost his temper because of Jean's slowness and slapped him in front of all the other students.  Did Jean get hurt and offended and say, "Why did he treat me that way?  I am trying my hardest!"  No, he knelt on the floor and begged for forgiveness for trying his patience.  Mathias started sobbing, and ran out of the room saying that Jean would never know what he had taught him.  Jean was puzzled until another student said that he had taught them humility.  After that, Jean and Mathias were very good friends.

I thought of another story, this one about St. Philip Neri.  He was being tormented by two runaway monks who were supposed to help him serve the Mass.  An older priest advised him, "This is the sacrifice Christ demands of us.  There are two lives a man can give up to the Christ - the life of the body and the life of his good name.  Sometimes it is harder to give up the second than the first.  Let us freely offer our happiness and reputation to the good Lord.  Let us welcome this suffering.  In the end truth will prevail."  

The story continues with, "It was a daily death, a daily martyrdom.  Never once to murmur or complain, never once to yield to a feeling of anger, never once to cry out against the abominable scurrilities that were heaped upon him - this taxed Philip's patience to the utmost."  Whenever they were tormenting him, he would think of Christ being beaten and spit upon.  After two years, both monks saw the error of their ways, asked Philip for forgiveness, confessed their sins and returned to their orders.  Eventually, even the priest who had hired the monks to torment him publicly confessed his sin and asked for forgiveness.

So, the question is, how should I react when people hurt me?  I can only look to the example of Christ and the saints and heed His words.  Forgive them, love them, pray for them, and be humble instead of puffing myself up. Remember not to pray as the Pharisee did: "Lord, I thank you that I am not like them."  Don't try to forgive them in my own strength, but instead ask Jesus for His help.  He has had lots of practice at it.

Posted in Christianity

Someone told me lately that she didn't like being called a Protestant.  I understand why she said that, but I don't know how else to refer to Christians who are not Catholic.  So, if the word Protestant bothers you, please leave a comment and tell me what other word you would like me to use.

I was raised Catholic, but stopped going at age 17.  Two years later I really wanted to be part of a church again, but I didn't want to go back to my Catholic parish.  Then I met my husband-to-be, and his mother invited me to come to church with her.  My husband had also been raised Catholic, but his mom had since left the Church and was attending a small, fundamentalist, non-denominational church.  I was immediately impressed by the vibrancy of their church service and the friendliness of the people.  Northeastern Catholics are not especially known for their friendliness as they try to beat you out of the parking lot Sunday morning!

I began praying about whether or not it was right to attend this church, and one night I had a vision: I saw Jesus and I having a conversation and we were surrounded by white light.  I could not hear what we were saying, but I felt peace.  So I decided that the vision was an answer to my prayer, and that Jesus had said it was all right to attend.  

At a women's breakfast shortly after that, I told a lady with whom I had become friendly about my experience and about how I was now reading through the New Testament (although I had read the Bible as a Catholic as well), and all she kept saying to me was, "But have you accepted Jesus as your Savior?"  I thought maybe she hadn't understood what I told her, so I started again, only to be asked again, "But do you have a personal relationship with Jesus?"  I did not understand the question and I got a little frustrated.  It was only later that I realized what she was saying to me and how it differed from my view of what had happened.  I felt that I had been a Christian all along and now was coming into a fuller understanding and enthusiasm about it, and she was implying that I had never been a Christian!

At another meeting a few weeks later, another lady named Wendy encouraged me to say "The Sinner's Prayer" so that I would have a date that I could look back on and say, "On this day I was saved" in case Satan ever made me doubt.  I did not feel it was necessary, but again she pushed me so I did it for her.  But honestly, it felt like a giant step backward to me.  To say it another way, it was like if after dating my husband for a while and beginning to fall in love with each other, I asked him to state that he wanted to go out with me!  I didn't understand why these ladies didn't understand that I was beyond that.

After attending that church for a while and learning all kinds of new phrases and sayings that I had not heard as a Catholic, I started thinking that maybe it was just a language issue.  Maybe Catholics and Protestants meant the same things, they just used different words.  I even toyed with the idea of writing a "foreign language" dictionary!

I also was exposed to what I can only call more rabid forms of anti-Catholicism.  I remember one day browsing in a Christian bookstore and coming across a tract that made incredible claims about Catholicism.  Now, remember, I did not consider myself Catholic anymore and I had my own issues with the Church, but I was shocked by this tract.  I had no idea how bad Catholicism was!  But then when I spoke to another lady at church about it, she warned me that the publisher of that tract was not reliable, and reassured me that Catholicism was not as bad as that made it out to be.  However, I really think that this was my first exposure to the fact that many people do not consider Catholics to be Christians.  I grew up in a town that was 75% Jewish and 25% Christian, and the majority of those Christians were Catholic.  I thought that the fundamentalist church was just a different way of being Christian, a better way.  I remember writing at the time that is was the sense of community there that I enjoyed, a sense I did not have at the church I grew up in.  I felt I could have it at the Catholic parish, just that it would take a lot of work on my part, and so I preferred the other.

And so I would have gone on my merry Protestant way except for one thing: I loved Roger, and he was Catholic.  However, having grown up with a Protestant father and a Catholic mother, I was totally committed to marrying someone of the same religious beliefs.  Roger felt the same way, and yet he also loved me.  So where did that leave us?  Both praying and praying and praying for Divine guidance.

And we prayed, and prayed.  We even twice stopped seeing each other briefly.  I remember telling Wendy that we had gotten back together, and she laughed and said, "You guys just can't stay away from each other, can you?"  And I had to admit we couldn't!  (And still can't!)  The first time, I was praying and said to God, "God, I really feel that You have told me that Roger is the one for me, but I don't understand why we are so far apart on this.  So I really need some kind of sign" and just then the phone rang and it was Roger (btw, this is the only time I have ever asked the Lord for a sign). The second time we separated, Roger had a vision where he saw several things that he needed to correct, and he corrected them so thoroughly that I can't even remember what they were anymore.  And I had so much pressure from the members of my church to stop seeing him!  I got sermons about being "unequally yoked."

So, there we were, at an impasse, when one day, I was praying yet again about this issue, and I clearly heard Jesus say to me, "The church where you see Me is the church at which you belong."  Immediately, I thought, "Oh, that's the fundamentalist church!  I see Jesus in the people there - they are so friendly and loving."

About a week later, I had a strong urge to go to Mass, so I went.  It was just a routine daily Mass, short and to the point, and yet, it was amazing.  I realized for the first time in my life that the entire Mass was from Scripture! And then, the priest spoke the words of the Consecration, which I had heard so many times before, and he elevated the Eucharist, and I saw Jesus!  The entire altar filled with smoke like the cloud that surrounded the Holy of Holies in the Old Testament, and I knelt there crying.  I was so overwhelmed, so overcome with the presence of Jesus.  Mass ended and I continued to kneel in my pew, crying.  I stayed there until the priest came and asked me to leave so he could lock the church up for the night.  He did not know what had happened to me that evening, and I made no attempt to tell him.  I could barely speak.

I don't actually remember telling Roger what had happened, but immediately I came back to the Catholic Church, and I never looked back.  Roger proposed a month or two later, and of course I accepted.  I later found the story of Wittikind, a king of the Saxons, who converted to Christianity after he saw in the Eucharist at the Elevation the face of a little boy smiling at him.  Jesus had made it clear where He wanted me and that was where I went.

But later, I again encountered the idea that Catholics weren't Christians.  And I found it ironic that I considered those who believe in Christ to be Christian, but others didn't extend me the same courtesy.  It was very difficult to stay in touch with my friends from the fundamentalist church.  I guess they considered it a betrayal.  And again I was baffled - weren't they always talking about having a personal relationship with Jesus and being open to the Lord's leading?  And yet when He led me back into the Catholic Church, that was wrong.

This is when I began to experience the phenomenon that I have yet to understand:  anything Catholic is wrong. People who always want to see your Scriptural defense ignore the Scriptures I present, because since I am Catholic, my position must just be wrong.  Some considered me a backslidden Christian, some I guess felt I was never really Christian, very few saw it as that I had just chosen to be Christian in a different way.  Some felt that I was saved because I had said "The Sinner's Prayer" even if I chose to waste the rest of my life in the Catholic Church.

I have a friend who, whenever I tell her about somebody, asks me, "Is she Catholic?"  They have Catholic family, join Catholic homeschooling groups, use entirely Catholic curriculum, and have mostly Catholic friends (or maybe all Catholic friends).  Certainly it's wonderful to be surrounded by your faith.  But that has never been my path.

Even though I grew up Catholic, the majority of my family is not Catholic.  My father's side was Protestant as I mentioned (and also anti-Catholic), my mother's family was not all Catholic and her brother did not remain Catholic.  I have three sisters, and only one besides me remained Catholic as an adult.  In my husband's family, there are no Catholics since his grandmother died and he is an only child.  It's really hard for us to choose god-parents for our children!

My husband and I have always been open to learning what we could from Protestant Christians.  We respected Dr. D. James Kennedy and learned a lot about creation and evolution from him.  We used to watch different ministers on TV.  One day we heard Jack Van Impe say, "I've read the Catechism of the Catholic Church and it's right on" and Roger and I looked at each other and said, "Then why isn't he Catholic?"  In addition, as I mentioned in my post on why my name is cathmom, I have been on primarily Protestant message boards for nearly 8 years now.  I have looked for, but never found, a Catholic message board that I liked as much.

I have always felt that, while I was there primarily for the fellowship and household and homeschooling tips, that I was maybe the only Catholic that some of the ladies had ever really known.  I tried to represent the Catholic Church the best that I could.  But there is so much more work to be done!  Perhaps that is why the Lord is sending me another worker.