Fitting into God's Family: A Note to the Body of Christ

Note: Please feel free to share this with as many of the Body as possible, they need to know and understand! If you share, be sure to include my name and information as well. Thanks, Christie

As I prepare for our upcoming Special Mom's Retreat I look at my experiences and consider what others face as special needs families. One main issue is the church. For many years we have attended Military run churches because of their acceptance of our special family. Although they were not able to meet our needs as a special family, they were willing to adjust and tolerate as needed for our special needs. Since retiring from the military we began looking for a church home in our small community of Hazel Green. We attended a small church for a little while but it closed shortly after we began to attend. Our search continued. We 'house churched' at home and attended a friend's house church, but continued to look for a church home that would embrace our multi-cultural, quiver full, home schooling, special needs family. We visited large churches with lots of programs and small churches with close-knit members. There are home schooling churches which don't fit our special needs and special needs churches that don't fit our home schooling. Many of you may also be searching for a place to call home. Sadly, many more of you have given up hope. Many well meaning Christians have unknowingly spoken hurtful words with only best intentions. They don't realize that at every turn special needs families face rejection, misunderstanding, grieving, loss and judgment, many times at the hands of those that mean only good, but do not and can not understand what life is like in a special needs home.

How do we minister to the children of God? Do you talk to a 30 year old with the mind of an 8 year old like he was an adult? Or how about a child with high intelligence, but no social skills or a physical disability; Do you treat them the same as a child that is a social butterfly or expect them to run and play with the others? The New Testament is full of disabled people that Christ ministered to daily. Each had a very important purpose. He ministered to them where they were in a way that touched their heart and understanding. If we are to minister to the children of God, then we should not leave out the children God sends to the Body of Christ.

If you are attending a church that 'tolerates' your special needs child, but is unable to minister to them, or if you are looking for a home church and need to know how to ask for a church to minister to your needs, here are some suggestions you may share with the pastor.

1.  Please show an interest in our special need. If you don't know much about Autism, Cerebral Palsy, Spina Bifida, or Down’s Syndrome, then please ask or research it yourself and share with me what you find. Ask questions, be concerned, it shows you care. Imagine if this was your grandchild with this disease, you would want to understand it. As the father of the church, these are your children and grandchildren.

2.  Help me educate others so that they do not look at my family with disgust, but rather with understanding and compassion. When my child acts, looks, reacts differently than others there will be helpful attention from other adults.

3.  Ask how best to minister to my family. Many times we are in desperate need of respite care or an understanding hug. Many times we can't participate in activities, ministries, or special programs because of our special needs child or lack of child care for that child. We probably won't volunteer much, nor will we attend every time the church doors are open. Please don't expect it, but do pray for us often, we need it!

4.  Know that the divorce rate among special needs families in Christian homes is 90-95% due to the extreme stresses that come with the special needs child. Also know that what might be an easy decision for a typical family (such as which Sunday school class our special child will attend, or what activities will we participate in), become very difficult decisions for a special needs family to make. We may seem to be confused or unsure, we may even need to try out a class or activity before making a final decision. Know that we do not mean to cause confusion, only to find what will work best for our family. If our children must sit with us during service, we may not be able to glean much from the teaching.

5.  Consider offering some special programs for special needs families, like a monthly respite care – parent's night out program or a special needs Sunday school class. You may be able to minister to other families who need God in their lives.

6.  Pray! Pray before you speak, pray before you make requests, pray before you suggest, pray!  Pray for the special needs families in your church! They are the little children coming to Jesus. They are the one lost sheep the Shepherd leaves the flock to find. They are the untouched, forgotten ministry that the Church asks to sit in the back row because they have tattered apparel and are not fit to sit at the supper table with the BrideGroom. Feed them, love them, have compassion on them, minister to them as David ministered to Mephibasheth. They are God's special children who are here for a reason, who have a special purpose on this earth, who have ultimate healing in the presence of the Almighty. Pray for this family and all special needs families for strength to go on day after day, that they grow closer to God with each step forward and with each set back. Pray for their marriage if they have made it together this far, they are the minority – 10%. Pray for their other children and their extended family as all are effected by the special child God has loaned them. When you are not sure how to help or minister to them, Pray.

References:
       

Joni and Friends
        PO Box 3333
        Agoura Hills, CA 91376-3333
        PH 818 -707-5664
        FAX 818-707-2391
        TTY 818-707-9707
        http://www.joniandfriends.org/

Chuck Swindol
        Insight for Living
        Special Needs Ministry
        PO Box 269000
        Plano, TX 75026-9000
        http://www.insight.org/Special/default.htm

Lakeshore Foundation
        4000 Ridgeway Drive
        Birmingham, Alabama 35209
        In-state, toll free 888.868.2303
        205.313.7400 
        http://www.lakeshore.org/

The Center for Religion and Disability, Inc.

       President – Robert (Bob) C. Anderson

       website: www.religionanddisability.org

       Bob's email: rca@religionanddisability.org

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