Each year I pray for God's guidance and after using a plethora of curricula over the last 7 years I have come to realize that each has it's own strengths and weaknesses. I've also learned that God uses each one to guide us along on His educational plan.

For the last year and 3 quarters I have used KONOS as our core curriculum. We've loved KONOS but due to the changes that have come to our family in helping with the care of my mom after her stroke I was finding I had very little time (if any) to prepare for our school week.  We were able to keep up with Math (Math U See) and Bible (BSF) but our other subjects were just not happening. I had heard that Tapestry was much more helpful to the teacher by giving a weekly objective, detailed plan and teacher's notes. So we made a switch to Tapestry for the last quarter of this school year. Whew! It lived up to it's reputation. We have just completed our first unit of Tapestry of Grace (Redesign Year 2, Unit 2) and I found it to be a "breath of fresh air" in the area of teacher preparation.

The change was refreshing but I missed quite a bit from the KONOS style. Tapestry didn't provide near as many hands on activities, nor did it focus on character training. KONOS seems more geared to the elementary school student and Tapestry to the High School student. Both boast that their curriculum is for the entire family but they each clearly have a different focus.  

My son is just finishing fifth grade and my daughter is finishing third. We're just not ready to let reading and writing be the only part of our day. Activities are vital if I am to make learning concrete and capture my children's interest so that they will gain a love of learning.  KONOS specializes in activities. Yet I don’t think I can bear to plan out another KONOS unit knowing how Teacher friendly I have found Tapestry to be.  So I've decided to marry the two next year. Tapestry will be the backbone and KONOS will add the fun and help me to keep a focus on the development of my children's character. Yes, it will involve a little planning but overall I think it will work out well.

Though there is no perfect curriculum. There is a perfect curriculum advisor. Thankfully the good Lord has been faithful to design each of our school years perfectly.  

 Mom's Stroke

My mom lost all function on her left side due to a stroke on December 9th. When we first got the phone call from ER, my heart raced and I wondered if I would ever see my Mom alive again. Since she was only 64 at the time and in good health, I was in a bit of shock.

Thankfully she survived the stroke and has been making slow but steady progress ever since.

Curriculum found in real life

• When being criticized I just have to ask myself a couple of questions, "Who do I most want to please?" (People or my heavenly Father)
  
• "Am I training my children for Harvard or Heaven?

Fruit trees and rose bushes reach a time of dormancy or rest each winter. That is the best time to prune. I'll dive in with gloves and sheers and cut off all the dead places and cut back the branches to the new growth buds. If there are too many branches shooting off, I will need to remove some to give them room to breath and grow in a healthy way.

Since my apricot tree is young—just planted in the Fall, it needs to be pruned back even farther than a mature tree so that it's root structure can go deep and establish itself.

So how does this apply to my spiritual life? During times of rest--for me that's each Sunday, or during times of dormancy—when my life isn't bearing fruit, I need to take that as a time to examine my life. Dive in with my Bible and prayer and look at the main direction of my life in order to examine its direction and growth. Then I should cut out every part that is going the wrong direction or that is dead.

I noticed when I pruned back my trees and bushes that it was a dramatic change.  I need not fear drastic change in my life when it is lead by the Lord. He may cut off (or have me cut off) beautiful "branches" in order for the overall direction and health of my spiritual life to bear fruit.

One of the main warnings that I took from this experience was to not have too many branches growing at the same time. There are so many good and worth while things that we can be involved in doing. If I choose to be part of too many of them it will crowd out the best things and I'll miss the fruitful life that God had intended for me and family.

This letter was sent to our Konos Ko-op group as my closing thoughts on our unit on Obedience. It's long because it wasn't originally written for the purpose of posting on a blog. I got so many responses from it that I thought it would be appropriate to post here.  For my children's privacy I've substituted their names with dd and ds. I hope it won't seem too impersonal.  This truly is meant to be a message from my heart to yours.

In His Grace,

Chai Mama

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Have you ever asked yourself if you are expecting too much from your children—if your standard for them is too high?  I have.  I've wondered how much to expect from a child that has not yet surrendered to the Lord. And even how much to expect from one that is surrendered to Him.

What I'm coming to believe is that:

• I should keep the standard high.
• I should keep my expectations low.

Keep the standard high. What I mean by that is to hold to the same standard that God holds out to all people. "But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy." I Pet. 1:15 (also" I Cor. 1:2; Eph. 1:4; I Thess. 4:3; Heb. 12:14). He wants us to keep his law and to keep it 100%. Now that's one high standard!

So why should we set up that high of a standard for our children when we know they will fail?  For the same reason that God set up that standard for us:

• To show us that we are sinners in need of Jesus Christ –"So the law was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by faith."(Gal. 3:24 NIV)
• In the NLT I see another aspect of that verse--that the law is there to protect us until Christ comes "The law was our guardian until Christ came; it protected us until we could be made right with God through faith."(Gal 3:24 NLT)

Isn't that true?! We must instruct our children in God's law (or obedience) for the expressed purpose of pointing our children to Christ. The law will help protect them until they have accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior and have begun trusting Him with their life. At that point the Holy Spirit will indwell them and they will have a desire to do God's will.

Keep my expectations low. What I mean by this is to recognize that my children WILL fall short and to expect it. This seems obvious but when I have really examined my actions I realize that my frustration and anger flair when I expect them to be perfect. Instead, I should look on these moments as opportunities to train. It is not my job to guilt or shame my kids into obedience. Let me say it again just emphasize it to myself and to you—It's not my job to guilt or shame my kids into obedience. My job is to train them in what is right and wrong so the Holy Spirit can lead them to Jesus Christ. It is the Holy Spirit's job to convict, not mine.

How to recognize my own wrong motives.  I've learned to see that anger (i.e. frustration) is the #1 red flag that I have a wrong motive.  Typically it is when I'm trying to control my children instead of trying to lead and train them.  We may succeed in controlling our children while they are young. They may become very compliant and look good on the outside. BUT, controlling usually leads to future failure and rebellion—usually cropping up in the teenage years.  I believe this is one of the main mistakes homeschoolers make.  In our pride we create compliant children. We get plenty of comments and praise from those looking on. Each of those little pat-on-the-backs causes us to continue down the wrong path. Yet inside we know something isn't quite right.

If anger is the symptom, what is the cause? For me it is basing my "okayness" on how the kids are behaving or on other external factors. Meaning: Instead of finding my worth in Christ, I am seeking to find it through external means and the approval of people.

So what do I do about my wrong motives? I'm learning that grace is the answer to that question and grace cannot be taught as well as it can be caught.  I must live out grace in order for my children to understand it. What do I mean by grace?  (see my study resources at the end for deeper understanding)

It's probably best shown in some real live examples from my life.  God has really been griping me with this stuff. It's life changing!!

Be real – Let's face it. Our kids see our sin and failures. So why not let this be the opportunity for them to also see God's grace at work and see our lives transformed.  We must let them see our struggle to appropriate grace and lean on the Holy Spirit. When they see it lived out in us they "catch it." Here's a couple of examples:

With my 10yo son--

I started noticing my impatience and anger with my ds a couple years back after I had picked "the perfect" grammar curriculum. It made perfect sense (to me). Only one problem...it didn't make sense to ds at all. I became so frustrated with him not understanding what seemed so simple, that daily I would blow up at him. I'm embarrassed to admit it but it's the truth. I recognized my error but though I tried and tried I couldn't seem to change. Every morning I would bring it to God in prayer and every day I would fail again.

Then I began sensing that God was telling me to confess my sin to my son. I did. Then later in the day I lost control again so I asked him for forgiveness again. This continued regularly until one night as I apologized to ds he said discouraged, "Mom, you said that last time."  I'm sure you can imagine how that one felt—like a dagger to my heart. In response I said something like, "you're right sweetie. I'm struggling with this and I'm sorry that you are on the receiving end of it. I'm a sinner just like you. Do you ever try to not do something and then you do it anyway? (he responded with a nod) Me too. The good news is that the Holy Spirit is working in me and I'm getting better relying on Him and conquering this each day. Will you pray for me? (he said yes) I promise I won't give up."  The two of us hugged and cried together. I haven't given up and I have gotten better and better through the power of the Holy Spirit.  I'm learning that grace isn't just for salvation; it is also for power to overcome sin. When we let God work in our own lives, He will teach our children through our own struggles.

With my 8yo dd--

My husband and I were struggling regularly with how to handle dd's anger and impatience.  She seemed to blow up with even the littlest provocation. We had tried talking to her, punishing her using various methods yet nothing we tried worked. Then one day during prayer God revealed to me (this won't be a surprise to you after reading the above scenario about my ds) that she had learned this behavior from me. I was shocked! I really didn't realize it until that moment. I'm sure you can imagine how awful and guilty I felt.  

I went to my dd that night I told her what God had shown me. I asked her forgiveness and then asked her if she would be willing to work together on this to overcome it--that we could pray for each other and that we could help remind each other in the midst of a, "flair up."

Just like with our son, dd already knew I was doing wrong. But when I admitted this to her, her eyes expanded wide open and she became very attentive to my every word. For the first time she wanted to conquer this. The process that has followed has been amazing (that's a whole other story). Dd and I have become much closer as a result.

It's been a humbling experience for me because again I am being held accountable not only before God, but before my children for my behavior. The motivation for change has increased incredibly.  Due to that, I spend more time listening to the Father and relying on the Holy Spirit for change in me. It is through that, that I am learning that obedience for my children and truly reaching their heart starts with my obedience to my Father.

Sorry it's so long but truly this is just a snippet of what God is teaching me about grace & obedience.

Here are the main tools God has used in answer to my cry to Him for help (in order that He used them):

The book of Romans – Paul's transformation from chapter 7 to chapter 8, learning to live through the power of the Holy Spirit.  God prompted me to memorize the end of chapter 7 and almost all of chapter 8. In doing so He began the transformation of my mind. BTW, memorizing is one of my greatest weaknesses. Obeying God in this was very difficult. Yet God used it in amazing ways to change me.

Renovation of the Heart by Dallas Willard – God brought this book to my attention at the same time as I was studying Romans in BSF. They went beautifully together.

Kay Arthur's Biblestudy, Lord, I Need Grace to Make It – this Biblestudy truly opened my eyes to the real meaning of grace. I learned more from her lectures and this study than ever before in a Biblestudy.

The book of Galatians -the Galatian people had accepted Christ by grace but Paul was addressing the fact that they were now trying to live in their own strength instead of the strength of the Lord--grace.

Jeff VanVonderen's book, Families Where Grace is In Place—Getting Free from the Burden of Pressuring, Controlling, and Manipulating Your Spouse and Children – Awesome book!

Our Konos Co-op group asked us to share on our Yahoo group "A Day in the Life of..." so I thought I'd post mine here too.

I tried to be as true to a real day in our life as possible, but I have to admit, writing everything down did keep me to task a little more than usual. It's like when I write everything down that I eat in a day—not as much "junk" gets in because I'm aware of it.

It seems like we didn't have nearly as many stops for discipline as usual. Maybe they knew it would be written down for all to see, ha! 

You should try making a log of your day for your family even if you don't submit it for all of us to read. It really helped me became more aware of what we accomplish and don't accomplish in a day.

5:30 DS woke me due to a nightmare, asking if he could sleep in my bed (DH is already gone for work at 4:30).

I told him I would be waking soon to do my Biblestudy. He asked if he could do his BSF (Bible Study Fellowship Lesson) too, "I love to be in God's Word when I'm scared" he said.

We talked about Matt. 1 and the story of Rahab in answer to some of the questions on his BSF lesson.

6:40 done with BSF, headed to shower

-DD sleeping

-DS caring for our dogs Bruno and Biscuit

-me, catch & kill a bug in the bathroom (yuck!)

6:55 Out of the shower

-DS working on our 1000 piece lighthouse jigsaw puzzle (bought it on fieldtrip day to Cabrillo Monument)

-DD sleeping still

7:00 headed to load washer and retrieve whites from dryer (started this yesterday morning). I'll set a timer this time so I don't leave the laundry all day.

Brushed hair, dressed and did half of my make-up.

7:10 Stink in house sends me on a search for air freshner.  Found 3 refills & 2 warmers—none match! Finally found a 3rd warmer. Yay! a match.  (FYI: It took me 2 weeks to find the origin of the smell—our heater. SDGE will be here next Tuesday to figure it out. No, it's not gas.)

7:15 folding laundry

-DS put in the Veggie Tales Video Esther. We're hoping to wake DD with it. She LOVES videos. It was her idea to watch this video when I mentioned (last night) that we would be studying Queen Esther & the Queen of Sheba today.

-HA! Sleepy Head is awake, less than one minute after turning the TV on. The story hasn't even started.

7:25 Quick check of e-mail

7:35 Done folding laundry

-making oatmeal

-start dinner (crockpot chili). Don't be too impressed. I'm not usually this on top of things. I have to interpret this afternoon for a friend from 2:30-5:30 so I know I have to finish this early.

-no room for the Crockpot so I put away the dishes I washed last night

-kids eating left over pancakes while watching Esther

-DD spilled some food and yelled at DS for not keeping the dogs out of it. I mediate discussion between the two and as a result over cook the hamburger.

-finished loading Crockpot, put away last of the dishes.

8:05 Wash breakfast dishes

-Kids still watching Esther, then off to do morning routines and chores

(morning routines: BSF lesson, make bed, brush hair & teeth, tidy room) (chores: change daily. Today  DD washes one side of sliding glass door & dusts TV, DVD, VCR area. DS washes other side of sliding glass door and dusts phone and surrounding area)

-While I was washing dishes I splashed the front window. Got out Windex to clean it off (it badly needed it BEFORE the splash) then I remembered I should do our bedroom closet mirror while I have the stuff out. It has been greatly neglected. After finishing the mirrors I had wet paper towels in hand and I headed for the garbage. I decided to get some of the finger prints on the walls on the way. Writing this down made me realized how much I've improved at cleaning over the years. I try to get the most out of each step I make.

8:25 Finished hair, teeth, make-up

-sat down to review lesson plan for the day (interrupted, this didn't happen)

-teach DS how to clean a toilet (cleaning the bathroom was an extra chore he earned yesterday for complaining about having to practice our sign language project. I have a low tolerance for complaining about school work.)

8:35 Check DD BSF lesson. Discussed the meaning of "genealogy" and searched with her for the 5th women listed in the genealogy of Jesus in Matthew chapter 1.

8:45 Check DS bathroom (he did a good job)

-quick vacuum of kitchen & living room

-DD helped me move a few things

8:50 Review lesson plan for the day let the kids know that we will start in 10 minutes.

-had the kids put away their laundry

9:05 Start school – plan: read book of Esther asking the kids to stand each time they notice something different than the Veggie Tales video.

-Say the books of the Old Testament to find where the book of Esther is located. (DS has already memorized this but DD is only about half way through.)

-stopped to deal with "attitude" in DD. She didn't want to try to say the books together even though she knows about half. When she finally cooperated she found that she knew all the way up to the book of Esther.

9:10 "sword drill" race to find the book of Esther. DD wins. We're practicing being happy for the winner of any competition. DS did well this time round—Finally! This is REALLY hard for him.

-stand each time the Bible version of Esther is different than the Veggie Tales version. (They loved this at first but the excitement wore off pretty quick. There are tons of differences! They did a good job recognizing them though)

-find location on the map of the King's kingdom

            -modern Iran (Really? I'm learning too!)

-DD asks, "are Jews Christians?" we discussed Jews and Gentiles and how things changed once Jesus came.

9:10 Mail arrived. The dogs went CRAZY (my daily test with patience). We took a break for a snack (a little early but we were hungry – normally we would break at 10:30 for snack).

9:50 Continue with Esther. I'm noticing the book of Esther is much too long for me to read it ALL and begin skipping portions.  (Why didn't I think of this earlier??)

Discussion: What is the king like? What was Esther's character like? Mom: "No, not what she wore, what she was like on the inside." How was her character shown in her actions? Why did God make Esther beautiful?

-skimmed (read "SKIPPED"!) to end of story What happened to their enemy? How? (the kids clearly didn't hear this part even though I skipped a bunch. I stretched their attention much too long. I should have planned this for two days, not one. Plus we won't get to Queen of Sheba today either).

-Discussed "who is your enemy?" They answered the girl across the street. (This was news to me!)

-potty break interruption

10:05 Went back to discussion about enemies. They told me more about what our neighbor girl had been doing.  I told them the story about an "enemy" I had in college that God told me to pray for (long story but a good ending of how God changed ME and then changed her too as a result).

10:15 Prayed for our neighbor girl

(I lost my pencil. I must buy some more of my favorite pencils. I HATE searching for pencils!)

-during the time my pencil was missing we did:

-Math

-a laundry "re-boot" (Flylady's way of describing the switch over from washer to dryer)

-I broke up an argument

-we took a 10 min. break

11:10 DS reads aloud to me (story of William Tell)

-DD writes in her journal

11:25 switch – DD reads to me ("Girls to the Rescue")

-DS writes in his journal

11:50 Lunch break

-I baked cornbread to go with our chili (yes, I used a mix)

-laundry "re-boot"

-fold laundry

-eat

-respond to e-mail messages

Kids: tug-o-war & play with jump rope

-put away their laundry

1:00 practice our co-op project – signing "Thy Word" by Amy Grant

1:15 History (acted out 3 men fighting for England's throne. William the Conqueror (our dog Bruno, a black toy poodle, played this part, ha!) won during the Battle of Hastings. Again, I'm learning so much! I've heard about this battle for years. Now I know what happened.

1:35 Spelling – reviewed list verbally that we've been working on all week. (FYI: I compile lists from the misspelled words in their journals and BSF lessons)

(FYI #2: I alternate Spelling and Grammar/Language Arts each week).

1:45 I worked on drawing horse heads for the kid's bikes for our jousting tournament on co-op day (BTW, we're using targets, not other children). I love to draw and both kids were very intimidated by the thought of drawing a horse. We decided I'd draw the heads and cut them out (they're not ready to use an Exacto knife) and they will color, paint, or decorate them and then add them to their bikes.

-While I was drawing, they played for a while then joined me and started discussion about what color they wanted their horses and what they wanted to do to make them special. You'll have to notice the long eyelashes on dd horse!

2:00 – My Honey got home from work (I know, I'm fortunate to have him home so early in the day, big smile!)

-School is officially done for the day. Thanks for joining us!

Rom. 12:2 "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

I've had some vague understanding of what it means to "renew" one's mind, but in recent years I've been learning by experience what it means to be "transformed by the renewing of your mind." The renewing and the transforming go hand in hand. You can't have one without the other.

What am I taking in & what's coming out?

I have to ask myself regularly, "are you conforming more to the world, or are you being transformed by the renewing of your mind?"  It's usually a pretty easy thing to discern by simply looking at what I've been "taking in" in the last week—which books I've been reading, what radio channels I've been tuning in to, whether or not I've been watching TV, what subjects my conversations have revolved around. All of these factor into what is happening in my mind.

An even easier way to discern the state of my mind is to examine what is coming out of me—frustration, anger, irritability OR love, joy peace, patience?

It’s pretty clear to see when I've failed the test and need to confess my sin and ask God to put me back on track.

Getting back on track

I've found that nothing else gets me back on track faster than memorizing scripture. There is no other short cut to a renewed mind. If I want to begin craving the things of God and to begin thinking like He thinks, I have to put his words in my mind.

Learned through experience

Ten years ago I woke on a Sunday morning ready to go to church. As I began getting ready I found that none of my Sunday clothes fit. I had indulged in food so much that week that I grew right out of my clothes. I felt so bad that I didn't even want to go to church anymore. I decided that would be foolish to stay home and  made my way to church feeling quite a bit of shame.

That morning, communion was being served and our pastor asked us to examine ourselves and pray before taking the elements. As I reflected, for the first time I heard God say that my over eating was sinful. Until that morning I merely saw it as a bad habit. As I confessed my sin, he lifted the weight of guilt I was carrying. In that moment he changed my worldly sorrow (hating that I was fat) to Godly sorrow (hating that I offended a holy God). I asked him to forgive me and to free me from this habit of sin.

Things got worse before they got better

I couldn't get food off of my mind. I woke up thinking about food and went to bed planning what I would have for breakfast. My mind was consumed by food. The more I resisted, the more I wanted it.  It was in that state that I read Romans 7, verses 14-16 particularly struck me.

"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do..."

Paul struggled just as I was struggling. As I continued to read chapter 7, I saw a change happening in him:

"What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

I continued to read, eager for an answer to my struggle. In Chapter 8 I was astonished at what Paul was writing. The difference between chapter 7 and chapter 8 was DRASTIC!  I recognized myself in the words that were being written--it was like I was living in chapter 7 and I wanted to live in chapter 8.

A Romans 8 Woman

In order to make the transition to chapter 8 I began to memorize it. Every time food would pop into my mind I would replace it with the words in chapter 8:

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.

Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God."

Guess what happened. God is faithful. He changed me into a Romans 8 woman. It took time to learn to rely on the Holy Spirit instead of self, but I am free! Not because of what I did, but because of what God did in me. He renewed me through and through.

Hmm, interesting thought. It's stuck with me over the years. I've also come to believe that God rested on the 7^th day to set an example for us. If God Almighty rests when He doesn't really even NEED to rest, obviously we should do so too.

I wondered how following the commandment for rest would effect my life so I began putting it into effect a few years back. Here are some things I noticed as a result of following this command.

• I work harder during the week in preparation and response to Sunday.
• I look forward to Sundays and enjoy them more.
• I am much more productive on Monday than any other day of the week because I'm actually excited about getting back to work.
• It's wonderful to not feel guilty for resting. I tend to feel "I should be doing something" any time I sit down to read or do "nothing" during the rest of the week.  By following God's orders, there's no guilt at all.
• People think it's legalistic. I know, strange result, but it's true.
• My kids love it and they are sure to remind me if I forget and start to do something that resembles work.
• It starts great conversations about God with people.
• It's a commandment that is ultimately about trusting God.

The Day of Rest is one of God's many blessings. I'm glad I finally started enjoying it.  If you're enjoying this gift too, please leave a comment for the others saying what results you've noticed.

When arguments start to brew around my house I pray and look for the origin and it's not usually the subject of the argument (i.e. "She touched me!" or "He took my..."). Most of the time there is a beginning that goes further back and often it is favoritism that is at the core.  Children act out when they want the attention that they see their sibling getting. If you have a little one that is constantly a little "pill," take a look at their life through their eyes and see if their siblings are getting praise, rewards, or older child privileges that may be perceived as "more love."

A good example is what happens with my children constantly. My son gets a lot of attention because he's a LP (Little Person). You may be saying my child is a little person too. But I mean a real life Achondroplastic Dwarf. He's ten years old and only 34" tall. He comes eye to eye with most 3 or 4 year olds.  He's as handsome as can be with his blond hair and blue eyes and walks with confidence three times his height. His height gets the attention of people, but his compassionate heart makes people instantly fall in love with him. He's not afraid to engage adults in conversation and adults are stunned by it. Once a person meets him, they always remember him, even his name.

My daughter, on the other hand, is 8 years old with long light brown hair and beautiful green eyes.  She's gorgeous, yet she has one HUGE problem--she's average height.  You would never think that she would be the one who struggles with the dwarfism, would you? But think about it from a child's perspective. Every where we go (literally), people shout out our son's name and say hello. They sometimes even give him gifts. They greet him and forget all about her.

So what happens as a result? She starts acting out. She will pick fights with her older brother, she does anything she can to get attention and it often is negative. This went on for quite a while with me constantly "on her" for her poor behavior before I realized what was going on.  Thank you Lord for revealing the root of this bad behavior!!

So what's the cure? Grace--showing her that my love and acceptance of her is not earned, it is not based on her behavior. Let me say it again, my love for her is constant regardless of her actions, and make sure I show that to her in as many ways as possible.

What does grace look like lived out in this situation? I love on my daughter now matter what her behavior is like, good or bad. When she chooses to do wrong I lovingly discipline and make sure it's followed up with a hug and a, "I don't like your behavior, but I love you no matter what you do." I also look for opportunities to show her she is special and to let her know that God designed her just like she is for a very special purpose.

I've noticed she even sets up little "tests" for me and my husband to see who's side we will take in a situation/argument. I've tried to step back from the referee role and become moderator in the two of them working through their own arguments. This works beautifully. That way neither of them can perceive me as taking their side and they are also learning problem solving skills.

Well I hope you'll be able to learn from what God has been teaching me. Pray that He will show you the root to your children's dissension and give you the grace to deal with it in a way that honors Him.

I love this quote from A.W. Tozer's book, The Knowledge of the Holy. It's one of my favorite books because it expands my view of God. I love reading it when I'm in the midst of one of life's storms because it reminds me of how infinite God really is. When we recognize that, all problems seem a bit small.

If anyone set forth any concept by which Thou cans't be conceived, I know that that concept is not a concept of Thee...

So too, if any were to tell of the understanding of Thee, wishing to supply a means whereby Thou mightest be understood, this man is yet far from Thee...for as much as Thou art absolute above all concepts which any man can frame.  By Nicholas Cusa, from Vision of God

Tozer adds: Left to ourselves we tend immediately to reduce God to manageable terms. We want to get Him where we can use Him, or at least know where He is when we need Him. We want a God we can in some measure control. We need the feeling of security that comes from knowing what God is like...

I don't know about you, but I don't want to serve a god that is of my own creation. One that is "manageable" and that I can figure out.  I want to serve the one true God--the God of the Bible and Creator of the universe.  I want Him to be so big that I can't understand everything about Him even though I daily study to know Him. Thankfully He is.

We were singing "Prepare the way, prepare the way of the Lord" and as I sang I was trying to figure out how exactly we do that. I was reflecting on the fact that John the Baptist prepared the way for Jesus' coming by preaching repentance from sin. I also was thinking of how Jesus preached that same message.

Then our worship leader interrupted the song and told us that he had a picture that had come to his mind that he wanted to share with us. In the picture he saw us sitting in a boat and asking the Lord to come. But the boat was packed full of "stuff" and there was no room for Jesus. It was packed with business, sin, family, work and many other things.

He then asked us to examine our lives and to unload the boat--to pray and ask for forgiveness for packing our boats with the cares of the world instead of giving them over to Christ.  He gave us time to "prepare the way of the Lord."

As I bowed my head to pray, God flooded my mind with the contents of my "boat." I saw how I have been struggling in my attitude toward my 8 yo daughter. Oh how I've tried to improve, but I've been reacting to her instead of responding lovingly. I've been punishing instead of disciplining/training. I have let emotions control my interactions with her in regard to her disobedience instead of letting the Holy Spirit control me. He also showed me how I've been trying to change my husband instead of letting God be the Lord of my husband's life. In a nutshell, I've been my own god. I've been trying to control my own life and my own situations instead of letting the Holy Spirit take over.

Repentance--yes that is exactly what was needed this morning in order to prepare the way for the Lord.  

I've been learning about repentance in a WONDERFUL Biblestudy called "Lord, I Need Grace to Make It Today" by Kay Arthur.  She describes repentance as a "change of mind" about our sin. It is recognizing our sin, accepting the fact that we are to blame, and deciding we want things to be different—to live God's way.

God showed me my sin this morning. Up until that point I had only seen my daughter's sin and the things I wanted my husband to change. Thank God He showed me my own sin. Why? Only when we see our own sin can we confess it and by God's grace change.

You know, I can't change me in my own strength. I try and try and try and it just doesn't work. That's why I was so miserable. That's why my anger flared when I couldn't control my daughter's behavior.  Change, real change comes when I recognize how helpless I am to change myself and I surrender to God so that He can change me—when I let God be in control.  I repented this morning. The change? Instead of letting my sin control me I'm turning to the Spirit  to control me.

"But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you." Romans 8:9

Five years ago I sat at the computer in search of a little weekend get-a-way to celebrate our 10^th wedding anniversary. I searched and searched but everything was outside the bounds of our budget. I sent up a little "arrow" prayer. "God, help me find that little special place where we can go. I know you honor marriage. Show me that special spot that's not too expensive." I kept looking on the computer but didn't find anything.

The next day, one of my close friends was talking about her 8 day trip to the Club Med in the Dominican Republic. Her uncle was paying for the entire family to go and had told her to bring a friend since she's single. This was his way of spending his inheritance in a fun way.  She told me that her friend backed out at the last minute and that she wanted me to go but knew that it was the same weekend as our anniversary. She told her uncle this and he said, "Tell her to bring her husband too." 

It sounded wonderful, but we had a two year old and a four year old at the time and didn't feel comfortable leaving them for 8 days so we graciously declined the amazing offer. Lo and behold, the next day she came back and told me that her uncle said, "tell her to bring the whole family." Can you believe it?!!  He was offering an 8 day, all expenses paid trip to the Club Med for our family of four. He even threw in $800 spending money and a ride to and from the airport in a black stretch limousine. Many say, "what an amazing uncle!"  That's true, but I say, "What a gracious and loving GOD!"

But the story doesn't stop there...just two years later the same uncle sent out a letter inviting us all to go on an Alaskan cruise. He reserved us a room with a balcony and Jacuzzi and again gave us spending money and transport to the airport in a limo .

Does it stop there? NO! It's three years later we are now packing to the Club Med in Cancun, Mexico. Like the last two trips, he's paying for everything. This time he's even paying for an excursion to see the Mayan ruins in Chichen Itza and to swim with the dolphins at a water park. We can't wait!! 

The moral of the story:  God does honor marriage. God answers prayer. God owns the cattle on a thousand hills (and the resorts and ships around the world!). GOD IS AMAZING!!

As I was out in my garden this morning pulling weed after weed I thought to myself "I want to be like a weed for God—multiply and grow without being able to stop it." Then I thought a bit more. Weeds are UGLY. I don't want to be a weed. I just want to multiply like one.

Then I got over to the area where my Morning Glories are growing. Ah ha!! That's it. I want to be like a Morning Glory. Beautiful, and grows like a weed. My son was the one who planted our Morning Glories. My dad warned me, "They grow like crazy and will grow straight over your house if you don't watch out." It's so true!  They are growing like weeds but with amazing beauty.

I started to pull the weeds around the base of those Morning Glories and saw hundreds of seed pods sitting on the top of the soil. Our morning glories are preparing themselves to spread. Grandpa is a wise man. We thought we could control their growth but with all those seeds dropping I'm not sure we'll be able to stop them. Lord, make me like a Morning Glory.

 
"Family planning is the mother of abortion". This is what I just read in, "A Mom Just Like You" by Vickie Farris. She is quoting from chapter 6 in Mary Pride's book, "The Way Home." Here's what it says:

Family planning is the mother of abortion. A generation had to be indoctrinated in the ideal of planning children around personal convenience before abortion could become popular. We Christians raise an outcry against abortion today and rightly so. But the reason we have to fight those battles today is because we lost them thirty years ago. Once couples began to look upon children as creatures of their own making, who they could plan into their lives as they chose or not, all reverence for human life was lost. Children as God's gifts whom we humbly receive are one thing; children as articles of our own manufacturing are another. You can do anything you like with what you yourself have made.

What an eye opener. There is so much truth in this statement. As I read this I asked God, "why have you lead me (one who has been infertile for the last 15 years), to this truth? I don't even use birth control."  As I sat there contemplating this new information I realized this is a truth I must teach to my children and that I must share with my friends.  We must reverence human life as a gift from God and to trust God with all of ourselves--even the opening and closing of the womb.

I sure have been noticing the wrinkles on this face of mine. I first noticed in a picture of myself. I really started thinking about it TOO much. I started drinking more water in attempt to help, but clearly the problem isn't water, it's just that I'm getting older. 

Then a wonderful thing happened.  While I was waiting for my Jazzercise class to start I observed from a distance two women enjoying conversation. One of the women was about 15 to 20 years my senior with beautiful grey hair, a fit body and a glowing smile. As she laughed I thought about how beautiful she looked, wrinkles and all. It was clear to me that the beauty I saw wasn't outward. What I saw was inner beauty.  The lines on her face were cut from many years of laughter and I suspect the joy that comes from the Lord.

I've decided to focus less on the maturity of my face and focus more on the maturity of my soul. I'm attempting to lighten up and find joy in everyday life. I can't stop the wrinkles anyway, so why not have fun making laugh lines?!

Good news! When I turned off the advice giving machine my man began to take the lead. 

"...and the wife must respect her husband" (Eph. 5:33)

Since respecting our husbands isn't a suggestion, but one of God's commands to the Christian wife, I've been thinking a lot about it. How well do I obey this command? I thought I was doing fine, but something deep down was nagging me. Recently I figured it out.  I'm better at showing love than respect.

The command to men is, "Husbands love your wives as Christ loves the Church..."  Interesting, God gave husbands the command to love—the one thing that comes fairly easy for a woman and gave wives the command to respect—the one thing that's natural for a man. We're commanded to do what is opposite our nature and what is natural for our spouse. Why? So that God receives the glory (since it's only accomplished in His strength) AND it's exactly what the other person needs most.

When I show my husband respect, he feels valued. When he shows me love, I feel valued. The important thing to remember is that we should not wait to receive before we give.

Back to what was nagging me... I now realize that I was not showing my husband respect like I thought I was. I was showing him love. It was clear to me that he wasn't feeling respected but I couldn't figure out why. Then I read, "For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men"
by Shaunti Feldhahn (Good book!) and she gave me a nugget that's highly improved my relationship with my husband. If you want to know when your man is feeling disrespected, look at when he gets angry. WOW! The light bulb went on. I reflected on moments when my hubby's anger flared and it showed me clearly that he was feeling disrespected when I gave him advice. What a shock to me. I thought I was helping! Each time I suggested he do something a little differently, drive a certain way, or go a different direction I was in actuality throwing out little barbs that said in a sense, "you don't know what you're doing."  I now know to "help" in other ways--ways that truly express love AND respect.

It wouldn't quite seem like home if we didn't have a couple of dogs running around. Biscuit is our tan cockapoo. He's about two. Next to him is our black toy poodle, Bruno the Magnificent. My dh and dd named him (they love the old WB cartoon with Buggs Bunny and Bruno the Magnificent). We thought he needed a big name since he's such a little guy. Bruno's 9 months old now and still only 6 lbs. Basically both dogs are still puppies. Boy can they play!!

This picture was taken the day Bruno & Biscut met.
They weren't sure if they liked each other yet.

A friend on the Konos loop asked about how I do lesson plans for my week. She was struggling with how the lessons are listed on the yellow pages of our curriculum using page number + the letter. She didn't like going back and forth trying to figure out what should be done in a week. I wrote a response to her that I thought might be good to have posted here on my blog for access by others who are asking the same question.  Here's my letter:

Dear_____________,

I think many people do just as you mentioned or give up all together. Konos has offered so much, but it certainly isn't hand feeding. But through the process of planning I believe we begin to "own it" and as a result we become much better teachers. I just use it like any other resource I have--I pick and choose what fits our family. I, like you, don't like all the skipping around while I'm trying to figure out what to plan. It just gets me all jumbled up.  Here's basically what I do.

1. I set aside some teacher prep time (preferably no children or telephone nearby). I pick a time when I can have at least 2-4 hours. It's tough to be in the middle of some good planning and to be interrupted.

2. I pray--asking the Holy Spirit to guide me and to give me the focus that is needed to complete planning. Actually I find myself crying out in prayer many times as I'm planning. I can get so overwhelmed and frustrated. It is only through relying on Him that I ever get these plans complete.

3. I pour myself a hot cup of Chai. It helps me relax and put my mind to work.

4. I read through one section at a time (it's usually one to four weeks of materials). For example: I'm planning a unit on Obedience for the fall so I looked at the yellow pages to see what the lesson begins with. It starts with "Authority/Light and the Bible" for one week. So I read all the white pages that relate to that one week. It's important to take bite sized pieces.

5. I use a spreadsheet that I got off of the Donna Young website at http://donnayoung.org/forms/planners/exweekly.htm. Under the Data tab I added the categories for planning my week. You can use what fits your family. Here's what I have down:

6. Decide MY Objective for the week.  I start by looking at the objectives that Jessica has listed in Konos. They are usually on the first white page. I decide if I want to adjust them or not and then I write down my weekly goal/s at the top of my week under "focus". I also add our memory verse and anything else I really want to emphasize for the week (example: the definition of the character trait we're studying).  Every morning we start by looking at this. Most of the time we discuss this over breakfast. Here's what I have down for this unit:

1. Define Obedience and Sovereign.
2. Show how authority is protection like light to keep us from stumbling.
3. Show how God's Word is as light

 
7. Read through the activities list.  Next I read all of the activities and circle the ones that I like and circle and check the ones that I want to do FOR SURE.

8. Fill in the rest of the spreadsheet. Taking into account my focus for the week, other factors (outside activities, co-op and such), I plot out the activities that best teach the objective I have set for the week. It's impossible to do everything so just pick the ones that fit the focus best. If it's a really great activity but it doesn't fit into our week I can sometimes find a place to add it to a different week.

There you have it in a nutshell. I hope it will help some. Sometimes I just have to force myself to get through this planning stage but OH WOW, it's worth it. Really! We learned so much last year!!

About the Reading Tabs: One more thing...I just realized that I didn't mention that under "Read Aloud" and "Reading" I sometimes just put the subject area that we will cover and at other times I list the exact book.

For example: For the first week of the Obedience unit, Jessica recommends, "The Hiding Place" for family reading. What a wonderful book! BUT, we just finished reading a few months ago. So I'm replacing it with a read-aloud that seems to fit one of our objectives for the week -  to show how God's Word is as light. The book I'll be using is, "Glimpses of Truth" by Jack Cavanaugh.  I will have to edit out some of the content since it's written for adults, but it has a message that I want my kids to catch. So under "Read Aloud" I wrote "Glimpses of Truth" and under the category, "Reading" I just wrote down, "books about lighthouses/Thomas Edison, etc."

The week before we do this unit I will pick up books on that subject from the Library finding books that fit each child. I'll try to find the ones that are recommended, but I've learned not to worry if they are not available. God always provides just the right book at just the right time.