“Worshipping” Together as a Family
One of our convictions is that as much as possible, Sunday worship services should be attended by families together. This is partly borne from Scripture, partly from experience. Many years ago, good friends of ours who at the time had four children (now six) shared with us that at their previous church, they’d pull into the parking lot and everyone would go separate ways for two hours, then come back together to go home. After many years of this, they began to see how this was so counter-intuitive to the idea of the importance of family. Thus, we ended up being at the same church, because there families were encouraged to worship together, even down to the youngest of children (though Lois and I weren’t yet married at the time, so we had no kids of our own).
We now have four kids, three of whom less than three years old and oldest only 4 1/2. And “worshipping together as a family” has proven - as with most of our parental adventures - nothing like what we’d expected (or hoped for). In the past several years, including transitioning between churches, we probably have yet to experience a truly “enjoyable” Sunday service. Instead, every service is punctuated (frequently) with stern looks, “hushing” a child, or often, taking a child out of service to make an even firmer point about the sanctity of what we are doing. Which leaves very little room, it seems, for actually paying due attention to a sermon, let alone “enjoying” the service.
This happens often enough that we feel often that we wasted “another Sunday.” And just as often, wondering whether we are being silly or too idealistic, and should just put our children in nursery and/or Sunday school classes (although our cute 6mo daughter gets an exemption cuz she sleeps through 90% of the service!).
Today was one of those days. Things even got to a point that we simply left “church” about 20 minutes early because one of the children was simply disagreeable even with repeated correction.
So why do we continue? Why not do church the conventional way (i.e., age segregated)? Why attempt to train our children to sit in “worship” with us? Isn’t it, to put it bluntly, a waste of time that benefits no one (neither harried parent or frustrated child)?
Let me attempt to answer that question with the reasoning that’s kept me from quitting, to be precise, this afternoon.
If I fail to enjoy a sermon, if the music wasn’t pleasing to my ear, if I couldn’t even hear the sermon because of my children, does that mean I failed to worship? And as importantly, does that mean my children have not seen the importance of worship, if they themselves didn’t sing with us or understand the sermon, and all they remember is being corrected and hushed? I believe the answer to both questions is “no.”
Harold Best, in his book Unceasing Worship, speaks of the continuous nature of worship:
Worship does not stop and start, despite our notions to the contrary. Once we place emphasis on specific times, places, and methods, we misunderstand worship’s biblical meaning. Worship may ebb and flow, may take on various appearances, and may be unconscious or conscious, intense or ecstatic or quiet and commonplace, but is continuous. When we sin, worship does not stop. It changes directions and reverts back to what it once was, even if only for an instant.
In everything we do, we are worshipping something or someone! That may be the Triune God, or it may be the god of money, or even our appetites (”their god is their stomach”, Php. 3:19)! But everything we choose to do indicates that we are making something or someone the most important thing of our lives at that moment.
Which brings me back to the point I’m attempting to make. Because worship is, as Harold Best defines, “a continuous outpouring” of ourselves; and not whether we sing enjoyably or whether we benefit from a sermon, then I think it can be fairly said that even a stressful Sunday - or several consecutive years of such Sundays - are, in fact, God-pleasing worship if done with a heart to honor God and demonstrate His significance in our lives and in the lives of those in our church. Put another way, if we give up too easily, I suspect the reason would be simple: our convenience and/or personal benefit is what we're worshipping, and not God for whom we commit time to be amongst His people. “Worshipping” (what a misused word to describe what we do, really) together as a family in a Sunday “service” (another misused word) is about making time in our lives to express that Christ and His church are an immensely important part of our lives. Thus, even if the children disrupt the whole time and we don’t “get anything out of it,” it can still be part of a continuous outpouring of ourselves to the God for whom we attend that service! And, Lord willing, our children observe through our commitment and perseverance that God, His people, and His word are paramount priorities for our family and faith.
In case I haven’t conveyed my point, let me put it another way. We Americans can be particularly consumeristic when it comes to attending church. Did I like the music? Did I benefit from the sermon? Were others friendly to me? These are probably the most common questions we use to evaluate whether a given Sunday was a “good time of worship.” Yet these questions are remarkably self-centered, with God (and others) serving as a means to our happiness! But who is worshipped when how we feel is the most important criteria by which we measure a Sunday morning service? God… or me? We should instead be asking ourselves first, was God honored by my presence here today? Was he honored by my heart? Did I place His glory and His name first by my longings, my words, my priorities? That is worship. Music, profitable sermons, etc., are great. Enjoying ourselves and worshipping God are hardly mutually exclusive, but He is not worshipped if our mere enjoyment is the measure of a good Sunday.
I suppose this could all be seen as rationalizing our “poor experience” of “worshipping” together as a family these few years. And yet, I think using our minds to reason (rationalize) what is best, rather than relying on our emotions (which have repeatedly told us to quit), seems the wise path to choose. Thus, with no small amount of weariness and frequent doubts and struggles with disappointment and anger, we will press on with our current plan. Our hope remains that our children may see in this weekly struggle how important the Lord is in our lives, and in the lives of others. And we trust that God may as well use this to refine and sanctify us as parents and worshippers of Him.
Any wisdom and insight and helpful suggestions are welcome in the comments. And commiseration sympathy too. =-)
