There have been so many times that I've wanted to write a post, but then I'd either not know how to word things, or I'd change my mind for one reason or another or I'd just decide to be l-a-z-y. Here is my semi-lazy bulleted post for your perspicuous perusal:
+ The boys started soccer this past weekend with 2 games a piece. It was a full day (hopefully with pics to come soon) and they really enjoyed playing with their teammates- both old and new. The kids always get to choose the name for their team. This season, Dash plays with the Dynamos and Tank plays with the Bombers. It's always fun to see what they'll come up with each season-- past teams have been Blue Thunder, Longhorns, Jets, Hurricanes, and Wild Panthers. This is definitely one of those times that I'm glad it's not a co-ed team. If the girls ever outnumbered the boys and decided to call themselves something pansy like "Fairies" or "Ladybugs", I would have to stay silent on the sidelines or just walk away from the field!
+ I finally packed this in the box. And I've only pulled it out once... just to squeeze and smell.
+ Friday night, I was invited to my friend's daughters' (12yo & 15yo) birthday party. It was a fun girls night out of pizza, cake and ice skating! It was a fun but late night and I am proud to report that I did not fall down on the ice. Hooray for me! Not bad for someone with negative skating skillz!
+ I was driving down the road the other night when a beautiful a capella version of "What A Friend We Have In Jesus" came on the radio. I was thinking about Christian and singing out loud when I looked up into the night sky. Just then, I saw a shooting star-- it was only the 2nd or 3rd one I had ever seen in my life! The timing of it was perfect and I thanked God for sending that star across the sky at the exact moment when I was looking UP!
+ I know I have been throwing out lots of book titles lately, but I have always loved to read. In the past 6 weeks, God has shown me so much through the written word. My dear friend Laura (aka ice skating queen) gave me a book called Streams in the Desert by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman. Let me just say that there were several occasions where the devotion for that day was exactly what I needed! If you are going through difficult times, I highly recommend this encouraging devotional book.
+ And lastly, I had the most vivid dream early this morning! I was at some sort of large public pool and I looked across the water to see Christian smiling and jumping into the waiting arms of my mother. I quickly ran to where they were and started yelling "Christian!" He smiled really big and jumped into my arms. I was holding him in front of me with his legs wrapped around my waist. I kissed him, squeezed him tight and then just kept looking at him and smiling. He wrapped his arms around my neck and gave me the biggest hug and kiss ever! I'd lean back to take a better look at him and he was just looking back at me, grinning and laughing and hugging me. I was so surprised to be holding him and loving on him-- and I yelled for David to hurry and come over. David came and Christian gave him a big hug and kiss too. As I was watching the two of them, something didn't seem right. I was smiling but also questioning How could this be? Maybe this is real and the other vaguely distant thought is the dream.
And then I woke up. Crying. I cried because I began to realize that this is reality and that was a dream. I wish I could show you how REAL it all was! I didn't cry for long because I honestly could FEEL Christian's hug... his soft skin and lips, his squishy belly and arms around me. Even while I'm typing this, I feel like he really did give me a hug and kiss this morning! I could see the twinkle in his eyes and the big grin across his face. I count it a wonderful gift and blessing that Christian visited me in my dreams! Thank you, dear Lord, for letting me love on him again... even though I woke up here, I KNOW that he is in the presence of God and living a life in Heaven beyond our wildest imaginations. How can one ever compare the streets of gold to the cracked and buckling concrete driveway?
One of the books I'm reading right now is Holding on to your faith even...When God Doesn't Make Sense by Dr. James Dobson.
What stood out to me today is how God's presence is not inconstant. It is our perception of Him that comes and goes. We cannot rely on our emotions, as they often change with the wind. His Word, His promises are always true and right and unfailing!
Another encouraging thought for today-- we must never forget that this separation is temporary.
I cleaned out the boys' closet today. I have bags of clothes that Tank outgrew and also all of Christian's clothes. I set aside a handful of shirts (okay, two handfuls) and put them in a plastic bin with some of Christian's things (his piggy bank, 2nd place trophy from the Pinewood Derby races at church, his red Converse tennis shoes that I loved, our fav knit cap, Spiderman backpack...). His blankie is under a pillow next to my nightstand-- I'll put that in the bin very soon... but not just yet.
I'm not sure what I'll do with some of the things in that bin. I know that these are just "things" and are not my littlest man. But maybe I'll make a memory quilt down the road one day... or maybe I'll open the box a couple years from now and then decide that I don't need to hold on to this or that... or maybe it'll just go in the attic and I'll never open it again. I'm just glad that I don't have to decide all of this rightthisverysecond!
Thinking about doing all of it was actually much more difficult than the actual doing of it. (Does that make sense?) As I cried some and put the things away, I kept reminding myself that "He doesn't need these things in Heaven." (Thanks for reminding me of that a few weeks ago, Lele!) And it is SO true! I am comforted by that thought... even when I miss him like crazy. Everyone says I am being strong, but if they only knew how God has been holding me close and speaking so very clearly to me (actually, I think He is speaking the same-- I am just being more receptive than before!). Then they'd know that it is He that is holding me up... I am really not doing anything at all other than just trying my best to LISTEN to Him.
"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." - Isaiah 41:10
"The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower." - Psalm 18:2
"Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might." - Ephesians 6:10 (emphasis mine)
Speaking of listening, have y'all heard of Rita Springer? My friends shared a very cool song by her called "I Have To Believe"-- let me tell ya, she sings with soul! The live version snippet on her myspace page isn't as good as the one from her CD. (Ugh... now I have to get that image of the sooouuuuul train chugging across the screen out of my head!)
I have been reading a daily devotional book from Voice of the Martyrs for the past few months. This book called Extreme Devotion is by far one of the best devotional books I have ever read (not that I've read all that many to begin with!). The stories and testimonies that I've read so far have really helped me see life with an eternal perspective-- a perspective that seems so much more real to me now than ever. God knew when I started this book months ago, that it would be an encouragement and blessing to me.
While we have noticed every Tuesday that has gone by so far, I realize that today is the 26th. One calendar month since Christian left us to be with Jesus (why is it easier to say out loud than type out?). Here is an excerpt from what I read this morning...
II Corinthians 12:9 And he said unto me, "My grace is sufficient for thee..."
Day 148
"It has been said God will never lead us where his grace cannot keep us. We must realize that sometimes his plan does not include a miraculous deliverance from illness, death or oppression. Yet his grace is sufficient, and he has not abandoned us... Sometimes his plan involves simply seeing us through an ordeal instead of delivering us from it. Have you come to a point where you are willing to entirely rely on him? You'll likely never say that God's grace is all you need until his grace is all you have."
And since I can't help but read more one day, this is from Day 149:
"...Your life will go on far after your body is destroyed. Your true future is what happens in eternity, not what happens here on earth. What fears do you have about the future? Can you entrust them to God and face the future without fear?"
Psalm 27:1 The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
And these words are always encouraging:
Psalm 27:14 Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.
Matthew 5:4 Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
I Thessalonians 4:13-18 But I would not have you be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him. For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep. For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord. Wherefore comfort one another with these words.
God's Word is always true!!! Not just some of the time, but ALL of the time. When things at times seem more than we can bear, we just have to TRUST HIM. I am so thankful that we don't have to go through this alone and that God sends an encouraging word right when we need it.
You've heard the old phrase (or lecture) If all of your friends jumped off a cliff, would you?! I had heard that a time or twenty growing up and I hate to admit it, but I have also said that to my own kids (even though I totally promised myself I would never say those words when I was a grownup)! I imagine they took that sound piece of advice exactly as I did when I was their age-- a la Charlie Brown's teacher... y'know, Waahhhh waaaah wa wahh waaaah wah.
In fact, those words came out of my mouth recently when one of my kids gave another one a wedgie. Yup, that's right, a wedgie! First of all, it's not a family ritual or pasttime to give swirlies or wedgies in this house. Second, umm... we homeschool so where did they get this bright idea? Third, that's just plain old mean and disrespectful to the other person. When the perpetrator of the aforementioned wedgie was further interrogated, his feeble defense was Well, my friend Luke does it! Ahhh... so Just because Luke thinks it's a good idea and fun, does that really make it the right thing to do? And this is the precise spot where you would insert the oft used phrase And if Luke jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?
Also, HOTM has a couple of giveaways going on right now where you can win some books or tickets to HOTM's Virtual Homeschooling Conference-- which is just around the corner!
As I write this post, there is a 93 year old gentleman lying in a hospital bed in a coma, moments away from death. Some would say "Well, he's had a full life." And to that I say, "Yes, he has." Others might say, "Well, he is old... you knew it was coming." Of course everyone dies one day, but that still makes this day sad. Sad because he is my dear, sweet mother-in-law's daddy-- whom she really does still call daddy!
I have been found guilty of expecting too much and being unrealistic. Expecting...
Too much from my curriculum-- it's supposed to make our lessons easy! and quick! and perfect!
Too much from my morning cup of coffee-- it's supposed to give me the energy of a 5 year old boy that's hyped up on sugar... and give me the endurance of a marathon runner.
Too much from my husband-- he's supposed to read my mind and never have a bad day.
Too much from myself-- I'm supposed to always have it together, never lose my temper, wake up at the crack of dawn and have white-glove-clean baseboards (HA!).
We've had many of those kinds of school days before. Y'know, the days where no one is listening, tempers are rising and that stinkin' page of math is taking in excess of 3 hours (and counting).
The concept of the stockade goes from sounding like an antiquated idea to a rather brilliant idea! Okay, okay. I suppose the stockade isn't the best way to handle those kinds of days, but can I at least reserve the right to consider it a Plan B?
To be honest, a great way to counter the homeschooling-is-currently-whooping-up-on-me blues is to make a list. Not just any old run of the mill list either. But a Hooray-for-our-Homeschool! kind of list.
Without further ado and for my future reference, here is a small sampling of my we-don't-need-no-schoolbus-because-we-ride-the-Cool-Bus! (aka my mommamobile minivan) list:
While my kids are not necessarily normal (they can't help it-- they take after me!), they think that having lessons on Saturday is normal.
So is going to the (uncrowded!) beach on a Monday.
Please visit me at to read the rest of my post... :-)
We're having an allergy triggered asthma kind of day. Please pray for Tank. He's really struggling right now. I've done his once-every-4-to-6-hours inhaler twice in the past 3.5 hours and an additional nebulizer treatment. It seems to work for an hour and then he's bad again. I might have to call the nurse's line.
He'll be sleeping with me tonight so I don't have to constantly get up in the middle of the night to make sure he's breathing okay. I think it is going to be a very long night indeed.
It really does put into perspective the whole new-house-is-delayed-by-at-least-another-4-to-6-weeks stress thing that I was dealing with yesterday. House schmouse-- WHO CARES?! There are most definitely more important things in life-- like my precious boys. Thank you, dear God, for taking the time to point me in the right direction. I get distracted so easily sometimes...
***update***
Hey, we made it all the way until 4:30am! Hooray! That is better than I expected. Tank still sounds bad but a little sleep goes a long way to recovery... and it's always easier during the day when I can call the doctor during business hours (I hate having to call them after-hours). I'm glad that God doesn't have business hours!
I'm Marsha...proud wife, mommy to 3 boys, home educator, chief cook and sippy-cup washer, chaos coordinator...
There's always something going on at my house-- not always good, but always something!!!
